So, I tuned into the season premiere of Dancing with the Stars with one thing (and one thing only in mind) — Grocer Joe.
As you may recall, Grocery Store Joe (whose real name is Joe Amabile, but who really cares?), was a contestant both on season 14 of The Bachelorette and season five of Bachelor in Paradise. He’s also a male icon and my future husband if Kendall Long ever decides to have another lapse in judgment and ditch him.
Now that Grocer Joe has risen to reality star fame, it was only logical that he be slated as a cast member for the latest season of Dancing with the Stars. In case you missed it and are wondering how the other contestants did, I DON’T REMEMBER because I wasn’t paying attention. Moreover, I don’t care.
I came and stayed for Grocer Joe.
Tracy, What Does This Have to Do with Dating?
…Is what you might be asking yourself right now.
Um, well, other than everything?
Grocer Joe is a certified dreamboat and he’s got a massive fan following that largely includes females. This guy has effortlessly won the hearts of a nation and he did so without any type of manipulation, histrionics or PR team.
Every move he makes can basically serve as an example of how men can act in order to attract more women. So you best pay attention, boys!
Let’s take a look at what we gleaned from Grocer Joe’s Dancing with the Stars debut.
He’s Giving Major FACE
Even before Grocer Joe graced the dance floor, he was giving me major FACE. I mean, just look at that punim. It’s perfection. I can’t…
Also, I think it’s pretty appropriate that Grocer Joe is draped head to toe in shimmering white fabric, given that he is a literal angel sent from heaven.
Joe’s Intro Video
Fellas, don’t ever be afraid of letting your endearing awkwardness fly. Grocer Joe is able to oscillate between shy nerdiness and confidence with dexterity. He’s an awkward, goofy guy who completely owns and embraces that fact. This is attractive AF.
Everyone loves this man. Even Grocer Joe’s coach lost her everloving mind when he walked in for his first rehearsal because of course she did. WHO WOULDN’T?!
Grocer Joe and coach Jenna Johnson come out on the stage with grocery carts and it’s so freakin’ cute. And then they start dancing…
My beloved Grocer Joe is by no means the greatest dancer. In fact, he is simply not a dancer. This is not his forte.
He manages to turn out the most endearing performance ever IN MY FREAKIN’ OPINION.
There was so much effort and you could really see that he did the best he could possibly do.
Yes, he got the lowest score of the night, but I have also never seen the judges more pained over giving a low score.
And guess what? He was totally safe during the subsequent elimination episode. HA!
Moral of the Story
Don’t ever be afraid to step outside of your comfort zone, particularly with something like dancing. Yes, it’s cool if you’re a good dance, but honestly, you having two left feet will never be the reason a woman kicks you out of bed. Period. End of sentence.