Dating can be tough, and when it’s not going well, it’s easy to pick yourself apart. After overanalyzing every “bad” or “awkward” thing you said or did, you may decide to get help. But from whom? At this point, a lot of guys start to weigh the difference between a dating coach vs therapist.

I’ve been to therapy — and obviously, I’m a dating coach, so I’m pretty sure I know a thing or two about this!

Let me start by saying that I didn’t even attempt to counsel anyone in the area of dating, let alone as a professional coach, until I had completed a 100-date experiment. I spent a full year going on 101 dates with a total of 52 men with the sole purpose of discovering how the world of dating actually worked. Not based on stereotypical assumptions, but real, everyday experiences. After each and every date, I documented why it was successful or not.

I learned a ton about dating and men, but even more about myself. I walked away from the experience not only with my soulmate, but with a crystal clear understanding of dating dynamics.

You will need this kind of insight if you really want help with dating issues. Dating coaches generally “walk the walk” and now are in service to help others reach their goals — just like they did for themselves in the past.

But I understand every situation isn’t cookie-cutter. So I’ve put together a quick comparison of dating coaches vs therapists shed some more light on the subject.

Dating Coach vs Therapist: What to Consider

While both dating coaches and therapists could help you with dating issues, they’re definitely not the same. Take a look at some of the points below and decide for yourself.

Coaches Have Real-Life Experience

Generally, it takes real-life experience for people to be able to charge for their services as a coach. Think of baseball coaches — most, if not all, played the actual sport since they were five years old up until at least the major leagues. They’ve been through the ups and downs of being a professional. They’ve personally struggled with their batting average, and now they’re coaching players on how to fix the same swing problems they had 20 years ago.

It’s the same with dating coaches. As I mentioned earlier, I took on dating not just as a passive participant, but as a future coach on a mission. I had a particular focus and scientific approach.

On the flip side, most therapists have probably dated, but usually in the same way everyone else does — by randomly choosing people to message on dating apps, or maybe asking someone cute out for coffee and hoping for the best. Depending on when they actively dated, they may or may not have helpful suggestions when it comes to today’s dating challenges… which are changing by the minute!

Before hiring a therapist or a dating coach, ask them first if they have experience in what you’re dealing with. Do you struggle with online dating, for example? If so, would it make sense to use a therapist in that case, or a dating coach who specializes in online dating? For more options, you might also try Googling that issue and adding the words + dating coach. See who comes up.

Just remember, I’ve worked with dozens of therapists. One thing I know for sure is that for many of them, it’s just a job. It’s a way to earn a living. Don’t get me wrong — lots of therapists do care. But if they don’t have experience in what you’re dealing with, they really can’t offer up strategies because of that. That means those expensive weekly sessions could become a guessing game.

No matter who you end up choosing, just always be sure to work with a coach or therapist who’s gone through the pain and has come out on the other side.

Dating Coaches Work Forward, Therapists Mostly Backward

Another thing to think about when you compare a dating coach vs therapist is, when did the root of your problem really start?

In the online dating example, maybe no one’s viewing your profile. Or maybe you’re not getting responses to your messages and need to learn how to use the apps in the right way. Clearly, you didn’t have these issues until you joined the world of dating apps. I’d say these are present-day problems. They need future-oriented solutions.

But let’s say your issue is social anxiety. You get dates, but once you meet with a woman face-to-face, you clam up. You’re freaking out because you don’t know why you get so nervous, but there are other areas of your life where this happens. And it’s been happening since you were a kid. I’d say it could be a problem rooted in a childhood experience that affected your self-esteem. To solve it, you might need to dig into the past.

So let’s come back to the difference between a dating coach and a therapist. A coach’s job is to get you prepared for dancing. They want to equip you with the tools you need to be successful. For dating, it’s all about instilling the confidence in you to help you reach your goals, and we do this in a practical way with measurable strategies.

Experienced dating coaches know that moving forward is what will help you reach your goals. But if there’s trauma involved, pairing a dating coach with a therapist is a great idea. The therapist can help you work through and heal the past trauma, while the dating coach can keep you on track to reaching your goals.

If you’re struggling with trauma or unhealthy attachment styles, a therapist might be just the person to chat with.

Only after dealing with these emotional ailments can you benefit from a coach. Jumping into bed with a coach (or woman) before addressing underlying issues will only get you so far in a romantic sense. Only once you’ve emotionally grown will you begin to reap the rewards offered by a dating coach.

Dating Coaches Can Give You Their Opinions and Strategize with You

Bottom line, if you want to improve your dating life, then every meeting you have with your chosen professional should support that goal. So if you choose to work with a therapist, I’d make sure to ask what type of therapy they offer. There are many different types of therapy, and your therapist’s specialty will determine the types of questions they ask and how the two of you tackle things together.

Take some time to read up on therapeutic styles, so you know what to expect. For example, in psychodynamic therapy, your therapist focuses on exploring your emotions and life experiences to help you change your patterns. If you’re looking for a person to help you get a girlfriend in 90 days, this might not be your best bet.

Instead, a coach will be a good fit for hands-on, goal-oriented strategies designed to change your dating experience. While we all need to work on our emotional issues, doing so while taking action can be very powerful. A coach will be able to look at your dating choices so far and give you their “read” on where you may be sabotaging yourself. They can also tell you what currently works for other men when it comes to finding love. Only a coach would have the kind of perspective because they’ve seen what works so many times before. Their opinion will become invaluable as you strategize together.

The Best Dating Coaches Offer Programs, Not Sessions

Finding a girlfriend or the right relationship takes time — I’d say generally 3 to 6 months if you hit the pavement running. Does that sound unrealistic?

That’s ok.

