Hey guys! Today, I’d like to share my 7 simple rules for texting a woman you like. But before I get into it, I’d like us all to take a moment to feel gratitude for the text message. Do you feel it? You should!
I mean, just a few years ago, before texting became really mainstream, you’d have to pick up the phone and talk to the person you were trying to get a date with. Imagine that!
While I’m obviously being sarcastic here, I’m only half-joking. First date phone conversations can be very intimidating for people in this era. Especially for those of us that are socially awkward or anxious when it comes to dating. Good riddance to the phone call!
Even if you’re not phone shy, text messaging is still a more convenient way to reach out for most people. It also allows you to keep up conversations with a lot of people at once. This way, you can manage your interactions with them–which is particularly useful if you’re megadating.
I think we’re all grateful for the technological advances that have made dating easier for all of us. But do keep in mind that texting has its dangers and pitfalls. As easy as it is to send a text, it’s just as easy to send the wrong message, so to speak.
Feeling stressed already? Don’t worry! When it comes to dating strategies and techniques, I’ve got you covered. Lab-tested and approved, here are my simple rules for texting a woman you like.
1. Simple Rules for Texting a Woman You Like: Keep it Natural
When texting someone you’re interested in, try to sound natural. Don’t be tempted to use over-the-top, flowery language, or words so big she has to use dictionary.com to find out what they mean.
When I was megadating in 2012, I set up a date with a guy that seemed perfectly normal over email. Over text, however, it was a different story. Suddenly, I was talking to someone that texted like he had a doctorate in obnoxiousness!
When making plans to meet at a restaurant, he suggested a certain one for its “eclectic menu of delectable eats” and “inspired decor”. Okay. After the restaurant date was over, he sent another text to wish me a good night–and informed me that he’d be thinking of my “pulchritudinous face” as he fell asleep. Now, that’s quite a compliment, let’s be clear–but I have to say it was very off-putting.
So here’s some advice: big words can make you sound dumb. This is especially true over text, or anywhere else where clear, simple and direct language is enough to say what you want to say. Keep it simple, and be yourself.
2. Watch the Character Count
This one’s important, guys. Watch the length of your texts when casually chatting over text. If she sends you a five word text, don’t send her back five sentences. You’re not going to get any leverage that way, because you’ll end up looking desperate.
If she sends a long text, on the other hand, don’t send back a short one. That might make her feel like you’re not really interested! Women love to read into these kinds of things, and are notorious for trying to figure men out by how much or how little they say. Unfair? Sure, but that’s just how a lot of us work.
The best way to avoid miscommunication is to match the length of her texts with yours. By mirroring the length of her texts, you communicate that you’re both on the same page–which is likely to get her pretty excited about your next date together.
3. Watch Your Spelling
Most of today’s smartphones will auto-correct your text message spelling errors. Not only will they auto-correct for you, but they’ll intuitively change different words based on how many times you use them. This is great and all, but for dating- it can actually work against you.
I can give you an example of this from yesterday. My boyfriend was spending the day with his good friend. Due to his friend wanting to stay anonymous, we’ll name him “John.”
During their man-date, my boyfriend and John decided to drop in to a Starbucks for a caffeine jolt. While waiting for their drinks to be completed, John saw a cute girl also waiting for her drink, and he decided to go in for the approach. They chatted and flirted for a few minutes before John asked for her phone number. She gladly gave it to him before they said their good-byes.
About 30 minutes later, John decided to shoot her a text. Take a look at the attached screenshot. Do you see the word “breathe”? This should have said “breath.” John could only assume that he spelled it incorrectly or his phone intuitively changed the word based on his text message history.
4. No Nudes, Please!
This is the most important of these simple rules for texting a woman you like, especially if you’re goal is to possibly get into a relationship with her. Guys, please–don’t send nude pictures of yourself to women you’re thinking of starting a real, committed relationship with. Just don’t. And please, don’t ask her for one, either! I can’t tell you how many men are tempted to do this. Your naked pics are not going to impress her, and could seriously backfire on your attempts to get to know her better.
Leave sexting and naked pic exchanges with strangers to the inexperienced, immature, and irrational. If you’re really committed to finding real love with a woman, get to know her really well before you even consider doing something like that. Otherwise, she won’t take you seriously, and could end up very offended.
5. Don’t Blow Up Her Phone
The beauty about texting is that it lets the people involved in the exchange answer back on their time. We have to assume that if someone’s not answering our texts, it’s because they’re busy. Even if you know she’s read it, there’s a reason why she hasn’t responded to you.
That said, one of my best and most important simple rules for texting a woman you like is to be patient. Don’t keep sending texts if she doesn’t respond to you. This will make you look desperate and you’ll lose your leverage. Send one text, and then wait however long it takes to answer her back.
It’s also a good idea to match her response rate. If she took three minutes to respond, wait three minutes and then send a message back. If you can do this, within reason, it’ll communicate that once again you’re on the same page.
6. When to Text, and When Not to Text
You might be wondering whether you should text her first, or if you should wait for her to show interest and text you first. Always reach out and text her first. If you wait around for her to do it, it might never happen. Women usually wait for men to show interest before showing interest ourselves, so go ahead and start the communication. The worst that could happen is that she’s not interested, and so what? That just means she isn’t the right person for you.
So, like I said, women assume that if you don’t text, it’s because you’re not interested. Of course, there are exceptions, so if she does send a text first, write her back with just as much enthusiasm. You could even tell her how glad you are that she texted you, because you were just about to write to her, too.
The one time you’ll want to show (a little) restraint in sending messages is just after a date. If you’re just returning from going out with her after the first or second time, don’t text right away! Chances are she’s thinking about your date and deciding how she feels about you. If you text her wanting to chat with her again after you’ve just seen her, you’re handing her the upper hand on a silver platter. Don’t lose your leverage here–wait at least another day to send her a message.
7. If You Do Decide to Call…
While we all seem to prefer texting lately, it’s always nice to do it the “old-fashioned way” too–especially if it’s someone you really like. These days, going out of your way to actually call someone is special, and can make a really good impression on a woman.
If she doesn’t pick up, leave a short message asking her to call you back, and then wait. Don’t call her again, or send a text, or an email, or any other form of communication until she contacts you again. Otherwise, you run the risk of looking desperate, impatient or overeager.
Beyond the Text: Sharpen Your Dating Skills and Strategies
While these simple rules for texting a woman you like are an important part of communication in today’s dating culture, they’re really only the tip of the iceberg. There are a lot of things you can learn that will allow you to master the art of dating–like how to power up your dating site profile, making her laugh on the first date, and how to use megadating as a way to find the woman of your dreams. These are just to name a few of the skills I teach through my one-on-one dating coaching programs, my Emlovz Academy private online dating course, and other online courses designed exclusively for men.
Book a new client session with me today and we’ll get started planning your personalized path to dating success. Your perfect partner is out there somewhere, and I can help you find her.