Do you ever truly wonder how to ask a girl out for a drink? If you do, I’m giving you extra points… because most guys don’t. Too often, when new clients tell me their current dating strategy, it starts with them just saying something like:

“Hey, we should hang out sometime.”

And then, they wait.

There are so many problems with that, I can’t even tell you. (OK, I will in just a bit.) For now, I’ll just say that this definitely isn’t how to ask a girl out for a drink. 

You can’t hesitate or seem unclear when you ask a woman out. This is the time you need to show your confidence if you’re going to win her over. Remember, if she’s a high-value woman, lots of other men want to ask her out too. So, the battle starts right here. Who has the guts to actually ask her? And which guy will seem the most attractive?

Let’s think about that. First, if you ask her out indirectly (as in, “we should hang out sometime”) that’s not really asking. There’s a good chance she won’t even answer. Or, even if she does, your request was so wishy-washy that it prompts HER to take the lead, making you look less confident… and way less attractive. So you’ve just lost the battle on both counts.

As a dating coach, I help men solve this dilemma every day. Lots of them prefer the laidback, “we should hang out sometime” approach because they don’t want to come across too strong. Others are just more comfortable texting an indirect request like that and hoping she responds, rather than truly asking and risking rejection.

That’s not the way to go. In my line of work, I’m determined to help you solve this — which is why, after conducting my 100-date experiment several years ago and building a thriving coaching business, I came up with my own strategy for asking women out. It’s been tried and tested on countless clients… and it works. 

Are you ready to find out how to ask a girl out for a drink for real? Use this system and you’ll find success. Below, I’ll explain my dating blueprint — i.e., a set of rules for setting up your first three dates in order to make her fall for you. Then, when you ask for that first date, you need to make it compelling. 

Ready to take notes?

Your 3-Date Blueprint

Obviously, you haven’t even asked this woman out yet — but if she turns out to be cool, you want to set things up for success. By “success,” I’m going to assume that you’d want her to fall for you, and hopefully enjoy intimacy sooner than later. Right? OK, fair enough.

Here’s the overall blueprint, and then I’ll break it down.

First date

Spend no more than $10. Your goal on the first date is to get to know her while establishing trust and rapport.

Second date

Spend no money. Instead, do something outdoors and/or active, like a bike ride or hike. Your goal on this date is to increase the sexual tension between you.

Third date

Spend enough to take her to a nice dinner. Your goal on the third date is to create a romantic experience for her, and possibly more.

Notice, first of all, that you’re not spending much money until the third date. There’s a reason for this. Spending extra cash on a woman who a) you’re not sure about, and b) may not be worth the investment is a waste. 

Dates #1 and 2 are designed for you to figure out who you really want to spend your money on. While you might think this one’s worth it, wouldn’t you rather know for sure before you drop tons of cash?

You also don’t want to give her the impression that you’re desperate or that she’s more valuable than you. Spending a lot of money on her in the beginning can make you seem insecure, like you need to buy her.

On those first two dates, you also want to focus on getting her to trust and like you. Asking interesting first date questions that reveal more about her will help you do this. Doing something active together (on the second date) also helps because it will give you more opportunities to get physically closer. 

Now that you understand what you’re trying to achieve with the first date and how it fits into a bigger plan, let’s move on to the main question of how to ask a girl out for a drink.

How to Ask a Girl Out for a Drink: First Date Tips

Your first date with anyone should be no longer than one hour. Why? For the same reason you don’t want to spend more than $10: She may not be worth it.

Since almost 40 percent of hetero couples meet online these days, chances are, you barely know her. Even if you think you know her somewhat, you may be surprised. So before you even ask her out, decide on a time limit. One hour is enough.

Buying her a drink somewhere during happy hour is the perfect choice for a first date. You won’t spend more than $10 that way, and you’ll be out of there by the one-hour mark.

Keeping all that in mind, do your homework and find a “happy hour” location — meaning, a bar that has an advertised happy hour. That way you’ll definitely know the drinks will be discounted. You don’t want to ask her to a place that seems cool but then costs $12 a cocktail.

Since this will be a happy hour date, you’ll need to ask her out during the week. As far as weeknights go, I’d suggest Wednesday. She’s less likely to have plans in the middle of the week, and won’t be mentally comparing her date with you to other things she could have done on her Thursday or Friday night. She’ll also be fully in the swing of her workweek, so she won’t be dragged down with those Monday (or Tuesday) blues.

