Breaking up is never easy, even if the relationship has long run its course.

If you’re wondering how to break up with your girlfriend in person, you’re not alone. Having the big “breakup conversation” and taking the proper steps following that conversation (exchanging of things, etc.), can create a great deal of anxiety.

However, even though a breakup is likely unpleasant, no matter how you approach it, it doesn’t have to be terrible. Below are my expert tips on how to break up with your girlfriend. I’ll also provide some advice at the end of this article on moving on following your breakup.

How to Break Up with Your Girlfriend Step #1: The Convo

When the time comes to have the breakup conversation, always keep compassion in mind. Be prepared for tears and questions about what went wrong. Keep the conversation honest and heartfelt. She may ask you what she could have done differently or what you would like her to do in order to salvage the relationship.

The truth is, when you know it’s time to break up with someone, you just know. The fact that you have discovered that the two of you are no longer compatible does not detract from your girlfriend’s value as a person.

However, breakups often take a big hit to our self-esteem. Rejection sucks no matter who you are. And a breakup is the ultimate rejection. It’s important to let your girlfriend know that the breakup is not a reflection on her as a person. Furthermore, it doesn’t mean that you are blind to her many wonderful attributes.

Sometimes two people are simply not meant to make it long-term. Sadly, one person often realizes that first instead of both parties seeing it at the same time. Hence, completely mutual breakups are a rarity.

The Bachelor Formula

Ok, this might sound silly, but hear me out.

On shows like The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, certain season leads really get it right when it comes to ending a relationship with compassion. Granted, these people are dating 23 people at the same time and I’m guessing that’s not your scenario (if so…congrats??), but the point still stands.

I noticed while watching Bachelorette Becca Kufrin’s season that she was very good at ending things with guys. She didn’t make excuses, was really open and honest and also wasn’t afraid to let her emotions show. Even though you know that you will be happier ending the relationship, it’s ok for it to be painful and for your girlfriend to see that this is hard for you as well.

A lot of times Becca would tell guys how she just “couldn’t get there” or “be on the same page” as the guys who wanted the relationship to last. I think telling someone that you simply can’t meet them where they are with feelings or saying that the chemistry just isn’t what it should be is better than a cliched “it’s not me, it’s you.”

One More Example

Another great example of handling a breakup with compassion was on Nick Viall’s season of The Bachelor where he ended things with Rachel Lindsay. I really like that he made a point to let her know how amazing she is and that his feelings toward her as a person and the amount of respect and care he had for her hadn’t changed. They just simply weren’t right for each other long-term.

Again, I know it may be silly for me to reference a reality television show for a breakup article but look at the body language. It’s exactly the way you should look and talk when you’re ending a relationship with someone in a kind, heartfelt way.

And, yes, no matter how you do it, it’s likely that your girlfriend is going to be hurt and shed some tears. But in the long run, the way you handle the breakup will make it much easier for her as she moves forward.

Step #2: Choose a Neutral Location

Technically, this is step one for how to break up with your girlfriend in person, but I really wanted to get the conversation part out of the way first.

When it comes to the “where” of how to break up with your girlfriend in person, don’t choose your apartment. Pick a neutral location that offers privacy. Something like a somewhat secluded park could be a good choice. If it’s a neutral setting, do it close to her home.

Of course, breaking up at her place would make the most sense. You can breakup and if things turn ugly or uncomfortable, you can leave. Breaking up at your place doesn’t give you an out. You can’t leave her crying on your couch and say that you’re just gonna run out for milk. Never breakup with her at your place.

Step #3: Make Exchanging of Things Easy

When it comes to wondering how to break up with your girlfriend in person, you may also be wondering how to give her back her things.

Make it easy for her. If she left things like clothes or a toothbrush at your place, put it in a box somewhere and have it ready for her. If you have a garage, this could be a good choice for her to grab and go.

You can also ask her if she prefers for you to drop off things with a roommate while she’s at work, leave things in her mailbox etc.

And when it comes to your items, ask her about doing the same. Make it a situation where it is easy and convenient but (hopefully) doesn’t have to involve much interaction so that she can focus on healing instead of seeing you again.

Step #4: Reestablishing a Friendship

If you don’t want to lose a friendship with her, explain that you think the two of you are better off as friends.

Often, we enter into a relationship with someone who is intellectually compatible but, when it comes to romance, the chemistry simply isn’t there.

Let her know you would love to remain friends if she’s open to it. However, be prepared that this may be too difficult for her. Moreover, don’t try to pick up a friendship right after you’ve broken up.

Give her a couple of weeks to heal after the breakup and then try to reestablish the friendship.

But when you do…

Step #5: Give Her an Exit Strategy

This step on how to break up with your girlfriend also applies to the part about meeting in a neutral location for the actual breakup.

Listen up:

Whether you’re meeting up to try and reestablish the friendship or meeting up for the actual breakup drive in separate cars.

You need to give her the option to bail out solo if things become overwhelming.

Step #6: Get on the Ball

Once you’re sure you want to break up, do it quickly. Don’t let the feeling linger for weeks. It’s painful for both of you. Women are intuitive and will notice something is off.

Moreover, the longer you wait the more likely she is to get upset at you. She may wonder why you dragged your feet instead of ripping the band-aid off.

I know it’s difficult. But trust me, the longer you let this drag on, the worse it will be for both of you.

