“I broke up with my girlfriend and I miss her!”
It seems paradoxical doesn’t it? You break up with her, but now you’re considering an exorcism just to get her out of your mind. Surely this wasn’t the intended outcome, but here you are.
There’s nothing wrong with your internal systems. It makes sense that you miss your girlfriend that was woven so gradually into your life but has now been abruptly cut out. Even though you severed the tie, you’re still allowed to miss her. In this ever increasingly lonely world, you’d be odd to not miss a warm body to come home to every day even if the relationship wasn’t perfect.
With time the urge to pick up the phone and text her will wane. But to get to that point you’ll need to invest into a little emotional armor. Here’s how to respond the next time that incessant refrain of “I broke up with my girlfriend and I miss her” pokes you in the heart.
Remind Yourself Why You Broke Up With Her
Drop that phone! I see you stroking your device, pondering as to whether you should send her a playful text or not. When you’re uprooted from a serious relationship it’s easy to allow the feelings of warmth to rush back, even when you did the uprooting.
You know that the one surefire way to quiet those ‘forever alone’ memes is to call her up and take her back. But there’s a reason you broke up with her. There’s a reason you were unhappy. You thought out why you should stop seeing her.
Don’t undo the progress that rational thinking has brought you by messaging her at midnight to come over and cuddle. When it comes to relationships spontaneous urges will only protract a negative situation.
The next time you feel a tingling sensation to text her, call upon the faculties of your big head. Think back to why you decided to break up with her. Let reason instill you with the willpower to not message her. Relapsing into a relationship might feel good for a moment or two but once you jump back into that hole it’ll be even more difficult to climb out of it the second time around.
Don’t deflect the urge to call her. Instead confront this desire by being conscious about your feelings. Start the process by asking yourself; “why did I break up with her?”
Would you be able to resist Girl Scout Thin Mint cookies if every time you opened the refrigerator they were staring you in the face? Unless you have the willpower of a Buddhist monk, such a challenge is beyond your ability.
It’s all too easy to DM her when she pops up on your Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, and Twitter feeds. Unfollow her on SM or take an even bigger step and detox from SM as a whole while you’re at it. An overwhelming amount of academic articles connect depression to social media use. Seeing her fake smiling while out with friends will make you feel even worse about the predicament you put yourself in.
You don’t have to keep her unfriended forever, but it might help to distance yourself digitally while the breakup is still fresh.
Work Out Your Attachment Style
Why is it so hard to not send her a cheesy text whenever you have a free moment? The reason why could be much deeper than your desire for a little carnal pleasure. It turns out that your attachment style could dictate whether you have the post breakup blues or not. To give you an idea of which attachment style you might have I’ll quickly run down the three most popular attachment styles.
These are the dudes that would advise you to take a breath and let father time slowly dissolve any negative post-breakup feelings you might have. These people grew up in stable homes and were nourished with a steady dose of love growing up. The most telling sign of secure attachment is their ability to feel at ease even when alone.
Those with an anxious attachment style struggle to be alone. They need social interaction and have a history of volatile romantic and sometimes even platonic relationships. Do you have a friend that’s constantly telling you stories of his drama-filled relationship, if so, this dude has or is dating someone with an anxious attachment style.
Avoidant Attachment Style
Traumatic experiences during one’s youth can lead to the development of an avoidant attachment style. Perhaps you have a friend that doesn’t like being tied down and that every time she begins to construct a healthy romantic relationship she seems to find a way to get out of it.
Knowing your attachment style will give you a place to start when trying to improve upon unhealthy traits.
Stay Busy Socially
Being the top-notch boyfriend that you were, naturally you put her before everything else. Making her priority number one meant that she ate up just about all of your free time. Now that she’s gone you’re left with a sizeable emotional and social hole. Plug this hole by reconnecting with friends and family. Go out of your way to schedule social engagements that you can look forward to. The first 30 days after a breakup are the most sensitive. Target these days by sprinkling social outings throughout the week.
