“She doesn’t want a relationship but she likes me…what should I do?”

Oh boy, is that question a doozy. And the thing is, it’s not at all uncommon. As a dating coach, I chat with men who have this problem quite often. It can be a frustrating and disheartening situation.

You meet a great girl that you have a romantic chemistry with and you want to pursue a relationship with her. She, on the other hand, does not want to get serious.

This isn’t a woman who is simply putting you in the friend-zone (at least not explicitly). It’s a woman who reciprocates your romantic feelings. But when it comes to taking things to a more serious level, she hits the brakes.

She Doesn’t Want a Relationship But She Likes Me: What to Do

If you’ve chatted with friends, they probably want you to steer clear. You may feel like getting into a relationship is a lost cause. And, in some cases, that is true. However, there is also the possibility that you can overcome her objections to a relationship.

But how to get a girl that doesn’t want a relationship is no small feat.

To do so, you need to delve into the reasons why she’s opposed and then use strategies to overcome those reasons.

Reason She Doesn’t Want A Relationship with You #1: She is Looking for Something Casual

Believe it or not, men aren’t the only ones seeking casual relationships.

Whether it be due to a recently breaking up with someone, a busy schedule, or her age, several women don’t feel like dealing with a relationship. And they don’t have to. Women are more independent than ever before, making their own money and choosing to put off things like marriage and family.

She may want to just live it up for the time being and not complicate her life with a relationship.

In other words, she likes you and she wants to have sex with you. She may even want to hang out with you. She is causing you to groan to your friends, “She doesn’t want a relationship but she likes me. What should I do?”

Let me tell you what you should do…

Strategy #1: Try Some Reverse Psychology

You might be thinking that your best route is to sleep with this woman. She wants a casual relationship, so why not give her that? Maybe she’ll end up actually wanting a relationship once she gets a load of your bedroom prowess, right?

WRONG.

You do not want to jump into bed with a woman in hopes of that leading to a relationship. Here’s why:

• She might just end up wanting to keep the sex going. Why change a good thing?
• Having sex too soon could make her confused over her feelings, which could make her distance herself from you.
• What’s the fun of sex if you don’t build the anticipation first?
• It prevents the two of you from getting to know each other on a deeper level to see if you’re truly compatible.

Using a little reverse psychology can go a long way when it comes to peaking a woman’s interest. For example, if you find yourself in a situation with this woman where she invites you up to your apartment, say something like this:

• “I’m not like other guys. A woman has to earn it if she wants to sleep with me.”
• “I’d love to, but I really need to build an emotional connection with someone before sleeping with them.”
• “That sounds great, but it’s too soon for me to take things to that level. I’m not easy, after all.”

By reversing a woman’s expectations, she will automatically find you more desirable. After all, good things come to those who wait.

Strategy #2: Give Her a Kiss She Can’t Resist

To really knock it out of the park, give her the perfect kiss before turning down sex. A kiss can make or break things when it comes to a love connection.

Use the following first kiss strategies to really sweep her off her feet:

• Visualize how you want the kiss to go down and imagine it being a success.
• Practice the 90-10 lean from the movie “Hitch.”
• Don’t get scared. When in doubt, kiss it out.
• Pay attention to her body language and cues to look for a good moment to kiss her.
• Wear an outfit you feel sexy in and put on some cologne before seeing her so you will be more confident when the time comes to kiss her.
• Have a drink (just one or two) to lower your inhibitions slightly.

Once you give her an amazing kiss and reverse her expectations, don’t be surprised when she starts reconsidering a relationship with you.

Reason She Doesn’t Want A Relationship with You # 2: You’re Chasing Her

Are you at this woman’s beck and call? When you chase after a girl, you’re basically giving her all the power. There isn’t an incentive for a woman to make her mind up about pursuing a relationship with you because the ball is in her court.

Another aspect of this involves being overly agreeable. Women don’t like when guys turn into yes men and put them on a pedestal. You might think that you’re treating her like a princess, but in reality, you seem disingenuous.

