Hearing women talk about how “hot” a guy is can be confusing. “I’m a good looking guy but can’t get a girlfriend,” you think. How is this possible?

The truth is, even though you might hear women gawk over an actor with chiseled abs once in a while, it’s NOT always about looks for women. Ever been to an airport and see a real hot babe with an overweight guy? I have, on many occasions.

Compared to men, women don’t care much about looks (unless it’s the rare occasion we’re looking for a short-term partner… in which case studies show those abs do matter!). But for the most part, we’re looking for a guy who can make us feel safe. We like a man who’s confident in his own skin and who can protect us.

So if you’re a good looking dude who can’t get a girlfriend, chances are, you need to examine other areas in your life that might be unattractive to women. Your personality and lifestyle should show her that you’re the strong alpha she craves. If they don’t, then make the right improvements so you can magnetize a woman to join you on your journey. 

To assess your “date-ability,” you’ll need to ask yourself eight critical questions, which I’ve listed below. Are you ready to get real? Let’s take a look at what you might need to change in order to attract the right woman.

What You Might Need to Change if You’re a Good Looking Guy and Can’t Get a Girlfriend

How Does Your Job or Financial Situation Compare to Men Your Age? 

I can practically see all of you rolling your eyes on this one. You’re probably thinking the number one thing women want is money. To be honest, money does make a difference — but not for the reason you think.

Nowadays, the stereotypical “golddigger” is less common. Women have way more options than ever before when it comes to living life on their own terms. We don’t need to trap men into relationships in order to survive or get the things we want. 

Unfortunately for guys though, evolutionary impulses don’t change as quickly as the times. Even though women don’t technically need your money, your level of financial security still affects how they see you. Having a more secure job or stable income can make you look “stronger” and feel “safer” compared to other men your age. This is a powerful feeling that’s hard for another guy to compete with, even if he has a pretty face.

Your job also showcases your passion (or it should) which is totally sexy. So work toward being passionate about what you do — otherwise, what are you doing with your life? You only get one shot at this life on Earth, and no one wants to be around a guy who chose a job he hates. Find work that lights your heart on fire and puts dinero in your pocket!

Do You Have a Place of Your Own? 

If you don’t, you probably know deep down that this is a problem. Stop rationalizing it. How are you going to bring a babe back to your place if you live with Mom and Dad or with roommates? It’s not impossible… but it’s also not hot. 

Not living on your own also signals to her that you haven’t mastered fully taking care of yourself — so how could you take care of her? Again, she doesn’t always want you to take care of her, but knowing that you could is what’s attractive. Being dependent on others to help pay your rent means you’re not fully functioning yet on your own. It brings up all kinds of red flags for her, including fears that you’ll mooch off her eventually.

Finally, a good looking guy who lives with family members or roommates also gives the impression that he’s immature. Why wouldn’t you want to get your own place? She may think you’re stuck in a college-age mentality where your mom still does your laundry and you’re playing video games with your bros every night. If you’re puzzled, thinking, “I’m a good looking guy but can’t get a girlfriend,” the reason should be obvious.

Prioritize getting your own place if you haven’t already. You’re a grownup. Challenge any cultural norms that might be in your way. 

Out of 100%, How Positive Are You? 

Maybe you are the guy who’s living with roommates, or for whatever reason are not where you want to be in life. Don’t double down on these problems by being negative about them. Just take action and in the meantime, keep your head up.

Why? Negativity is toxic. Even the hottest guy on the planet becomes gross AF if he’s constantly bitching about his life. So, stop doing this now. It’s not cute. 

If you’re struggling with negativity, there are a couple of things you can do to improve your outlook so it doesn’t affect how you interact with women. 

First, begin a daily gratitude practice. Start a journal where you write down what you feel thankful for every day. Doing this will make you pay more attention to the good things you experience, since you’ll need to remember them for your journal entries. This will rewire your brain to look for the positive in every moment. 

You can also listen to guided meditations before bed and while you sleep each night. Do a search on YouTube for “positive guided meditations” for some options. Your brain is especially susceptible to suggestion right before you go to sleep, so that’s a great time to feed it with positive thoughts.

Finally, pay attention to what comes out of your mouth. What you think about and speak about is brought about in your life. Your negative language and negative thoughts are only manifesting more negative crap in your life. Reframe your language and thoughts whenever you can. (First things first: Stop saying “I’m a good looking guy but can’t get a girlfriend!”)

Are You Avoidant? 

Your attachment style could be the missing puzzle piece when it comes to why you can’t get a girlfriend. But first, let me back up and explain attachment theory in a nutshell. 

