Should I Date a Busy Woman Who is Super Independent?
If you’re hesitant to date a busy and independent woman, know that you shouldn’t be. A woman who keeps her calendar full and takes care of herself at home and financially can make an amazing girlfriend for several reasons, including the following…
She’s likely confident in herself and won’t be prone to jealous or codependent behaviors
She won’t use you for your money.
She can open you up to new and exciting experiences.
Some men may get intimidated by dating an independent woman or may have some questions about navigating dates. Take a look below for some tips to keep your worries at bay when dating a busy woman.
Should I Date a Busy Woman? 4 Tips
Tip #1: Don’t Act Intimidated By Her
One problem that a busy and independent woman will encounter is men acting intimidated by her. They may mistake her strength and assertiveness for abrasiveness, which is an unfair assumption and also the complete opposite of how she wants you to feel.
But, a busy and independent woman is indeed a strong woman, so she’s not looking for someone who wants to be a doormat or agrees with every opinion she has. In fact, one of the reasons that men will often get rejected by a busy and independent woman — or fail to secure a second date with her — is because men can be overly agreeable.
According to research, being overly agreeable can result in the following:
-You will come off like you’re overcompensating for something.
-Your kindness could be mistaken for weakness.
Moreover, if someone is agreeing with every single thing you say, it can end up looking a bit fishy. No two people are totally in sync when it comes to every single topic, and she may think you’re hiding something.
Tip #2: Recognize That Her Extracurricular Activities Are a Good Thing
Don’t be afraid of a woman who is always doing tons of stuff, like traveling and hanging out with friends.
When a woman has a full life and lots of unique experiences, she can introduce you to a ton of new things, which will make dating her fun and adventurous!
Tip #3: Your Job is to Craft Compelling Dates
Instead of getting intimidated by her full and exciting schedule, use it to your advantage. Take a keen interest in the things that she likes to do and craft compelling dates around those things.
One challenge you will have is to find compelling dates that include experiences she hasn’t had before. For example:
-If she’s an outdoorsy type: Download the AllTrails app and find cool trails she’s never hiked before.
-If she’s a wine or beer connoisseur: She’s likely done plenty of wine and beer tastings/tours. Try to find something particularly unique, like a beer cooking class or a wine and food pairing event or class. Eventbrite is a great place to search for unique festivals and classes.
-If she’s an adrenaline junkie: Consider something unique like an air trapeze or kiteboarding class.
The important thing is to keep her interests in mind and keep your thinking outside of the box.
But coming up with a compelling date is one step in the process. When you figure out something she’d like to do and ask her out, you have to make sure that you use a TDL.
A TDL is an acronym for “Time,” “Date,” and “Location.” It is a critical part of a date request’s call-to-action and can be the difference between landing a date and landing in the friend-zone.
Here’s an example of TDL:
“Hey Sarah, I know you mentioned that you’re a wine connoisseur. La Nebbia Winery is doing a sip and learn event. They’re doing wine tastings from the biggest winegrowing regions of Europe. How would you like to come with me as my date this Saturday at 2pm?”
This made the intent very clear (it’s definitely a date) and also gave her the exact time, date and location so she wouldn’t be left hanging or waiting on you to get the schedule right.
This type of date also appealed to Sarah’s interests, making it nearly impossible for her to turn it down.
When you use a TDL, it shows initiative, consideration and is also chivalrous. And speaking of chivalry…
Tip #4: Independent Women Still Appreciate Chivalry
It used to be the standard for men to pay on the first date — and it also used to be unacceptable for women to have careers of their own or much of a life outside of the household.
Times have changed and for the better! Today, women have more options than ever before. Wives and mothers are also managers and CEOs.
But with progress can come questions. During these times of nonconformity, singles are more confused than ever about what to do when the check arrives — and nothing hampers chemistry like that awkward moment. UGH!
My take on the whole “who should pay?” dilemma is that, yes, men still need to pay on the first date.
Men and women should always have equality in the workplace and respect should be a standard in every aspect of life. But, when it comes to building sexual tension and chemistry on a date, you have to have that masculine and feminine dichotomy. If either side creeps too close to the neutral center, tension dissipates and a platonic chemistry will emerge — otherwise known as the friend-zone.
Paying for the first date is simply considerate and goes along with the TDL to show the girl that you’re appreciative of her company and are willing to go the extra mile to show her. Moreover, the pay gap between men and women was still about 20% (with women making approximately 80% of what men were made) in 2016.
Being chivalrous by paying on a date will put you ahead of other guys (because LOTS of her other dates are splitting the bill) and makes it way more likely that she would accept a second date with you.
And you don’t have to worry about this act of chivalry putting a big dent in your bank account. During the first date, I always advise doing something that costs no more than $15 (like a happy hour or a walk and talk coffee date) and lasts under an hour. The second date should be free and something active (like hiking or visiting a museum) and the third date is the one where you will pull out all the stops with a fancy dinner.
Aside from paying, chivalrous behavior in modern times is really all about respect and consideration for a person. Pulling out her chair for her, opening doors and offering her your jacket if it’s cold are all acts of chivalry. Women — even busy and independent women — appreciate these things because:
-Chivalry takes effort.
-Women value strength and being chivalrous shows strength.
-Being chivalrous shows that you are a good planner.
Fill Your Calendar With Fantastic Dates
Want to flip the script and become an in-demand busy and independent single guy that all the women are interested in? My team and I can teach you how to MegaDate — which will naturally diffuse your energy and keep your calendar full!
If you’re interested in hiring a coach or matchmaker here at emlovz, go ahead and book a new client 1-on-1 Zoom session with me or one of my coaches today.
During our session, we will discuss your dating goals, create a strategy, and see if you’re a fit for our coaching or matchmaking programs.