Is Bumble Spotlight Worth It?

bumble spotlight

As far as online dating in the US is concerned, there’s Tinder, Bumble, and then there’s everyone else.

Sure those over the age of 50 have Match.com, but the number of users on Tinder and Bumble far outnumber those on any other competing app.

Downloading a dating app for the first time usually means downloading Tinder, Bumble, or both.

For those that aren’t yet acquainted, Bumble is what happens when the co-founder of Tinder gets sexually harassed and starts her own dating app.

Whitney Wolfe, co-founder of Tinder and founder of Bumble designed her app with women in mind. Billed as “feminist Tinder,” Bumble conversations can only be started by women. While the title sounds nice, this is really the only female-first capability the app offers.

Despite the misnomer, Bumble has become the second most popular dating app in America since it launched in late 2014.

In spite of Bumble and Tinder being arch-enemies, they both have nearly identical interfaces and capabilities. One of these capabilities is Bumble Spotlight.

Over the course of the past three months, we’ve used a test account to compare Bumble Spotlight to similar capabilities found on other dating apps such as Tinder, Hinge, OkCupid, and others.

Consistently our test user has reported better results when using Bumble Spotlight. Being that this feature is effective we thought it necessary to highlight Spotlight.

What Is Bumble Spotlight?

Using Bumble Spotlight is like having a VIP pass at Disneyland – except this version of Disneyland is full of compatible, beautiful women you’re a click away from dating.

Instead of waiting in line for hours to ride a roller coaster, you’re allowed to skip the queue and immediately get on the ride. Spotlight functions in much the same way.

Once Spotlight is activated you’ll leapfrog to the front of the profile deck. For 30 minutes you’ll be the first profile another user sees when she’s swiping.

If you live in a densely populated city like NYC or San Francisco it might take a female user ages to ever come face to face with your profile.

But with Spotlight, with one click you’re able to skip thousands of other users so that more women will see your profile.

But you won’t want to skip the line at any old time. Bumble users are most active between the hours of 8-10 p.m. on Sundays. It’s between these hours that you’ll be seen by the highest number of female users.

Another tip to keep in mind while using the feature is that you’re more likely to get matches if you swipe during the Spotlight.

At first, this seemed to us like a design technique used by Bumble to coerce users to spend more time on the app. This is probably the case.

But what’s also true is that during our study, the test user received considerably more matches when they swiped compared to when they closed the app.

Reasons To Use Bumble Spotlight

It’s Cheap

is spotlight worth it

How much would you pay to walk in late to a speed dating event and speed date all the women in private while all the other men had to wait?

Oh, and there isn’t enough time to speed date everyone so those guys at the back of the line are flat out of luck. That’s what it’s like to use a Spotlight. So how much does this dating app superpower cost?

bumble spotlight

As you can see, the cost of Spotlight Bumble varies depending on how many you purchase.

The most cost-efficient purchase is to buy 30 Spotlights for $54.99 coming which breaks down to $1.83 per Spotlight.

Imagine getting a match/date with a woman for a mere 2 bucks. Pretty cool. Hard to tell whether she would have matched with you over time, but like they say- strike while the iron is hot.

Tinder also offers a Spotlight-esque feature. However, just one boost costs $7.99, making Bumble Spotlight less than half the price.

You’re VIP

bumble vip

Forget waiting outside of the club on a cold and windy night. Using Spotlight is like slipping the bouncer a couple bucks to pass the legions of people waiting outside.

You need to think of Bumble as a game. Your Bumble bio along with everyone else’s is a card. Every time a woman opens Bumble she’s swiping through a deck of cards, the size of which -depending on the size of your city- can be substantial.

Considering the most active users only spend a few minutes every time it’s opened we can infer that there are thousands of women in your city that will never see your profile.

Not only will you be on the top of the queue with Bumble Spotlight, but you’ll have the app open and be available to engage in conversations while your counterpart is still on the app.

Most women open the app and start swiping after a bad date, when they’re lonely, or if they are on the road. It helps that you’re the first face they see.

Being able to respond to messages while the female user is still on the app is crucial. It’s easiest to set up a TDL or nab a phone number while the conversation is still fresh. The longer you two play Bumble tag the less likely it is that you’ll ever meet up.

