Is Dating Multiple Women Wrong?

is dating multiple women wrong

Is dating multiple women wrong?

If your knee-jerk reaction is an emphatic “YES” (or if you’d expect a response like that from people you know), allow me to offer some clarification.

I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt that (aside from certain caveats I will get to in this article) there is nothing wrong with dating multiple women.

Hey guys, it’s Emyli — America’s dating coach for men. In 1993, Haddaway put music (and killer vocals) to the question arguably plaquing the world: What is love? This hit song spawned a series of glorious Saturday Night Live sketches, as well as an epic movie. Despite all of that, that singular question — what is love? — seemed to go unanswered.

In 2010, I found myself in a position where I was single and asking myself how I could find love or if it even existed. And in 2011, I embarked on an experiment that led me to a successful, long-term relationship. While finishing my undergraduate degree at UC Berkley, I conducted what was known as the 100-date experiment.

Between 2011 and 2012, I went on 101 dates with 52 different guys. Dating multiple people provided me with an arsenal of knowledge and insight into the dating world. It also left me more confident, less stressed and helped me to see that dating can be fun and there ARE plenty of fish in the sea.

Dating multiple people is definitely not wrong for several reasons. Below, I will elaborate on those reasons, along with some things to be aware of before you start MegaDating. But first, let’s get a few caveats out of the way.

Is Dating Multiple Women Wrong? The Caveats

Before we get into the reasons that dating multiple women is not wrong, let’s first take a look at some of the caveats. Dating multiple women is wrong and potentially hurtful if the following occurs:

Dating Multiple Women When You Have a Girlfriend

dating multiple women

If you are already in an exclusive relationship and decide you would like to experiment with dating on the side to see if you want to remain in your current relationship. That’s called cheating, and it’s definitely not ok.

Using MegaDating as a Loophole or Excuse to Avoid Being Exclusive With Someone

When you’re dating multiple women at the same time, “dating” refers to the early stages of dating. If you are dating multiple women at one time and end up keeping a few of those women around for, say, a few to several months (without ever discussing exclusivity, or evading the discussion of exclusivity should it come up), then that’s not ok. Women can end up feeling led on. If you have no interest in EVER being exclusive, make sure you are completely transparent about that in the beginning so you don’t leave anyone hurt, angry or confused.

Dating Multiple Women When You’re Emotionally Unavailable

Dating multiple women is an opportunity to diffuse your energy, learn more about yourself, increase your self-esteem, and realize that you no longer have to settle in relationships. It’s supposed to also be fun and should happen at a point in your life when you are ready to enter or re-enter the dating scene.

If you have recently gotten out of a relationship that broke your heart, or if you are dealing with a serious personal situation that has left you emotionally unavailable, it’s in your best interest to hold off on dating. It’s natural to want to rebound when your heart is broken, but there are some steps you should take before getting back out there.

Read my 5 tips on healing a broken heart to help you assess if you’re ready to start dating again.

If you’re worried that the reverse is true, i.e., that the person you’re currently dating may be emotionally unavailable, click here to learn more.

Why You Should Date Multiple Women

Reason #1: When It’s Not About Sex

dating multiple women

People may construe dating multiple women with hooking up with multiple women, but the two are not the same. MegaDating is not about sex. It is about getting to know a variety of women in order to diffuse energy, increase confidence, and avoid settling for the mediocre.

I recommend that people wait until at least the third date to have sex for the first time, but you honestly don’t have to have sex at all when MegaDating. You can hold out until you find someone you want to get more serious with.

Reason #2: Gives You an Abundance Mindset

dating multiple women

MegaDating shifts your mindset from scarcity to abundance. When you are stuck in a scarcity mindset:

  • The world is full of limitations
  • You resent others’ success because it represents a thing or things you feel you can never have
  • You fear change
  • You find the negative in situations
  • You ruminate over why things aren’t going “your way”
  • You overanalyze

With an abundance mindset:

  • The world is full of opportunities
  • You are able to celebrate others’ success because you are happy with your own
  • You are always able to see the positive or silver lining in situations
  • You can let things go

MegaDating is one way to practice thinking abundantly and experience a world of abundance for yourself. When you date multiple women at one time, you can see all the options out there. And because you’ve got plenty of options, rejection becomes easier to handle and resentment diminishes.

