How To Respond To Ghosting And Resurrect Your Relationship
Wondering how to respond to ghosting to revive your relationship?
There are more ghosts on the 2021-22 dating scene than on the battlefield of Gettysburg.
That’s just a fact.
But unlike those that died on the battlefield, there might be some hope at resurrecting those that passed on the battlefield of love.
Ghosting has become such an epidemic that people with PhDs decided to study it.
A 2018 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, found that of the 1,300 people surveyed, a quarter had been ghosted, whereas a fifth reported being guilty of ghosting.
A much less scientific study carried out by Plenty of Fish found that ghosting is the en vogue way of ending a relationship.
I guess I’m telling you all this to let you know that you’re not alone.
If you think you’re the only person that’s been ghosted, then well, you clearly skimmed over the graph above.
With so many people having been ghosted, the question now becomes how to respond to ghosting.
It’s this question that we’ll be tackling in this comprehensive and ever-so-scientific article.
How To Respond To Ghosting
First let’s start with the basics.
For example, what the hell even is ghosting?
What Is Ghosting?
For someone that’s been ghosted before (me and yes probably you) ghosting isn’t one of those things that you struggle to put into words.
It’s not some abstract romantic sensation that the poets struggle to capture.
Rather it’s a concrete behavior.
Ghosting is when a romantic interest abruptly severs all communication with you.
Ghosting most often happens on dating apps or early on during a relationship before the person feels obligated to give spell out why they no longer want to see/talk to their romantic interest.
To better understand how to combat ghosting let’s take a look at the most common reasons for ghosting.
I Ghost, Therefore I Am
There are literally a million reasons why we ghost.
We do so because we lost phone numbers, because our date picked their nose at dinner, and because our old hubby just moved back from Atlanta.
We can’t cover every reason, so let’s have a look at the most common reasons women ghost.
She Got Bored/Distracted/Found Someone Better
This is a real screenshot juxtaposing what a woman and man’s Tinder profile looks like 24 hours after downloading.
Look we all know women have more options than men. This is true inside and outside of dating apps — this is just proof of that hunch.
If you can’t stimulate her she’ll look elsewhere.
Ghosting happens ALL THE TIME on dating apps.
Hell, she may be ghosting you not even on purpose but because between the time you last messaged her and she logged into the app 20 other men have already messaged her.
To avoid being ghosted you’ll have to quickly prove to her that you’re worth seeing and score her number.
They’re Just Too Busy
Look I know it can feel like it’s all about you but it’s not.
Sometimes it isn’t you, it’s just literally everything else — her work, anxiety, need to go the gym more often, she’s moving, the new season of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel just came out, etc.
For whatever reason, you’re not a priority in their life. So much so that they didn’t even find it necessary to let you know it’s over.
She’s Dating Other Dudes
More often than not, this is why she abruptly cut ties.
Like you, she too is dating around. She’s dating so many guys that she doesn’t have the time, emotional energy, or moral obligation to tell you it’s over. Hell, for her maybe it never even began.
Why Do Women Ghost Instead Of Telling You?
This one should be a no-brainer.
Ghosting is a way to avoid confrontation.
Imagine if every time a woman wanted to stop talking to someone she knocked on his door and listed out the many reasons for her wanting to never talk to him again.
Women avoid this very unnecessary act because it’s awkward, time-consuming, unwanted, and potentially dangerous.
Guys always complain about being ghosted, but I don’t think it’s the method they’re comparing about as much as the fact that she no longer wants to see him.
Would you really prefer women tell you why they don’t want to date you?
God forbid a woman tell you why you might end up hearing something like this:
Ghosting is easy, safe, and becoming more and more accepted as more people opt to make it their main way to end a relationship.
And to be fair, if you two have never met in person or only went on a date or two I think ghosting is appropriate, don’t you think?
The Ghosting Danger Zone
It’s easier to respond to ghosting before the ghost gets too out of hand.
The longer the ghost goes on the more difficult it’ll be to resurrect the nascent relationship.
You’re on the verge of being ghosted after not having a few of your texts responded to. Of course, the type of texts not being responded to tell us a lot about what stage of ghosting you’re in.
