How to React When a Woman Rejects You (Or Disrespects You)
Knowing how to react when a woman rejects you — especially when she does it rudely — is one of the greatest skills a guy needs when it comes to dating.
In fact, here’s a question: What’s the meanest thing someone has ever said to you while dating? I’ve been called the C-word a few times. Plus “crazy,” “sociopath”… and I’m sure others.
Those words hurt. And honestly, I had to really examine myself because at first, I was afraid they were true.
But then I realized it was the other person that was bad news, not me. It’s definitely a lesson in not internalizing someone else’s projections.
It’s so important to keep this in mind as we reach out to people we’re interested in dating. When you get a hurtful rejection, the best thing you can say in the moment is “ouch” or, better yet, don’t respond and move on.
But what if the rejection still stings, even way later? Here’s not only how to react when a woman rejects you, but how to grow from the experience.
Recognize When a Reaction is Over-the-Top
First, remember this: She doesn’t speak for everyone. Certain women may fly off the handle when you reach out to them, especially if it’s outside a dating app (like Instagram, Facebook, or LinkedIn). When this happens, it can be easy to generalize and think “all women are like this.”
But that’s not true. Some women will be flattered you reached out. Others maybe never would’ve seen your message if you hadn’t been persistent and found them on a different platform.
You can’t let one angry chick dictate your entire outreach strategy. The more messages you send over time, the more you’ll see those mean responses as outliers.
Some women are just having a bad day. Maybe some dude she was into just cut things off with her, or her boss just told her she was fired. You don’t know why she flipped out, and it’s not always your fault. You could have just happened to have bad timing.
So don’t let that stop you from putting yourself out there. Don’t let one rejection be the reason you never approach another woman again. That one experience doesn’t dictate that all experiences in the future will be the same.
Don’t Give Up
Now that this happened, you might think maybe LinkedIn, or Facebook, or Instagram aren’t the right places to reach out. But that’s not necessarily true.
Men who succeed aren’t afraid to put themselves out there. They’ve also accepted that some women won’t be receptive to their advances, and that’s just a part of the game. It’s a numbers game and every woman is different.
Remember, it’s her, not you. Anyone who responds like that has issues. I’ve gotten lots of crazy messages. When you send enough messages and put yourself out there enough times, the psychos become more obvious. A woman who writes a nasty reply to your message simply has a bad attitude. You just dodged a huge bullet.
Avoid the Urge to Save Face
Right now, you may be nervous, which is probably why you’re wondering how to react when a woman rejects you. You may even want to give a calibrated response to save face.
Instead, I’d recommend not responding. It will only add fuel to the fire.
I do get it, though. You feel like you need to end it in a way that doesn’t make you look bad, especially if it was taken out of context. On the other hand, since she lost her shit on you for no reason, the only person who looks bad is her.
So here’s the takeaway. Acknowledge when a woman’s response is exaggerated. Imagine if the tables were turned: Would you ever react like that to a cold email? She is either having a bad day or is a dick all the time. You did nothing wrong.
Kill Her With Kindness
Maybe you know you didn’t do anything wrong, but are still embarrassed and want to defend yourself. Fair enough.
I still disagree, but you have to send a response back, you can just say something like, “Ouch. Now I feel really bad. I’m sorry if I offended you, that was never my intention. Thank you for the feedback.”
In other words, kill her with kindness. If you’re a true gentleman, that’s how you react when a woman rejects you.
Rejection can be nasty. Not only that, but it can stick with you. Since you’re still thinking about how to react when a woman rejects you, I’d say you just absorbed some of her negative energy. You should definitely release that so it doesn’t internalize.
Take a walk to settle your energy a bit and ground yourself. If you can walk barefoot through the grass, even better.
Or, scream into a pillow until the feeling in your body returns to normal. My boyfriend and I use this “screaming pillow technique” whenever we’re having a rough day and need some release.
Seriously… it releases that bad energy.
Do the “7 Levels Deep” Exercise
As you try to figure out how to react when a woman rejects you, a bunch of questions may swirl in your mind. I recommend you try an exercise called 7 Levels Deep, which was explained in Dean Graziosi’s book Millionaire Success Habits. It will help you get at the root cause of what happened. In fact, the founder of Toyota, Sakichi Toyoda, created his own version called the 5 Whys.
To do the exercise, simply ask yourself the first question that comes to your mind about the situation. Next, ask a question to uncover the “why” behind the first question. Do this seven times.
