I know that for some guys, first date gifts are a thing. But I never recommend it. If a client were to ask my advice on “something special” he can bring to a woman on their first date, I’d ask him, “Why don’t you think you’re special enough?”

That’s not an insult. It’s a genuine question. If you feel like what you bring to the table isn’t good enough without getting her excited about some sort of trinket, then we have more work to do on your mindset before you go on any more dates. (Remember: The number one most attractive quality in a man is confidence.)

Despite what you might think, bringing a gift to a first date doesn’t work in any scenario. This is true even if:

• You spent no money on the gift

• You’d already been messaging each other before the date

• She squealed and said she loved it

Guys usually don’t like to hear this after the fact — and believe me, I hate to be the bearer of bad news. For that reason, I hope this article catches most of you before you actually try this yourself. 

But in case you’re still skeptical and think you could make it work, please read on. There are some pretty hefty consequences for first date gifts. Don’t sabotage yourself!

6 Reasons Why First Date Gifts Never Work

There are tons of reasons why first date gifts are a bad idea, but these are the biggest ones.

#1: It Could Be a Huge Waste of Money

Yes, you could decide not to spend money on the gift, but most guys do. Spending money on someone you barely know (as in, a first date) is a total crapshoot. Probably more often than not, it’ll end up being money down the drain.

Let’s think about it for a second. What if the date goes poorly? On a first date, you barely know this woman. While online profiles can be intriguing, they rarely tell the whole story. 

So you might end up on a date with someone who you don’t click with at all, who bores you to tears, who’s kinda crazy… or who knows what else? Once you realize what kind of person she is and that you’re not interested in a second date, you’ll regret the money you spent before really getting to know her.

This is where some guys get confused though — because I do recommend paying for the date in general. You’re competing with other men at this point, so if you don’t pay the bill, you’ll come out looking way worse than them in comparison. 

But I’ll be honest with you. Even though most men do the right thing and foot the bill on the first date, not too many of them are busting out first date gifts. So you’re safe to skip that. 

Also, it’s worth noting that I only recommend spending $10 max on a first date. That’s just enough for a couple of coffees or happy hour cocktails. Investing any more money than that, especially in the form of a gift, is a mistake.

Finally, if you’re practicing pro dating strategies (which of course you are, if you’re working with me) then you’re definitely MegaDating. 

For those of you unfamiliar with this, MegaDating is the practice of going out on as many dates as possible — stacking multiple dates on the same day if necessary — in order to build your confidence. Once your confidence in the dating process hits a certain level, you’ll attract more and more high-quality women. 

Now, imagine you’re MegaDating and you decide to bring first date gifts to all the women you go out with. Or, even just 25% of them. I think you see where I’m going with this: First date gifts can get expensive, fast!

#2: A Gift Will Distract Her Too Much

From the woman’s perspective, getting a gift on a first date can be awkward. You have to move things around on the table to make room for it, try to stuff it in your purse (which is always too small), or otherwise carry it around if you guys move to a second location.

The worst part is, first date gifts are a distraction. She won’t be able to really concentrate and be present on the date if she’s slightly annoyed or feeling weird about the whole gift thing.

Bottom line: First dates are for developing trust and rapport. That ain’t happening if you give her a gift — she’ll just get thrown off. Let things between you develop organically instead.

#3: It Kills Your Perceived Value

Here’s a not-so-secret fact about women: We like guys who are hard to get. Why? Because if it takes work to get his attention, time, and money, then we know we’re getting someone who’s at least in our league, if not better. 

More importantly, though, it satisfies our evolutionary need for safety and security to be able to land a guy we consider a “catch.” 

We’re hardwired to be attracted to guys we consider to be strong or high-status (it goes all the way back to the times where we needed men to protect us and hunt for food). You can create the feeling of being “high-status” by simply holding back a little and giving her time to try to impress you first.

But when you give her a gift right off the bat, you’re saying she doesn’t have to “work” for you. She already won. That doesn’t inspire her to do anything to impress you or make you happy. 

You’ll be much less interesting to her, which will make her not engage you as much. She’ll most likely lose interest when another guy comes along who matches the “alpha guy” she craves.

First date gifts are like giving women compliments — something you should stay away from until you’ve been on a few dates. Do not give a woman a gift until you’ve been on at least three dates and you know you want to make her your girlfriend. Make her work harder for your affection so she doesn’t perceive you as low status.

