How to start dating again after a long hiatus? Feel like you’re being thrown into game 7 with 10 seconds on the clock after having sat on the bench for the entire series?

Let me guess, you’re cold and hope to God no one passes you the ball.

To effectively make a splash in the dating pool, you’ve got to warm up first. You need to stretch out those flirty muscles of yours, practice your small talk, and learn how to flirt with strangers again.

But that’s just the beginning of it.

The dating scene has likely changed quite a bit since you last prowled the singles bars.

Now people meet each other on apps as often as at parties, ghosting and breadcrumbing are now part of every single person’s dating lexicon, and we’ve still yet to find a cure for first date butterflies.

Look I know that getting back out there after such a long spell on the bench can be daunting.

That’s why I’m going to give you the pep talk and strategic plays you need to follow in order to make a slam dunk on the dating scene.

But enough with the basketball references, let’s talk actionable steps.

How To Start Dating Again

Before we dive in I’d like to congratulate you on taking the first step towards finding your next partner.

I don’t know why you’re looking to get back out there.

But what I do know is that you see the value in starting over and investing the time into finding someone you can cuddle with, confide in, and just enjoy life with.

As cliche as it is, there’s someone out there for all of us.

The thing is, some of us just take longer to find them than others.

Lucky for you I know a shortcut to finding that special someone.

Make Sure You’ve Fully Processed The Divorce, Breakup, or Your Partner’s Passing First

Dating with emotional baggage is akin to swimming with a cinder block attached to your foot.

It’s hard.

You’re trying your damndest to enjoy the person sitting across from you, but there’s this barrier that prevents you from doing so.

Free yourself up to building a bond by addressing that emotional hindrance.

If you think not dealing with it and just focusing outward on other women is the solution, you’re setting yourself up for failure.

You don’t want to bottle up how you’re feeling or push it down because it’s going to come up at the wrong time in a bad way.

Plus, it’s not fair to put that baggage on your new relationship, not to mention that you won’t probably be making the healthiest choices in who you choose to get involved with if you haven’t fully processed your last relationship.

The last thing you want to do is jump into a new relationship simply because you’re uncomfortable being alone.

That’s a recipe for selecting the wrong person, which can lead to another divorce, depression, getting used, and even domestic abuse if you’re not careful.

So how do you process the end of a difficult relationship?

Here are some ideas:

• Let your feelings out, but talking to a friend or professional
• Surround yourself with a support system that can lift you up during these difficult times
• Process the relationship with the person you’re no longer with by thinking back and acknowledging the good and the bad (if you broke up or got a divorce)
• Accept that you have the right to be with someone that values and loves you. You’re fully capable of loving and being loved

2. Get Clear On Who You Want To Attract First, Before Putting Yourself Out There

Trying to find a partner without identifying the type of person you’re into is like trying to get from A to B without having any idea where B is.

Create a buyer persona, but for romantic purposes — a romantic partner persona.

Of course, it doesn’t need to be this detailed, but you should have an idea of what you’re looking for in a partner.

Use your past relationship history to get clear on the characteristics you’re looking to attract in your next partner then use that list of characteristics to strategically select in-person locations where she might be located (this is something I help my clients do in my coaching program).

That’s why this exercise is so important.

Knowing who your ideal partner is will make it easier to find them.

Let’s say you really want to date a woman that’s into hiking. 

Where do you think you’ll find such a woman?

Probably in hiking Facebook and Meetup social groups. You may look to join a hiking group or use dating apps to filter potential matches via their interest.

Investing 10 or so minutes in understanding the type of woman you’re looking for will make your actual search a lot easier.

If you’re not thinking this through, then you’re going to end up throwing spaghetti at the wall and not attracting the type of woman you really want.

3. The Same Goes For Your Dating Apps

You’ve got to know who you’re looking to attract before you slap a profile together.

The keywords you use on your profile help the algorithms running those dating apps match you with women who use the same keywords. So think about who you’re looking for and speak to that specific audience (I also help my clients do this in my coaching program).

Here’s an example of a Bumble profile that does just that.

When in doubt write a litany of things you’re into.

Include:

• Hobbies
• Favorite books
• Beloved movies
• Qualities you look for in a person
• Social causes you care about
• Places you’ve been or would like to go
• Favorite foods
• Special skills

Individually these pieces of information are dots revealing just a minuscule portion of who you are. But taken together they form a unique constellation that starts to tell the story of who you are. These data points will filter away women while attracting those that you’re compatible with.

You can attract the right women and repel the wrong ones with your bio, but you can also do so with filters.

Popular dating apps like Bumble and Hinge allow you to search for users depending on your preferences.

Keep in mind that you’ll have to pay to use these search filters. However, it’ll be worth it considering after they’re applied you’ll only be searching for compatible single women.

4. Make Sure You Have Competitive Photos

In my coaching program, I teach my clients how to test their photos to ensure that they are performing in the top 10% of all single men.

