If I had a nickel for every time a client told me, “I like her but she has a boyfriend,” I’d be a rich woman. So I feel like I should say this to all the guys who are secretly pining for someone who’s not available: Don’t wait around for her.

Now, that doesn’t mean you can’t do anything about the situation. You just shouldn’t focus on her. Don’t believe me? In this article, I’ll explain why waiting around for a woman who has a boyfriend just makes things worse. I’ll also give some tips on how you can sway things in your direction — because once she’s single, you want to be her first choice.

3 Reasons Not to Wait Around If She Has a Boyfriend

Lingering around a woman who has a boyfriend won’t make her like you — it’ll just turn her off. Here’s why.

It’s creepy

Women can feel when you want something from them (like a romantic relationship) and when they’re already in one, they don’t like it.

You might not even be doing anything on purpose to make her feel creeped out. So let me help you out and give you a short list of what I’m talking about.

You could be creeping her out by:

— Constantly showing up where she is
— Taking quick glances at her chest during conversation
— Accidentally touching or “brushing by” her body in any way
— Stretching out conversations with unnecessary small talk
— Repeatedly doing favors she didn’t ask for
— Bringing her any type of gift
— Telling her how “hot” she is or otherwise complimenting her all the time

Giving her unwanted attention like this is not only creepy but could also make her feel unsafe. As women, we always have to think about the possibility of being attacked. Subconsciously, this makes us get scared when a man focuses on us for no reason.

So, do yourself a favor and take it easy around her. Even if she has a boyfriend, you want her to think of you as a good guy.

It’s desperate and pathetic

Obsessing over her when she has a boyfriend sends the message that she’s higher value than you, as if you can’t do any better. And maybe that’s how you feel. But she’ll lose respect for you if you make it too obvious.

So, if nothing else, keep any extreme feelings under wraps. You want to come across as confident, like you’re a catch — because you are. Men need to have confidence if they want to attract women. We’re wired to want that “alpha” guy, the one who is sure of himself, always has a plan, and can make us feel safe. Give her this type of vibe, and if she ever decides to break up with her boyfriend, you could have a shot with her.

It’s against “bro code”

You know bro code: It’s not cool to go after another guy’s girl. If you do, you might get your ass kicked. So trying to get with her in any way when she has a boyfriend is probably a really bad idea.

Secondly, what goes around comes around. If you try to home-wreck someone else’s situation, guess what will eventually happen to you? Not only does it set you up for bad karma, but if she decides to hook up with you while she has a boyfriend, that means she’d probably cheat on you too if you got into a relationship with her.

What to Do If You Like a Girl Who Has a Boyfriend

If you’re sitting there saying “She has a boyfriend, but I want her” you probably feel pretty defeated. Still, you can do something about it. Here are some tips to help change how you feel and increase your chances with her once she becomes single.

Fix your anxious attachment style

Your attachment style could be what’s making you so obsessed with her even though she has a boyfriend. So instead of trying to just play it cool, you might want to look into that a little more. Here’s my quick explanation about the “anxious” attachment style in particular.

When you were a child, you learned to relate to your parents in a certain way to get your needs met. If you had parents who were unreliable — let’s say sometimes they’d give you what you needed, and other times not — then you learned as a kid to be really persistent in trying to get their attention. And you were probably pretty anxious.

Fast forward to today. Your attachment style (in your case, anxious and persistent) still lives in you. In fact, you act the same way in all your relationships, especially romantic ones. So when it comes to a woman who doesn’t give you what you want — because she has a boyfriend, hello! — you get super anxious. You laser-focus and obsess over her. This can get you into trouble.

If this sounds true for you, do a bit of reading on the anxious attachment style. Try to find strategies that can help turn that around. The book Attached is a great resource. Soon, the familiar scenario of “I like a girl but she has a boyfriend” will become a thing of the past.

MegaDate

Anyone who’s familiar with this website or my coaching program has heard me talk about MegaDating.

I made it one of the core principles in my coaching curriculum just because I’ve seen it work so well.

When you MegaDate, you take the focus off each individual woman and instead put it on the “process.” You use the strategies we teach you to line up as many dates as possible within a short timeframe (think, 10-15 or so dates in one month).

Then, once you go on this many dates, something amazing starts to happen: You stop obsessing over women and start feeling more confident. Once you feel more confident, even more women start to gravitate to you. It’s like the less “special” you make each date, the more women comfortable women can be around you because you’re naturally more easygoing and fun.

Now imagine how this could affect how this particular woman sees you, even though she has a boyfriend. MegaDating will make you slowly forget about her. Ironically, this attitude could pull her back to you once the time is right.

Be Visible on Social Media

If you guys are friends on social media, take advantage of that. (If not, then be sure to connect with her.) Post photos of you doing really fun stuff that you’re into. She’ll see these photos and probably admire that you have such a full life. She’ll see how much others like you if you put up lots of group shots. This adds to your image of confidence and will make a positive impression on her.

Let Her Know How You Feel

I’m including this advice with caution. If you absolutely need to tell her how you feel, keep some tips in mind.

First, do it in person. If you text or call her, so many nonverbal cues will be left out of the exchange. That means she might assume the worst… that you’re pining over her, that you’re desperate, etc. You want her to SEE that even though you say you like her, you’re also totally chill about it.

Next, tell her you’re not expecting anything in return. Again, you don’t want her to feel creeped out like you’re trying to manipulate her in any way.

Finally, make sure she knows that you’re going to respect her relationship with her boyfriend. (Note: You must ACTUALLY DO THIS. Don’t contact her after the discussion. Let her get back to you.)

Hire Us

You may need someone to talk through this with you because each scenario can be different. That’s why I recommend booking a new client zoom session with our team here at emlovz. Through our coaching program, you’ll learn how to use tried-and-true strategies to improve your standing with her. We’ll help you do this even though she has a boyfriend, and without sacrificing yourself.

“She Has a Boyfriend But I Want Her”: Wrap-Up

If you take anything away from what I’ve said in this article, I hope it’s this: If you like a girl who has a boyfriend, don’t wait around like a stalker. Most likely, that’ll backfire. Women don’t like guys who are creeping around and giving them too much unnecessary attention. Keep a low profile and just be her friend.

Also, live your life — there are other women out there who would be interested in dating you. MegaDating is the key to dating a variety of different women, which will help you pick the best one for your next long-term relationship. You don’t have to act like this is the last woman on earth. Once you adopt this attitude, you’ll be more attractive.

Like I mentioned, emlovz can help you work through situations like this and more. We’re a team of dating professionals who have studied the game inside and out — and we’re happy to have you join one of our programs. Book your intro call today to find out which one of our programs is right for you.