Strategy #1: Challenge Her

Since you’re left in a predicament, wondering why “she doesn’t want a relationship but she likes me,” you may feel nervous around her. Because she isn’t pursuing a relationship with you, you may be worried about screwing up the romantic connection you have, regardless of how tenuous that connection is.

The thing is, you’re screwing yourself over by always catering to her needs. Your kindness is likely going to be mistaken for weakness, which inevitably will land you a place in the dreaded friend-zone.

Instead of always trying to please her, challenge her. Don’t be mean, but share your opinions on things, particularly if they don’t always align with hers. Enjoy a healthy debate with her and she’ll likely be impressed.

Being assertive makes you appear confident, and confidence is one of the most attractive things to women.

Strategy #2: MegaDate

Whether you are grappling with a “she doesn’t want a relationship but she wants to see me ” situation or any other issue in the dating world, MegaDating is one strategy that is sure to turn your setbacks into success. It is actually the top strategy I recommend to all of my clients.

Why? Well, I just happened to use MegaDating myself during my 100-date experiment. It taught me more than I ever anticipated learning about the dating world. It also led me to a fulfilling, long-term relationship.

MegaDating is a dating process that involves going with several people at the same time in order to diffuse energy by keeping your social calendar full. When you MegaDate, you will see firsthand that the dating world is full of great options. Understanding this will keep you from chasing after women, getting hung up on the idea of “the one” and settling for the mediocre.

When you put yourself out there and women see this, they automatically feel more competitive. The girl you likes you but doesn’t want a relationship and will get a big reality check when she sees that you’re not waiting around for her. Suddenly, there is a chance that you won’t always be available, and this will make her want to chase you instead of the other way around.

Reason She Doesn’t Want A Relationship with You #3: She Thinks You’re Clingy

Even if a woman likes you, she’s going to be wary of getting into a relationship with you if you have all the familiar symptoms of a stage 5 clinger. She may think that you’re clingy if you do the following:

• Bombard her with texts.
• Try to hang out with her every night, or almost every night.
• Stalk her social media often and/or like all of her posts.
• Try to invite yourself to things she’s doing.
• Invite her to everything, even guys’ nights.
• You don’t shower her with compliments — you drown her in them.

If that list sounds familiar, it’s time to make a serious change. Women aren’t going to want to feel smothered by a guy.

If the behavior above resonates with you, you may have an anxious attachment style. Find out your attachment style by taking this quiz. Figuring out your attachment style is the first step you can take towards changing it. Being cognizant of why you behave the way you do will give you the recognition you need to go about changing it. Becoming more familiar with attachment styles will also help you understand the women you’re dating.

When you encounter a woman with an unhealthy attachment style, you will learn what she needs to hear to feel more comfortable with you.

Strategy #1: Wait a Day or Two to Text Her

Instead of texting her daily, wait a day or two to send a text. If you’ve been talking to her nonstop and go quiet for a couple of days, it’s going to throw her for a loop. Once again, you are reversing her expectations, which will make her more attracted to you.

Strategy #2: Hang Out with Friends

If this woman has been occupying your thoughts every waking minute, it’s time for a happy distraction.

Stop dedicating all of your time and energy to her and schedule some appointments with friends. Going out with people you care about and are platonic with will help bring you back to a confident, comfortable place.

Strategy #3: MegaDate

I know I already suggested this as a strategy, but trust me when I say MegaDating is that good. 

Nothing says “I’m not clingy” like putting yourself out there and hanging out with different people.

It’s important for me to note that this dating strategy has nothing to do with being a player or sleeping around. When you MegaDate, you aren’t in an exclusive relationship with anyone. The purpose is to find a serious relationship quicker than you would normally because you end up learning about exactly what you want in a partner.

You aren’t exclusive with the woman who likes you but doesn’t want a relationship. Thus, she has no reason to get upset at you for putting yourself out there.