Realize that you were most likely learning on her for all of your social needs. Now that she’s gone someone else will need to step out and fill the void. Call up multiple friends so that you’re not placing the emotional burden too squarely on any one person’s shoulders. Even consider joining a class, Meetup group, or after-work activity with co-workers like volunteering or a co-ed sports league.
To be clear, you’re not coloring in your calendar so as to avoid thinking about her. You’re hanging out with friends because you have social and emotional needs that must be met. Forming bonds with others, laughing, and touching others –even if it’s platonic- will mitigate the chances of getting back together with your ex.
“I Broke Up With My Girlfriend And I Miss Her”: Scarcity Mindset
Here’s an all too common scenario. Man breaks up with woman. Man feels sad. Man doesn’t leave house because he’s too busy being sad. As a result man feels like he’ll never find anyone ever again. Dude. Being single and in your 30s is now the trend. There are now more single people on the earth than ever before. That’s true for all demographics. There’s never been a better time to breakup and find someone new.
But perhaps stats aren’t enough to convince you of this. The next time you’re at a social event, take note of how many single women there are, maybe even talk with one. If you’ve just gotten out of a relationship, you might feel as though there’s no one out there for you.
Meeting single women when out with friends will put this thought to bed. It’s true that there isn’t the same sort of variety that there was in your college days. But that doesn’t mean that the dating pool has been reduced to just a few drops. You’ll be delighted when you discover the amount of singles out there that would love for you to sidle up to them at the bar and strike up a conversation.
Promptly Get Back Into The Dating Scene
The clichés are true my friend. One of the best ways to get over a relationship is to enter into a new one. I’m not necessarily referring to a one-night stand or a long-term relationship. The idea behind the cliché of finding a rebound is that it provides you with a boost of confidence and demonstrates that other women find you desirable.
A one-night stand is the extreme version of this idea. A woman can show you she’s into you with a stare, touch, or compliment. In these ways your confidence can quickly be restored. Convince yourself that there isn’t a scarcity of women and that the available women are into you by jumping back into the dating scene.
Sign Up For 5 Dating Apps After Your Two-Week Grieving Period
It may have been a while since your last first date. Things have changed since then, allow me to fill you in.
The last time you were single, dating applications may have had a pretty bad wrap. Harmony Plus was for old people will little social skills and Tinder was exclusively for horny teenagers looking for a quick fling. This may once have been the case, but not anymore.
Over 50 million Americans have at one point tried online dating. If you need more proof that online dating is a popular option for singles just ask around within your inner social circle. It’s likely that at least a few of your friends have used one of the more than 8,000 dating applications found worldwide. Now that you’re convinced it’s time to choose which application might work for you. For your reference, here’s a list of free dating apps.
Each application targets a certain type of user. Being active on five applications ensures that you’re swimming in an eclectic dating pool full of all demographics and personality types.
MegaDating is the buffet of the dating world. Tinder is a late night snack that you later regret, picking up women at yoga class is vegan cuisine, but MegaDating brings all these dishes together.
MegaDating is the practice of dating prolifically. To do so, single men find single women from various social channels. Friend circles, dating applications, and the bars must all be tapped in order to find single women. In this way you’ll create a constant stream of eligible women.
The beauty of MegaDating is that it can quickly reduce dating anxiety, imbue you with confidence, accept rejection, lessen the pain, and most importantly, make you forget about your ex.
Fast-Forward With A Dating Coach
Still wondering “I broke up with my ex and I miss her?” Hopefully this article points a few strategies your way to move your life forward (without your ex).
Treading the waters of singlehood can be daunting. Sometimes it may feel like you’re putting in an awful amount of work but are going nowhere. A dating coach will make sure that your effort is yielding results. Instead of going it alone, consult with a dating coach like me today for a shortcut to romantic success.
Book a 1-on-1 New Client Skype session with me today to start seeing results. During our intro session, we’ll diagnose your issues with your ex, discuss your dating history and background, co-create an action plan, and see if my 3 month coaching program could be a fit for you.