Step #7: Use A Lot of “I” Statements

Using “I” statements are very important when it comes to how to break up with a girlfriend in person. When you use an “I” statement, you take the weight of responsibility off of the other person.

For example, saying “I don’t like who I have become in this relationship” is much different than saying “Being with you makes me feel bad” or “You’ve made me feel like a person I don’t like.”

Remember, you want to avoid the “It’s not you, it’s me” cliche (because everyone has heard that one), but you still want to get the same sentiment across.

Now that you know the steps when it comes to how to break up with your girlfriend in person, let’s look at what to do after the breakup.

Healing After Heartbreak

One of the many reasons you might be hesitant to breakup is because you know it’s going to suck, not just for her but for you as well.

It’s not like you’re 100% over this person. You’re going to feel bad and will need time to heal. You may be avoiding the severing of this relationship to avoid this wave of pain.

It might be easier for you to end things (something you will do inevitably) if you have 1) a plan and 2) a timeline.

First the plan:

• Spend two weeks doing whatever you want. Feel free to Netflix and chill solo with some pizza
• Work out. Exercise relieves stress
• Hang out with friends and family twice a week (fill in those social gaps that she once filled)
• Realize you may miss her ever if you’re the one breaking up with her 

Finally, when you’re ready to get back out there, start MegaDating.

Secondly, let’s answer the question, how long does it take to get over a breakup?

It’s not like day one after the breakup you’ll feel liberated and ready to take on the world.

By breaking up with someone you uproot your entire life (depending on how intertwined you two were). There will suddenly be a massive chunk of your life missing.

I guarantee that even though you initiated the breakup there will be moments of regret. 

You will have fleeting moments when you want to get back with her. So how long will these thoughts and feelings of regret last?

Look, everyone has their own timeline. Factors such as if there was cheating involved, how long the relationship lasted, who broke up with whom, and how intertwined your lives were will all play a part in the healing process. 

Research says it’ll take anywhere from two weeks to a year and a half to get over a breakup.

My guess though is that considering you broke up with her it’ll take a solid month before you start feeling like yourself again.

Expedite the healing process by:

• Quitting her cold turkey (limit the interactions and unfollow her on SM, tell her you’ll do this to help get over her)
• Fill in the social gaps (reconnect with friends and family, fill up your social calendar)
• Workout
• Pick up a new hobby and dive into it

What is MegaDating?

MegaDating is when you date multiple people at the same time in order to diffuse energy by keeping your social calendar full. MegaDating shows you firsthand that there are plenty of fish in the sea. Moreover, it offers an abundance mindset. Instead of feeling like you have to chase after one woman in case she turns out to be “the one,” you’ll hang out with several interesting women at once.

Why Does MegaDating Work?

This forces you to be more selective when it comes to picking a partner. Furthermore, you avoid settling for the mediocre. Perhaps that’s part of the reason you are breaking up with your girlfriend now.

Did you feel like you were settling? Are you afraid that breaking up means never finding anyone else? Do you think it may be better to be in an unsatisfactory relationship than no relationship at all?

Don’t feel embarrassed if you’ve felt this way. A lot of men and women do, actually, but this line of thinking isn’t going to help you achieve happiness in your romantic life. That’s why MegaDating is so effective.

I used MegaDating as my main strategy during my 100-date experiment. It led me to a long-term, satisfying relationship. Years later, my boyfriend and I are still going strong.

It worked for me and it can work for you too!

Dating Decoded

Interested in learning how we here at emlovz can help you?

We teach our students the shortcut to finding their ideal match by MegaDating. MegaDating is our dating philosophy and it shapes everything we teach here at emlovz. Simply put MegaDating is dating prolifically with the specific goal of going on 20 dates in 90 days. This will give you ample women to compare and contrast so you can refine not only your dating skills but also who your ideal partner is.

To teach you how to quickly find highly compatible women in just weeks and become the most eligible bachelor in town you’ll team up with romantic experts, each skilled in their own unique area to support you.

Our Team

• Emyli (me), co-founder, curriculum developer, head coach, and I host two coaching sessions every week
• Thomas, co-founder, and coach. He’ll lead the biweekly Man Cave event where men come together to talk dating, bond with one another, and support other single men
• Brooke, and Audrey are mock date specialists. Go on a practice date with them (and receive feedback) before your next date
• Darshil is a confidence coach, wingman, and all around great guy to have on your team. Once student, now a teacher he knows what you’re going through and how to get the most from your dating life
• Hailey is your new stylist. She’s worked with celebs from every industry and is now about to raid your closet
• Tilly is our holistic sex & intimacy coach. She’ll help you get the most out of your sex life so you and your partner are happier between the sheets
• Renee is our anxiety dating coach. As a licensed therapist she knows the steps needed to turn you into a cool, calm, and collected dater
• Mia is our social media expert. Revamp your Facebook and Instagram profiles with her help and start meeting women online

Our Community

And look, we realize that the single life can be difficult. If accepted into our coaching program, Dating Decoded, you’d be joining a community of supportive men and coaches who are there to listen, support, and encourage you as you navigate the single life.

Our program offers every student a lifetime membership (as if you’ll need it) so the support won’t stop until you’ve found your ideal partner.

If you’re ready to find your forever partner, book a Zoom session with our team today. Together we’ll talk about your dating history, your goals and show you how our program, Dating Decoded, can help you find your ideal partner.

Learn how our students have already improved their dating lives.