Have you ever gone out with someone who after a second date went outside your home, threw a boombox over their head and started blasting Peter Gabriel, Say Anything style?

If so, you my friend may be a victim of love bombing.

Love bombing has been around ever since Cupid shot his first arrow.

According to Doctor Chitra Raghavan, professor of psychology at John Jay, love bombing is when, “One partner, typically male but not exclusively, showers the other person with attention, affection, compliments, flattery, and essentially creates this context where she feels like she’s met her soul mate and it’s effortless.”

Sounds a little needy, but kinda romantic as well right?

Well, it turns out love bombing has a dark side.

Professor Raghavan goes on to say, “The reality is, the person who is doing the love bombing is creating or manipulating the environment to look like he’s the perfect or she’s the perfect mate.”

What Is Love Bombing

Love bombing is an unhealthy manifestation of romantic feelings. It’s when you inundate a romantic interest with gestures of affection in an attempt to quickly win over their affection.

Think of sending dozens of roses to her office even though you’ve only met twice, or having her buy you courtside tickets despite only seeing her a few times.

At first you may think this is the person of your dreams — and why not? We’re often attracted to people that are attracted to us. Not only this but this person must be so freakin’ nice to spend big on you so early on in a relationship.

Look, being showered with love feels amazing, especially during an epoch when Americans are lonelier than ever.

But the reality is that these grandiose acts could make the connection look more magical than it really is. When someone treats us super nice we’re willing to overlook the many ways we’re not compatible with them. It may also be a sign that the person we’re dating isn’t emotionally stable.

I mean what kind of person hires a mariachi band to sing to you during work hours after going on just a few dates?

This may be a sign of an unhealthy attachment style.

But you know what, it’s easy to turn on the blinders when you are being love bombed (or when you’re the culprit). To make things a bit more clear, let’s talk about the tell-tale signs of a love bomber.

Love Bombing Signs

Some love bombing signs are more obvious than others. And some love bombing signs are more loving than others.

To make sure you can identify a love bomber before they blow up your heart, let’s have a look at common love bombing behavior.

Excessive Flattery and Grandiose Statements

Dr. Raghavan says it can be difficult to distinguish between initial attraction and love bombing, “If someone pays you the attention and is generally present during a first date that generally signals interest. But then there’s also someone that pays you interest in such a way that you’re consumed by it.”

There’s paying attention to you on a first date, asking follow-up questions, and showing interest. That’s all fine and dandy, and most importantly healthy. Then there’s telling someone you’re their soul mate, repeatedly saying how similar you two are, telling them time and time again you’re so happy you met and that you feel like you’ve known them forever.

Falling in love, at first sight, isn’t a real thing, well I mean it is, it’s a red flag.

Social Isolation

Are they hitting you up every day or the week?

If you were to look at their calendar would it just have your name scribbled all over every page?

Don’t get me wrong, this is super flattering that they want to spend all their time with you, but it’s also a bit unhealthy. It’s unhealthy to put all your emotional eggs in one basket and lean on someone fully for all your emotional needs. This is the case for a long-term relationship and certainly for a new one.

A byproduct of spending all your time with this new person is that your other relationships will thirst for your affection. Your friends and family need some tender love and care as well. Never neglect your buddies and fam for a new flame.

Santa Delivers Year Round

We all love gifts, especially when it’s not our birthday.

But gifting things early on in a relationship is odd.

It’s almost like skipping a step.

First, you get coffee, then dinner, then kiss, etc. etc.

Receiving a gift before you even swap spit is backward. Their intention is clearly to sweep you off your feet.

And according to our love doctor that’s a tactic, “Constant attention, flattery, seduction, gifts, make it hard to process that you’re overwhelmed. And when you’re overwhelmed, you don’t see the danger.”

It can be difficult to identify these red flags while in the midst of a love blitz. That’s why it’s important to take a step back and assess how you’re feeling in every new relationship. Even if you’re dying to see this person ask why that’s the case. Is it because they’re just so amazing or do they just stroke your ego, or are you just lonely?

Knowing how you feel will make how you decide to progress the relationship easier.

Are You Love Bombing?

Let’s put your behavior under the spotlight for a second.

Be honest with me.

Have you ever love bombed?

Have you ever inundated someone with affection early on in the relationship acting like a little boy in love for the first time?

Most men can raise their hands when asked this question.

Look, I know, women are awesome. It’s easy to get carried away. But realize that love bombing isn’t going to help you create a healthy long-term relationship.

And that’s what we all want in the end, isn’t it?

Overwhelming a new flame with affection is a quick way to put out that fledgling flame.

So how can you avoid love bombing or being love bombed yourself?

How To Avoid Being Love Bombed And Love Bombing

What is love bombing if not a way to gratify everyone’s need of being appreciated by another human?

That’s what makes it so intoxicating.

So how can you make this affection potion less potent?

Let me introduce MegaDating.

MegaDating is emlovz’s dating philosophy.

Ya see we’re all about finding you the best match quickly.

The best way to do that is by dating around, trying new flavors, and figuring out who you’re most into.

We teach our students a proactive dating approach that sees them go on various dates every week. The more women you date the better the odds you’ll meet someone you’re super attracted to and that you vibe with on a deep level.

But how will this help with love bombing?

Far too often men get what we call oneitis.

They finally score a date after a dry spell of months if not years and immediately fall for the woman. It isn’t like you have some super strong connection with this person, rather you’re just so stoked to finally be looked at lovingly by a woman that you fall for the first woman that shows any sign of interest.

This is what happens when men don’t date for a while and develop a scarcity bias.

When you finally do score that date you’re likely to shower this person with affection. You’re also more susceptible to love bombing.

Either way you’re screwed, and not in a good way.

That’s why MegaDating is your key to salvation. But how exactly are you supposed to score so many dates?

MegaDating: How It Works

Just wanting to date around isn’t enough. You’re going to have to invest in meeting people.

That means tapping various social networks to meet new women.

Here are a few we’ll teach you to tap in our program:

• Friend network, getting set up by friends
• At work
• The gym
• Dating apps
• Parties
• Meetups
• Facebook groups
• Via our legacy matchmaking outreach strategy

There are a billion and one ways to meet women.

Determine the best places to look by examining your interests and the type of woman you want to meet. 

Let’s say you love hiking, drinking red wine, and comics. I’d recommend meeting women via Meetup hiking groups, at wine tastings, and comic-cons. This is a simplified version of how we teach men to identify places to meet women in our program, Dating Decoded.

Once you’ve got a few dates lined up, how should you go about planning them?

In our program, we teach a three-date strategy.

For first dates you’ll want to go on a brief date (less than one hour) that costs less than $20.

Second dates should be free and active.

If she’s lucky enough to make it to a third date, spend large. Go to that fancy restaurant, see a show, and show her you’re into her.

The reason first and second dates are relatively short and cheap is because if you’re dating around so much you don’t want to spend large or half an afternoon on a woman you may never see again.

A first date with a stranger should be an introductory date. You get your feet wet then you get out.

If you’d like to learn more about MegaDating and how it can help you with love bombing book a 1-on-1 call with us via Zoom. During this call we’ll talk about your romantic goals and see if we can help you achieve them.

If you’d like to know what our students are saying about us check out our reviews.