Finally, when thinking about how to ask a girl out for a drink, you might want to have a time constraint ready to throw out once you get there. This could be something like, “Just a heads up, I’m meeting up with some friends in about an hour.” Believe me, that’ll serve you in many ways. 

At this point, you might be wondering, “So how do I actually ask her?” 

How to Ask a Girl Out for a Drink: Use a TDL 

When you decide to ask a girl out for a drink, give her a TDL (meaning time, date, and location). Remember our “we should hang out sometime” example? That’s way too vague. Instead, let her know exactly when you want to take her out, and where. 

When you’re specific, she has to answer you. A lot of times, she actually can’t answer you because you didn’t give her any information. When someone says “we should hang out,” it almost comes off as a statement. What is there for her to say?

A TDL will also help you to overcome her objections more easily. Since she’s forced to answer you with a yes or no, she’ll likely want to explain her answer — especially if it’s no. She might say that a particular night doesn’t work for her or that she’s not interested in that place. 

Once you get this information, you can use it to tweak your date idea and try again. You’ll be able to propose a different day/time/place and see what happens.

Finally, when giving her a TDL, make sure your date idea is compelling. Even though it’s just a happy hour, you want to pitch it like it’s a once-in-a-lifetime experience. 

That means you’ll need to pick a happy hour location that has something unique about it — maybe the building is historic or the place has a fun theme. Ask yourself: What’s a place she’d she want to tell her friends about? 

Again, it doesn’t have to be somewhere expensive. It just needs to have a story. Finding this info isn’t as hard as it sounds. Use Yelp or ask friends. 

Once you choose your location, it’s time to put it all together and ask her.

How to Ask a Girl Out for a Drink: 5 TDL Examples

The best way for me to explain how to ask a girl out for a drink is to show you. Here are five examples you can use. Swap out your actual time, date, and location, of course — but notice the formula used in each one. They’re designed to appeal to her interests and compel her to say yes or no to a specific request.

1. If She Says She Likes Whiskey

“Blanton’s Whiskey is throwing a promo event at the brand new Downtown Whiskey Lounge. They’re giving away Blanton’s bottle toppers, and I just need one more to complete my set. Wanna meet there Saturday at 1 pm, first date style? 

2. If She Says She Likes Bacon

“Ever have a Bacon Cherry Creek cocktail?” Wait for her to respond. Then say, “It’s a once-in-a-lifetime cocktail experience. The Brickyard, over on 1st street, infuses their cocktails with the best cuts of bacon.” You want to meet up for a date — say 4 pm this Saturday?” 

3. If She Says She Likes Cosmos

Ask her, “Have you ever tried the mandarin orange cosmo at The View?” Wait for her to respond or for 48 hours to pass. Then tell her what’s great about it. “It’s supposedly the best cosmo in SF. I’m going to be there Thursday at 7 pm. Wanna be my date?”

4. If She Says She Likes Tequila

“Have you been to Azucar Lounge?” Wait for her response or for 48 hours to pass. Then, explain. “They make this special drink called a Cazuelas and it’s served with a Mexican skull. It’s epic. I’m going to be there Saturday at 7 pm. Wanna join me?”

5. If She Says She Likes Alcoholic Coffee Drinks

“Have you ever had an Irish Coffee over at Buena Vista in Fisherman’s Wharf?” Hopefully, she says no. Then you say, “You’re missing out. This place has been around since 1952, it’s always packed, and known for originating the drink. Let’s meet there on Saturday at 3 pm…” 

How to Ask a Girl Out for a Drink: Conclusion

Bottom line, if you’re trying to figure out how to ask a girl out for a drink, the first rule is that you actually ASK. No vague proposals or what-ifs. Come up with a compelling date idea, set aside a date and time, and then present it to her. 

There is no magic to it — you’ll just be one of the more confident guys who has the guts to be direct. This makes you so much more attractive, but not only that, you’ll get an answer right away. You won’t spend days wondering if she’ll text you or hoping she brings it up. Whether it’s good news or bad news, you’ll either go on a date, or you’ll move on.

This is the kind of confidence that you get from MegaDating, by the way. When you MegaDate, you approach multiple women at the same time and constantly ask them out. Once you make this your dating lifestyle, you won’t stress so much about how to ask a girl out for a drink because you’re talking to several at once. If you get it wrong with one, you’ll make it up with the next. And chances are, you’ll get more dates that way, which helps you realize your value. 

I teach the art of MegaDating in-depth in my coaching practice, as well as how to ask women out in the most compelling way. If you could use one-on-one feedback and guidance, feel free to book a session with me. We can assess your dating life together and decide if my 3-month Signature program can help you achieve your goals.