I personally hate diners.

My friends love to frequent these bastions of American cuisine because there’s always something for everyone. That’s just the problem though.

The abundance of choices puts me in this kind of paralysis.

Sure I want a simple bagel with lox, but that’s until I see that they have waffles, eggs benedict, and biscuits and gravy.

So as not to vex my dining companions -or go hungry- I order whatever seems to most float my boat (banana float!) in that moment. But by the time the food comes to my table I’m already regretting my decision and am plotting how I can discreetly steal as much of my friend’s double veggie burger as possible.

Ya see, when it comes to diner food, I’m a maximizer. I want the absolute most from my food and won’t settle for anything less. Luckily, this tendency doesn’t spill over into my dating life.

A romantic maximizer does what I do with food but to people. Maximizers refuse to settle and are always on the prowl for something better. It’s this characteristic that has been amplified by the uptick in online dating usage. Maximizers find it difficult to stay with any one person for that long when there’s literally an app full of eligible singles that they’re fantasizing about.

If you’re someone that can’t settle until you’ve found the absolute perfect partner, this article is written for you. As we dissect your romantic preferences you’ll learn how to stop being so picky when choosing a girlfriend.

How to Stop Being So Picky When Choosing a Girlfriend

The Satisficing-Maximizing Spectrum

Each of us can be found somewhere between the ends of the satisficing-maximizing spectrum.

The spectrum was developed by Barry Schwartz, a psychologist who studied the science of choices. During his research, Schwartz concluded that decision-making is a spectrum, with some people identifying more so as satisfies while others have maximizing personalities.

According to a 2003 study published by Schwartz, extreme maximizers are relatively unhappy, regretful, pessimistic, have low self-esteem, and are more depressed than their satisfies counterparts.

So how does a maximizer behave within a romantic context?

A maximizer is the kind of person that’s constantly leapfrogging from one relationship to another. They’re the ones that will check their Tinder account while on a date with a woman they met on Bumble.

An extreme maximizer won’t be content until they’ve found the perfect mate, and even then, perhaps with age, her perfection will die out and he’ll be on the prowl once again. It’s these men that have outrageously high standards in regard to a woman’s beauty, intelligence, humor, and other important traits.

Basically, maximizers are romantic nomads, packing up their belongings and moving on to the next relationship the minute they become dissatisfied.

How Dating Apps Increase Superficiality

You’re here because you want to figure out how to stop being so picky when choosing a girlfriend.

One way to mitigate your finicky romantic preference is to ditch online dating apps or at the very least decrease the frequency of usage.

Expounding on the behavior of maximizers, Schwartz notes speed dating research. When speed daters go on 6 short dates with women -regardless of where they lie on the spectrum- the daters most closely focused on the women’s intelligence, personality, and character. However, when these male daters went on 12 dates, the most valued variable came down to looks.

This points to an interesting observation in the character of maximizers. So far, you may picture the maximizer to be a douchey frat-bro that shacks up with only beautiful women. This isn’t the case. Maximizers seek to always get the most out of their romantic partners.

That being said when faced with excessive romantic options, maximizers and even satisfiers tend to have tunnel vision and focus on just one trait. Speed dating isn’t the only place where singles are confronted with an overabundance of choices.

Online dating apps pressure even those of us that aren’t maximizers into becoming them. No human wants to settle, especially when better options are so accessible. It’s this propaganda that dating apps feed their users. They provide the illusion that women are readily accessible and only a click away. That may be the case for the best looking 10% of men on dating apps, but for the majority of men, dating apps just don’t offer an abundance of options.

Apps like Tinder and even Bumble aren’t designed with the purpose of finding you a mate. Rather, they’re designed to keep incessantly swiping well into your old age. I mean, if everyone on Tinder actually found a mate, the app would cease to exist.

Pairing an extreme maximizer personality with the illusion of choice provided by dating apps will only work against your goal of mitigating your captious romantic preferences.

Addressing superficial behavior is easy. Just swipe less.

How To Stop Being A Maximizer

Apart from swiping left to online dating apps, there are other ways to stop being a maximizer.

Before every date, you consciously or subconsciously create a checklist.

You say that she must have long legs, a great laugh, a high paying job, an accent, nice smile, etc. By creating these lists you’re swiping left to woman before even meeting them. Checklists and super high dating standards mean that you’re not willing to make concessions. If the boxes aren’t filled you’ll move on to the next one.

Before your next date, ditch the filters.

Instead of focusing on how snugly she fits into the box you’ve crafted for her, focus on how she makes you feel. Focus on how often you laugh, how well the conversation flows, and the sexual attraction signs.

Just because this woman makes 6 figures, drives a nice car, works at a dope company, and has fake breasts doesn’t mean she’s going to give you butterflies. You can only manufacture attraction for so long.

Listen to your gut and not your logical mind.

Another way to fend off your maximizer tendencies is to reconsider the role your partner plays in your life. As love guru and psychotherapist Esther Perel says, contemporary lovers think, “I want from you, basically what I would normally get from an entire community… I want you to be my best friend, my passionate lover, my intellectual equal, that hopefully maybe one day for some of us you will be my co-parent, that you will be the person with whom I will never feel alone again, that you are the person in whose presence I always feel wonderful and cared for and beautiful and smart, I can go on and on and on.”

Phew.

She can’t literally be everything for you. Putting the pressure to be everything will inevitably lead to her letting you down and you continuing the never-ending search for the perfect -and non-existent- romantic partner.

Before The Date

Even before the first date acknowledge that dating apps and first impressions are superficial.

Dating apps for one reduce women into literal cards that men swipe through. There’s only so much you can learn from a woman from her three-line bio and four photos. You won’t be able to fully experience an individual until you hang out with them in person for at least a one hour window.

This is why all MegaDating first dates are designed to last just one hour. One hour is the ideal timeframe to dedicate to learning about a stranger. For just this one hour, be completely open to experiencing this person in their purest form. That means burning this checklist before the date starts and entering the date with a beginner’s mind.

A Note On “The One”

A maximizer has his behavior reinforced by the idea that he has a soul mate out there.

That there is a single individual out there that he’s meant to be with.

Sorry dude, but this isn’t a Disney flick. There is no single individual that you are meant to be with.

In fact if you were to spend your entire life searching for “the one” you’d have a 1 in 10,000 chance or .01% chance of finding her.

Where am I getting these numbers from? When NASA roboticist, Randall Munroeisn’t creating robots to explore extraterrestrial lands he likes asking absurd questions. One he asked recently was, “what are the chances of finding our soulmate?” His answer, 1 in 10,000.

That’s the number he arrived at if the hopeless romantic in this hypothetical was proactively searching for his mate. If you’re not filling up your calendar with social events and instead are binging The Office for the umpteenth time then your odds dip significantly.

Take a note from the satisfier.

Look for a woman that is intelligent, kind, beautiful, and witty. If you enjoy her, stay with her. Instead of leveling up, be content with what you have.

How to Stop Being So Picky When Choosing a Girlfriend: What Now?

Now it’s time to get out there and get dating.

Leave your checklist at home, or rather, burn it, enter your date with a beginner’s mentality, and be open to the person sitting across the table from you.

This article serves as nothing more than a primer on how to stop being so picky when choosing a girlfriend. To make a lasting change, book a 1-on-1 Zoom session with yours truly. In this session, we’ll address your maximizer mentality and create a personalized dating plan that works for you. Who knows, you might even join my group coaching, private coaching, or matchmaking programs, guaranteed to speed up your results.