Being in the top 10% is a must when you’re on male-dominated apps like Tinder (9 men to every 1 woman) and Bumble (7 men to every 3 women).

Quality photos such as these are necessary for keeping your ELO score high so that you see the women you’re most excited about on the apps.

For virgin dating app users, an ELO score is your desirability score. It matches you with people that are deemed as desirable as yourself.

If you just slap up whatever 6 photos you can find on your phone without testing them to see if they’re competitive, you run the risk of lowering your market value on the apps and only seeing women you’d never be interested in dating.

The longer you use the apps in this way, the lower quality matches you’re going to get. Best to set yourself up for success by working with a coach, from the get-go who can ensure your profile is performing in the top 10% of all single men from day 1. This is how I’ve helped hundreds of my clients find “the one.”

And if you’re thinking, “hmm then I just won’t use a superficial dating app” think again.

All dating apps are superficial. It doesn’t matter who the woman you’re trying to attract is. Every dating app I’ve ever encountered highlights your photos while pushing any written information to the side.

To give you an idea of which photos your photo roster should include here are some ideas:

• Headshot with beautiful background
• Full body shot
• GQ shot that shows off your fashion sense
• Hobby pic, one that shows you in your natural environment
• Group picture to show you have friends
• No selfies, fish pics, or photos where your face is obscured

5.  Create A Competitive Self-Summary and Have Solid Prompt Response Answers

Although prompts and written bios are less important than your photos they’re still essential to attracting a mate.

In fact, knowing that they’re less important has convinced many men to forgo filling them out.

This leaves you with an opening.

Writing something is always better than nothing. When you’re trying to humanize yourself and convince someone to spend their Friday night with a complete stranger, a few witty words in your bio can go a long way.

Writing profiles that F. Scott Fitzgerald himself would be envious of is something we focus on in detail in my coaching program.

It’s important that your profile really showcases how unique you are. 

You want to demonstrate what is special and singular about you and you want to do so by being as specific as possible. This will help to create a polarizing dating profile that attracts deeply compatible women but most men are too vague and don’t know what specifics to add to their profile to truly attract the most compatible partner.

That’s where I can help.

In my coaching program, I’ve designed a template for my students to plug-and-play their own unique information in a way that helps them attract super compatible partners. I’ve been doing it for 10 years and have had hundreds of men find “the one” with my proprietary dating profile.

6. Work With A Coach to Help Navigate the Situation

You’ll want a solid strategy for how you’re going to communicate to new matches about the divorce, breakup, or passing of your wife.

It’s bound to come up and it can be a dicey topic of conversation. Having a coach who’s seen it all many times before can be helpful when navigating discussions around these sensitive topics.

Not only does our program, Dating Decoded, cover this topic in our online curriculum and weekly strategy sessions, but we also help you practice using tact to talk about your romantic history via our mock dates.

Perhaps the most unique feature of our program is the ability to go on a practice date. However, unlike on real dates, your mock date will provide you with detailed feedback after the date’s over.

With our practice dates, you’ll be able to learn and fine-tune your dating skills in a safe environment.

Dating Decoded

I know it’s been a while.

Learning how to start dating again or how to start dating again after divorce can be as scary as seeing Kim Kardashian across the room and trying to strike up a conversation.

We know what you’ve been through and have designed a program that addresses each aspect of your soon-to-be-blooming dating life.

We revamp your dating life in four ways.

MegaDating

MegaDating is our dating philosophy.

It’s all about dating multiple women simultaneously in order to quickly find a compatible partner.

When you take a proactive approach to dating you gain self-esteem, learn what you’re looking for, refuse to settle, and take a shortcut to find a super compatible partner.

But how exactly are you supposed to find all these women?

Profile Creation

Most people meet online nowadays.

With that said, the online dating landscape has become a tad crowded. To stand out you need to create a top-of-the-line profile.

We can show you how to snap and pick the right photos, pen a profile that stands out, and attract the women you want to attract.

MegaMessaging & TDL

Once you’ve bought into MegaDating and have created a quality profile it’s time to get your swipe, match, and start asking women out.

But if you thought matching was tricky just wait until you have to chat it up online.

The nascent stage of a relationship is the most precarious. One wrong word could lead to ghosting.

That’s why we show you how to build chemistry and steer the conversation towards a first date. Once you’ve done this it’s time to use a TDL to set up a first date. TDL stands for time, date, and location. It’s these three pieces of info you need whenever asking a woman out. Without them, your date is too nebulous to either agree to or reject.

Dating Blueprint

What do you do during a first date? Where do you go, how do you greet her, what do you talk about?

We’ll detail the first, second, and third date so you can be sure that you’re building a connection that leads to a more serious relationship.

How To Start Dating Again

Dating’s way more fun when you’re not going it alone.

Join our program and join a great community of singles and learn how to date like a pro and attract high-quality women.

I would like to learn more about you and see if our program can help you achieve your dating goals.

Book a coaching program intro call with myself or a member of my team to learn more about each other and put you on a successful romantic path.