While you may be quick to assume that women only get turned on in the bedroom, that is actually far from the truth. Yes, there are lots of things you can do to turn a woman on during intimacy, but most of what really turns a woman on happens outside of the bedroom.

Along with the physical, women want to be stimulated intellectually and emotionally. So let’s examine the top 20 biggest turn ons for women, along with some insights into why women find these things so appealing.

Biggest Turn Ons for Women

#1: Use a TDL

What is a TDL, you ask? A TDL is a call-to-action that gives a woman the information she needs to say “yes” or “no” to your date invitation. Broken down, a TDL represents:

• Time: This is the exact time of day that the date will begin.
• Date: This is the day of the week that the date will take place.
• Location: This is the location where the date will take place.

Seems simple, right? The thing is, men seldom think this through when planning a date.

Women have gotten way too used to men passively asking for a date with a “let’s hang out sometime” text.

When you don’t have a compelling date idea already ready to go, it’s unlikely that the date will ever materialize.

When a man asks for a date without using a TDL, it forces the woman into her masculine energy, which puts him into his passive feminine energy. This kills sexual tension and causes her to become less attracted.

Using a TDL puts you into a leadership position and is a major turn on for a woman.

#2: Craft Compelling Date Ideas

What makes a date compelling? A compelling date is one that touches on a woman’s interests while also introducing her to a new experience.

For example, if you are inviting a woman on a date who loves chocolate, search for events involving chocolate. This could include a chocolate tour, a wine, chocolate, and cheese event, a bakery taste test, or a blind chocolate tasting.

If you live in San Francisco like I used to, I highly recommend taking a girl to split a sundae with you at Ghiradelli Square, touring Dandelion Chocolates, or hitting the chocolate shop at Fisherman’s Wharf.

#3: Facilitate Meaningful Conversations

Asking surface-level questions, being too in-your-head, and not knowing how to tell an engaging story will reduce your likelihood of getting second dates. But knowing how to ask deep and meaningful questions, develop exceptional presence, and become an excellent storyteller will set you apart from other men and win you many second and third dates with women you’re excited about.

We teach these skills in our coaching program, Dating Decoded and even offer live conversation and storytelling training with female coaches on our team. Our mock dates also help to provide our students with targeted feedback on how they can improve their conversation, flirting, and sexual escalation skills.

#4: Get Active

Exercise releases a ton of feel-good hormones known as “endorphins,” which inspire a sense of happiness and wellbeing.

Choose physical dates to increase chemistry and turn a woman on. Active dates allow you to naturally break the touch barrier with a woman since you will likely be helping her up or performing an activity that requires some form of touching.

Being physical during a date also takes care of lulls in conversation since you will both be engaged in the activity.

Some active date ideas include:

• Hiking
• Biking
• Bowling
• Indoor rock climbing
• Roller skating
• Beach volleyball
• Long walk on the beach or walk in the park
• Ziplining
• Go-kart racing
• Mini-golf

#5: Plan Dates That Scare You

So you can turn a woman on by scaring her? Well, when it comes to raising her adrenaline in a safe environment, yes.

Think about it: Why do people love going to haunted houses and seeing scary movies? Fear stimulates reward centers in your brain that create a natural high. Consider visiting a haunted house or doing a walking ghost tour. Taking a ride on a roller-coaster or ziplining is also a great way to get the juices flowing.

#6: Dress to Impress

Get a new outfit that makes you feel sexy. Women notice and respond to men that have good style. If you’re lost when it comes to picking out a good outfit, here’s one that is basically fail proof:

• A fitted Henley shirt
• A nice pair of jeans
• Converse shoes

If you’re going to go out somewhere super fancy, having a really nice, flattering, well-fitted suit is something that will knock her socks off. A tailor can help you find the perfect fit if going all out with a suit seems intimidating.

#7: Smile

The simple act of smiling can ease stress and increase confidence. It’s also the most universally attractive thing you can do. Smiling and making eye contact shows a woman that you are safe and trustworthy and someone she can open up to and be herself with.

Moreover, when a woman smiles back at you, it eases her nerves and helps her to relax and open-up to you.

Women love men who are confident and smiling is the fastest way to exude this self-assuredness and make you appear more attractive.

#8: Practice Strong Eye Contact

No matter how nervous you are when talking to a woman — DO NOT LOOK AWAY.

Maintaining good eye contact is one of the biggest turns ons for women because it shows us that you are present and engaged. When you look away, it makes us feel like we can’t trust you.

Maintaining eye contact is one simple way to increase attraction, according to Jeremy Nicholson of Psychology Today. Nicholson cites a study where participants were paired up, with some being instructed to stare deeply into each other’s eyes. Results indicated that those who maintained a long gaze developed stronger sexual attraction than those who did not.

#9: Be On Time

There are few things as annoying as waiting…and waiting…and waiting…for someone to show up at the time that they said they would be there.

When you show up late for a date, your actions demonstrate to a woman that she is not a priority. It also shows that you are not a man of your word. And this means that she cannot trust you.

Trust is the foundation of all healthy relationships. When you fail to do what you said you would do, you become untrustworthy and unreliable in her mind. Two characteristics no one wants in a partner, and especially not a high-value woman who can have whomever she wants.

If you want a girl to stick with you and keep her libido high, be on time for things.

#10: Do What You Said You Were Going to Do

Did you tell her you would call her on Wednesday to set up the date? Great. Make sure that you actually do that. 

