It’s Emyli, America’s Online Dating Coach. Today we’re gonna talk about how to handle rejection in dating. Let me start with a excerpt from actual research taken from my 100 Date Experiment.
“I knew it before it happened. It was written all over his face. The way his eyes sort of dropped down and his back seemed to slump just a little in his chair. I knew that look, I’d seen it before. Hell, I’d done it before. Disappointment. He must have been expecting something else on this particular date, and I obviously wasn’t it. Ugh. What a waste.”
My 100 date experiment was full of disappointments — there were many times when I wanted to give up.
I mean what an emotional roller-coaster! You spend half your time getting excited to meet someone, you build them up to be so perfect in your mind, and then you find that they’re nothing like what you’d thought.
Does love even exist and if so, how do you find it? — That was the primary question of my 100 date experiment. I didn’t even know if it was real. I’d heard about it in the movies, I’d seen it on TV, but I didn’t know anyone who had actually found it.
All I wanted was a simple “yes” or “no.” “Yes love exists” or “no, it’s all a fairytale”. If love was nothing but BS, then I’d just marry rich and be done with the nonsense. How could I know for sure?
I had no idea what my answer would be but I knew I’d have to be pretty dense not to have some kind of clarity after 100 dates. As bad as the rejection and the disappointment felt, I knew I couldn’t give up… because what was the alternative? Not knowing if I could be truly happy?
And that’s why I’m feeling particularly inspired to share a story with you, to help you learn how to handle rejection in dating:
Rejection Makes You Question If You’ll Ever Find Love
Going on a bad date is disappointing but being rejected isn’t only difficult if you really liked the person — rejection feels bad because it makes you question whether or not you’ll ever find what you’re looking for. If a date or social interaction doesn’t go your way, don’t let it get to you. Pick out 1 or 2 things that you actually enjoyed during the experience. What did you learn from the experience? For example, should you have chosen to go out with someone half your age? Did you really think you’d have anything in common to talk about? Probably not.
Avoid Making Sweeping Generalizations When Facing Rejection
When dating gets tough, avoid making sweeping generalizations like “I hate women” or “dating is awful.” Instead, try to pick out what felt good about the date, even if it’s something as small as, “she laughed at all of my jokes.” These little nuggets of happiness are important for creating the necessary changes to attract your ideal partner.
Focus On What Felt “Off”
Pay attention to what was less than enjoyable and get super specific about exactly when you started feeling weird. This is how I learned that bathrooms without mirrors made me feel insecure on a date. I wasn’t able to check my teeth for spinach or make sure I didn’t have a dreaded “breather.” Sounds silly — and it is — but that first negative feeling can set the tone for the entire date and create undesirable outcomes. When you become aware of the specific factors that made you feel weird about the date, you can change your selection strategy to avoid having those types of things happen again.
Take Stock Of The Experience
When did you start to feel rejected on the date? What did you do or say that made the other person put you in the friendzone? Try and pinpoint exactly when this switch took place. What did you do or say? It’s usually the first negative feeling in a social interaction that sets the tone for the entire experience. Every time you are rejected, write down exactly how it happened. Learn from it – and watch your fear of rejection slowly fade away over the next few weeks. Once you are conscious of what caused each negative feeling, do not make the same mistake twice. This will cure your fear of rejection.
Tweak Your Selection Process
During my 100 date experiment, I discovered that I continuously selected mamma’s boys, whom I had to reject. It took me quite some time to find what I was looking for – a manly man. Is your consistent selection process causing you to reject or be rejected? What type of person are you actually looking for?
Now I wanna hear from you…how has this episode of EmLovzTV helped you learn how to handle rejection in dating? Tell me about a time when you recently used my charisma strategies to your benefit…or even better, tell me about a time in your past when you felt disappointed on your date like I did in my 100 date experiment. We only learn and grow from our dating challenges!
Wanna talk it over your specific dating situation with me? Feel free and book a coaching session on my calendar.
And keep up the good work because You Deserve the Perfect Partner!