Is Bumble Spotlight Worth It? Well, The Numbers Don’t Lie

Yes, spotlight is worth it. See below, and always follow the data.

Here’s the running totals from our Bumble Spotlight tests (we will update these numbers as the testing continues).

  • Number of Spotlights Purchased Thus Far: 21
  • Number of Accounts: 3
  • Best Time To Use Bumble Spotlight: Sunday and Monday evenings between 5-8 p.m.
  • Matches Earned Per Spotlight: Between 2-6

For $1.83 imagine getting up to 6 matches in a 30 minute period. But do keep in mind – the best time to use Spotlight is after sunset. Nowadays that means between 5-8 p.m. As the season changes expect the optimal time to use it to be later in the day.

You Get Extra Swipes When you Spotlight

bumble spotlight is it worth it

A key difference between Tinder and Bumble used to be that Bumble offered unlimited swipes.

This is no longer the case.

However, there is a loophole.

If you’ve already maxed out your swipes for the day you can still manage to get a few more swipes in if you purchase a Spotlight.

We’ve found that after Bumble Spotlight is purchased the app then needs to be closed and opened a few times. Once this is done Bumble will gift you a few more swipes.

To be clear, this is a last resort strategy.

Ideally, Bumble Spotlight is used when you’re still equipped with plenty of swipes to spare. If you’re going to Spotlight in the evening make sure you’ve still got a majority of swipes rights to spare.

Bumble Spotlight Let’s You Taste the App

bumble spotlight

This dating app is unique in that you can pick and choose features you’d like to take advantage of without purchasing a membership. Bumble Spotlight is just one feature you can use without signing up for a membership.

Like a free sample in an ice cream shop, you get to test the strength of the dating app without committing to their full Bumble Boost Membership.

If fact even if you sign up for a Boost Member subscription you’ll still have to pay for Spotlights (if you use more than the one Spotlight allotted per week).

The most notable Bumble Boost features include Boost:

  • Unlimited likes
  • Extend your matches by 24 hours
  • Rematch with expired connections

Here’s a Premium v Boost breakdown for you to compare.

bumble spotlight

What If Spotlight Isn’t Working for You?

Use Fresh Photos and Test Them on Photofeeler

Spotlighting with a wretched roster of photos is like stepping up to the plate without a baseball bat.

Although the type of users that sign up for Bumble might be less superficial than the average Tinder user, female Bumble users till want to swipe right on good-looking men.

Just because users are less superficial doesn’t mean that a well-written bio or clever Bumble answers will make up for the fact that she can’t see your face in any of your photos.

Here are a few tips to keep in mind when creating your roster of photos:

  • First photo should be a portrait shot where your face can be seen
  • Sporty or animal-related photos always get good marks
  • Groups shots are only acceptable if placed after the second photo in the queue
  • If you add group shots, make sure you’re better looking than your mates
  • No pictures with former girlfriends
  • No selfies and always keep your shirt on (unless you have an awesome candid beach shot in your arsenal)

If you’re unsure as to which photos to include, there are a couple of things you can do.

Firstly you can consult your best female friends. Send each of them a few photos you’re thinking of posting and ask for their feedback.

If you feel that your friends will only ever give positive feedback no matter how atrocious the photo, you might want to get help from an objective third party. This is where Photofeeler comes in.

With Photofeeler you can upload various photos to the site and have them graded on a scale of 1-10 in various categories by anonymous female users. Only use pictures that have received at least an 8 in a certain category.

Also, be sure that photos have accumulated at least 20 votes before using a photo. Such a quantity of votes ensures that you have a statistically significant sample size and that the grade can be trusted.

Remember that without a solid roster of photos, Spotlighting your profile is pointless. Here’s another one of my articles on the Best Bumble Pics for Guys.

Update Your Bio Info

While conducting research with our three user accounts we found that accounts we updated consistently received more matches. This could be for two reasons.

One is that the changes we made weren’t arbitrary. We artfully refined the profile in order to optimize our matches. But more so we think the Bumble algorithm awarded us for simply making changes. Let me explain.

