Is dating multiple women wrong? If your knee-jerk reaction is an emphatic “YES” (or if you’d expect a response like that from people you know), allow me to offer some clarification.
I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt that (aside from certain caveats I will get to in this article) there is nothing wrong with dating multiple women.
Hey guys, it’s Emyli — America’s dating coach for men. In 1993, Haddaway put music (and killer vocals) to the question arguably plaquing the world: What is love? This hit song spawned a series of glorious Saturday Night Live sketches, as well as an epic movie. Despite all of that, that singular question — what is love? — seemed to go unanswered.
In 2010, I found myself in a position where I was single and asking myself how I could find love or if it even existed. And in 2011, I embarked on an experiment that led me to a successful, long-term relationship. While finishing my undergraduate degree at UC Berkley, I conducted what was known as the 100-date experiment.
Between 2011 and 2012, I went on 101 dates with 52 different guys. Dating multiple people provided me with an arsenal of knowledge and insight into the dating world. It also left me more confident, less stressed and helped me to see that dating can be fun and there ARE plenty of fish in the sea.
Dating multiple people is definitely not wrong for several reasons. Below, I will elaborate on those reasons, along with some things to be aware of before you start MegaDating. But first, let’s get a few caveats out of the way.
Before we get into the reasons that dating multiple women is not wrong, lets first take a look at some of the caveats. Dating multiple women is wrong and potentially hurtful if the following occurs:
Dating Multiple Women When You Have a Girlfriend
If you are already in an exclusive relationship and decide you would like to experiment with dating on the side to see if you want to remain in your current relationship. That’s called cheating, and it’s definitely not ok.
Using MegaDating as a Loophole or Excuse to Avoid Being Exclusive With Someone
When you’re dating multiple women at the same time, “dating” refers to the early stages of dating. If you are dating multiple women at one time and end up keeping a few of those women around for, say, a few to several months (without ever discussing exclusivity, or evading the discussion of exclusivity should it come up), then that’s not ok. Women can end up feeling led on. If you have no interest in EVER being exclusive, make sure you are completely transparent about that in the beginning so you don’t leave anyone hurt, angry or confused.
Dating Multiple Women When You’re Emotionally Unavailable
Dating multiple women is an opportunity to diffuse your energy, learn more about yourself, increase self-esteem, and realize that you no longer have to settle in relationships. It’s supposed to also be fun and should happen at a point in your life when you are ready to enter or re-enter the dating scene.
If you have recently gotten out of a relationship that broke your heart, or if you are dealing with a serious personal situation that has left you emotionally unavailable, it’s in your best interest to hold off on dating. It’s natural to want to rebound when your heart is broken, but there are some steps you should take before getting back out there.
Read my 5 tips on healing a broken heart to help you assess if you’re ready to start dating again.
If you’re worried that the reverse is true, i.e., that the person you’re currently dating may be emotionally unavailable, click here to learn more.
Reason #1: It’s Not About Sex
People may construe dating multiple women with hooking up with multiple women, but the two are not the same. MegaDating is not about sex. It is about getting to know a variety of women in order to diffuse energy, increase confidence, and avoid settling for the mediocre.
I recommend that people wait until at least the third date to have sex for the first time, but you honestly don’t have to have sex at all when MegaDating. You can hold out until you find someone you want to get more serious with.
Reason #2: Abundance Mindset
MegaDating shifts your mindset from scarcity to abundance. When you are stuck in a scarcity mindset:
- The world is full of limitations
- You resent others’ success because it represents a thing or things you feel you can never have
- You fear change
- You find the negative in situations
- You ruminate over why things aren’t going “your way”
- You overanalyze
With an abundance mindset:
- The world is full of opportunities
- You are able to celebrate others’ success because you are happy with your own
- You are always able to see the positive or silver lining in situations
- You can let things go
MegaDating is one way to practice thinking abundantly and experience a world of abundance for yourself. When you date multiple women at one time, you can see all the options out there. And because you’ve got plenty of options, rejection becomes easier to handle and resentment diminishes.
Reason #3: You Don’t Owe People an Explanation
You may be wondering what the women you’re going on first and second dates will think of you when you tell them that you’re dating multiple women. But remember that there is a big difference between “dating someone” and “being in a relationship” with someone.
Here’s the thing — you don’t owe someone you have just met and are not exclusive with an explanation. The reason people initially date is to see if they’re compatible with someone and want a relationship. But if you’re MegaDating, you haven’t gotten into a conversation about exclusivity yet, so you really don’t need to mention it.
This is not to say that you should be deceitful. If somehow the topic comes up or she asks you if you’re seeing multiple people, let her know that you are. You don’t have to be nervous or defensive about it. Remember, before exclusivity, you are perfectly entitled to see whomever you choose. If for whatever reason a woman on a first or second date gets SUPER upset that, yes, you have had a cup of coffee with a couple of women who were not her that week, keep in mind that:
- She may be helping you dodge a bullet by revealing her crazy early on
- She could have insecurities that are completely unrelated to her current situation with you
- She could be stuck in a scarcity mindset
Most likely, women aren’t going to question or be upset with you when they learn that you are seeing other people. In fact, chances are this will stimulate an unconscious desire to compete and find you more desirable.
Reason #4: Practice Makes Perfect
Think about anything you’ve done — a sport, a job, a class, etc. — and become very successful at. Were you as great at what you do now as you were on day one? Of course not.
Most everything takes practice before you can get really comfortable and good at it. Dating is no different. When you date multiple women, you go through a series of trial-and-error situations and learn from your mistakes. Before you know it, you’ll become a dating expert and be enchanting throngs of women.
Reason #5: It Improves Your Social Life
MegaDating keeps your social calendar full and infuses more fun and experience into your life.
Dating multiple women isn’t equivalent to multiple coffees or happy hours each week. During my 100-date experiment, I got to open myself up not just to different types of guys, but tons of different opportunities. Use your date as a way to open yourself to new adventures and bring the lucky lady you’re with along for the ride.
Getting creative on a first date (btw here’s some first date tips for men) also makes you stand out from other guys and can increase your attractiveness to women. Learn more about my tips on creating the perfect first date here.
Reason #6: It Helps You Find the One
MegaDating allows you to learn more about yourself, increases your confidence, and allows you to discover exactly what you want in a partner. This insight will make you fully prepared when you find the right person that you want to move forward with someone in a committed, long-term relationship.
I learned during my 100-date experiment is that true love does exist and anyone can find it. I did, and I’d like to help you find it too.
You can get started by heading over to my calendar and booking a 1-on-1 Skype session with me today. During your introductory session, we will address your dating roadblocks, discuss strategies to help you overcome those roadblocks, create an action plan to help you achieve your dating goals, and see if my 3 month coaching program is right for you.