Did she just run into the bathroom with your unlocked phone and lock the door? 

That my friend is a red flag.

Not responding effectively to red flags will leave you stranded, alone, and without a crew to help you navigate the choppy waters of life.

Look there are a billion red flags out there:

• Never listens to your needs
• Makes you feel guilty
• Shames you when she doesn’t get her way
• Makes you choose her over your family and friends
• Demands to check your texts and SM
• Is emotionally and/or physically abusive

The key is identifying them early on and doing something about them. 

That’s what this article is all about – action.

It’s about realizing that you’re the captain of your own ship and that you decide where to set the course.

But before we talk about red flags in women and how you should react, let’s talk about how you shouldn’t. 

What NOT To Do When You See A Red Flag In Women

I love telling people what not to do, because not everyone listens to what they should do. 

So if you refuse to heed the advice I depart on the latter half of this post, at the very least avoid doing the following.

DO NOT: Cling To The First Person You Meet

We all know that red is the most attractive color.

But don’t let the vibrant red of her many flags hypnotize you.

Dating after a breakup or divorce can make us ask the question, “Will anyone love me again?”

It’s this insecurity that makes us run towards the closest beating heart and cling.

Whatever you do, don’t settle.

Chances are if you’re leaving a toxic relationship, the first person you’ll be attracted to is someone that shares character traits with your ex.

Take your time and date around before shacking up with any single woman. 

DO NOT: Ask Her To Move In/Stay For An Extended Time At Your Place

I get it, living alone can suck. 

If you’re a divorced single Dad, chances are you spend only half your days or so with your kids, while the other half you’ve got this big home to fill.

It’s tempting to accelerate the relationship by inviting her to stay a few days or even move in.

But don’t.

Just don’t.

Do you really know who you’re letting into your home?

Is this woman really worth investing in?

You already have so much on your plate what with being a high-performer in the workplace, being a good dad for your kids and then now, trying to find a romantic partner who is going to treat you well and make you feel alive and satisfied?

Those are like 3 full-time jobs!

It’s easy to see why you might be feeling overwhelmed and want to push the pieces of your life into place. 

But go slow.

DO NOT: Refuse To Observe The Romantic Pattern

Do you see the patterns?

If not, it might be time to try.

The best way to recognize red flags in women is to look for patterns.

Patterns in the women you’re attracted to.

What kind of romantic partner are you?

In general, there are five types:

• Alpha
• Co-dependent
• Secure
• Push-Pull
• Caregiver

If you constantly find yourself with toxic partners, attempt to observe the signs.

Ask yourself if you have a type and if that type is unhealthy for you?

If you grew up like me, you might have learned in childhood that life flows smoother when you just went with the flow and didn’t make waves.

Perhaps you’ve uncovered in therapy that you tend to blame yourself when others treat you poorly, rather than flipping the script and realizing that it’s the other person who is responsible for treating you poorly. Maybe you rarely ask for help and take on more than you can handle at work. 

Don’t fall for the same old tricks.

Take charge and say no to unhealthy relationships.

DO NOT: Give Without Receiving

This is a difficult ask especially early on in a relationship.

It’s still expected that men ask women out, pay for the first few dates, and in general give and give.

However, be more mindful than before about this balance.

Do you always offer your services and in exchange never receive anything not even a thanks? Does she make ridiculous requests and you feel obliged to agree to their terms?

What TO DO When You See A Red Flag In Women

Now that you know the DO NOTS of how to react when you see a red flag in a woman, let’s talk about what you should do.

DO: Talk With A Professional

Talking with your pals and family about your lady issues is one thing, but it shouldn’t be the only thing.

Communicating your thoughts and feelings with a professional can do wonders for your mentality and quality of life.

I love it when I hear that my clients are working with a therapist because the work they do in therapy greatly enhances their outcomes in coaching.

Working with a coach is all about setting goals in the future and then reverse engineering those goals to work back to the present day.

But often in dating, we find roadblocks to success that stem from childhood, which also need to be worked through in therapy in order to resolve them and move forward.

If you’re already working with a therapist, you’re on the right track.

Pairing that work with a dating coach can help fast-track your results.

MegaDating

After a divorce, you may feel as though the chances of finding another romantic partner a slim to none.

But that just ain’t true.

As you can see there are more than 14 million divorced women and 10.6 million divorced men in the states.

Not that you’ll only be dating divorced women, but this stat will give you an idea of how many eligible singles out there that have a similar romantic resume.

But this stat alone won’t convince you that there are oodles of women out there for you.

The only way to not settle for a woman that waves her red flags with pride is to MegaDate.

Whether you’re using an app that targets a younger crowd like Tinder or an older one like Match, the same rules for profile creation apply.

You’ll want to create a profile that:

• Clearly shows what you look like
• Demonstrates who you are
• Has HD photos
• Displays a variety of photos
• Has no selfies!

If you don’t know which photos to choose, study these Tinder pics for guys.

MegaDate Dating Strategy

Now that you’ve constructed a quality profile and are beginning to land dates, it’s time to talk strategy.