Women want a man they can count on, which is why dependability is actually one of the biggest turn ons for girls.

When you say you’re going to do something and then actually do it, it builds trust. And trust is the key to a healthy, happy, and loving relationship that lasts, which is also the goal of the emlovz coaching program, Dating Decoded. #8: Be Chivalrous

In these progressive times, chivalry has become a tricky thing to navigate. Some people think of chivalry as an archaic term that encourages men to treat women like damsels in distress. But in reality, chivalry is not about insulting a woman’s strength or believing that all women need to be rescued.

Chivalry is simply about respect and consideration for your partner. You can be strong and chivalrous while also respecting a woman’s independence.

Open the door for her and pull out her chair. These are little things that a lot of guys don’t do anymore that will make you stand out.

Other ways you can be chivalrous is by crafting compelling date ideas and being an awesome planner when it comes to dates, which brings me to the next two items on this list.

#11: Tip Your Waiter and Bartender

Bad tippers will make a woman want to run like you wouldn’t believe. When you prove to be a good tipper and nice customer, it teaches a woman that you are more likely to be a kind and generous person in a relationship.

And if you end up getting crappy service, don’t blow up about it or act super annoyed. Bad customer service happens, but a short-tempered man is something that women consider to be a serious red flag. Keep your cool, focus on her instead of a subpar server, and move forward.

#12: Make Her Laugh

Women love a man who has a good sense of humor. When on a date, one of the biggest turn-offs for a woman is when the guy is super serious about everything. So lighten up!

An improv class is a great place to learn fun games to play on your dates. You can also use funny movie and TV quotes when it fits the situation.

Most importantly, don’t take yourself so seriously. Self-deprecating humor (as long as it doesn’t foray into masochism) is a great way to show a girl that you know how to roll with the punches.

#13: Be Vulnerable

Being vulnerable with a woman demonstrates strength and confidence. It also shows her that you’re compassionate, empathetic, open, honest, and trustworthy. When men are vulnerable, it allows women to open up more, which deepens the connection.

#14: Have a Great Group of Friends

You are the people that you surround yourself with. If you hang out with a bunch of skeezy bros who view day-drinking as an Olympic sport and treat women like objects, it’s not going to be a good look for you.

Remember that the girl you date is going to have a lot of face time with your friends. The reason that having a great group of friends counts as one of the big turn ons for girls is that it’s a reflection of you.

Having good friends says that you’re trustworthy, well-liked, and fun to be around. If you consider yourself a bit of a loner, consider joining a Meetup group or a co-ed sports league where you can expand your social network.

Taking an improv comedy class is another way to meet people and overcome social anxiety.

#15: Keep It Clean

Even if she’s not a neat freak, cleanliness is one of the biggest turn-ons for women. No one feels like getting intimate when they risk rolling over crumpled coffee cups and old packages of ramen.

If she’s uncomfortable taking her socks off, she’s not going to want to take her clothes off, my guy. Spend time vacuuming, doing the dishes and discarding any trash before having a woman over to your place.

If you’d like even more insight into exactly how to prepare your home for physical intimacy, I’ve created an entire training just for this topic in my coaching program Dating Decoded. You can learn more about that in my free MasterClass here.

And if you’re at her place, make sure that you clean up after yourself too.

#16: Whisper in Her Ear

The ear contains tons of nerve endings and is considered an erogenous zone for both men and women. Find opportunities to whisper in her ear in order to ignite a pleasurable response.

#17: Kiss Her Neck

Again, kisses don’t need to be lip-to-lip to turn a girl on. Like the ear, the neck is extremely sensitive and full of pleasurable nerve endings. Give it a try the next time you’re getting romantic with a woman.

#18: Wear Cologne

Use a splash of a sexy cologne that you feel confident wearing.

You will naturally have more swag in your step. She will respond both to your confidence and the fact that you smell damn fine. 

#19: Don’t Sleep on an Air Mattress

Air mattresses are for guests or for travel. If you still sleep on an air mattress, it’s time to grow up and buy a big boy bed.

Same thing goes for mattresses on the floor. You need to have a bed frame if you’re going to invite a woman back to your place.

Comfort is essential when it comes to setting the mood. You don’t need to shell out thousands of dollars for a fancy sleep number mattress, but you should have something suitable for yourself and someone else.

And then, once you have an adult bed, make sure you change and clean the sheets before she comes over!

#20: Have Fortitude

How well do you deal with pressure? Are you able to come through in the clutch when things go awry? Or do you hide when the going gets tough?

Women love men who have the strength of mind to overcome the sporadic ups and downs of life.

How We Can Help…

Interested in becoming your most attractive self so that you can attract your ideal partner?

emlovz offers an evidence-based coaching program for men looking to find love fast.

In the program, we teach a philosophy called MegaDating, which is the process of dating multiple women in a low-stakes environment (think coffee dates, not dinner) in order to find the most compatible, long-term relationship fast.

MegaDating helps you to diffuse your energy, increase your confidence, and avoid getting ghosted, friendzoned, or worse… settling for the wrong woman.

Dating Decoded walks students through the process of filling up their dating funnel so they can go on 1-2 dates each week, which helps them find their forever person, sometimes in as little as 6-8 weeks, but everyone is on their own timeline.

If you’re ready to have a full calendar of possible candidates and eventually find the woman of your dreams, head on over to our calendar page and book a coaching program intro call today.

During your intro call we’ll discuss your goals, the obstacles holding you back, and see if Dating Decoded is right for you.