If you can perform basic feats of logic, you know that if you succeed on your first date then you will need to put together a second one. If you have been paying attention to the overall dating advice here on EmLovz, then you know that the repeat performance needs to extend the shorter meeting and greeting format of the first date into something more extended and more physical. In this article, you’ll learn some advanced second date rules for men, plus I’m going to walk you through a second date idea that will give you a great chance of securing the very important third date.
Your goal for the second date is to build physical attraction and interest without, of course, doing something to alienate your companion. By engaging in a physical activity, you will be in close physical contact with one another, establishing that you are someone safe to be with.
By getting a little sweaty around each other, getting heart rates up, all of your systems well-oxygenated, you can create a degree of sexual attraction that you cannot recreate in some more traditional dates like a movie theater or darkened restaurant.
The question then is what sorts of things should we do for a second date? This tends to present something of a challenge. What do they mean by a physical date? What kinds of activities are appropriate? Do they mean we have to go skydiving? Do we go on a hike? Even after successfully securing dozens of first dates, and mastering the art of the third date, putting together a second date bridging the two is still a daunting task.
While not the only possible second date idea, here is one presented for you as an example. It was also recently selected as one of the 50 best San Francisco date ideas here at EmLovz. With that said, if you decide this is not for you, then find something that has similar features.
Second Date Example: The Church of 8 Wheels
Perched at the top of a hill at the corner of Fell and Fillmore in San Francisco is a large church; closed since 2004. The pews and the parishioners now gone, this is the home of the Church of 8 Wheels and your perfect, prototypical, San Francisco second date spot (even if you’re not a San Francisco resident, you can replicate this in your own home town). Although the pews are up against the walls, the ceiling remains frescoed, and the stained glass remains in place, the hardwood floor is now used for rollerskating.
Rollerskating? Yes, the same rollerskating you did during elementary and junior high school birthday parties. You put shoes on your feet, the shoes have wheels on them and you attempt to move without falling down. Women love it. The Church is crammed with women having a great time. Even if you don’t make this a second-date spot, it is well worth your time to check it out for the low key, relaxed atmosphere and the crowd, which is mostly women, rolling around in a big circle.
There are family skate sessions on Friday and Saturday afternoons and adult-only sessions on Friday and Saturday evenings. If you have absolutely no skating ability whatsoever, then you and your date can participate in the classes they offer during the Saturday afternoon “family” sessions. Taking your date to an afternoon session also allows you to extend a successful date into a longer evening. Since rollerskating will burn around 550 calories per hour you and your date will probably be pretty hungry after a couple of hours of skating.
Just a note; the crowd at the Church, during the adult skate evening sessions, is majority female and the place is worth checking out if you’re single. However, be aware that this is a friendly, low-key atmosphere, it is not geared towards generating random encounters for you and if you are there with the wrong attitude then you will not be successful. If you go solo, be respectful of the environment; be polite, ask to skate with people, don’t get an attitude if they skate away, even make some time to chat with the very mellow staff and get some pointers on your skating. Relax and have a good time.
The Cost and Bounce Idea
Skating at the Church costs $10 per person to get in, and another $5 to rent skates. If you have your own skates then by all means bring them; the rental ones tend to be a tad battered. While your second date budget can, and should exceed the cost of a coffee date, the inexpensive entrance cost will leave you some room for other things.
One of those other things that you can skate for a while, put your shoes on, and then go to one of the nearby bars on Fillmore street for a drink with your date before returning to skate some more. Your hand will be stamped at the door to make this work. The Church sells some soft drinks and candy, reminiscent of a school dance, but nothing alcoholic. Remember that you probably will need to leave your balance and physical coordination intact as much as possible. Remember also that becoming intoxicated in front of your date is going to be a huge negative and will probably torpedo your third date chances.
The Atmosphere and Some Date Tailoring Thoughts
The interior of the Church is, primarily, a big hardwood floor. There are pews lined up along the walls to stick your shoes under and you can stop and rest here as well. Do not forget where you put your shoes! The decorations are strictly junior high school dance but this is not necessarily a bad thing. The very low-fi vibe allows everyone to let their hair down a bit. The Church is kept fairly dark, with pretty low-tech strobe lights, lasers, and other disco-era classics. The lack of polish is charming and part of the experience.
Not every date has to be a flawlessly executed, expensive, production. In fact, here at EmLovz we urge you to spend less than $10 on a first date and not a single dime on a second date. See this article on some first date tips for more information. Your date may appreciate the authentic, earnest, experience over one that has been seamlessly packaged for consumption by tourists. On the other hand, if your date is of the champagne and caviar crowd, then this might not work.
The physicality of the second date is an effective filter for identifying those women who are up for physical adventure and those who want to be admired only when no hair is out of place. The sort of person you want to date is up to you but make sure that your second date is appropriately tailored to that person.