Reason #3: You Don’t Owe People an Explanation

You may be wondering what the women you’re going on first and second dates will think of you when you tell them that you’re dating multiple women. But remember that there is a big difference between “dating someone” and “being in a relationship” with someone.

Here’s the thing — you don’t owe someone you have just met and are not exclusive with an explanation. The reason people initially date is to see if they’re compatible with someone and want a relationship. But if you’re MegaDating, you haven’t gotten into a conversation about exclusivity yet, so you really don’t need to mention it.

This is not to say that you should be deceitful. If somehow the topic comes up or she asks you if you’re seeing multiple people, let her know that you are. You don’t have to be nervous or defensive about it. Remember, before exclusivity, you are perfectly entitled to see whomever you choose. If for whatever reason a woman on a first or second date gets SUPER upset that, yes, you have had a cup of coffee with a couple of women who were not her that week, keep in mind that:

  • She may be helping you dodge a bullet by revealing her crazy early on
  • She could have insecurities that are completely unrelated to her current situation with you
  • She could be stuck in a scarcity mindset

Most likely, women aren’t going to question or be upset with you when they learn that you are seeing other people. In fact, chances are this will stimulate an unconscious desire to compete and find you more desirable.

Reason #4: Practice Makes Perfect

Think about anything you’ve done — a sport, a job, a class, etc. — and become very successful at. Were you as great at what you do now as you were on day one? Of course not.

Most everything takes practice before you can get really comfortable and good at it. Dating is no different. When you date multiple women, you go through a series of trial-and-error situations and learn from your mistakes. Before you know it, you’ll become a dating expert and be enchanting throngs of women.

Reason #5: It Improves Your Social Life

dating multiple women

MegaDating keeps your social calendar full and infuses more fun and experience into your life.

Dating multiple women isn’t equivalent to multiple coffees or happy hours each week. During my 100-date experiment, I got to open myself up not just to different types of guys, but tons of different opportunities. Use your date as a way to open yourself to new adventures and bring the lucky lady you’re with along for the ride.

Getting creative on a first date (btw here’s some first date tips for men) also makes you stand out from other guys and can increase your attractiveness to women. Learn more about my tips on creating the perfect first date here.

Reason #6: It Helps You Find the One

dating multiple women

MegaDating allows you to learn more about yourself, increases your confidence, and allows you to discover exactly what you want in a partner. This insight will make you fully prepared when you find the right person that you want to move forward with someone in a committed, long-term relationship.

Reason #7: Gets Rid of Negative Energy

dating multiple women

Do you have some pent-up energy?

Have you been waiting around to go on a date for ages?

No doubt you have a bit of pressure that’s built up over time. The easiest way to release that pressure is to date around. But one date every six months will only lead that pressure to build up again. Release it by going on dates every week. At emlovz we’ll teach you how to go on 20 dates in 90 days. 

Going into dates relaxed and at ease will make for a better date. The more you date the less anxious and less nervous energy you’ll bring with you on your next date.

Reason #8: Prevents You From Choosing The Wrong Partner

The purpose of dating around isn’t just to find a partner, but your ideal partner.

Dating multiple women isn’t wrong; settling for a woman because you feel as though you don’t have many options is. It’s not right for her or you. Dating around helps you get a taste of what’s out there.

is dating more than one woman wrong

When you haven’t dated for a while, you get into this scarcity mindset. You think that there are only a handful of women out there that want to date you.

But that’s just not true.

When you MegaDate you quickly see that there are a ton of women willing to date. You just need to know how to find them.

I learned during my 100-date experiment is that true love does exist and anyone can find it. I did, and I’d like to help you find it too.

At emlovz, we’re a team of dating coaches ready that use a comprehensive curriculum geared towards helping single men quickly navigate the dating scene to find their ideal partner.

We have sex coaches, mock dates coaches, stylists, SM optimizers, and therapists on our team. 

We’ve created a supportive community of coaches and singles that know exactly what you’re going through and are here to support you and blow wind in your sails.

Book a 1-on-1 call today so we can learn more about each other and see how our program, Dating Decoded can show you how dating multiple women can quickly help you find your perfect partner.