Users that remain inactive for longer periods of time will be pushed down the queue. The same can be said for hyperactive members.

Why should Bumble organically place you at the top of the queue when they already know your Bumble habits?

We found that Bumble profiles that change their bio information not only get shown to more women, but are also presented to women that have previously swiped left on a profile. In the eyes of the Bumble algorithm, changing just one picture is viewed as an entirely new profile.

Hire a Dating Expert to Help You Get More Matches and Dates

What’s the point in spending money on dating apps if you’ve got no idea how to use them?

Do you feel like the contemporary dating scene isn’t meant for you?

It’s reasonable that you feel this way.

Technology and cultural shifts have dramatically changed how we date in 2022. Instead of taking the advice of your buddies why not become an expert dater yourself?

In my Dating Decoded program, I teach my clients how to efficiently use online dating and dating apps to meet compatible women.

In my program, I explain all of the do’s and don’ts of photos, what the first thing a woman thinks when she sees your photos and how to make your profile stand out from all the other guys. The key is to demonstrate all of the things about yourself that set you apart.

Do you know how to appeal to the type of woman you’re looking to attract? If not, I can help. Book a new client introduction session with me today!

But let’s say you’re online dating game is already up to snuff but you’re still struggling to get a girlfriend.

Don’t sweat it.

In my program, you’ll also learn the MegaDating blueprint that sees my clients date various women at the same time in order to reduce the time they need to find the woman that’s right for them.

You’ll learn how to flirt with women, how to make effective physical contact, how to escalate on a second date, what to text her in between dates, what constitutes a good first date activity and much more.

Best Dating Coaches in Charleston SC (+ Matchmakers)

dating in charleston south carolina

I know this is an article about Charleston, but to better understand what’s happening in Charleston, we first need to understand its polar opposite; New York City.

Thousand of people were moving out of NYC even before the pandemic started.

In 2019, 376 residents were fleeing the city every day. In fact every year since 2016, NYC has ended the year with fewer people than it started with.

People are moving from NYC for a variety of reasons.

They hate the weather, the people are mean, the Knicks suck, and the G train is just too damn slow.

But the chief reason they’re leaving is because of rising housing costs and stagnating wages.

This already rampant exodus was further fueled by COVID-19.

Since the start of the pandemic, the city has experienced a net loss of 70,000 residents. What’s happening in The Big Apple is happening in major cities all around the country.

According to a study published by the Council for Community and Economic Research, the top 10 cities that have lost the most residents include megacities such as NYC, SF, Chicago, Boston, and Detroit.

So the question must be asked.

If thousands of Americans are leaving these cities, where are they going?

This brings us to Charleston.

The same study I just cited found that Charleston, SC gained the 9th most amount of residents in 2020 of all US cities. It was only beaten by the likes of places that were already transplant hotbeds like Austin, Dallas, and Seattle.

Charleston, South Carolina is by far the most surprising name on the list.

In 2020 for every individual that moved away from Charleston, 1.31 people moved in. While that doesn’t sound like much of a difference, according to a new LinkedIn study it was the 10th highest net gain among all cities in 2020.

What we also know about new residents is that the majority are young, single, and ready to mingle.

What this means for Charleston is that it’s now arguably one of the most happening mid-size cities for young singles.

With Charleston experiencing unprecedented change, it’s only reasonable that we profile the matchmaking and dating scene in Charleston.

Matchmaking And Dating Coaches In Charleston, South Carolina

Just because there are a lot of fish in the sea doesn’t mean you know how to catch one.

This is where a dating coach and matchmaker come into play.

Dating Coaches In Charleston, SC

emlovz

emlovz is a comprehensive dating service that will teach you not only how to meet women but also how to make them swoon. If you’re too busy to connect with women and find dates yourself, no worries, we can find them for you.

First, let’s talk about coaching.

We’ve grown up with coaches around us for the entirety of our lives.

We’ve had life coaches, soccer coaches, cooking coaches, professional mentors, etc. So why is it that most people choose to brave the most daunting, complex, and significant aspect of their life without any professional help?

Dating coaches can help you achieve all of your romantic goals.

However, not all dating coaches are the same.