First, second, and third dates should all be treated differently.

Here are some basic rules to follow.

First Dates

The initial date should be short and cheap.

Short: Less than an hour

Cheap: Less than $10

Why?

If you met this person online (or briefly in person) they’re still a stranger.

Why would you ask this person on an expensive 5-hour date if you run the chance of being disappointed by them the moment she greets you.

Second Dates

Second dates should be active and 100% free.

Making them free will weed out gold diggers. Active dates naturally lend themselves to touching, flirting, and quickly building a meaningful connection.

Third Dates

If she’s lucky enough to have made it all the way to a third date, it’s time to treat her.

That means going to a fancy restaurant, hitting a dancehall after, and really pulling out the stops.

Show her that she really means something to you.

Dating in this way will not only save money, but time as well.

You’ll quickly learn that many of the women you date aren’t worth taking out a second time. Sure they’re super nice, funny, intelligent, but there just isn’t that connection or compatibility.

That’s fine.

On to the next one.

Dating in this way will help preserve your sanity (read; avoid dating fatigue) while saving time and money.

Attachment Styles: Red Flags In Women

There are three different kinds of attachment styles; secure, anxious, and avoidant.

Let’s define them real quick.

Secure:

People with secure attachment styles are able to form stable and loving romantic relationships. It’s easy for them to trust and love others. This attachment style along with others are cultivated during childhood.

Anxious:

This is an insecure attachment style. Those with anxious attachment styles tend to cling to partners. They do so because they experienced parents whose displays of affection were erratic at best.

Avoidant:

The opposite of anxious is avoidant. Avoidant attachment is an insecure attachment style. Characteristic of this style is a tendency to be unable to form a deep connection and run away from intimacy.

Dating multiple women at the same time through MegaDating can help you avoid attaching to any single woman too soon.

It can also help you identify unhealthy traits and avoid them in the future.

Imago Theory

You will tend to attach to a person with the same personality as one of your parents.

That’s not me talking, it’s the imago theory.

Was one of your parents very overbearing and controlling?

Does that seem to show up in your relationships?

Are you worried that you’ll choose another person who is controlling and overbearing like one of your parents?

I believe these are qualities that can be identified early on in the selection phase, sometimes as early as on their dating profile.

To identify these red flags in the women you date you should:

 a) Write down every red flag

b) When did you first notice them

c) Refer back to their dating profile and try to identify red flags in her profile

Language reveals how we see the world.

Looking at someone’s self-summary, you can see how they view the world by the keywords they choose to use on their profile.

Look for hints about their attachment style.

If a profile won’t help you identify these red flags and styles, surely dating a variety of personalities will.

The MegaDating process will make red flags pop.

For instance, I was talking to a client recently and we were looking at a woman’s profile and it said…

This woman wasn’t 6 feet or taller herself… she was 5’3.

Ideal GF Profile

The easiest way to avoid a toxic woman is to first imagine what an ideal girlfriend looks and acts like.

One of the modules in my program takes you through a worksheet where you:

• Write down all of the women you’ve dated in the past
• Where you met them
• What you liked and didn’t like about them,

You’ll start to see patterns.

By creating the ideal girlfriend you’ll identify positive and negative traits you’ll want to seek and avoid.

My program helps you to visualize the characteristics you don’t like and why you’re attracting them because of where you’re going to meet them.

For instance, if you always dated women who were alcoholics and wrote that you met them all at bars that’s a clear indication to stop meeting women at bars. 

Instead of bar dates, we’re going to have you go on dates at like 8 am in the morning because guess what, people who drink a lot are probably not getting up that early.

Mock Dates

It can be super daunting getting back out there.

We won’t just push you out of the coop and hope you can fly.

In my coaching program, we’ll give you the option of going on mock dates with our coaches.

80% of communication is nonverbal (body language, eye contact, your presence in the moment, etc.).

There’s so much of our behavior that is motivated by our subconscious.

So when things go wrong on a date, often it’s hard to even uncover what exactly it is that is going wrong.

For this, we offer mock dates as part of our private and group coaching programs so you can get feedback from women about how you’re being received, beyond just the words you’re choosing to use. What you’re saying often doesn’t matter as much as your tone of voice, pitch, pacing, and nonverbal factors.

If You’ve Been Through a Divorce & Survived It, You’re a Strong Candidate for My Program

It’s really important to commit to going through all of the material and to do all 20 dates.

I can predictably tell you that at a certain part in the process people always want to take a break.

This is very common.

It’s because things get scary.

That’s why it’s important to commit yourself to the process and it’s also why you have lifetime access.

It’s important to build your foundation and get comfortable with the process of doing all of these new things that are scary. It’s like learning to ride a bike or drive a car. Those were both scary to learn but now are second nature.

MegaDating is the same way.

To learn if you’re a right fit for this life-changing program talk to one of our coaches via a 1-on-1 Zoom call. 

During the call we’ll learn about your dating history and tell you how we’re going to shape your romantic future.