Breaking up is never easy, even if the relationship has long run its course. If you’re wondering how to break up with your girlfriend in person, you’re not alone. Having the big “breakup conversation” and taking the proper steps following that conversation (exchanging of things, etc.), can create a great deal of anxiety.
However, even though a breakup is likely unpleasant no matter how you approach it, it doesn’t have to be terrible. Below are my expert tips on how to break up with your girlfriend. I’ll also provide some advice at the end of this article on moving on following your breakup.
How to Break Up with Your Girlfriend Step #1: The Convo
When the time comes to have the breakup conversation, always keep compassion in mind. Be prepared for tears and questions about what went wrong. Keep the conversation honest and heartfelt. She may ask you what she could have done differently or what you would like her to do in order to salvage the relationship.
The truth is, when you know it’s time to break up with someone, you just know. The fact that you have discovered that the two of you are no longer compatible does not detract from your girlfriend’s value as a person.
However, breakups often take a big hit to our self-esteem. Rejection sucks no matter who you are. And a breakup is the ultimate rejection. It’s important to let your girlfriend know that the breakup is not a reflection on her as a person. Furthermore, it doesn’t mean that you are blind to her many wonderful attributes.
Sometimes two people are simply not meant to make it long-term. Sadly, one person often realizes that first instead of both parties seeing it at the same time. Hence, completely mutual breakups are a rarity.
The Bachelor Formula
Ok, this might sound silly, but hear me out.
On shows like The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, certain season leads really get it right when it comes to ending a relationship with compassion. Granted, these people are dating 23 people at the same time and I’m guessing that’s not your scenario (if so…congrats??), but the point still stands.
I noticed while watching Bachelorette Becca Kufrin’s season that she was very good at ending things with guys. She didn’t make excuses, was really open and honest and also wasn’t afraid to let her emotions show. Even though you know that you will be happier ending the relationship, it’s ok for it to be painful and for your girlfriend to see that this is hard for you as well.
A lot of times Becca would tell guys how she just “couldn’t get there” or “be on the same page” as the guys who wanted the relationship to last. I think telling someone that you simply can’t meet them where they are with feelings or saying that the chemistry just isn’t what it should be is better than a cliched “it’s not me, it’s you.”
One More Example
Another great example of handling a breakup with compassion was on Nick Viall’s season of The Bachelor where he ended things with Rachel Lindsay. I really like that he made a point to let her know how amazing she is and that his feelings toward her as a person and the amount of respect and care he had for her hadn’t changed. They just simply weren’t right for each other long-term.
Again, I know it may be silly for me to reference a reality television show for a breakup article but look at the body language. It’s exactly the way you should look and talk when you’re ending a relationship with someone in a kind, heartfelt way.
And, yes, no matter how you do it, it’s likely that your girlfriend is going to be hurt and shed some tears. But in the long run, the way you handle the breakup will make it much easier for her as she moves forward.
Step #2: Choose a Neutral Location
Technically, this is step one for how to break up with your girlfriend in person, but I really wanted to get the conversation part out of the way first.
When it comes to the “where” of how to break up with your girlfriend in person, don’t choose your or her apartment. Pick a neutral location that offers privacy. Something like a somewhat secluded park could be a good choice.
Step #3: Make Exchanging of Things Easy
When it comes to wondering how to break up with your girlfriend in person, you may also be wondering how to give her back her things.
Make it easy for her. If she left things like clothes or a toothbrush at your place, put it in a box somewhere and have it ready for her. If you have a garage, this could be a good choice for her to grab and go.
You can also ask her if she prefers for you to drop off things with a roommate while she’s at work, leave things in her mailbox etc.
And when it comes to your items, ask her about doing the same. Make it a situation where it is easy and convenient but (hopefully) doesn’t have to involve much interaction so that she can focus on healing instead of seeing you again.
Step #4: Reestablishing a Friendship
If you don’t want to lose a friendship with her, explain that you think the two of you are better off as friends.
Often, we enter into a relationship with someone who is intellectually compatible but, when it comes to romance, the chemistry simply isn’t there.
