Dating as a millennial can be a tricky road to navigate. Modern dating rules for millennials are couched in a language that subscribes to first date hookups, ghosting and stress.

What if you could take the pitfalls of the millennial dating world and turn them into strategy?

I’ve compiled a list of modern dating rules for millennials to help you break through the confusion, improve your self-esteem and find healthier relationships.

Dating Tips for Millennial Men

MegaDate But Don’t Ghost

Dating several people at once (otherwise known as the EmLovz mantra “MegaDating”) is an ideal way to increase your dating and relationship success. Trust me, I know, because I’ve been there.

MegaDating involves prolifically dating around. I’m talking about a hike-date on Sunday, ice cream with Sam on Wednesday, and pizza with Meg on Friday.

In our program, Dating Decoded we teach students how to become a proactive dater. Exposing yourself to new women every week increases the chances that you’ll find your special someone in the near future. Dating so many women at once also improves your dating skills, refines what you’re looking for, and also really freakin’ fun!

But even when you are casually seeing someone, keep in mind that respect should always be at the forefront of your mind.

And — above all else — never, EVER ghost someone.

The advent of text messaging and dating apps has made it easier than ever to avoid closure when you’re no longer “feeling it.”

More than 80% of single millennials reported that they have been ghosted. Ghosting occurs when you are dating someone and you or that person devolve into radio silence without an explanation. Calls, texts and any other type of communication stops.

LISTEN UP.

Letting someone know you’re not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship — or continuing one — is gonna suck for that person, regardless of how gently you let them down. BUT, simply pulling a disappearing act with no explanation is going to suck WAY HARDER and can lead to detrimental side effects.

And with social media and dating apps, it’s not likely people will be able to write off your sudden absence as your phone dying or you needing be to enter the witness protection program.

You don’t have to reject a person in a way that is crushing or depends on a cliched “it’s not you, it’s me” breakup. Be kind, but also me honest. Don’t tell someone you’re not looking for a relationship if you are, or that you “want to be friends” if you don’t.

Let the person know that you enjoyed their company, but that the chemistry just isn’t right, and it would be a bad idea for both of you to move forward romantically. This provides closure to the person and can put your conscience at ease.

But a distinction needs to be made.

Ghosting is when a woman shoots you a text and you never respond. That’s not the same as just never texting a woman after a date. If you weren’t feeling it you don’t need to be proactive and message her a litany of reasons why you never want to see her again. Only explicitly reject a woman (in the nicest way possible) if she messages you and clearly wants to see you again.

If she doesn’t message, just let the relationship fade into the abyss – there’s no reason to unnecessarily hurt someone.

Don’t Ask The Woman to Split the First 3 Date Bills

The moment that the check is delivered in the center of the table can make a date go from incredible to painfully awkward.

It has become more common nowadays for men to ask to split the check on a first date. My take on that?

DON’T.

There are a few important reasons men should pay for the first three dates, including the amount a woman spends on dating prep, as well as the fact that (despite changing times) there still tends to be a major pay gap between men and women – not to mention the fact that you asked her to go on a date with you, a total stranger. Paying is your way of saying thank you for taking a chance on you.

Of course, if she does offer take that as a massive waving green flag. 

Look, I’m not trying to mess up your credit score or drain your bank account.

Here is a strategy that is most successful and won’t leave you with a sore wallet!

First date:

Choose something casual like a happy hour or coffee that won’t cost more than $20. Limit the date time to no more than an hour. This allows you enough time to see if there’s chemistry without putting on too much pressure, which can be stressful for you and your date.

Second date:

You’ve broken the ice and now you want to get to know more about this person. The second date should include something that is active and free.

You may be wondering how to make a second date memorable without spending a dime. Most local tourism websites and newspapers will have a calendar of free events that are unique to your area. If you’re on social media, platforms like Facebook have local event listings as well.

For more ideas, check out my top 18 physical second date ideas plus 13 other second date ideas that’ll knock your dates socks off. But to help you get started, here are a few free date ideas that don’t require wealth to woo a lady.

• Go hiking
• Visit a museum
• Have a picnic at the beach or a local park
• Go on a brewery tour
• Find a free concert
• Sample foods at a farmer’s market

Third date:

By the third date, it’s time to get a little more intimate. Plan a romantic dinner for the two of you and — if you play your cards right — this date is a prime time to seal the deal with that special lady.

Perhaps this date includes a nice dinner, dancing, drinks, etc. Use this third date to show her how much she means to you.

Here are a few third-date pointers:

• Time and financial restrictions are lifted
• Make sure date is close to your house in case you two want to go to your place after
• Don’t drink too much (applies to every date)
• Gradually increase sexual tension via touch
• Make sure it takes place on Friday or Saturday night

You can read a complete breakdown of how to get your date in the mood by clicking here.

Be Happy with Yourself

When it comes to dating and relationships, I don’t subscribe to the whole it happens when it happens adage. At emlovz we believe in making our own luck.

It’s natural to want a teammate in your life and you shouldn’t shy away from putting yourself out there.

Romantic relationships offer an intimacy that you can’t get anywhere else. At the same time, dating and relationships put you in a state of vulnerability, potential rejection (it happens to all of us), and can force you to address any emotional baggage you may have.