If you team up with emlovz you’ll learn everything you need to in order to dominate the modern dating scene. You’ll learn how to MegaDate, how to mine dates, how to schedule amazing first, second, and third dates, how to pop a TDL, and much more.

Teaming up with emlovz will give you the following:

  • 2 weekly group meetings with coaches (1 if you’re enrolled in a private class)
  • Mock dates
  • An online curriculum where you can learn at your own pace
  • Online community of single guys in your exact position

If you enroll in a group class you’ll team up with 6-12 other singles in your exact position. Your cohort will learn, struggle, and win together. Every group participant will gain access to an exclusive Facebook group where experiences, ideas, and successes can all be shared.

Let’s have a look at each of these aspects in greater detail.

Weekly Strategy Sessions

You’ve got questions and we’ve got answers (read; the right answers).

Twice a week you’ll have the chance to ask any question you might have regarding your dating journey to yours truly.

It’s during these twice-weekly group strategy sessions that we’ll dissect your dating questions in-depth. If you don’t want to ask a question during a video session feel free to shoot me a FB message and I’ll get back to you within 24 hours.

Mock Dates

We teach you the skills you need to court a woman in style.

But even if you have these skills in your head you’ll want to apply them before it really matters.

To help refine these skills and make them second nature we offer a mock date for each of our clients.

During this practice date with one of our coaches, you’ll converse with her as if it were a real romantic encounter. After the date our coach will provide you with feedback and give you things to work on before you go on a real date.

how much should a dating coach cost

Online Curriculum

We realize that our clients want to learn at their own pace.

Not everyone has an hour every day to devote to refining their dating skills.

That’s why we’ve developed a comprehensive online curriculum for you to learn from at your leisure.

dating coaches and matchmakers in charleston

With 31 lessons (and counting) split up into six categories, we cover every topic you need to meet, woo, and use to make a woman your girlfriend.

Topics include:

  • Dating Profiles
  • MegaMessaging
  • Date Theory
  • Sexual Escalation
  • In-Person Social Strategy

Online Community

Even with a dating coach by your side we realize it’s easy to feel lonely on your mission of finding a forever partner.

To address this need for a community we’ve created an online community of single men that listen, share their wins and failures, and help each other.

You’ll have access to this community, weekly sessions, and the online curriculum for your entire life.

But after a few months, we doubt you’ll ever need to use it again.

After all, there’s little use for a dating service once you’ve already found a partner.

Leslie Ziemba

Leslie Ziemba is a love and lifestyle coach based in Charleston, South Carolina.

Leslie is a love empowerment coach focused on helping single and divorced men and women in their 40s find love.

If you’re struggling in the following areas of your life, Leslie’s program is for you:

  • Dating after divorce
  • Relationships
  • Depression
  • Can’t get over an ex
  • Struggling to meet new people romantically

This Charleston-based coach offers three different programs each designed to address a single man or woman based on their specific needs.

dating coaches and matchmakers in charleston

Best Matchmakers in Charleston, SC

Not everyone has time to enroll in a dating program.

Others have the time to enroll, but refining their dating skills isn’t their problem – meeting women is.

It’s these types of men that require matchmaking programs.

Luckily there are a few matchmakers in the SC area ready to hook you up.

emlovz

Our matchmaking process is state-of-the-art and highly effective.

When you team up with our matchmakers, they’ll comb through your city in search of potential matches that satisfy your dating criteria (you don’t even have to live in Charleston).

Based on the information you provide they’ll find an initial list of around 500 singles. From this list, we’ll eventually trim it down, likely to about 30 potentials – setting you up with the 6 or 12 that fit into your life best.

Each woman we set you up with will have been fully interviewed to ascertain that they’re a perfect match for you.

This whole process will play out in between 2-4 months (depending on which package you select).

Before and after each date you’ll also meet with your matchmaker to assess how each date went.

It’s difficult to capture the many ways that emlovz can help you improve your dating life.

To gain a more vivid understanding of how we can revamp your dating life schedule a 1-on-1 Zoom call.

Charleston is teeming with young singles ready to mingle.

Are you ready for them?

South Carolina Matchmakers

Sit back, recline, and let the South Carolina Matchmakers find you compatible matches.