Why Doesn’t She Respond to My Texts?

why doesn't she respond to my texts

“Why doesn’t she respond to my texts?” Do you find yourself asking this question ad nauseam? Don’t worry, you’re not alone. Lots of guys find themselves in a rut when it comes to the early stages of dating, and getting ghosted or R-bombed is an unfortunate — yet common — part of it.

There are several reasons that a woman might not respond to your texts, but not all of them have to do with a lack of interest. Take a look below for some reasons that she isn’t responding to your texts — and what you can do about it.

Why Doesn’t She Respond to My Texts? 

She’s at Work

Rihanna let us know in 2016 that pretty much all of us are engaged in a high level of work, work, work, work, work, work. And despite how progressive things have become, being a single, working woman in 2018 is no joke.

Not everybody has the luxury to check texts during meetings or breaks at work. Depending on her jobs situation, she may not have her phone on her during the workday. Moreover, when things get busy at work, it can be very easy to neglect text messages because you don’t want to be distracted or interrupted when you’re in the zone.

She Forgot

Let’s say she was busy at work and decided to answer your text later. If she has a lot going on, she could have simply forgotten to text you back.

Did you text her a simple “hey” or “what’s up?” If that’s the case, it’s even more likely that she forgot to text you back — because you texted something forgetful.

Later in this article, I’ll get into how you can make sure to text something more compelling that will amp up your chances of a quick response, so pay attention.

She’s Busy

why doesn't she respond to my texts

Again, she might not be a horrible ghoster or be deliberately ignoring you if she’s not texting you back. She could have a lot going on in her life and simply be super busy.

But as I mentioned before, you need to acknowledge that your text might be boring and easy to overlook when the woman you are dating is busy and super independent.

She’s Playing Games

It’s totally possible that she’s messing with you. Maybe she doesn’t want to come off as desperate, so she’s keeping a lid on things. Instead of responding immediately, she does so hours or days later. If this is the case, maybe it’s best to move on to someone who doesn’t demonstrate toxic dating habits.

She’s Hinting That She’s Not Into You

Maybe she’s taking her sweet time to respond because you’re just not a priority. If she was into you her heart would flutter every time you texted and she’s want to respond immediately. If she takes forever to respond maybe she’s still into you, but you’re clearly not a very important figure in her life.

Instead of flat-out telling you she’s not into you, she may hope that you get the message and slowly fade into the abyss. Another hope is that she puts you on the backburners. She’s clearly not widely into you but also doesn’t want to burn the bridge. When she’s lonely, she’ll reach out or accept a request to hang, but that’s it.

You’re Not Asking Her a Question

If you want to get a woman to respond to your text, you need to be asking her a question. And, no, a simple “How are you?” isn’t going to cut it.

Ask her something that relates to her interests, so that she has more of a reason to respond and so that you stand out from other guys. A few examples of compelling questions to ask a woman include:

Questions about shared interests

Building trust and rapport is the first step when you’re dating a woman that could be a compatible, long-term partner. And when you establish shared interests, you build rapport.

Questions about food

Everyone loves food, and if you can identify something that makes her salivate and then ask a question about it, you’re much more likely to get a text back. For example, let’s say that she lives for hearty Italian dishes like Chicago deep-dish pizzas.

Look up cool food events on Eventbrite or find recipes for unique twists on the thing she’s always craving. For example, you could say something like:

“I just saw that there’s this new restaurant that serves pizza with all these crazy toppings, like prosciutto and quail eggs. Do you think that’s something that would set your taste buds ablaze?”

Questions About Something She Already Mentioned to You

why doesn't she respond to my texts

Does she have a big presentation coming up at work, a bachelorette party she was organizing and kind of nervous about, or something else she was waiting to get an answer on that’s a big deal to her?

Ask her about it. For example:

“Hey Jen, wanted to check in with you and say good luck with your presentation today. You got this! How ya feeling?”

Notice that not only did this include a question which is likely to prompt a response, but it also is encouraging and supportive of something the woman is likely nervous about.

But the most important questions to prompt a response — particularly if you’ve just started dating — is one that sets up a date. Ideally, you would have a date plan in mind that you let her in on during a previous date, but if not, send her a clear, compelling date idea via text. This brings me to my fifth reason you may be asking yourself, “Why doesn’t she respond to my texts?”