The Epic Sounds of the Church
The Church features a live DJ for your rollerskating tunes. However that statement does not do the experience justice; lots of places have music. Sound is where the building’s history as a church creates an incredible, unique, experience. As the sound leaves the speakers, it fills the vast interior of the building and then hits walls and a ceiling, complete with religious murals, that was designed for sermons and to enhance church music. What results is wave upon wave of sound crashing back into the music coming from the speakers.
You skate through a wash of echoes at the Church of 8 Wheels. What might seem like the most beautiful echoing hymn you ever heard will resolve itself into something you recognize for a few moments before you lose the thread again; you’ll be skating and thinking “I hope the DJ plays more of these Tibetan monk choirs,” when suddenly for 30 seconds it will turn into “girls just want to have fun” before dissolving into another wash of sound.
There are places on the floor where the echos are focused and the music becomes clear but as soon as you skate out of it, you are hit with another wash of sound. This is combined with the warm hum of dozens of wheels contacting the floor. The overall effect is to create an almost magical environment for you and your date without overtly reminding either of you of an elementary school skate party.
But Wait…Make Sure You Warn Your Second Date….
Before your second date, warn your companion that you will be engaging in a physical activity. Believe it or not, this is one of the most important second date rules for men. If you want to keep the rollerskating a surprise then, by all means, that is a valid tactic but make sure she is going to show up dressed for the occasion in comfortable clothes that she can move in, maybe fall down in, and does not feel out of place in.
While some women wear the very best disco finery of 1977 vintage to the Church, this actually seems to have no bearing on their skating skills and just as many women are wearing jeans or skirts with tights. The same goes for you; wear comfortable clothes that you can move in and, probably, fall down in. Some nice thick socks are an especially smart move; if you’re surprising your date then you might want to swing by the convenience store and get an extra pair of plain sports socks for her just in case. Rumor has it that the Church actually rents socks too but ask yourself if you’re really that adventurous.
Second Date Rules for Men: Skills and Embracing Your Flaws
What if you’re not any good at rollerskating? What if you fall down in front of your date? Repeatedly, spectacularly, and on your butt? Relax, and learn something about the art of the second date. The first thing to know is that at the Church of 8 Wheels, there will be people who are much more skilled than you and others who, no matter how bad you are, will be worse. The thing about the Church though is that no one cares; if you fall, people will help you up and send you on your way.
Lets say that you’re a fantastic skater who rollerblades to work every day. If this is your situation then you can spend your evening imparting some of your skills to your date as an instructor. This demonstrates not only skill, but patience and kindness. You need to slow your pace to that of your date and resist the urge to show off.
If you have the skills to skate while holding hands, or even when going backwards and facing your date then by all means do so. The slow pace of the crowd at the Church is perfect for couples skating and bad for showing off. Even if you choose another physical activity for your second date, the lesson remains the same: if your skills vastly exceed those of your date, be humble and be a kind, patient teacher.
The goal of the second date is not to establish that you’re a great roller skater or even to show that you’re in great physical shape; the point is to be engaged in close proximity to your date with everyone’s heart rate up and having fun together.
The best second date however might involve an activity where neither of you has any particular skill. Returning to the rollerskating example, you may be afraid of falling down and making a fool of yourself in front of your date. Erase that fear because that is precisely what you want to do on your second date. Demonstrating mastery of a skill is impressive but demonstrating some vulnerability is going to be very appealing to a lot of dates.
While you may feel like something of an idiot, flailing your arms to keep your balance, or even falling on your behind, rest assured that this is the perfect opportunity to show off not your abilities, because you don’t have them, but your character. If you can laugh at yourself, let your date help you to your feet, and then keep trying, you may find yourself a lot closer to that third date at the end of the night. Your legs are guaranteed to hurt for a couple of days but you will have shown your date that rather than being enchanted with yourself, and overly concerned with how others perceive you, that you’re comfortable with yourself.
Relax and Have a Good Time!
The thing to remember about the second date is not that you have to go skating. While this is a good example, there are any number of inexpensive, similar options that will get your blood flowing, a little sweat going, and keep you in close proximity to your date.
The thing to remember about the second date is that this is when your date gets a good long look at who you really are. They have already decided that you are not immediately repellent or hopeless. Now you have to show them that you’re a kind and patient person who can be relied upon to move at their pace and engage with them in activities. Although daunting to plan, the second date should become one of the easiest ones to execute.
Author Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article do not represent the views of the Social Security Administration or the United States Government. They are solely the views of Ted Stalcup in my personal capacity or as a representative of EmLovz. I am not acting as an agent of the Social Security Administration or the United States Government in this activity. There is no express or implied endorsement of Ted Stalcup or of EmLovz by either the Social Security Administration or the United States Government.