If two TDL’s haven’t been responded to she’s trying to ghost you. However, if your nothing messages (e.g. “how was your day”) haven’t been responded to, there’s still hope.
So… what do you do?
How To Respond To Ghosting
There are a few methods you can use depending on the stage of ghosting.
If you’ve been sending her messages of little consequence (“hey, how are you?” “how have you been?”) then it’s time you use a TDL.
Use A TDL To Bring Her Back
TDL stands for time, date, location.
She’s not responding to petty texts because she doesn’t have time to bond via text. She’s a goddamn woman that isn’t going to waste time on texting. You may think she’s ghosting because she doesn’t like you but in reality, she just doesn’t want to kibitz via text.
Remedy this by asking her out on a date.
However texting her, “Want to go out again sometime?” is a low-value message that she’ll likely reject. Instead, give her something tangible to sink her teeth in.
Try something like:
“Hey Jess. I haven’t heard from you lately, and I hope I didn’t do anything to offend you and that you’re doing well. If you want to try to resolve any issues, I’d be happy to talk. In any case I wish you all the best.”
This message probably won’t get you in her good graces but it at least puts you in a position of getting some answers.
This is also the type of message you’d send to someone that you’ve been seeing for quite some time. Keep in mind that the nicer you sound the better the odds are of receiving a response. No woman wants to deal with an angry man.
The “Accidental” Message
So it’s been a month or two and the woman you want to see again has clearly ghosted you.
You’d feel weird if you were to hit her up again, so what do you do.
Well you send her an accidental message, but not just anyone will do.
It’s got to be a badass message.
Something that shows her that you’re having a killer time living your life.
For example:
“Hey did you get your ticket for Lollapalooza yet?”
OR
“Just picked up some more paint for the LOTR mural. See you at Brook’s at 7.”
The hope is that she’ll be so intrigued that she’ll message you back inquiring about the awesome thing you “accidentally” messaged her about.
Is it childish, yes, but hey why not throw a hail mary, you’ve got nothing to lose.
The Best Defense Is A Good Offense
The best way to handle ghosting is to make sure it never happens.
The only sure-fire way to do this is to become an all-around better date and flirt.
But seeing as how that’s impossible to do in the next 400 words or so I’ll give you a few suggestions.
Get Her Number ASAP
Being ghosted online is a daily occurrence. The best way to combat this is to get her number within 10 or so Tinder exchanges. It’s much easier to ghost someone on Tinder via someone who has graduated and now has a place in her contacts list.
Date Her ASAP
As soon as you have her number ask her out on a kick-ass date while using a TDL to do so.
Learn Basic Date Skills
You can read all you want about how to improve your dating game or you can team up with a pro. No, I’m not talking about Mystery, the douchebag PUA “artist.” I’m talking about me and my team of coaches and matchmakers.
To begin let’s talk via a 1-on-1 Zoom session to learn more about your dating goals.
Then we’ll enroll you in our Get-A-Girlfriend program, group date hack chat, and set you up on a mock date & much more to improve and gauge your romantic skills.
Stop Texting Her In-Between Dates
You don’t want to be the guy that’s exhausting to date.
Messaging her every day is tiring and shallow. She doesn’t want to feel obliged to answer your petty texts.
Refrain from messaging her in-between dates. Rather, only message her to ask her out and confirm a date.
The Opposite Response
Let’s be real for a second.
It’s super difficult to see someone again after they’ve ghosted you.
The best thing you can do is move on.
Do this by MegaDating.
MegaDating is the act of dating women simultaneously.
It’s super difficult to get hung up on someone when you have various dates scheduled.
You don’t have time to be bummed out or out of the zone. You’ve got to refocus and look forward to the next woman.
You can MegaDating by mining dates online and IRL (if dating 10 women a month sounds impossible let me prove you wrong).
The main objective of MegaDating is to cut down on the time it takes to find a compatible girlfriend. You date around because doing so increases the odds that you’ll find someone that you really like.
In reality, this is the best response to ghosting.
So stop chasing ghosts and start chasing women again.
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