You’re Not Offering a Compelling Date Idea or Using a TDL

A lot of my clients ask me questions like what to text when a girl doesn’t reply to your first or second message. This is when I mention why using a TDL is so important.

If you want to stand out from other guys and get a guaranteed “yes” to your date ideas, you need to craft a compelling date that also uses a TDL.

A TDL stands for Time, Date, and Location and it’s what we here at EmLovz use to refer to a date’s call-to-action. When you use a TDL, you let a girl know the exact time of day, the day of the week and location of your date so that she won’t have any questions about setting things up or be left in the dark about things like where to meet you.

A compelling date is one that caters to a shared interest between the two of you and one that introduces her to a new experience.

For example, let’s say that the two of you are both super into coffee. Instead of settling for a typical coffee date, you could do a Google search of events nearby or go on Eventbrite and offer something like this:

“Hey, Erica. Verve Coffee Roasters is doing a walking coffee tour event in downtown LA this Saturday at 11 am. It starts at their store on 833 Springs street. Do you want to go with me, date style?”

This example leaves nothing to the imagination when it comes to the where and when of the event. But more importantly, you’re introducing her to a brand new experience that you both have an interest in. This is going to help escalate the chemistry between you two and will make it more likely that you can get closer to an exclusive, long-term relationship.

She Thinks You’re a Stage 5 Clinger

why doesn't she respond to my texts (2)

If you have been sending a girl multiple texts at a time, even when she doesn’t respond, you may be overwhelming her by stepping into stage 5 clinger territory. Give her at least 24 hours to respond to a text. Remember she might be busy or working, so it can take a while for her to get back to you.

Along with excessive texting, other signs that you might be entering stage 5 clinger territory include:

-Obsessively checking the person’s social media accounts.

-Deciding you are “in love” with someone after not knowing them very well.

-Constant rumination over the status of your relationship.

-Attempts to see the person as often as possible or insert yourself in events you know they will be at.

-Canceling dates and plans with other people to see them instead.

You’re Not MegaDating

One way to naturally increase a girl’s interest in you is through MegaDating. When you aren’t in an exclusive relationship, MegaDating is the ultimate dating strategy to help you overcome your dating roadblocks, stay out of the friend-zone, attract amazing partners and ultimately find a fulfilling, long-term relationship.

I used MegaDating during my 100-date experiment and it helped led me to my current boyfriend. MegaDating helped me find love and it can do the same for you!

So what is MegaDating, exactly? MegaDating is a dating process that involves dating several different people at the same time. This type of strategy comes with a variety of benefits, including:

-Less anxiety

-Increased confidence

-Lessened pain when it comes to things like rejection

-Avoidance of settling for the mediocre

MegaDating prevents you from becoming clingy or chasing after women because you’ll be enjoying getting to know a few different girls at the same time instead of ruminating over whether or not you’ll ever find “the one.” This dating strategy shows you that there truly are plenty of fish in the sea and you shouldn’t settle for less than a truly compatible, fulfilling relationship with a woman you’re extremely attracted to.

An important thing to note about MegaDating is that this strategy is in no way intended to be done secretively and it’s not about being a player. MegaDating is about going on dates with different women in order to make dating fun rather than frustrating.

But more importantly, MegaDating is about increasing your dating confidence and alleviating dating anxiety so that you can be more fulfilled and open to finding your perfect partner.

Lastly, if you’re struggling with things like what to do when she doesn’t text back then MegaDating is perfect for you. You simply won’t have time to worry about this one girl if you’re on a date with a different girl!

Want More Responses and a Happier Dating Life?

If you want to get more responses to your text messages and crush your dating goals faster than ever, consider hiring a dating coach.

A dating coach can give you individualized dating advice that adheres to your specific goals, schedule, needs, and personality.

My team and I have helped men from all over the world attract gorgeous women and find fulfilling partnerships, and I’d like to do the same for you.

If you’d like to learn more about how our coaching and matchmaking services work, head over to our calendar and book a new client 1-on-1 Zoom session with me or one of my colleagues today.

During our session, we’ll discuss your dating goals, create an action plan, and see which one of our services is right for you.

If you want to know how our students have faired since joining, check out their progress here.