Contracting the Cupid that is South Carolina Matchmakers is a three-step process.

dating coaches and matchmakers in charleston

Dating in Charleston

Gender Ratio

The most important detail when assessing how single-friendly a city is its gender ratio.

For example, if you’re a single guy looking to settle down, you won’t want to be moving to a city like SF. While it offers a path towards professional growth, it’s also a huge man parade.

In 1970 North Charleston used to be the antithesis of SF. For every one male, there are 1.5 females. This changed a bit by 2010, however, there were still 9% more females than males living in the city.

To be clear, North Charleston and Charleston are technically two different municipalities, but really they’re one in the same. If you live in Charleston you probably won’t hesitate to date someone living in North Charleston. With this in mind, we’ll be paying close attention to the dating scene in both cities.

In the entire county of Charleston (and in really the entire state) a gender imbalance in favor of single men can be found. In the county itself, there are 94 men for every 100 women.

However, this imbalance differs depending on the age bracket. When it comes to those under the age of 24, there are more men than women, however this imbalance shifts the older you get. For those ages 25-34, there are about 96 women for every 100 men. The imbalance is nearly imperceptible when you look at the 35-44 age bracket. The imbalance then reappears in favor of single men for those older than 45.

In the city of Charleston itself, 50.8% of residents are women and 49.2% are men.

While these are the most trusted numbers, not all can be trusted, especially not with the rapidly shifting demographics.

Point and fact, a local publisher wrote in 2016 that Charleston is, “well-known for having a 2-1 female to male population ratio.” This may be in part to the largest college in town, the College of Charleston, having a 66.5% female student body. Naturally, after college, many of the graduates stay local.

Dating Scene in Charleston, SC

The Charleston Magazine released a dating survey a few years ago.

In it, they asked who had it harder to meet their match, men or women.

77% of respondents reported that women had it harder than men. 63% of respondents blamed the “absurd girl-to-guy ratio.”

It’s this gender disparity that turns men into douchebags. Those aren’t quite my words though, 66% of those surveyed by Charleston Magazine said that dating in the city is a mixed bag and that the good ones are difficult to find. 27% said that dating there was a barren wasteland.

What they’re really saying is that men are the reason for the poor dating experience.

Upon entering the city for the first time, Editor-in-Chief of Stylish Women reported that “…within an hour… I’ve never seen so many hot women paired with such arrogant asswipes.”

The problem women in Charleston face is the same that men on dating apps are confronted with. When there’s a lopsided gender imbalance, one sex has their pickings while the other must feed on scraps. Women on Tinder can find a man that would otherwise be out of their league due to the gender disparity.

The same is true in Charleston… but for men.

Men tend to shag and ditch more often in Charleston simply because they can.

That being said, this may change as more and more men move into the city.

Regardless of changing demographics, it’s clear that women will outnumber men for years to come.

To really take advantage of this, simply don’t act like other men.

Treat women with respect, MegaDate, be upfront about what you want, and offer them something different.

First Date Ideas In Charleston, SC

Considering the glut of single women in Charleston, you should expect to go on dates every week.

But dating every week can drain not only your energy and time but your wallet as well.

This is why you should follow our first date guidelines.

Following our dating guidelines means that first dates should last no longer than an hour, and no more than $10 should be spent. Adhering to these guidelines (within reason) will allow you to go on various dates a week without pouring all your time and money into dating.

Keeping that in mind here are a few first date ideas that satisfy those guidelines.

I guarantee your date will never have gone rock climbing on a first date. Show your date you’re an adventurous novel kind of person when you head over to James Island County Park for a little rock climbing. There are various walls for climbers of all capabilities and prices are cheap as well.

A good first date is active, uncommon, and of course, involves food. All these ingredients can be found as you and your date meander around the Famers Market in Marion Square. Snag a bit of snack food from a vendor and throw down a blanket as you two kick back and chat it up.

Charleston is full of beaches. I’m talking about Folly Beach, Sullivan’s Island, Seabrook Island, the Isle of Palms, Kiawah Island, and more. There’s arguably no better first date idea than one that involves strolling along the beach at sunset with a craft beer in hand. If you two aren’t up for drinking why not make it a double date by bringing your dogs along?