Don’t hide the fact that you’re MegaDating. Let her know that you respect that she doesn’t want a relationship and you enjoy hanging out with her, but you owe it to yourself to explore different options as well. You may be surprised at how quickly she changes her tune when it comes to pursuing a relationship with you.

Reason She Doesn’t Want A Relationship with You #4: You Haven’t Swept Her Off Her Feet

Are you simply hanging out with this woman? Does the time you spend together consist mainly of drinks, coffee or food? Have you taken her out on an actual date?

A woman can like you but not be convinced that you’re the right one for her. Remember that women are, in general, used to being pursued. This allows them to be more selective when it comes to men. Basically, you’ve got a lot of guys to compete with, so you need to woo her in able to lock something down.

Go from “she doesn’t want a relationship but she likes me” to “she can’t get enough of me” with the following strategies.

Strategy #1: Craft Compelling Date Ideas

Creativity trumps cashflow when it comes to sweeping a girl off of her feet. You don’t have to ruin your credit score with lavish date ideas in order to make the date compelling.

A compelling date is one that appeals to a woman’s interests and also introduces her to a new experience.

For example, let’s say the girl you like is a history buff. Look up cool new exhibits or historic events in your area and invite her on a date to that event.

You can also choose a date spot that has a rich history and impress the girl by sharing your knowledge. If you’re in San Francisco, I would recommend a place like Caffe Trieste. It’s an eclectic coffee shop with an awesome menu and tons of culture.

Here’s some other articles of mine that will help you craft some great date ideas:

• First Date Ideas
• Second Date Ideas That’ll Knock Her Socks Off
• List of Physical Second Date Ideas
• Third Date Tips to Help You Close the Deal

Strategy #2: Use a TDL

Any compelling date idea should be followed by a clear TDL. A TDL is an acronym for time, date and location; it’s what we here at EmLovz use to refer to a date’s call-to-action.

Using a TDL takes all the guesswork out of a date. You won’t have to go back and forth on where and when to meet, as using a TDL offers someone a crisp, concrete plan.

It might sound simple, but women are extremely impressed when a guy uses a TDL. When you use a TDL, you are showing a woman that you know how to take initiative.

Here’s an example of how you could use a TDL for that Caffe Trieste date idea I mentioned:

“Hi, Sarah. I know you’re quite the history buff and was thinking of you when checking out this place, Caffe Trieste. It’s a really cool cafe with some awesome history and culture attached to it. How you would like me to take you on a date there this Saturday at 1 pm?”

Strategy #3: Follow my Dating Blueprint

Remember how I said that you can woo a girl without breaking the bank? Well, you can also MegaDate successfully without loosening the purse strings.

Use my dating blueprint for the first three dates in order to attract tons of women without burning through a lot of cash:

• First date: This date should cost no more than $10-$15 and be less than an hour. During the first date, you want to build trust and rapport. Make her swoon but keep it light!
• Second date: The second date should be something active and free. Things like hiking, a picnic on the beach, cycling and visiting a museum are just a few things that make great second dates. The purpose of the second date is to escalate sexual tension.
• Third date: Once you’ve made it to the third date, you can pull out all the stops with a romantic dinner. And at this point, don’t worry about that whole turning down sex “reverse psychology” thing. Physical intimacy normally occurs on a third date. Check out my third date bounce-back plan for tips on closing the deal.

Reason She Doesn’t Want A Relationship with You #5: She’s Just Testing You

Women have been testing men and their commitment levels for years. Have you ever had a girlfriend in the past who just “happened” to get sick every other Friday night?

This could have been her way of testing to see if you’d take care of her or continue your Friday night bar antics.

Or how about the awkward third date dinner bill. You know, when she slyly told you she’d split it with you. This was a test too. This time to see if you can protect her down the relationship-road (if kids ever are in the equation).

Or lastly, when she tells you she doesn’t care if you’re dating multiple women. Yep, you got it – another test.

