Looking for the 20 qualities of a good man that all relationship-minded women crave? Before diving into the psyche of a relationship-minded woman, let’s first juxtapose her with her counterpart.
Many a man will tell his buddy that women love rich dudes with large “johnsons”. Who knows how many card tables and man caves this line has passed through. There’s some truth to these hyper-masculine claims, but it can’t be applied to all women.
In fact for one-night stands or short term relationships, women tend to prefer men with more girthy erections than they would in a long-term relationship. For those dudes fretting about not packing enough heat, a 2012 study found that 60% of female participants said that size made no difference in how pleasurable their past sexual experiences were. But enough about your penis, the point is that women pursuing a relationship and those pursuing a quick shag care about different traits in their partners.
For short-term flings, women prefer hyper-masculine men that flaunt their wealth, boast, are direct, and yes, have sizeable penises. But the importance of these preferences loses its shine when on the prowl for long-term partners.
Testosterone-heavy dudes just don’t make great long-term partners. Research shows that men with high testosterone levels are more likely to cheat, less likely to invest time in child-rearing, and are more prone to erratic behavior than their low-testosterone counterparts.
So we know that women tend to look for men with low levels of testosterone for long-term partners. But just how are these low levels manifested? Informed by evolutionary psychologists, let’s have a look at the 20 qualities of a good man that relationship-minded women crave.
Qualities of a Good Man #1: Fortitude
No one is attracted to a lover that folds under pressure. Sure women find fortitude more attractive than men do, but both sexes agree that seeing someone cry after their car breaks down is wholly unattractive. The difference is that men are expected to hold up against pressure better than women are. Fortitude means facing life’s many obstacles with a wry smile. The opposite of fortitude is a stressed-out dude that’s afraid to get wet during a sun shower. Studies have shown the stressed men are generally more submissive. Stress also releases cortisol which can hinder muscle and bone growth.
Biology aside, let’s run a practice experiment to illustrate the point. Who would you rather mate with? The woman that’s cracking jokes and is the life of the party or the diffident, visibly stressed woman attached to the bar? It’s no surprise that when it comes to men or women, we all find the fortitude characteristic of a good man.
As you can imagine, women could care less about a devoted man in a short-term relationship. They don’t want a hookup to get clingy and start bombarding their phone with emoji-heavy messages of affection. This sustained affection is much more valued in a continuous relationship.
It’s in a long-term relationship where both parties invest in each other. She won’t bother making the investment in you if you don’t show signs of devotion. A devoted man is loyal, loving, and genuinely gives a shit about the person they sleep next to every night. Giving a sincere shit about someone in a dating landscape full of romantic distractions and shallow connections is of high value.
But there’s an evolutionary reason why women have the hots for devoted men. Women seek out loyal men because they don’t want to be tossed aside to fend for themselves once a child rolls around. Raising a child as a single mom was difficult 10,000 years ago and isn’t much easier today.
Most women feel biologically inclined to have children, even though a new trend might argue otherwise. Proving yourself as a devoted dater will increase your odds of being bumped up to boyfriend status and so on. Be there for her when she needs it, don’t be distant, keep your hands out of the cookie jar, and you shall be rewarded with eternal romantic bliss.
That’s right, altruism one of the top qualities of a good man. You know that thing that Americans absolutely hate, well it turns out that women dig it. Let’s face it, our society is highly influenced by individualism. Just have a look at SM and try to figure out how altruism fits into our society. Perhaps the dearth of altruism is why women are so interested in selfless dudes. The researchers at Sunderland University in England have a different theory.
Participants in the Sunderland University study were asked to look at a set of 12 photos. In each set, the 202 female participants looked at a picture of an attractive man and one much less so. Each photo was then assigned a story. The more physically challenged men were framed in an altruistic light while the more handsome men were assigned unflattering stories. Ultimately the women had to rank which on a scale of 1-5 how strongly they desired to have a one night stand or be in a committed relationship with each man. The uglier men who demonstrated altruistic qualities were significantly ranked higher when it came to gauging how desirable they were in a long-term relationship.
