How to Put Yourself Out There When Dating
Figuring out how to put yourself out there when dating is half the battle, especially if …
— You’re an introvert
— You don’t have a lot of close friends to “set you up”
— You hate social media
Now, don’t take this the wrong way — I assume you’re a talented, decent-looking, fun-loving person who enjoys life and is looking for the same in a partner. No doubt, you’re awesome. But you still gotta put yourself out there if you want to find someone.
What do I mean by “out there?” You need to regularly go out and meet people. Sounds simple, but you’d be surprised how many folks complain about not finding anyone when their entire game consists of scrolling through dating apps while watching Netflix on the couch. While dating apps are great — they should be a big part of your strategy — they aren’t everything.
Only 39% of people in relationships meet online, which leaves over 60% who still meet the old fashioned way. So how do you put yourself out there in real life? How do you stop making excuses? How do you get over the anxiety? And how do you stop using your “busy schedule” as an excuse?
That’s exactly why I’ve written this article. Let’s begin.
How to Put Yourself Out There When Dating: It’s Easier Than You Think
Dating apps are great, but if you really want to put yourself out there when dating, you need to do this:
Find a class, social group/club, event that interests you for reasons other than dating.
Notice a couple of things here. First, while you could pick the class or event that you think your ideal partner would be at, it’s even better to pick something that you actually like too. Why? Because you need to keep showing up — and you won’t do that if you dislike it. So while that yoga studio across the street always has tons of babes in there, skip the yoga class if it’s not really your thing.
Second, whatever you choose, just make sure it’s something that meets regularly, like on a weekly basis. That’s why I suggest a class, group, or (ongoing) event. This will help you get to know people over time so that eventually, you won’t have to hype yourself up to go and talk to people in that setting. After a while, you’ll become more and more comfortable with being there, and talking to other people in that environment will get easier.
Think of it like being in school. When we were young, we were forced to go to class every day — so we naturally interacted with people, made friends, etc. You have to set yourself up in the same way now. Find something to do regularly with a group of people that you enjoy, and then let it naturally take its course.
Stop Making Excuses
Believe me, I know how crafty you are. I’ve heard every reason in the book for why someone can’t take the time to go out and meet new people. So again, it comes down to this: Find activities that you naturally are excited about. But even then, sometimes we can find reasons to not show up.
If this is happening, then consider making an investment in yourself. Invest enough money in the class, activity, club so that to not show up would cause you to lose something (your hard-earned money, for example). Skipping that free soccer meetup is one thing, but bailing on your personal finance group when you paid $400 for the class series won’t be as easy.
This is why people pay trainers & coaches to encourage them to stick to their plan. If they don’t show up for their session, they lose the money they paid for it and that helps to hold them accountable. The same is true when you invest in a dating coach like my team and I, by the way.
Whatever it is, once you invest in what you’re doing, you commit to it. You want to see the fruits of your labor and get the most for your money. Not only does this brings you much better results, but it keeps you coming back, making it more likely that you’ll meet someone interesting.
It’s Time to Get Over the Anxiety
To put yourself out there usually requires getting over anxiety. Like I mentioned, walking into a room full of strangers, even if it’s the first meeting of a class or group, is hard. For some, the anxiety around all that is too much and they quit before they even try.
Don’t do this. As they say, the best experiences in your life exist on the other side of your fears. The key is to manage your anxiety so that, even if you still feel it, you can move forward.
Keep this in mind: The scariest time to put yourself out there is the first time you do it, especially if it’s a regular social event, club, class, or activity. If it meets regularly, then the first time you go will be the most uncomfortable because you won’t know what to expect.
But you can mitigate this fear. Select something that sounds super compelling to you and use your natural excitement to bolster your confidence. You’ll enjoy talking with people much more if it’s about something you’re passionate about. So ask yourself, what brings you to this activity? Then, slowly introduce yourself, maybe ask people some small-talk type questions and then steer the conversation toward that. People who do this light up naturally and the conversation flows.
Also, this can be easier to do when the class is meeting for the very first time and no one knows each other. That way, everyone is in the same boat and you’re not walking into a social setting where everyone is already cliqued up.
Consider the type of activity, class, club, or event it is, too.
If it requires social interaction, then the structure of the activity will make it much easier for you to get to know people without having to muster the courage to say something randomly. My favorite example of this is an improv class. In a class like this, you have to talk to others; you can’t help but interact. By the time the class ends, you feel like you already know the people and can easily start chatting afterward.
Another idea is to bring a friend. Find an activity that a friend also has an interest in and invite them to join you! The two of you can keep each other company in the beginning when it’s super awkward, and then go up to other groups of people together when you’re ready to put yourself out there. Invite a really outgoing friend if you can to make it even easier.
Is Your Schedule Really That Busy?
When told you need to put yourself out there when dating, do you use your “busy schedule” as an excuse? First of all, if you’re lying about your schedule that’s just lame. Take a look at what I talked about regarding anxiety… or just admit that you’re not committed to dating.
If your schedule really is that bad, however, I feel for you. But you can still work past that. Start with setting rules for yourself, first of all. For example, you might tell yourself, no work past 6 p.m. And then stick to it. Or, you might decide to stop over-scheduling yourself. Personally, I don’t add something to my calendar if I can’t remove something else. Another rule might be that no one can bump your social time. Schedule your social time right into your calendar. Make it a sacred time that nothing else can be scheduled over.
Also, try to delegate and eliminate. Outsource tasks that can be done by others for an affordable rate so you’re not caught up in busy work that someone else could do better, faster, and cheaper. You may not want to bite the bullet and pay the cost, but trust me when I say it’s worth the investment. The extra time you gain to put yourself out there when dating will be totally worth it. And if you can’t find someone to hire? Then consider eliminating the task altogether. Again, you’ll have to make a sacrifice but life is a series of trade-offs. Are you willing to put yourself out there or aren’t you?
If you’re really struggling, try mixing work with pleasure. Maybe you can kill two birds with one stone by making your social time a career-driving activity. Perhaps you attend a weekly networking meetup for your industry where you also have the ability to meet women you might be interested in. Hey, if you’re making work your #1, why not mix it with a little pleasure? Lots of people meet at work or at functions related to their work. Think outside the box!
How to Put Yourself Out There When Dating: Wrap-Up
I know it’s hard to put yourself out there when dating, but think of the upside if you do. You’ll spend time doing things you love, talking to some amazing people, and who knows? You may even find the love of your life. It happens.
Don’t close yourself off to opportunities. Get out there so that you have the best chance to find the person who really is right for you. If anxiety, scheduling, or anything else becomes an obstacle, my team and I can help. Through our one-on-0ne and group coaching programs, we give you the support you need to put yourself out there.
Sign up for your intro call today to find out how you can stop making excuses and instead meet the person of your dreams.