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How Long Should I Wait To Message Her Back on a Dating App

How Long Should I Wait To Message Her Back on a Dating App

How Long Should I Wait To Message Her Back on a Dating App

There are some questions we may never have the answers to.

We may never know the meaning of life, if there really is a god, or what color that dress is.

But these are all questions for another day.

What we really want to get to the bottom of is one of the most asked questions men single men have.

How long should I wait to message her back on a dating app?

With the popularity of online dating ever on the rise, many a client of mine has posed this question.

Online dating is now by far the most popular way to meet women online.

best dating coaches in denver

But with this new medium comes all sorts of questions.

My clients are always asking me:

  • How do I flirt online?
  • At what point should I ask her out?
  • What’s the perfect first date idea?
  • How do I create an awesome profile?
  • How do I manage the relationship in between the first and second date.

These are all questions I tackle in-depth via my program, Dating Decoded.

But today we’ll be answering the question of how long should you wait before messaging her back on a dating app. In the latter portion of this article, we’ll also address the question of how long should I wait to text her back after you’ve received her phone number.

How Long Should I wait To Message Her Back On A Dating App?

Playing games blows.

Rather than try and figure out how long you should wait to message her back, what I recommend you do instead is create a 30-min calendar invite daily for messaging and responding to messages on dating apps.

Then turn off all notifications on your dating apps so you don’t become a slave to responding but rather, respond when you want to.

This puts you in control of your messaging (and love life) so you’re not over-thinking when to respond or worrying that you waited too long or responded too fast.

Take the pressure off and put yourself in the driver’s seat.

That said, respond daily if you can.

If you don’t respond for a long time, she might block you because she feels rejected but ultimately I wouldn’t overthink it. Time doesn’t really exist on the apps anyway so don’t stress yourself out on when to respond, just create a daily process so you can fill up your dating funnel with consistent dates by messaging and responding daily.

However, there is an exception.

The Exception

I fully advocate not becoming a slave to your phone.

But sometimes that rule can be broken.

Allow me to elaborate.

John and Jane were new to the Tinder game and decided to download the app and get to swiping at the same time.

After a 24-hour period, these were their results.

how long should i wait to message her back on a dating site

These are the stats.


Matches — 0

Likes — 25+


Matches — 32

Likes — 2,122

Jane illustrates the lopsided gender ratio facing Tinder where there are 9 men for every 1 woman. But it isn’t just Tinder that has such a ratio, every dating app is dominated by men.

Not only does Jane has an inordinate amount of matches, but she also has dozens of messages.

So here’s my advice.

If you happen to be on the app after having received a response from a female, message her immediately!

The overwhelming amount of messages she receives means that if she checks her dating app 24 hours after you send her a message, it’s likely that other men will have sent her messages too, thus pushing your message down the queue and decreasing the odds that she’ll respond or even see your message.

Should you be lucky enough to catch her while she’s online, keep the conversation going and ask for her number ASAP.

Luckily you need only send a few messages before you can ask for her number.

What To Message

The waiting period is important and all but what’s much more important is knowing what to message her.

Here are a few tips to keep in mind.

  • Use her name
  • Let her profile inform what you write
  • Revolve the conversation around what she’s into
  • Ask questions
  • Get in and get out

Most importantly always remember to ask her questions. 

Avoid oversharing about yourself or sending her cliche messages such as, “hey” “how was your day” or “you’re sexy.”

Be different.

Read her profile and ask her a question about something you found interesting.

Lastly, remember that you can’t date within the app. 

The dating only takes place after you’ve asked for her number and have set up the first date.

After a few exchanges segue into using a TDL to ask her out.

Now that you’ve asked her for her number or on a date, you have a whole other problem to worry about.

How Long Should I Wait To Text Her Back? 

You two got your flirt on, bonded, and you asked for her number.

You’re doing well — but wait, that initial question has popped up again.

How long should you wait to text her?

First things first, when you get her number, only use that moving forward.

She doesn’t just give her number out to anybody. You’re moving up the ranks in her mind. Don’t go backward by messaging her on an app.

After you get her number, wait 1-12 hours before messaging her something like this…

“Hey Becky, Adam here — that ridiculously good-looking man you met on Hinge”

Here’s the formula you should follow:

Greeting followed by her name – Hey Becky

Your name – Adam here

Funny message/inside joke from your messages – that ridiculously looking man from Hinge/your new rock climbing partner from Hinge

Always be sure to tell her your name and how you two met — this clarifies who you are.

Including a risque or playful message increase the odds she’ll respond and makes it easy to segue into a TDL. Remember that just because she’s now saved on your phone doesn’t mean your work is over, really it’s just begun.

Now it’s time to ask her out.

When you’re 2-3 days away from the day of the date, ask her out.

That means if you want to go out with her on Thursday, ask her out on Monday or Tuesday.

Asking her out too soon makes it look like you have nothing going on in your life. But if you ask her out a week in advance it allows for the chemistry to fade away.

2-3 days is the perfect waiting period.

A day before the date is set to take place shoot her a text reminding her of your plans.

Text her something like…

Hey Jen, I can’t wait to kick some butt at bowling tomorrow. See you at 7!

A concise, yet playful reminder is the perfect pre-date text.

It not only reminds her of your date and reconfirms, but also gets her excited (and shows her that you didn’t forget).

How Long Should I Wait To Text Back In General?

You don’t want to play games. 

Playing games only complicates an already tense situation.

What’s best is if you naturally don’t pay too close attention to your phone.

What’s best is turning it off, putting it on do not disturb mode, leaving it in another room, or being so enrapt by another activity you just can’t be bothered to check your phone.

Granted, this is difficult.

If anything I’d say wait at least a few minutes here and there before responding. The image of a man or woman waiting by their phone at all hours of the day is a turn-off.

She wants to believe you have a highly complex, interesting life that requires you to not have access to your phone for long period of time (or at the very least a few minutes).

Another tip is to turn off all notifications and check your phone just once or twice an hour.

This gives you full control over your dating life because you respond when you want to.


You might feel the need to respond immediately because this woman is the only romantic prospect on your radar.

You have all your eggs in one basket.

Don’t fully rely on any one woman while dating around for all your romantic hopes and dreams.

Avoid putting her on a pedestal by MegaDating.

MegaDating is the act of dating around.

Dating various women at once allows you to refine your dating skills, quickly find a woman you’re compatible with, and of course not get hung up on any single woman.

MegaDating is the main pillar that informs my coaching program, Dating Decoded.

In my program, you’ll learn the ins and outs of MegaDating.

We’ll teach you how to meet women online, how to create the perfect dating profile, how to court women IRL and online, and how to create a successful first three-date blueprint.

To learn more about our program book a 1-on-1 Zoom call with me or a member of my team.

During this call we’ll talk about your dating history, romantic goals, and will help you determine if Dating Decoded is right for you.

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