To anyone who hasn’t studied dating professionally, these claims may sound too good to be true, but to someone like me who’s been working with single men for years, these numbers are pretty run-of-the-mill. You simply need to follow a specific set of steps and execute them the right way. And that’s why you need a coach!

There are lots of coaches out there, of course, so just beware. Not all dating coaches are the same and they may package their services differently. Here’s the thing, though: The best dating coaches offer programs where they meet with their students once a week for (at least) 12 sessions. Your coach’s program for you should include set teachings that you’ll cover over the 12-week period.

From uncovering your personal goals, social strategy, online dating tips, setting up a dating app profile, successful texting, escalating sexual tension, first through third date tips, and much more — programs with set agendas always win. They are strategic and based on a winning philosophy that has already been tested. If your coach hasn’t developed their expertise to this level, then they’re probably not right for you.

Therapists, on the other hand, offer sessions with generally no agenda. You just show up, talk about your feelings, or what’s bothering you. Unless you find a therapist who’s more like a counselor, it’s likely during therapy you’ll just be talking to yourself for 50 minutes. How beneficial is that? When you’re dating, you need tactical, logical support.

At emlovz we offer lifetime memberships. Should the first relationship you enter into after enrolling in emlovz ever come to a close, we’re here for you should you want to freshen up on your dating skills or rejoin a community of like-minded individuals.

So if a few classes here and there aren’t enough to turn your dating life around, what will?

As mentioned, we’ve created a program, Dating Decoded, systematically designed to address every key aspect of modern dating.

We teach students via various learning pathways including:

• Online Curriculum
• Two Weekly Live Strategy Sessions
• Online Community
• Mock Dates

To systematically teach you the skills you need to court a woman we’ve created a program that addresses all aspects of modern dating. However, we’ve broken our program up into four pillars:

• MegaDating – Prolifically dating so as to quickly find your ideal partner
• Profile Creation – Create the perfect dating profile to attract women online
• MegaMessaging + Date Pitch – Learn how to court women online AND ask them out
• Dating Blueprint – Craft the perfect dates and learn how to create a spark and feed it

When shopping around for a coach, make sure you know the difference between a bonafide coach with a strategy and program that works, and a poser who is a coach as a side hustle. 

One way to differentiate the two is by checking out their reviews. Make sure the coach and student clearly know each other and have a good rapport. Listen to them talk about the strategy and see if that strategy has led the student to having results.

Ideally, you see reviews where the dating coach’s students and significant others are both being interviewed as seen in the video below.

Dating Coaches Are Niche Specialists

Imagine needing a root canal. Should you trust your general dentist to do this difficult procedure? Did you know general dentists only need to perform two supervised root canals in dental school to graduate? Or, should you spend an extra $300 to get your root canal done by a specialist, an endodontist? (My boyfriend used to sell root canal equipment, that’s why I know about this phenomenon!)

Sure, you can get your root canal done by your general dentist because you trust her, but is she the most qualified person to do the job? Nope.

It’s the same with those who struggle to reach their dating goals. Therapists work with people dealing with a myriad of issues, not just dating. Dating coaches, on the other hand, only help people with dating.

Why does this matter? Because someone who focuses on dating, day in and day out, will be much more educated on the subject. They’ll know the nuances of dating situations much better and can guide you through them. As a professional, they can draw on the experiences that many other students just like you have had, to make sure you don’t make the same mistakes. They’ll save you tons of time (and eventually, money!). Each meeting you have with a specialist like this will push you one step further toward your goal.

Dating Coaches Don’t Take Insurance

Of course, before you hire anyone, you need to think about costs. Keep in mind that if you try to use your health insurance, your choices will be very limited. With such a small pool to choose from, you’ll be more likely to end up with someone who’s ineffective.

That said, therapists generally do take insurance, but oftentimes with a caveat. They may want you to pay them upfront, and then file paperwork to get reimbursed from your insurance company later… good luck with that! Even worse, they often don’t take whatever insurance you have.

With dating coaches, you’re going to shell out cash — but it’s an investment in your future. Chances are, you invested in your education, right? Then you see the value in investing in learning. Just like school taught you the basics that led to your career, dating coaching can teach you to find love. It’s as simple as that.

Not to mention that with emlovz at least, you have lifetime access to our online curriculum, community, and weekly live sessions. 

With us you’ll receive unlimited support by way of live classes, our community, and the Man Cave.

The Man Cave is a supportive and safe space where our male students get together twice a month to talk about any and all dating and life obstacles. It’s a place for our students to support each other and feel heard.

We realize that being single can really suck.

Integrating into a community of supportive men and mostly female coaches (meet your male coach and co-founder) is a powerful way to combat depression, loneliness, and a feeling of helplessness. Our men have empathy for one another as they’re all in the same boat – single, but not for long.

Our students chat online but also meet up in person to get to know one another and of course to meet women IRL. Each student also has an accountability buddy they chat with ensuring they’re on pace to accomplish their goals.

Dating Coach vs Therapist: Who Will You Choose?

The differences between a dating coach and a therapist are pretty dramatic but at the same time, could work well together. In the end, however, it all comes down to you. You have to pull the trigger.

I talk to so many men who took years to make the decision to get help with dating. And to be honest with you, it doesn’t get better in the meantime. The time you waste just becomes a string of more bad dates, more frustration, and more disappointment.

And honestly, emlovz is more than a coaching agency. We’re a community and a refuge for single men that don’t want to go through the single life alone. Yes, we provide guidance and the dating know-how to get the girl, but also a community for men to feel love and appreciated.

If you don’t get anything else out of this post, hear this: It’s time to reach out. Book an intro call with me over Zoom and let’s figure this thing out. I offer individual as well as group coaching and would be more than happy to bring you into any one of my programs.

We’re the bridge between being single and being in a relationship.

To take that first step all you have to do is call.