For a social species, humans are incredibly lonely.

Even before the pandemic forced us to isolate, we were suffering from a loneliness epidemic.

As we’ve become more intimate with our devices we’ve grown less intimate with our fellow man.

Churches however give us a chance to connect with not only a higher power but with like-minded individuals.

Church used to be epicenters of social interaction, so much so that not so long ago one of the most common ways to meet your romantic partner was through church.

As you can see, meeting your partner at church is old-school. While we may no longer find romance within our religious community that doesn’t mean we want to keep the two separate.

Quite often one’s church and one’s romantic partner are the two most important relationships a pious person can have.

But what happens when these two clash?

If you’re saying to yourself, my pastor doesn’t approve of my relationship and don’t know what to do you can always ask God — but he doesn’t always provide the timeliest of responses.

So until he answers we’ll provide you with some concrete steps you can take in the meantime.

My Pastor Doesn’t Approve Of My Relationship

We tend to think our pastors are infallible.

We hear them preach, know of their good deeds, and hold them in high regard.

But simply because your pastor takes one look at your partner and looks in disdain doesn’t mean they’re right.

Their word is not the word of God.

Take that under consideration as we consider what you should do knowing your church doesn’t approve of your relationship.

Your Pastor Isn’t Living Your Life

They can only give advice from their perspective.

They don’t feel your loneliness, they don’t know you the way that you know yourself, they don’t personally experience all of the things that you do, and most importantly they don’t know her or your relationship.

While it’s good to have an external sounding board, at the end of the day you have to trust yourself. If you’ve made bad choices in the past, it’s important to listen to outside perspectives to avoid getting involved in destructive relationships but at the end of the day, this is your life to live and your love to have.

Remember that your pastor isn’t all-knowing.

Perhaps he gave your partner the side-eye because of their accent, skin color, how they dressed, the fact that they’re not a Christian, or for any other of the billion reasons we’re quick to judge someone else.

The point is, if your pastor doesn’t really know your partner (or you for that matter) then their opinion on the matter shouldn’t carry the weight of God.

So what do you do when your church doesn’t care for your partner?

If they really care about you and your involvement they’ll be civil. In time they’ll get to know your partner and chances are their opinions will change.

Try to sway opinions by:

• Getting your closest church friends to like your partner
• Speaking super highly of your significant other

And hey, although it’s not ideal worst case you find a new church.

Although this is a last resort I’m certain that a new church would be incredibly welcoming to a lovely new couple.

Introduce Her To The Experts

It seems like your pastor has all the answers, but they don’t.

No one knows you or your relationship as good as you do, but there are some that might debate that.

Your friends and family know who you are and how your partner has changed you.

Sometimes they see things you can’t.

You’re too infatuated, close, and blinded by affection to see how you’ve changed.

The opinions that really matter come from those that know you best.

If your friends and family all don’t like her, that’s a sign that you should pay attention to. But if it’s only your pastor that has an issue or a few people who have an opinion but they haven’t actually met this person, then they don’t have all the information.

But hey, even our parents and friends have prejudices and flaws that might taint their view of your partner. 

When they tell you why she’s not right for you, ask why.

If their answers don’t make much sense, really assess if it’s true or if it’s a limiting bias that makes them feel that way.

Pro Tip:

Go do something that your new partner and parents both like. Perhaps that’s a board game, playing a sport, or just eating really good food. This activity will make the idea of spending time together more palatable. It’ll also make their shared interests abundantly clear and give them something to bond over.

Trust People Who Have What You Want

That might be your parents, a good friend, your psychologist, or acquaintances.

Take advice and trust people who have what you want. There are a lot of opinionated people who don’t have a clue.

Take advice only from those who have the things you want in life.

These people have walked the line you hope to walk and know what the green and red flags are.

They’ll be able to assess when a relationship is and isn’t working.

If you want feedback from these people set up an outing with your partner and your pre-approved squad.

Before entering into any long-term relationship it’s best that you get a second opinion. Perhaps these people see something that you don’t.

Before the outing, tell them that you want their honest opinion after the fact.

This will make them more perceptive and more likely to remember the date after the fact.

Your Opinion Matters Most

At the end of the day it doesn’t matter that your pastor doesn’t approve of your relationship.

What matters is how you feel.

Do you think what you have is worth investing in?

Does she make you feel good?

Do you think the relationship is healthy?

And are you willing for things to be a little awkward for a while as your church gets to know your partner?

These are all questions worth asking.

If you’re reading this article chances are that you don’t have a problem with your partner. That your mind is set, it’s just the setting of other minds that you’re worried about.

If those around you truly love you, they’ll figure out a way to form a civil relationship with your partner.

If They’re Right

Who knows, they might be right.

Maybe your fear that my pastor doesn’t approve of my relationship is more than a fear. Maybe she really isn’t right for you.

Take a step back and assess what they’ve told you. Ask yourself if it’s true that you two aren’t meant to be together.

If that’s the case, it’s time to break up and get back out there.

But you might be afraid to do so.

Perhaps you’re worried there’s no one else out there for you.

I can assure you that fear is unfounded.

But it doesn’t matter what I say, what matters is how you feel.

The quickest way to change your mind and convince you there are compatible women out there is to MegaDate.

MegaDating is all about dating women simultaneously.

It’s about tapping into your social circles and finding compatible women to date.

In my program, Dating Decoded I teach men how to mine social channels to find single compatible women.

This might mean meeting women through friends, parties, dating apps, Meetups, Facebook groups, PTA meetings, and via other social networks.

Once you learn where to find these women and how to ask them out you’ll find yourself with a jam-packed calendar.

Being that you can’t spend 4 hours and $100+ on every date you’ll have to date strategically.

It’s for this reason we advocate for time and financial constraints on the first two dates. Think of this as a trial period. I mean hey, why spend copious time and money on a complete stranger?

Inviting strangers out to steak dinners is an old-school way of dating.

MegaDating will boost your confidence, prove to you there are women out there for you, and quickly help you find someone compatible with you.

To learn more about how MegaDating can benefit you as well as how to overcome the naysayers, book a 1-on-1 appointment via Zoom today.

During our call, we’ll discuss your dating goals and determine if my program, Dating Decoded can help you achieve them.