Strategy: Man the Fu*k Up

If you’re new to dating or a bit rusty, it’ll take a few references experiences for you to calibrate whether or not she’s testing you. Don’t force anything with her. If your gut tells you she doesn’t want to spend time with you, then make other plans.

But if you think she is testing you, reassure her that you want to be with her. Reassure her that you’d like to take care of the dinner bill – because YOU asked her out. Or tell her that Friday night drinks with the softball team can wait, and YOU’D rather hang with her.

At the end of the day, women want a man who can take charge and lead. Think back to your recent interactions with her. Do you think she considers you a leader?

Reason She Doesn’t Want A Relationship with You #6: You Need an Objective Opinion

Romantic situations can be difficult to navigate no matter who you are. And oftentimes, we end up getting in our own way.

Particularly in situations where you find yourself saying, “She likes me but doesn’t want a relationship yet,” it can be good to get an objective, expert opinion.

That’s where I come in.

Strategy: Dating Decoded

The mind of a woman is difficult if not impossible for some men to understand.

We built a program that gives you the tools you need to understand, find, and court highly compatible women.

We do this via our four pillars.

• MegaDating
• Profile Creation
• MegaMessaging
• Dating Blueprint

Our entire program is inspired by MegaDating, the strategy of going out with various women simultaneously.

Meeting a myriad of women will help you quickly meet a compatible partner. A byproduct of dating around is mitigating the need to settle. You’ll no longer feel compelled to turn the first woman that makes eyes at you into your girlfriend. Instead, you’ll be equipped with the skills you need to find, meet, and court various women.

But meeting women isn’t always easy.

That’s why via our online curriculum, online community, and two weekly strategy sessions we’ll help you become a maven of online dating. 

You’ll learn which photos work, how to write a compelling profile, and which apps you should be using.

However, getting matches is only half the battle.

The next phase of our master plan is to learn how to flirt online. Dating apps are only of value if you use them to date. We teach men how to quickly transition from an online dynamic to IRL.

After you’ve scored her number it’s time to take her out.

We’ve created a dating blueprint for the first three dates that will maximize your time and money. We know you don’t have all the time in the world to date around. That’s why we’ve created a dating plan that will allow you to date efficiently, while still having time to meet multiple women and enjoy your life.

Dating Decoded is simple, effective, and can help you start courting women in a matter of weeks. 

To teach you how to quickly find highly compatible women in just weeks and become the most eligible bachelor in town you’ll team up with romantic experts, each skilled in their own unique area to support you.

Our Team

• Emyli (me), co-founder, curriculum developer, head coach, and I host two coaching sessions every week
• Thomas, co-founder, and coach. He’ll lead the biweekly Man Cave event where men come together to talk dating, bond with one another, and support other single men
• Cat, Brooke, and Audrey are mock date specialists. Go on a practice date with them (and receive feedback) before your next date
• Hailey is your new stylist. She’s worked with celebs from every industry and is now about to raid your closet
• Tilly is our holistic sex & intimacy coach. She’ll help you get the most out of your sex life so you and your partner are happier between the sheets
• Aundrea is an award-winning fitness coach. Are you ready to eat right and build muscle?
• Mia is our social media expert. Revamp your Facebook and Instagram profiles with her help and start meeting women online

Our Community

And look, we realize that the single life can be difficult. If accepted into our coaching program, Dating Decoded, you’d be joining a community of supportive men and coaches who are there to listen, support, and encourage you as you navigate the single life.

Our program offers every student a lifetime membership (as if you’ll need it) so the support won’t stop until you’ve found your ideal partner.

If you don’t believe me maybe you’ll believe our students.

These are real people with real problems that we helped them solve.

It doesn’t matter if you’re in your 20s and looking for a partner or in your 50s and recently divorced, our program can help you find a meaningful relationship.

But before enrolling, let’s learn more about each other.

Via a 1-on-1 Zoom call I’d like to learn more about your dating habits, history, and romantic goals. After which we’ll decide if Dating Decoded can help you achieve those goals.