There is no duration of time that defines a long-term relationship. Rather, you know it when you see it. Such a term has unfolded when couples live together, co-parent felines, and plan out their future together. Long-term relationships are also defined by their routines. This is good or bad, depending on the routines.
Ending a long term relationship is so difficult because to do so is to uproot your entire life. You’ve been adhering to the routine since the relationship started. Now you’re debating pressing the reset button.
Perhaps you don’t fancy the routine, but the prospect of washing away GOT Sundays and lying next to a warm body is too daunting to encounter. Ending a long term relationship might not be easy or even ideal for you. You’ve made a substantial investment in your partner. If you’re seriously considering severing ties it only makes sense that you invest time into reflecting about the pros and cons of ending a long term relationship.
Con: Ending A Long Term Relationship With The Person You Love
It’s oxymoronic, breaking up with the person you love. We’re taught that it’s simple. Find someone you love and wholeheartedly give yourself to them. But with age we learn that the fairytale calculations we’ve been bestowed with are fallible.
Life is more complex than the hour and a half long animated portrayals of love we’ve been watching since our youth. Your love can spend more and more time at her job and less with you. She can opt to not have children, cheat on you, or develop a sudden foot fetish. Even with love driving you forward, there are some things that just can’t be remedied. Your future can seem bleak when faced with the prospect of ending a long term relationship with a woman you love. Lucky for you, there are always a few pros around the corner.
Pro: The Return Of Jeff
How long have your friends been referring to you and your lady as Jefflina? You and your significant other have become so significant that you’ve literally been fused together linguistically, emotionally, and socially. You always put your relationship before yourself. So many sacrifices have been made that you’ve got little individual liberties left to spare. But aren’t you tired of watching The Great British Bake Off?
Cutting ties with the woman you’ve been with for years is like a tree being struck by lightening in the middle of the woods. Hopefully the act of breaking up isn’t akin to a tree being hit by a bolt of lightening, but what happens next should be comparable.
Ya see, when disaster strikes in a homogenous forest and a tree falls, this presents the opportunity for diversity to grow. Your relationship has been given years to grow. It’s strong, not prone to illness, and is all consuming. The second the relationship dies, you’ll have the opportunity to begin anew. No longer will you feel the strain of having to consult with another person before acting on a decision. Say goodbye to Jefflina, welcome back Jeff.
Con: Literal Uprooting
We’ve touched on the idea of uprooting a routine, but not about literally uprooting. Should a break up occur, it’d be a little unnatural to continue to share a personal space with your ex. When ending a long term relationship naturally the two of you will have to find new homes to inhabit. This is a considerable obstacle that is forever accompanied with a breakup. Break ups go beyond leaving just a person behind. They can involve leaving a home, pets, and habits in the wake of a breakup.
Moving out of a house or apartment can be a time and financially consuming process. How long will it take to find a new place, what can you afford, will you live with roommates, how long will your commute be? These are all pesky questions that needs answers in a timely manner.
Pro: You Can Find An Even More Suitable Partner
You’ve most likely have been in the relationship in question for years. You understand that pros and cons of being in such a relationship. Most importantly you know what led to its downfall. Use this to inform your future decisions when it comes to romantic relationships.
Before your search for a new partner begins, write down a list of traits and commonalities you look for in a partner. Would you like your new partner to be an avid rock climber or are you on the prowl for a woman that is more so into Netflix and cooking?
Once you’ve created your list, start brainstorming places where you’re likely to find someone that resembles the person on your list. Don’t stop there though. Once you’ve identified various romantic hotspots, create a romantic to-do list. Force yourself to visit these places at least once a week. Knowing where to go to meet the woman you deserve is nice, but it means nothing if you’re not physically venturing to said places.
Con: What If No One Is Out There For You?
Notice how this subheading is framed as a question. It’s the question that will plague you and eat away at your confidence. Of course there’s someone else out there for you. But just before and after the breakup you’ll assume that you’ve just thrown your last chance at a lifelong partnership out of the window. It’s true that the dating pool has slightly evaporated since you were last single. This is the truth. However, it’s also truthful to say that there are millions of eligible Americans that are up for dating you, so welcome back to the party. The trick is knowing how to find these women.
One way to find them is to use the MegaDating strategy. At its most basic, MD simply is the dating of various women at once. It uses various channels to tap into the dating scene. Once these channels have been tapped and you’re going on a steady stream of dates, there are some rules that must be abided by. The basics are as follows:
- Duration of no more than one hour
- $10 limit
- Must be active
- Free. That’s right, completely free.
- No financial or time limit imposed
- Date location should be close to your home.
By following the rules of MegaDating you’ll quickly find that there is a wealth of available women out there.