What’s certain about Charleston is that it has a booming nightlife full of culture that is sure to offer a host of date ideas. The only thing you need to worry about is finding a date. Luckily, I know someone that can help you with that.

 

How to Ask Out Someone I Already Know on a Date

how to ask out someone I already know on a date

There are a billion reasons why dating apps have caught on like an STD at an orgy.

They’re 24/7 singles bars that you carry around in your pocket, they give you something to do when you’re on the toilet, and they allow you to fantasize about all the women you could be dating.

But I think there’s something else even more intoxicating about swiping left and right that appeals to men.

Dating apps allow men to avoid rejection.

Well, perhaps not avoid, but at the very least is gives them the ability to save face. A Tinder user will never know if the woman they just super liked swiped left on them. That’s the beauty of dating apps.

Compare this with the real world where asking someone out in person or even via text can result in some super damaged egos if she doesn’t respond in the affirmative.

This feeling of rejection is compounded even more when it’s a friend or an acquaintance that’s doing the rejecting.

Fear — not access to a condom or COVID-19 — is the biggest cockblock of them all.

While this fear can deter you from chasing who you want to be with, fear should also be a sign of great things to come.

how to ask out someone I already know on a date

Fear will usually only present itself when it’s accompanied by something you really want.

In this case, it’s a friend or acquaintance that you want to ask out but don’t know how.

In this article — with the help of some lovely ladies that have themselves been asked out by friends — we’ll help you figure out how to ask out someone you already know on a date.

Simply Invite Her To A Social Event

Reconnaissance isn’t just a military operation, it’s a romantic one as well.

You can save a lot of face and time by slowly gauging someone’s interest and romantic status before asking them out.

Your first step should be to ask her out to a social event with friends — ideally the ones that are already in your mutual circle.

Your mission here is to first and foremost enjoy yourself. If the experience isn’t enjoyable — or if you don’t envision it to be one — you’re likely to abort the mission before it’s even begun. So firstly, stay cool and have fun.

Secondly, you’ll want to find out two things:

1. If She’s Seeing Someone

2. If There’s Sexual Chemistry

These are really the only question marks you need answered before asking someone out you already know for a date.

If she’s not single, you’re probably out of luck. If she’s into you, platonically, once again you’re out of luck.

Asking her out to a social event with a group of people is a sure-fire way to get her to hang. That’s at least what Amber thinks, and she’s been asked out by her fair share of friends and acquaintances.

 

 

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“If you are just good friends going out with a group of more friends is the way to go.”

There’s way less pressure in hanging out with another person if you’re with a group.

Step 1: Ask Her On A Group Date

Now it’s time for step two.

Step 2: Flirt

Ahh yes, the fun part.

Allow me to paint you a picture.

You’re out at a bar with a bunch of friends. The drinks and flowing as well as the vibes are flowing. You two are chatting, dancing, teasing, all within a safe environment.

Now, perhaps you normally dance and tease.

If this is the case, turn up the teasing a bit. Get edgier with your flirtations. Push the boundaries a bit to see how far she’ll allow you to push.

Push the limits while being aware of where they end. Things you won’t want to do include:

— Kissing

— Touching her butt or leg

— Asking her out in front of all your friends

— Pestering her about her prior relationships

— Get jealous when she flirts with you as well as another friend

Acting inappropriately in front of your friends is the fastest way to stamp out any glimmer of a flame you had kindling.

Make flirting easy by inviting her to a game of billiards, darts, bowling, or whatever other game the bar you’re at might have.

A little competition will make flirting easy and inconspicuous.

This is the most important juncture of the fledgling relationship. If you don’t do your due diligence in finding out if she’s into you, things could go horribly wrong as Steph explains.

“He should try to find out if she feels the same way about him, I wouldn’t risk a good friendship unless he’s sure that she’s into him (dating your friend can be very rich and joyful)”

And that’s the kicker. While dating a friend can have amazing perks, ruining a friendship because of a misunderstanding might well be a consequence of not being able to read the signs.

While out on the town be cognizant of the signs she’s sending you. When in doubt ask a mutual friend to do a bit of snooping for you.