These men are seen as better caretakers than selfish men. When it comes to raising a family, a selfish husband that prefers to hide away in his man cave is overtly less desirable than the father than prefers to throw the ball around with his son.
When was the last time you held the door open for a lady? Not just held it open but, were in front of a female stranger, opened the door, and let her pass in front of you? That’s being considerate. And no, it doesn’t count if the primary reason you allowed her to walk in front of you was so that you could get a plum sweet view of her ass.
Women like men that prove that chivalry isn’t dead. So make her eggs in the morning, pick up her favorite snack on the way to her house, and most importantly consider her feelings. That’s what being considerate is about. Maybe it’s just the narcissist in us, but we all want to be cared about. From an evolutionary standpoint, women look for mates that can protect them and help them preserve their lives. An inconsiderate mate wouldn’t be very good at locking the door when he leaves the house or setting the alarm when his lady’s still asleep would he?
Qualities of a Good Man #5: Observant
Remember back in the days when humans had to forage for their food? Our ancestors had to remember and identify which berries were harmful and how to detect that a storm was brewing. Of course, we don’t need to detect such things today, however, our preference for men that can observe such things still persists. It’s quite difficult for a woman to rip away a mating preference that’s been boiling inside us for millenniums.
It’s true. Women are more selective when it comes to choosing a mate. We want someone caring, observant, attentive, sane, etc. Men just want a woman with child-bearing hips that laughs at their jokes. That’s not me talking, it’s just evolutionary psychology.
Attentive may sound a bit synonymous with other qualities of a good man that we’ve listed so far, so let me be clear. Women want a man that doesn’t check Twitter while at the dinner table. We want a guy that tends to our needs, the kind of guy that will make sure we’re not hungry after a long day of work. It’s not much to ask, but being just a bit more attentive can make all the romantic difference.
Phones are appendages, Alexa is the other woman, and freaking drone racing is taking over ESPN. Okay, I guess that last one doesn’t really tie into my frustration with how tech has zombified men, but c’mon, drone racing on ESPN, Black Mirror isn’t a Netflix original, it’s real freaking life.
Um, so as I was saying, tech is kind of distracting. We want conversations to ping pong. No one wants to prod another for a response. Be present and react to our words. We’ve got something to say and plenty of ears willing to listen. If we catch you looking at your phone or swiping away too often we’ll take out our phones and swipe for someone a bit better suited to our 21st century standards.
Sure it’s old-school but us women still find it attractive when our hubby can kick the crap out of another dude. Something primal within all of us makes us yearn for a man that can protect us should we be in danger. The evolutionary psychologist will tell you that women have an inherent attraction to physically strong dudes.
For centuries women have looked to men for protection. Though I’ve always found it interesting that what women find most attractive in a man they also fear most. We love big dudes because of their ability to protect us. Yet we fear them for their ability to squash us. Being strong is attractive and everything, but if you can’t make a woman feel comfortable in your presence, it’s all for not.
Weakness is a turn-off. Whether that be psychical, mental, or just the fact that you always have a cold. Whether she knows it or not, she’s rating you on how quality your genes are. If your immune system is shot, she’ll most likely pass. She doesn’t want her child being chronically sick. Present yourself as a strong man on the inside and out.
Qualities of a Good Man #10: Patient
Patience is a virtue… it’s also the key to her heart. She wants your patience to manifest itself in many ways. For one, she won’t appreciate your proding her romantically. If she wants to take things slow, respect that, and check your attachment type if need be.
The patience she desires also looks like waiting patiently for her to get ready. Patience is letting her vent, not interrupting her, and waiting until she’s ready to move in, get married, have children, etc. Patience is other words is respect, and respect is something that no woman or man can live without.
Like patience, she’ll want to see you demonstrate persistence in various ways. During the genesis of the relationship, she may want persistence. The chase makes her feel wanted. Your persistent efforts to make her swoon flatter her. But this isn’t where her desire for persistence in her partner ends.
Persistent men fight. They fight for their children, jobs, and love. Relentlessly fighting to climb the professional ladder and keep the romantic flame alive is hot. We want someone that has a thirst for life that isn’t easily quenched. If this sounds like you, throw it on your dating CV and start sending them out.
