We all want someone that commands attention.

Someone who makes everyone turn and take note when they enter a room.

But it’s these exact people that often have glaring red flags that we overlook. We may mischaracterize their negative features by claiming they’re just charismatic or they just have a lot to say.

Despite the excuses we make for our new flame, the reality might well be that they’re just a narcissist.

Their personality is gilded with bravado and glimmer but on the inside, they’re selfish and low on self-esteem.

Identifying these traits sooner than later allows you to ditch that relationship and begin to invest in someone more worthy of your affection.

I know recognizing the signs you’re dating a narcissist isn’t easy.

To begin to identify them you must do two things.

One is first to understand the most telling signs.

Secondly, you must date around.

You can read about signs you’re dating a narcissist all day long but until you see them up close and personal you’ll mistake red flags for charm.

Signs You’re Dating A Narcissist

To be clear, no single sign can be used to identify a narcissist. 

Just because they’re a little selfish or a tad vain doesn’t mean a psychologist would deem them to be a narcissist. Yet at the same time, just because they aren’t a full-blown narcissist doesn’t mean their actions aren’t harmful or that you should tolerate them.

If you’re using this article to help determine whether you should break up with someone, you’re using this guide incorrectly.

Rather than help you with your current situation it’s meant to quickly identify narcissists so you can get away from them. If you’re already not feeling the woman you’re dating move on to the next one. Narcissist or otherwise you’re not into it and that’s fine.

That being said, if you can identify a few of the following traits in your new boo-thang it might be time to move on.

1) She Hogs The Mic

Does she rarely ask you questions preferring to talk incessantly about her misadventures?

If so it’s because she loves the limelight too much to allow it to shine on someone else.

She doesn’t value your words, respect your experience, or even want to know what you’re into.

This is because she’s a black hole. 

Narcissists are black holes because they try to suck in everything around them and offer nothing in exchange.

Those with a narcissistic personality disorder have an inflated sense of worth. Even if they’ve never accomplished anything worth boasting about they’ll embellish stories so they feel like kings and queens.

Most often this will manifest itself in two ways.

One is by constantly talking about oneself. 

The other is by never engaging or initiating the conversation.  

But hey, even if this person isn’t a narcissist, having your date never ask you questions is a major red flag. It means she straight-up doesn’t care to learn about you. She’s not interested or she’s too vain to care about another person.

Duh Tip:

Don’t waste energy on people that are too self-involved to care about anyone else.

2) They Need Compliments Like Your Dying Tomatoes Need Light

Narcissists are blood-sucking vampires. But instead of human blood they feed on the compliments of super empathetic, people pleasers.

As you know narcissists have about as much self-esteem as a 13-yr-old with an average of 10 views on TikTok.

These people will gravitate toward those that willingly give out compliments. What little affection they have to offer they’ll give to those that inundate them with compliments. Narcissists are short on confidence and thus are in constant need of someone to uplift them.

If they aren’t getting this approval they’ll go fishing. They’ll embellish stories so you compliment them and will even ask for approval.

In addition to fishing for props, they’ll also uplift themselves by putting others down.

A favorite NPD pastime is to throw shade. Narcissists love demeaning others because it makes them feel superior. If you’ll notice someone that has high enough self-esteem isn’t really into putting others down.

3) Signs You’re Dating A Narcissist: Apathy

At some point, you almost feel bad for these people.

How inhuman is it to be not able to empathize with others. To not put yourself in their shoes and understand their life. What a small world these ego-centrists must live in, no?

Have you recently went out with a woman and she can’t seem to empathize with you at all?

Despite your bad day, work issue, flat tire, or even positives like onboarding a new client or learning a new song on the piano, she can’t seem to understand how you feel.

When you share your feelings she doesn’t offer much of a response. As humans, we need partners that care about how we feel. But narcissists lack the capacity to feel for others.

What Exactly Is A Narcissist?

People throw this word out a lot.

Whenever we encounter a selfish person or co-worker we’re quick to label them a narcissist. But this term is actually a medical one reserved for people with severe emotional issues.