#4: It Makes You Look Lonely

Giving a gift to someone you hardly know can give off desperate vibes. She’ll likely assume that she’s the only woman you’re dating since you’re going overboard in this way. 

Again, first date gifts aren’t common, so by choosing to stand out with a gift, you’re also saying to her that you see her as some sort of rare opportunity. Not good. Expect her to immediately relegate you to the friendzone, either consciously or subconsciously. 

This is partly why MegaDating is so important. By actually having other dates lined up, you won’t give off that lonely energy. Whether you tell her you’re dating around or not, she’ll be able to feel that you have other options. 

You’ll be relaxed enough to keep the date in perspective, have fun with a few good first date questions, and slowly build a connection without putting pressure on her. A gift actually creates the exact opposite impression, which is what you don’t want.

#5: You Won’t Build Sexual Tension

If you’ve been following my blog, then you know how important sexual tension is when it comes to the first few dates with someone. It’s that mutual, hormonally driven attraction that continues to build as you spend more time together. But if you bring her a gift on the first date, you’ll create feelings that interfere with sexual tension instead. 

One thing you may not realize is that first date gifts can often make women feel guilty. You know that feeling you get when someone gives you something that’s “too much,” or that you didn’t earn? She’ll feel that in the pit of her stomach and it will overtake everything else — including any feelings of attraction towards you! 

Or, I hate to say this, but you might make her feel bad for you. If she perceives you as lonely or low value, then she might pity the fact that you felt you had to resort to a gift. Pity definitely isn’t sexy… in fact, it’s an attraction-killer. 

Finally, she might feel self-conscious or embarrassed. Depending on how big or attention-getting this gift is, she might feel weird about sitting at the bar during happy hour with a huge bouquet or unwrapped present next to her. That could lead to annoyance or resentment, which means you can pretty much forget about things going further.

#6: You’ll Attract Golddiggers

Bringing a gift on the first date subtly tells a woman that you are willing to use material things to buy her affection, or at least influence her mood. And if she already has golddigger tendencies, then she’ll definitely target you. Keep this pattern up, and you might find yourself in this situation over and over again.

Of course, women should want to spend time with you because they enjoy your company, not because of what you give them. So if you want a woman who will love you for you, then don’t give her gifts too soon. As I mentioned before, at least wait a few dates so you can feel her out first.

It may not be easy to figure out her motives, but you might be dealing with a golddigger if you see any of these signs. (If any of these do look familiar, forget about the gift idea altogether!).

Be careful if she:

• Asks about your income, car, things you own (especially in the very beginning)

• Seems entitled (rude to waitstaff, etc.)

• Has expensive tastes, or even tries to run up the bill

• Doesn’t say “thank you” for anything you do for her

• Is not very deep

• Doesn’t have a steady job (and even asks you for financial help)

• Actually rejects a gift from you because it’s too cheap (run!)

Technically even if she’s not a golddigger, first date gifts usually set a precedent anyway. At the very least, she may keep wanting gifts just because it feels good. 

In fact, receiving gifts actually can give you a dopamine rush by firing up her brain’s reward system, according to one study. Regardless of exactly how high-maintenance she is, however, do yourself a favor and leave the gift at home.

First Date Gifts: Wrap-Up

So obviously, when it comes to bringing a woman a gift on the first date, my vote is NAY. It creates bad feelings for her — from guilt to just plain awkwardness — which will get in the way of either of you being able to enjoy the date. 

When you’re trying to build rapport in the beginning of a relationship, you really only have one chance to get it right. So don’t ruin your first encounter by throwing in a curveball like a gift.

 And of course, I don’t have to tell you again how it makes you come across. It undermines any swagger you might have had. 

Plus, if you give women gifts early on, you’ll quickly realize that you’re only attracting women who take from you, and that’s not how love works.

Obviously, if you were one of my clients, I’d make sure you knew all this before making the mistake of spending money on a first date gift! And that’s really just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the guidance you can get from a coach. 

Especially if you’re looking to find a long-term relationship, joining my 3-month Signature program can help streamline all the effort you’re putting into dating so none of it’s wasted. 

Through regular video chat meetings, we can walk through everything together. We’ll look at your online dating presence, your dating presentation skills, as well as how women are likely to perceive you. 

With years of coaching experience under my belt, I spot things quickly and can help diagnose any blockers to your dating success. Book an intro call with me today, and get ready to meet the high-quality women you’ve been after.