Flirt and push her boundaries in order to gauge how into you she is. Should things go well, it’s time to progress to step 3.

Step 3: Ask for the Date if the Sparks Fly

A relationship will never come to be if you two only hang out in group settings. You’ll need to be alone to really allow the relationship to blossom.

If you feel like there’s chemistry and you’re both single, invite her on a date using a TDL and use the word “date” to signal your intent. 

TDL = Time. Date. Location.

The way you ask her out is crucial in defining the trajectory of your relationship.

If you ask her out with friends or to merely hang out in the future (e.g. “Wanna go out sometime?”) your relationship will go nowhere.

To change the dynamic you’ll need to put yourself out there.

Use a TDL when asking her out so she knows you’re for real.

Asking her out to a concrete and tangible dating activity will give her something she can see, feel, digest, and ultimately decide on.

When asking her out, make sure you ask her on a date that accomplishes the following:

— Is close to her house or place of work (the less out of the way the better your chances of scoring a first date are)

— Is an activity that she’s super into (maybe that’s going to the dog park, hitting a brewery, or watching the sunset with a glass of wine in hand)

— Has a defined time and date

When asking a woman out that you already know, I’d normally say that doing so over the phone is just fine, however, a delicate situation such as this calls for a more face-to-face interaction.

She may be taken aback by your request and have a few questions for you. So that she can quickly and seamlessly understand the situation it’s better to ask her out in person.

Explain to her that you think you two would really get along and that you see potential to be more than friends. If this makes things a bit odd, you’re sorry but wouldn’t be able to forgive yourself if you didn’t take a chance.

Should she turn you down, it’ll be much easier to put out any flames than if you waited to either see her in person or merely texted her over the phone.

But before I get ahead of myself let’s talk about step 4.

Step 4: She Says No

Hopefully, you’ll never get to this step. Hopefully, she says yes, you levitate, and you fly right over step 4.

But in the case that she’s not into it you should plan for the worst.

Should she say no, your gut response will be to tell her that’s cool, no big deal. While this might make things less awkward in the moment, it’s not genuine and could lead to pain later on.

Don’t be afraid to express your disappointment.

Rather than saying “oh that’s cool” tell her what you really think.

This is a powerful move to compel a woman to want to make you feel better.

Women are naturally nurturing creatures and can’t stand to think we’ve hurt someone’s feelings. Expressing disappointment can make her want to make it up to you but it’s also just super attractive when a man expresses himself to a woman.

You can then say something clever like, “damn, the friendzone got me” to lighten the mood but don’t act like you don’t care when you do.

When expressing yourself, remember to be respectful. That means hearing her out and knowing when to shut up and walk away. You can protest, but do so once before ending the conversation. Tell her why you two could work out. Play out the ideal scenario you have in your head and try to have her see things from your end.

When in doubt, offer her a deal she can’t refuse.

Ask her to coffee or something minor that won’t take much time or effort. Tell her if she’s not into it, fine, you won’t ever ask her out again and that you can go back to being friends.

Whatever happens, just make sure that things don’t go sour.

Things Might Go Sour

Let’s wrap up this article with a story from Reyna.

She thought her dreams came true when a friend of hers finally told her that he was into her. But things weren’t as promising as they appeared.

“One of my best friends asked me out after years of knowing each other. He had just ended a relationship. And he leaned a lot on me for his grief but one day at a meal after a few drinks he told me: “Reyna I fell in love with you” to which I showed surprise.

I was single and I gave it a chance but hey, my experience was not that pleasant.

A good friend is not the same as a good boyfriend. He was handsome yes, I trusted him too but it was an event that I would never repeat. I lost a friend and after a few months I won a dramatic ex-boyfriend.”

This is the dark side of asking out your friend.

Sure you might gain the love of your life but you may also lose a best friend.

Consider both negative and positive consequences before asking her out.

What Now?

Now it’s time to execute the plan!

Or is it?

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Get started by booking a new client a 1-on-1 Zoom session to learn how we can help you find your next relationship, in record time.

You may be thinking about asking out your friend because she seems like the other viable romantic option you have.

That isn’t the case.

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