With that being said, don’t let finding “the one” be the focal point of your day-to-day. Find ways to be confident and happy with yourself whether or not you are romantically linked to someone.

Of course, confidence isn’t something that is always easy to come by, but there are a few things you can do to naturally increase your self-esteem. This, in turn, projects a more attractive energy to those around you.

One way to boost your confidence quickly? Get moving. According to the Mayo Clinic, exercising is a great way to build your self-esteem.

Exercising releases feel-good hormones known as endorphins, which give you a natural high. Working out can also give you a body that you feel more comfortable in and that potential mates find more appealing.

And you don’t have to run a ton of laps or lift weights until you’re ready to collapse. As little as 20 minutes of activity per day can improve mood and decrease depression.

Here are a few other quick ways to feel confident and appear more attractive:

• Practice power posing. According to social psychologist Amy Cuddy, practicing confident, powerful stances can actually improve self-esteem.
• Smile. Research shows that smiling — even when it’s forced — can reduce stress.
• Speak to yourself in the third person. For example, instead of saying “I can’t do this. I’ll never be successful,” say something like, “Brian, you can do this. You can be successful.” A study found that practicing this form of self-talk increases confidence.

You can always seek professional help by way of a therapist OR find your community.

emlovz has a community of men just like you. Awesome single guys who are all looking for love. Our students team up to offer support to one another whether that be online or IRL. Classmates find accountability buddies who listen, support, and push them to achieve their goals.

Twice a month we also hold Man Cave sessions led by co-founder Thomas Anthony. During these sessions, students have the chance to talk about whatever is on their minds. It’s here they can vent, support one another, and just let things off their chest as they bond with men that know exactly what they’re going through.

Pass On First Date Sex

To be clear, I’m writing this for an audience that I believe wants a long-term relationship.

If you just want a quick shag, then of course, bone away. But if you want something more substantial, long-term, and meaningful, best wait.

There’s no rush here. If you two like each other you’ll hang out again and again. It’s not like she’ll friend zone you because you didn’t ask her back to your place on a first date.

Not to mention most women — even if they’re attracted to you — won’t want to come back to yours on a first date. Don’t screw the pooch by popping the question too early. Let things simmer and slowly bring your relationship to a boil on the second and third date.

Don’t Get Aggressive with Texting and Emojis

I love emojis.

You love emojis.

We can all agree that emojis are wonderful, yes? But when it comes to dating, be sure you don’t get too aggressive with emojis or text messaging.

A study published in Edmonton Journal found that online dating profiles that were peppered with emojis made women think the men were less intelligent.

To me, too many emojis can come off as aggressive in the same way that sending too many texts too soon can be aggressive.

This segues perfectly into the next dating tip for millennials.

Chill With The Texting

There are a million ways to get in touch with your new flame.

You could text, send her a message via IG or FB, you could go old-school and call, send her an email, Snapchat, etc.

It’s all too easy to remain ever connected with someone. They could be thousands of miles away yet within a second your message could arrive in their pocket.

This is great and all, but it’s the quickest way to throw water on that flame you’ve been burning.

In between dates don’t text her. 

It sounds a bit much, but it’s necessary to keep the mystery alive. Texting is a shallow way to get to know someone. The only time you should be texting is to 1) make sure she made it home safely 2) inform her you’re on your way to the date and 3) to ask her out on another date using a TDL.

Capeesh?

Avoid Internet Stalking

The digital age has proven to be a bit of a double-edged sword when it comes to millennial dating.

Thanks to the internet and social media platforms, we can now connect with people that we may never have crossed paths with otherwise.

However, this ease of access isn’t always a good thing.

Even before a first date has taken place, you potentially have access to a buffet of information about someone. You can browse their Instagram, Facebook and more, seeing a plethora of photos they’ve taken — many that could be with attractive men.

These men could be platonic friends or even relatives, but when you don’t have that insider knowledge, viewing your date’s social media can induce stress and anxiety.

How do you avoid this stress?

Just say NO to googling and internet stalking the person (or people) you are dating.

It takes time to get to know if someone is right for you. Allow your personal interactions to define where the relationship will go, rather than the world wide web.

But just because you follow this rule doesn’t mean she will.

That’s why it’s vital to keep a quality online presence. Make sure your IG, FB, and yes even LinkedIn are on point. She 100% will stalk you if you two met online.

If you need a social revamp, talk to Mia.

Put The Phone Down

We love phones until we don’t.

When she’s on a date she wants your undivided attention.

She wants eye contact, she wants you to smile and nod when she speaks, and for sure she wants you to listen and ask questions.

But you can’t do these things if you have your phone out.

Mute your phone or even tell her you’re going to turn your device off so you can focus on her. Never reach for your phone on a date, even if she does.

Paying attention to her and giving a damn is well, damn sexy.

From Tips To A Strategy 

A couple of random dating tips for millennial men are nice and all but how do you put this all together?

At emlovz we’ve helped thousands of men go from no dates to a girlfriend in short time. We help men by enrolling them in Dating Decoded. This program is designed to help millennial men navigate the dating scene. We have a hands-on team of coaches to guide you through this weird and sexy world.

I’d love to learn more about you and your goals when we chat via a 1-on-1 Zoom call. 

If you want to know what our students are saying about Dating Decoded, read how their lives have changed since enrolling.