Someone who has NPD or narcissist personality disorder usually exhibits a number of the following behaviors as detailed by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5):

• Dreams of grandeur
• Thirst for high status things
• Need for constant self-assurance by way of compliments or flattery
• Entitled
• Lack of empathy
• Envy
• Things they are superior to others

Of course, this personality disorder isn’t one-size-fits-all. Narcissists can be found on a spectrum. While some are sociable and relatable others are anything but.

It can even be difficult for a psychologist to identify a narcissist so don’t be disappointed when you struggle to do so.

To further help you identify someone with this personality let’s get back to identifying signs you’re dating a narcissist.

4) No Close Friends

It should always be a red flag when someone is lacking close relationships. Humans are designed to be social and to build strong bonds. If someone is 20+ and still doesn’t have at least a pair of close friends something is off with them.

Sure maybe they don’t have NPD but surely something else is hindering their ability to build close relationships.

Whatever it is perhaps it’s best if you don’t wait around long enough to find out what it is.

Narcissists struggle to build close friendships because they can’t give people what they need most. They don’t listen, are selfish, vain, insecure, and tend to treat others poorly. They have all the traits you’d associate with the antithesis of an ideal partner.

5) They’re Mean

Remember what we said previously?

That those with NPD demean others to improve their self-esteem. It’s a quick and easy technique that narcissist after narcissist falls back on.

Well, if they demean others it’s not like they’ll make an exception for the person they’re dating. It’d be a smart idea to not put them down, but they just can’t help it, especially when you’re at your best.

They will put you down, call you names, tease you, talk trash to your friends and family, and in general make you feel like shit. Not only this, but they’ll then manipulate you and have you think it’s your fault.

A tell-tale sign is when you just did something worth congratulating. You just got a promotion, made the best brownies ever, or just ran a marathon and there they are finding something to critique.

It doesn’t make sense for them to act this way, but there they are putting you down when you’re in your best moment.

6) Gaslighting

There’s subtle manipulation here and there and then there’s gaslighting.

This is emotional abuse that is a staple among narcissists.

A gaslighting narcissist will spin the truth, make you feel you’re to blame when you’re not culpable, and in general have you question reality.

You’ll question your past, your actions, if it’s your fault this horrible thing happened, etc.

Of all their negative traits this one is the most vicious.

So what might this look like on a date?

Well she may make you feel bad about something you did during the date. Maybe you were a few minutes late, asked to split the check, or didn’t compliment her enough. While these are minor points for others, for her they’re everything.

She’ll make you apologize often, admit you’re wrong when you’re not to blame, and have you feeling super anxious and doubting your every move. 

7) They Never Say Sorry

And why would they?

It’s never their fault, it’s always yours.

They could have forgotten to make the reservation, to have put gas in the car, or to have packed the wine, but you’re still somehow to blame.

Admitting a fault would be too self-aware for them.

One sign you’re dating a narcissist is if they arrive late or check their phones but refuse to ever say sorry. 

Ask yourself, would you have apologized if you were in that position?

Refusing to even apologize for the small things is a sign that something about their character is off.

8) They Want You Back

Show any indication that you’re not interested or that you want to stop dating and likely they’ll get pretty pissed.

They must be loved.

Narcissists need more love and attention than the Greek gods. 

When you reject them or try to back away from the relationship they will first lash out. But after this initial backlash, they may try to cozy up again. Maybe they only want your affection again so they can crush you on their own terms. Whatever the case may be they need your affection because of their personality.

What Now?

Now that you’re armed with your list of narcissist traits it’s time to put them to work.

Of course, your goal isn’t to date narcissists, but if you find yourself attracted to narcissistic personalities, knowing these traits and identifying them will help you invest in the right kind of people.

To get out there and identify the right kind of woman, I recommend enrolling in our coaching program.

The first step is to finding a long term relationship with a woman you’re super excited about is to MegaDate.

MegaDating involves going out with various women at once.

Doing so will expose you to a wealth of personalities so you can refine the type of woman you want to date most.

It also helps you avoid settling for someone that may have narcissistic tendencies.

To get started, get in touch with our me or a member of my team by booking a one-on-one Zoom call.

During our talk we’ll discuss your dating history and romantic goals. From there we’ll help you determine if our program, Dating Decoded is right for you.

If you want to learn more about our program just check out our reviews.