“If you are just good friends going out with a group of more friends is the way to go.”

There’s way less pressure in hanging out with another person if you’re with a group.

Step 1: Ask Her On A Group Date

Now it’s time for step two.

Step 2: Flirt

Ahh yes, the fun part.

Allow me to paint you a picture.

You’re out at a bar with a bunch of friends. The drinks and flowing as well as the vibes are flowing. You two are chatting, dancing, teasing, all within a safe environment.

Now, perhaps you normally dance and tease.

If this is the case, turn up the teasing a bit. Get edgier with your flirtations. Push the boundaries a bit to see how far she’ll allow you to push.

Push the limits while being aware of where they end. Things you won’t want to do include:

— Kissing

— Touching her butt or leg

— Asking her out in front of all your friends

— Pestering her about her prior relationships

— Get jealous when she flirts with you as well as another friend

Acting inappropriately in front of your friends is the fastest way to stamp out any glimmer of a flame you had kindling.

Make flirting easy by inviting her to a game of billiards, darts, bowling, or whatever other game the bar you’re at might have.

A little competition will make flirting easy and inconspicuous.

This is the most important juncture of the fledgling relationship. If you don’t do your due diligence in finding out if she’s into you, things could go horribly wrong as Steph explains.

And that’s the kicker. While dating a friend can have amazing perks, ruining a friendship because of a misunderstanding might well be a consequence of not being able to read the signs.

While out on the town be cognizant of the signs she’s sending you. When in doubt ask a mutual friend to do a bit of snooping for you.

Flirt and push her boundaries in order to gauge how into you she is. Should things go well, it’s time to progress to step 3.

Step 3: Ask for the Date if the Sparks Fly

A relationship will never come to be if you two only hang out in group settings. You’ll need to be alone to really allow the relationship to blossom.

If you feel like there’s chemistry and you’re both single, invite her on a date using a TDL and use the word “date” to signal your intent. 

TDL = Time. Date. Location.

The way you ask her out is crucial in defining the trajectory of your relationship.

If you ask her out with friends or to merely hang out in the future (e.g. “Wanna go out sometime?”) your relationship will go nowhere.

To change the dynamic you’ll need to put yourself out there.

Use a TDL when asking her out so she knows you’re for real.

Asking her out to a concrete and tangible dating activity will give her something she can see, feel, digest, and ultimately decide on.

When asking her out, make sure you ask her on a date that accomplishes the following:

— Is close to her house or place of work (the less out of the way the better your chances of scoring a first date are)

— Is an activity that she’s super into (maybe that’s going to the dog park, hitting a brewery, or watching the sunset with a glass of wine in hand)

— Has a defined time and date

When asking a woman out that you already know, I’d normally say that doing so over the phone is just fine, however, a delicate situation such as this calls for a more face-to-face interaction.

She may be taken aback by your request and have a few questions for you. So that she can quickly and seamlessly understand the situation it’s better to ask her out in person.

Explain to her that you think you two would really get along and that you see potential to be more than friends. If this makes things a bit odd, you’re sorry but wouldn’t be able to forgive yourself if you didn’t take a chance.

Should she turn you down, it’ll be much easier to put out any flames than if you waited to either see her in person or merely texted her over the phone.

But before I get ahead of myself let’s talk about step 4.

Step 4: She Says No

Hopefully, you’ll never get to this step. Hopefully, she says yes, you levitate, and you fly right over step 4.

But in the case that she’s not into it you should plan for the worst.

Should she say no, your gut response will be to tell her that’s cool, no big deal. While this might make things less awkward in the moment, it’s not genuine and could lead to pain later on.

Don’t be afraid to express your disappointment.

Rather than saying “oh that’s cool” tell her what you really think.

This is a powerful move to compel a woman to want to make you feel better.

Women are naturally nurturing creatures and can’t stand to think we’ve hurt someone’s feelings. Expressing disappointment can make her want to make it up to you but it’s also just super attractive when a man expresses himself to a woman.

You can then say something clever like, “damn, the friendzone got me” to lighten the mood but don’t act like you don’t care when you do.

When expressing yourself, remember to be respectful. That means hearing her out and knowing when to shut up and walk away. You can protest, but do so once before ending the conversation. Tell her why you two could work out. Play out the ideal scenario you have in your head and try to have her see things from your end.

When in doubt, offer her a deal she can’t refuse.

Ask her to coffee or something minor that won’t take much time or effort. Tell her if she’s not into it, fine, you won’t ever ask her out again and that you can go back to being friends.

Whatever happens, just make sure that things don’t go sour.

Things Might Go Sour

Let’s wrap up this article with a story from Reyna.

She thought her dreams came true when a friend of hers finally told her that he was into her. But things weren’t as promising as they appeared.

“One of my best friends asked me out after years of knowing each other. He had just ended a relationship. And he leaned a lot on me for his grief but one day at a meal after a few drinks he told me: “Reyna I fell in love with you” to which I showed surprise.

I was single and I gave it a chance but hey, my experience was not that pleasant.

A good friend is not the same as a good boyfriend. He was handsome yes, I trusted him too but it was an event that I would never repeat. I lost a friend and after a few months I won a dramatic ex-boyfriend.”

This is the dark side of asking out your friend.

Sure you might gain the love of your life but you may also lose a best friend.

Consider both negative and positive consequences before asking her out.

What Now?

Now it’s time to execute the plan!

Or is it?

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