When you were a baby and needed your parents’ love and attention, you did what you needed to do to get it. Unfortunately, if you had parents who were neglectful, frightening, or inconsistent caretakers, you had to develop some unhealthy strategies to get them to respond to you (or deal with their rejection). You use these same unhealthy strategies when it comes to relationships today.

People have many different sets of strategies, or “attachment styles.” If you have the “avoidant” style, you tend to push good women away because you’re subconsciously afraid they’ll either hurt or reject you like your parents did. You avoid confrontation and fear being perceived as needy.

I get that, because I tend to be the same way. Still, you need to shift this if you want to attract an amazing, high-value woman. Changing a pattern that began in childhood isn’t easy, I know. However if you’ve been told you have an avoidant attachment style or think you might, I recommend reading the book Attached for tips on how to change it.

Do You Ask Questions or Talk About Yourself on Your Dates? 

When you’re on a date, you want to get the woman talking about 80% of the time. If you’re doing all of the talking and not asking her any questions, she’ll begin to wonder whether you even give a f*ck. 

With that in mind, pay close attention to the people who do stick with you. Is there a solid give and take in your communications with them? You want to make sure that you’re not monopolizing conversation on dates or in real life. At the very least, it should be a 50/50 back and forth. 

Also, in dating, women’s brains are largely verbal, whereas men’s brains are largely visual. This means she feels best when she’s talking and sharing (that’s why women love gathering together to talk talk talk). It biologically makes us feel good. So if you’re not asking her questions about her life, you’re making her feel bad. 

If you’re at a loss about how to do this, try coming up with some good first-, second-, or third-date questions that can open up the conversation and make her feel like you’re interested in her. 

Are You a Man of Your Word? 

If you’re scratching your head thinking, “I’m a good looking guy but can’t get a girlfriend,” then you might be overlooking one of the most underrated things that makes a woman fall for a guy: Trustworthiness.

Assuming you have other attractive qualities, showing that you’re trustworthy can make her go from being unsure about you to wanting to jump in your arms. It goes back to that desire we have as women for safety and security — and if you’re someone who we can trust, that’s 90% of it.

That said, you have to keep your word. NEVER say you’re going to do something and then fail to do it. This is lame and will cause you trouble in every area of your life, especially in dating. Your word should be something people can rely upon. If you don’t do this, you risk triggering all kinds of bad memories she has about men who have disappointed her in the past… which is tough to come back from.

Do You Take Charge in the Dating Process? 

Getting a girlfriend means you have to be assertive enough to ask for dates in a direct, clear way. Do you do this? Or do you just flirt and then wait to see which women put themselves in front of you? 

Guys. You can’t be lazy about dating and then complain, “I’m a good looking guy but can’t get a girlfriend!” Even good looking guys have to make an effort.

Instead, take charge of the dating process. You’ll end up with more serious dating situations that lead to relationships, rather than quasi-friendly hookups. To start, avoid asking questions like “when are you free?” or saying things like “we should meet up sometime.” Those kinds of openings are vague and passive — not to mention, they force her to play the masculine role by practically planning the date herself. 

Demonstrate leadership by using a TDL (time, date, and location) when inviting a woman on a date. For example, you could say, “I know you love hibiscus tea. There’s a new tea house called Toastea that just opened downtown, and they import their hibiscus flowers all the way from West Africa. It’s unlike anything you’ve ever tasted — the perfect blend of sweet and tart flavor. I’m going there Saturday morning at 11. Want to join me for a date?” 

Note the TDL included here. If she objects, simply change the element of the TDL she objected to. For example, if she says, “I can’t do that time” suggest another time. Don’t ask, “Well, what time are you available?” (That’s not taking charge!) Instead, try three times using a TDL before asking, “When are you free?” to avoid passive language that puts you in the feminine role and her in the masculine. 

Have You Considered a Coach? 

I’ve worked with tons of good-looking clients who can’t seem to get a girlfriend and feel as though “there’s something wrong with them” when they first come to me. There’s nothing wrong with you; they just don’t teach dating in schools.

So if you didn’t have a role model to learn from, then you probably never learned what to do. But I can teach you. Book a new client Skype session with me today to learn more about how you can crush your dating goals and find the woman of your dreams in 90 days or less. 

I’m a Good Looking Guy but Can’t Get a Girlfriend: Wrap-Up

If you rely on your looks to get attention from women, you’ve probably started to realize (or will soon) that it doesn’t work forever. And not just because looks fade; women just simply grow out of wanting pretty boys.

Once women hit their 30s, they want secure, solid men to build a life with. So if you’re having trouble finding a girlfriend, focus on becoming that type of guy — rather than thinking that bottle of hair gel is going to save you.