#12: Unruffled And Coolheaded
It’s not often that I get to use one of my favorite words, unflappable. But when describing the ideal man, being unflappable is a must. Should a disconcerting situation arise, how do you see yourself reacting? Do you take a deep breath and think logically about the issue at hand or are you too frazzled to begin to think logically? Naturally, she’ll prefer dating the man that remains cool under pressure. Down low, this is one of the sexiest characteristics and qualities of a good man.
Not everyone loves dating someone with an open mind. Xenophobes for one, won’t salivate when you try implementing taco Tuesday. But as far as the rest of women are concerned, having an open mind is key.
We all have our idiosyncrasies and odd viewpoints. We want to date a man that accepts our oddities. Considering you probably live in a metropolitan city, there’s are a lot of weird things happening in your city. Be receptive of new cultures, ideas, and people. It’ll be easy for her to integrate you into your life if you don’t think less of her oddball buddies.
We’ve all seen the movies about the loser high school athlete that works his ass off and eventually becomes a champion. Or the bio-pic movies about how someone from nothing ultimately conquers the world. As if this should be a surprise, women like world conquerors.
Perhaps a sedulous man won’t be conquerer, but at least he’ll have balls to slice through adversity. That’s what we’re craving. A diligent and dedicated man that will use his drive to make his woman and family happy.
Qualities of a Good Man #15: Confident
Cockiness if what women look for in one night stands. Level headed confidence is what they desire in relationships. The middle ground between self-aggrandizing and self-effacing is a delightful turn on. Confidence lifts up everyone that you’re around. That little puff in your chest is contagious among lovers. She’ll be honored that a man with faith in his own abilities has chosen her.
No one wants to spend time with the wet blanket in the corner. The life of the party will center around the dude that has stories a plenty to share and a delivery to match. Charisma is a form of self-advertising. It sucks in the attention of those around you while putting you under the spotlight. It’s not surprising that she wants to be with the man that all women want and all men desire to be. Personify the cliche and win the girl, that’s the game.
#17: Conviction In His Way Of Life
Fickle is the nature of a fire on a rainy afternoon. Sometimes it sizzles out while other times a gust will make it roar. She wants a man who doesn’t waver in his convictions. Wavering was something her high school lovers did as they navigated the existential hallways of Freemount High.
She won’t invest in a man who doesn’t know his future. Humans tend to fall into patterns. In these patterns, we find comfort and happiness. It’s this stable foundation of ritual that every relationship needs in order to last.
#18: Always Learning And Growing
Love isn’t stagnant. She likes you today, but a new, stronger, smarter man with deeper pockets might flirt with her while she’s ordering her daily coffee. One of the best qualities of a good man is his desire to grow. The opposite of evolving is complacency.
Don’t feel comfortable in your relationship to the point where you stop growing. Shore up her feelings for you by always improving. Learn a new language, strive for that new promotion, surprise her with a spontaneous trip.
Chivalry isn’t a word that pops out of the mouths of women nowadays. This is the act of behaving in a courteous manner towards women. That means buying them flowers (just not on the first few dates), opening the door, complementing them on something other than their appearance, listening to them, etc. Basically, it’s what makes you a good boyfriend. The opposite of chivalry looks like a UWV frat bro that chooses a keg-stand over holding hands.
Perhaps the most important quality of a good man of all. Passion is what keeps the relationship alive. The passion will fluctuate from infatuation to contented love, but as long as passion in one form or another is present, the relationship will prosper.
It’s these many characteristics of a good man that relationship-minded women covet. Sure there’s a laundry list of qualities she’ll look for, but if you use the above qualities as a benchmark for success you’ll likely increase your way with women this year.
Do you need help finding a meaningful relationship? As a dating coach (and a woman) I know what women want. Stop talking armchair advice from your dude friends and hire a professional wingwoman to help lead the charge. Through my 3-month Signature Program, you’ll learn how to ask a woman out, find single women, and learn the dating skills necessary to find, flirt, and secure a long-lasting relationship with a woman you love.