Let her know you would love to remain friends if she’s open to it. However, be prepared that this may be too difficult for her. Moreover, don’t try to pick up a friendship right after you’ve broken up.
Give her a couple of weeks to heal after the breakup and then try to reestablish the friendship.
But when you do…
Step #5: Give Her an Exit Strategy
This step on how to break up with your girlfriend also applies to the part about meeting in a neutral location for the actual breakup.
Whether you’re meeting up to try and reestablish the friendship or meeting up for the actual breakup drive. In. Separate. Cars.
You need to give her the option to bail out solo if things become overwhelming.
Step #6: Get on the Ball
Once you’re sure you want to break up, do it quickly. Don’t let the feeling linger for weeks. It’s painful for both of you. Women are intuitive and will notice something is off.
Moreover, the longer you wait the more likely she is to get upset at you. She may wonder why you dragged your feet instead of ripping the band-aid off.
I know it’s difficult. But trust me, the longer you let this drag on, the worse it will be for both of you.
Step #7: Use A Lot of “I” Statements
Using “I” statements are very important when it comes to how to break up with a girlfriend in person. When you use an “I” statement, you take the weight of responsibility off of the other person.
For example, saying “I don’t like who I have become in this relationship” is much different than saying “Being with you makes me feel bad” or “You’ve made me feel like a person I don’t like.”
Remember, you want to avoid the “It’s not you, it’s me” cliche (because everyone has heard that one), but you still want to get the same sentiment across.
Now that you know the steps when it comes to how to break up with your girlfriend in person, let’s look at what to do after the breakup.
Healing After Heartbreak
A while back, I wrote an article on the five ways to heal a broken heart. Although it’s often easier for someone to move on if they initiated a breakup, chances are it’s still going to take a little time to move on. After the breakup, be sure to practice self-care:
- Spend two weeks doing whatever you want. Feel free to Netflix and chill solo with some pizza
- Work out. Exercise relieves stress
- Hang out with friends and family twice a week
- Realize you may miss her after you breakup with her)
Finally, when you’re ready to get back out there, start MegaDating.
What is MegaDating?
MegaDating is when you date multiple people at the same time in order to diffuse energy by keeping your social calendar full. MegaDating shows you firsthand that there are plenty of fish in the sea. Moreover, it offers an abundance mindset. Instead of feeling like you have to chase after one woman in case she turns out to be “the one,” you’ll hang out with several interesting women at once.
Why Does MegaDating Work?
This forces you to be more selective when it comes to picking a partner. Furthermore, you avoid settling for the mediocre. Perhaps that’s part of the reason you are breaking up with your girlfriend now.
Did you feel like you were settling? Are you afraid that breaking up means never finding anyone else? Do you think it may be better to be in an unsatisfactory relationship than no relationship at all?
Don’t feel embarrassed if you’ve felt this way. A lot of men and women do, actually, but this line of thinking isn’t going to help you achieve happiness in your romantic life. That’s why MegaDating is so effective.
I used MegaDating as my main strategy during my 100-date experiment. It led me to a long-term, satisfying relationship. Years later, my boyfriend and I are still going strong.
It worked for me and it can work for you too!
Breaking Up and Moving On
I understand that’s every relationship is different. These tips on how to break up with your girlfriend in person are designed to offer closure and an easy transition for many couples. However, I understand that every couple is different. Perhaps you are in a unique situation and need some guidance. Or maybe you’d like to get an objective, professional opinion before deciding to end things.
I’m here to help. For years, I’ve coached men on a variety of relationship issues — from breakups and divorce to dating after a breakup, attracting women that are considered “out of your league” and everything in between.
If you’d like to chat and take the proper steps in finding your ultimate happiness, head over to my calendar and book a 1-on-1 Skype session with me today. During our session, we will discuss your dating/relationship roadblocks, how to overcome those roadblocks and create an action plan to help you crush your goals.
Before my 100-date experiment, I had dealt with repeated heartbreak and wondered if true love even existed. I discovered that it does exist and anyone (that means YOU) can find it.
I look forward to connecting with you.