Do you tear yourself up trying to figure out how to please women you go out with? Does that make dating feel like a drag? It doesn’t have to be that way. Dating can be fun and exciting — especially if you learn how to stop focusing on one woman.

Of course, you can settle down eventually. Just don’t date with tunnel vision, as if every woman you meet could be the “one.” Most of them aren’t… but that’s okay. Dating helps you get to know yourself and learn what you want from a relationship in the process. I promise, if you can learn to stop obsessing over one woman at a time, at least for a little while, you will save yourself from settling.

How to Stop Focusing on One Woman: 12 Tips

Learning how to stop focusing on one woman means you have to take a look inside to find out why you do this. Once you understand what drives you to obsess over her, you can slowly let those patterns fade away. Here are some ideas that should help you.

1. Read The Inner Game of Tennis.

Get this book if you can — it will teach you strategies for managing your mindset and mental game. Though it’s written through the lens of tennis, much can be applied to dating. You’ll learn how important it is to control your own mind when it comes to relationships so eventually, you win the “match.”

2. Meditate daily.

Regular meditation lowers your anxiety levels over time. Otherwise, we can get lost in our thoughts, and if we’re anxious, we easily create false narratives. With less anxiety, you won’t feel the need to focus on one woman so much. You’ll approach each moment as it is and let it unfold. I’d suggest meditating before talking to women you’re dating and before actual dates. This will help ground you. You’ll get out of your head and into your body and the present moment.

3. Read Attached.

In case you don’t know what an attachment style is, it’s a psychological concept that shows how our childhood relationship with our parents influences our romantic relationships today. Those with “anxious” attachment styles tend to cling to their partners and often find themselves unable to stop focusing on one woman.

The book Attached breaks down all the attachment styles and shows how you can reverse your “anxious” attachment style. Once you do this, you won’t let any future woman throw you off your game. You’ll be open to meeting many women, which leads me to my next tip.

4. Distract yourself from the one-itis with MegaDating.

Anyone who can’t stop focusing on one woman needs to start MegaDating. MegaDating is the exact opposite of focusing on one woman. In fact, it requires you to meet as many as possible! When you MegaDate, you intentionally meet as many women as you can in a very short timeframe.

After going on so many dates, you build confidence. You also stop seeing every date as precious. You relax and become yourself more on dates. Because you’re not so worried about making any particular date into your future wife, you put less pressure on women, which makes them like you more. Then, there’s no reason to focus on one woman all the time. Not only are you seeing multiple women every week but a ton of them are into you, too! It’s the perfect solution.

5. Stop pestering her.

Guys who can’t stop focusing on one woman often bring up the same topics over and over out of their own insecurity. If she’s told you many times that she doesn’t want anything serious, stop asking her if she wants something casual. If you’ve asked her many times whether she’s dating someone else or sleeping with other people, stop asking over and over.

Your insecurities are stemming from within. Fix yourself, stop pestering her. Also, ask yourself why you’re doing this. I like the “7 levels deep why” exercise. You can read my description of it here.

6. Research love addiction.

Low self-esteem, childhood issues, or bad experiences in past relationships can make you become addicted to love. You especially become addicted to the high that you feel when you think about them (it literally changes your brain chemistry). The feeling of love addiction has been compared to the effects of alcohol, gambling, and sex. It’s that powerful.

If you think you might be a love addict, it helps to get an objective opinion, so start by taking this quiz to find out. Then, if it turns out you are a love addict, try to slowly find your way out of it. Lots of resources out there such as this can help.

7. Remember you can’t logically reason her into your heart.

Dating is emotional and sensational, not logical. A lot of guys think they can “convince” a woman to date them. They do this by bragging about their job, their income, or expensive car. Logically, they think, women want to be taken care of by a guy with money, so why not flash what they’ve got?

While this can be true sometimes, checking off all the boxes logically still doesn’t guarantee love. She must connect to you on a deeper level. So, focusing on one woman from the very beginning and trying to “win” her doesn’t make sense. Just be yourself and see who falls in line with that. Once that happens, then you can focus — with a much greater chance of success.

8. Rein in your desperate energy.

Remember, women are intuitive. We feel desperate energy and it repels us. That’s because neediness reveals a lack of confidence. Confidence is a key ingredient that makes women attracted to men… or anyone, for that matter. Having a confident attitude makes you come across as high value.

Think about it like this: The woman you’re interacting with wants to feel as if she’s getting a “catch” — someone who’s worth as much as she is. She won’t think this way if you seem desperate. She can’t respect you if you don’t respect yourself.

So don’t come at her with desperate energy or try to focus on her too quickly. She’ll wonder why you’re so desperate, which only brings attention to all the negative things about you. After considering all the reasons why you’re not confident, she’ll probably decide that a relationship with you isn’t worth it.

How to Stop Focusing on One Woman: Wrap-Up

Once you stop focusing on one woman, you realize how much opportunity there is out there in the world of dating. You don’t need to put all your eggs in one basket. If it doesn’t work out with the one you’re talking to, chances are someone else will be a better fit anyway… that is, if you stay open to the possibilities.

If that sounds hard, my team and I are here to help you every step of the way. At emlovz, we talk to guys every day who are stalled in their dating lives — often by being focused on one woman — and help them find love. Not only that, but they also find themselves along the way.

Reach out to us today for an intro call to find out how one of our matchmaking or coaching programs can transform your dating life. We can’t wait to meet you!