Pro: More Time To Spend With Friends & Family
We tend to emotionally, socially, and financially lean on our romantic partners. Whether you’re married or not, we place quite a bit of pressure on our loved ones. But they can’t be everything for us. In the past you have tried to turn your lover into your tennis partner, reading buddy, sentient diary, etc. One person can’t fill all of these social needs.
When ending a long term relationship, be aware you’ll need to use a social network to satisfy all of your social and emotional needs. Now that you’re single, you don’t have the option of piling these social responsibilities onto one person.
Use this newfound time to connect with friends and family. Develop your social network. Round up the old gang and hit the billiards bar together. Your transition into singledom will be much more seamless when you have a social network that you can lean on for emotional and social needs. Keep in mind that you’ll also have the ability to tap into your social circles to mine for potential suitors.
Con: Life Will Cost More
So much for splitting the car insurance and rent. Nobody’s financial situation is the same. But chances are if you’re taking a hiatus from couples life in your 30s, your bills will suddenly get a little heavier. This doesn’t have to be the case.
That being said, a minor financial hurtle shouldn’t be the reason you perpetuate a relationship that isn’t worthy of your time. Should you need a little while to get your financial bearings together, suck up your pride and settle for sharing a flat with a roommate or family. This option is infinitely more agreeable than putting yourself in debt at the expense of saving a little face.
Pro: No More Emotional, Verbal, Or Physical Abuse
I hope this boon of a breaking up doesn’t apply to anyone currently reading. However the sad truth is that 1 in 10 men experience physical abuse at the hands of their partner. Leaving a physically abusive relationship gives you a new lease on life. Instead of drowning in hate every night you’ll be able to breath once again.
But perhaps the abuse you’re experiencing isn’t that severe. Perhaps your partner just doesn’t offer you the confidence boost you’re looking for. Perhaps her favorite pastime is putting you down. Recognize that this is emotional and possibly verbal abuse. We all should strive to find a partner that lifts us up rather than shoots us down.
I recently watched season 1 of Temptation Island. If your partner acts like Kady, you shouldn’t feel bad cutting ties with her. Make sure to scroll to 35 seconds into the below clip.
Con: You’ll Feel A Little Alone
We all deal with breakups differently. While MegaDating can help you get over a woman, some people need more time to adopt MD than others after a breakup. During the first few weeks or months it’s normal to feel lonely.
When you were in a relationship you would spend nearly every waking and non0waking moment with humans. You’d come home from work and there she’d be. That routine is no more. This will change with time. You once didn’t have to consider where your next social interaction would come from. Now you’ll have to try a little bit more to find someone to have a meaningful interaction with. This is the perfect time to scroll through your phone’s address book and ask a friend that you’ve been neglecting to get together and head to the beach or the ball game.
To reset for the road that lies ahead, get out of the house and take a vacation. Grab an old buddy and head for the beach. Remind yourself of the fun and adventure that you were missing out on. Once your back home join Meetup groups, hangout with friends, and start a new hobby. Don’t forget to line up a few dates as well.
Pro: Ending a Long Term Relationship Because You’re Not Settling
What happens if you stay with the woman you’re currently dating even though you know she’s not the one for you? I’m not a fortune teller but if this is your situation then your future is an obvious one. You’ll fake a marriage for a few years and then try to salvage it by having a child. The child puts a bandage on the marriage for a while until the gaping hole reveals itself yet again. Since having a child worked the first time you fill this hole with another child; a girl this time. A few more years pass and you can’t keep the lie going. You want to stay together for the sake of the children but just can’t.
Take a breath. This isn’t going to happen. Why? Because you just ended the relationship. She wasn’t right for you. You were perceptive enough to know this and bold enough to put an end to the relationship.
Pro: The Everlasting Flame That Is True Love
Look man, she wasn’t the one. Luckily there’s someone better out there for you. Finding the right one will have a drastically positive impact in your life. Being in love offers you a host of benefits including: lower blood pressure, diminished anxiety, fewer colds, increased physical activity, etc.
Panaceas don’t exist. The closest thing to a cure-all is love. It can give you meaning, literally cure illnesses, makes work more satisfying –and did I mention that people in love tend to have a ton of sex? Swapping out a partner that isn’t worthy of your affection for a more compatible partner will change your life for the better.
As you can see, ending a long term relationship presents its challenges. Not all is blissful when a relationship is axed. Your life can feel like its been reduced to flotsam after a breakup. You might need someone to help you put the pieces back together.
That’s where I come in. You don’t need to re-enter the dating scene alone. Book a 1-on-1 New Client Skype session with me today. Having a buddy pressuring you to get back out there is one thing, but consulting a professional dating coach is another. During our session we’ll diagnose your dating and relationship history, create an action plan, and see if my 3 month coaching program could help you reach your new goals.