She ended the relationship. Ouch. It’s a tough moment we’ve all faced—whether it’s me, you, my clients, or most men who’ve put their hearts on the line
We tend to become hyperbolic when it comes to love.
Unrequited or not our language is colored with metaphors that convey feelings of love and love lost. When we find love, we find our other half, as if we were never in fact a whole. When she ends the relationship, you have the most important organ in the body, the heart, literally broken into a thousand pieces. The language we use has a way of heightening both good and bad sensations. I find that when trying to lessen the blow of a broken heart it’s better to take a scientific approach instead of co-opting Shakespeare to understand the situation.
When you’re in love, the love hormone, oxytocin, peaks. It’s this hormone that’s responsible for building social bonds. Oxytocin runs rampant during sex, when holding hands, hugging, and during other intimate acts that involve physical touch.
Accompanied by oxytocin are its two sidekicks: dopamine and serotonin. These latter two neurotransmitters increase pleasure and regulate mood. When we’re in love, these chemicals are being fired left and right, and naturally, we build up a tolerance. But when we break up, that valve that you depended on to feed you your daily dose of love hormones gets shut off. This is a neurological withdrawal. Love got you hooked on these chemicals, but now that she ended your relationship, you’re left feeling anxious, sad, and isolated.
Like any addict suffering from withdrawal, a freshly spurned lover goes searching for those chemicals. Some seek solace from friends and family while others prowl the streets looking for a one night stand. We all have different ways to cope with rejection. In this article, we’ll explore what you should do next after she ends your relationship.
“She Ended Our Relationship, What Now”
It’s Time To Reset
As humans, we kind of have a thing for routines. If you notice, you tend to offload your duty at around the same time every day, after work we invariably watch Netflix and zombie out, and we eat more or less the same breakfast every morning. When you’re in a relationship, you create routines that are sewed into the fabric of the relationship. But when she ends it, the safe orbit of the routine is thrown off course.
Being forced out of a relationship is akin to having to build your life from scratch again. Don’t be frantic and try to build a home out of the rubble of a prior relationship. Take a step back and assess the damage.
Examine the structural failures of your now dilapidated home. Take a walk through the halls of your former home, being sure not to touch anything. Use this time to take a breath, pause, and take note of your feelings. Make sure that the non-romantic elements of your life are in order. Enjoy your family and friends, and put some effort into rebuilding some of the relationships that you let fall by the wayside while you were in your relationship.
Did You Get The Reasoning Behind Why She Ended The Relationship?
To be clear, I’m not talking about closure. All the pseudo-love gurus hopped on the closure bandwagon in the 1990s. They pitched the coping mechanism of closure to the brokenhearted by marketing it as the first step in getting over a relationship. This isn’t the case. As we’ve discussed, the reason you feel like your heart is being burned like the Amazon is because you’re lacking the love chemicals you became addicted to. Learning that you had horrible body odor isn’t going to fill the void. In fact it may only fan the fires.
The reason I urge you to discover why the relationship didn’t last isn’t so that you can move on, rather it’s so that you use this information to improve your next relationship. Closure isn’t about looking back, it’s about moving forward and equipping yourself with useful information that will make your next love affair better than the last.
Talking to your ex about what you did wrong requires a certain amount of tact. Gather your composure and explain to her that you want to know why she ended the relationship. Make it clear that you understand that it’s over and there’s no chance of getting back together, you just want to know so that you don’t make the same mistake in the next relationship. Don’t wait until weeks after the relationship has ended to ask her this. Hearing her voice or seeing her could just cause a relapse. Obtain this information as quickly after the breakup as possible.
Figure Out If You Want Her Back
Asking someone if they want the person that broke their heart back is like asking a smoker trying to quit if they want a stogie after 24 hours of being cigarette-free. That’s why this quandary is best addressed with the help of an expert.
I’ve helped many a man weigh the pros and cons of trying to win back an ex. Together we’ll go back and dissect the breakup conversation. We’ll revise your relationship and compare this breakup to prior breakups you may have had with your now ex-girlfriend.
You’re too close to the situation to make a clear-headed decision. Friends and family members may try to help, but they too will have biased opinions that cloud their judgment. Sure an impartial third party is what’s used in a legal battle, but it’s also what’ll benefit you most in a breakup. Before trying to get back with her, let’s chat.
Learn How MegaDating Can Help
No, MegaDating is not how the Transformers find their significant others. And no, when you start MegaDating you won’t morph into some badass piece of machinery that will defend earth against extraterrestrial beings. Rather, this dating practice is how you’re going to not only get over your ex, but also find a woman that’s a much better fit for you.
MD is merely dating prolifically. Now if that sounds sleazy, let me explain. The purpose of MD is to cut down on the time it takes to find a meaningful relationship. The purpose isn’t to become a Don Juan and steal the hearts of unwitting ladies. By dating multiple women at the same time you’ll be able to build confidence, learn social skills, figure out the type of woman that you want to be with, learn to never settle, and a host of other benefits.
You may be wondering how you’ll meet enough women to be dating multiple ladies at the same time. To do this I’ll teach you how to mine for dates. This means tapping various social streams in order to find women that you want to date. It’ll be easy to meet women when you’re using 5 dating apps, going to multiple social engagements a week, attending speed dating events, asking friends to set you up, etc.
The New You
Remember those routines you used to fall into? Coming home from work to cook dinner for two, heading to game night at her friend’s place, always putting her needs ahead of your own. Those days are gone now. It feels like all the things you nurtured in your relationship just got slashed and burned.
Yeah, those trees full of sweet fruit—the ones you worked so hard to cultivate—are gone. But here’s the silver lining: So is the competition. With all the old stuff cleared out, you’ve got the space to plant something new that can grow without fighting for attention. It’s a blessing, even if it doesn’t feel like it yet.
Now’s the time to focus on the parts of your life you’ve neglected. Hit up a buddy for a round of golf, swing by your parents’ for dinner, or just enjoy the freedom of having some solid “me-time.” It’s not just about filling the void—it’s about rediscovering what you’ve been missing.
Get More Dopamine In Your Life
Dopamine was briefly touched on before, but if you intend on making a full recovery you’ll need your fair share of dopamine flowing through your body. When you eat a brownie, smoke a cigarette, or kiss your new crush, dopamine is there. Whenever you’re having a positive experience, dopamine is present, flooding your brain and making you feel good.
Dopamine is a rewarding neurotransmitter often associated with drugs. In fact, those with a low dopamine count are more prone to addiction. But dopamine isn’t just released when you stick something up your nose. Many things such as exercising, eating a healthy diet that includes more protein and less saturated fats, getting more sleep, absorbing more sunlight, and plenty of other activities generate dopamine.
After a breakup, it can difficult to generate the same level of dopamine as you were during the relationship. Performing the aforementioned activities will decrease the likelihood that you’ll go crawling back to your ex and increase the chances of meeting someone new.
All Things Change
This isn’t just a solid mantra for relationships; it’s one that applies to life in general. Life’s always in motion. No matter how much we try to control it, life can sweep us off our feet and pull us out of our comfort zones in an instant. So, instead of fighting it, learn to roll with the punches. Adapt. Don’t resist the tide—it’s bigger than you, and it’s always moving.
Look, man. Things change. Don’t let yourself turn into some passive bystander, just drifting around, pulled this way and that by girlfriends, friends, work, family, or whatever else. You’re the one making the calls here. Stop agreeing with everyone just because it’s easier. Take charge of your decisions.
If you want to meet someone new, you have the power to make that happen. It’s scary as hell, but the only person who can truly change your life is you. Though hey, it doesn’t hurt to have a little guidance along the way.