So for example, you may start with, “Why am I so concerned about what she thinks about me?” Really consider that question. The answer may hold the key to the beliefs that are holding you back from your ideal relationship. Then, maybe another question: “Do I believe what she said is true, that I’m creepy?” Keep digging deeper layer by layer, answering your own questions.
By the seventh question, you most likely will have a deep realization and understanding. Once that occurs, you won’t have to worry about it anymore because it will be resolved.
Dealing with rejection is easier when you have a group of people to share it with who are going through the same thing. In DateHack, my group coaching program, clients have 24/7 access to their peers in Slack (our communication channel) who they can reach out to for support anytime (and while the pain is fresh and yucky-feeling). It’s important to have people to share with so you can realize the truth more quickly — that you did nothing wrong and you’re not alone.
Also, experiences like these will trigger you. In other words, they bring up parts of you that need to be healed.
Avoid LinkedIn If You Have To…
Today’s PC society quickly emasculates and controls men by very casually labeling them as “creepy” or “abusive.” The scariest part is, just the hint of such a label can destroy your reputation. This might make you hesitant to message women, especially on non-dating apps like LinkedIn.
For example, if a woman copied and pasted an interaction she felt was inappropriate to LinkedIn, or made it public there, it could severely damage him. And why would LinkedIn take a chance when they could easily just ban the guy? Why would anyone care about the details or the truth? And the terms a woman could use would likely stain the man’s reputation. That would be ridiculous but if she is crazy, she could do such a thing — and which side would LinkedIn take?
Knowing how to react when a woman rejects you on a platform like LinkedIn is tricky. It’s enough to make you avoid women there altogether. Perhaps Facebook and Instagram would feel more natural because they are more social platforms, whereas LinkedIn is a professional one. So, maybe don’t use LinkedIn for that reason if you don’t feel comfortable.
… but Don’t Let Fear Take Over
Yet even if you had a bad experience reaching out to someone on LinkedIn, remember that can happen on any platform. Don’t let someone else’s opinion scare you away from putting yourself out there.
You’re not the first person to use social media tools like LinkedIn, Facebook, or Instagram for dating, and you won’t be the last. In fact, as matchmakers, my team and I use it allllllllll the time for this reason. I recruit a lot on LinkedIn and some women threaten the crap out of me. Do I let that deter me from doing my job and finding my clients the very best match? No way Jose!
Some women are just crazy. It’s no reflection on you. Maybe some guy just rejected her and now she hates all men. Maybe she just got fired. I don’t know! But what I do know is that her rude-ass reaction is triggering fear in you. And that fear is important. We want to examine that.
To find the woman of your dreams, you have to face your fears. Remember, fear is “False Evidence Appearing Real.” If fear comes up for you in the dating process, that means you have a chance to address it, heal it, and grow into the man you’re meant to become. The man who stops at nothing to get the woman who of his dreams.
Check Out “100 Days of Rejection” with Jia Jiang
When Jia Jiang realized his fear of rejection held him back in life, he made a commitment to go out into the world and purposely get rejected every day for 100 days. Real talk — this dude is my hero and his story will inspire you to look at rejection very differently.
How to React When a Woman Rejects You: Wrap-Up
Getting mean rejections in the dating world isn’t fun. But again, if you do get one, remember that you are dodging a bullet. The women who lose their shit over you sending a message or two are just cray-cray. Plain and simple. Be honest with yourself: Does the chick seem evil? Sounds like she the devil, bro!
Still, knowing how to react when a woman rejects you can be tough. Worrisome thoughts likely go through your head. You become paranoid about using social media to reach out to women. You want to say something to fix it — or worse — lash out at her for making you feel this way.
So what do you do instead?
The key is to do none of that. This is a challenge to your self-esteem, for sure. But you can rise above it. Learn to control your own mind so it doesn’t make you shrink back into your comfort zone.
Remember, you can’t find a relationship that doesn’t exist yet by doing only what’s safe and familiar. Instead, the way to react when a woman rejects you is to do the opposite: expand. Look at ways you can approach women differently so it’s a win-win, where they see your value and you lower the chances of running into someone nutty (they’re always out there, though, I promise).
So what step are you going to take? What action will make you turn this ship around so that you have more good days than bad in your dating life?
I hope that at this point, you’re willing to talk about it. I’ve put together an amazing team of matchmaking professionals who can help you nail down who you’re really looking for, where to find her, and what you need to do to attract her when the time comes. All you need to do is reach out.
Book an intro consultation with emlovz to get started. You’ll find a deep well of support not only from our staff, but in our carefully crafted programs designed to make your dating efforts successful. From group sessions with like-minded singles to insightful one-on-ones for deep coaching and analysis, we’ve got you covered.