There is a variety of crises happening in the United States.

There’s the crisis at the border, commodity shortages, oh and who can forget about the pandemic?

But there’s one crisis that no one is talking about — ghosting.

Ghosting has been made easy by the prevalence of technology where relationships are quickly constructed and destructed. Instead of telling someone you just met — or have been dating — that it’s over, you can instead do nothing and fade out into the abyss.

That’s ghosting.

It normally takes place right before a dynamic shift in the relationship.

The shift I’m referring to is when you’re trying to turn a purely online relationship into an IRL one.

This is when fledgling relationships are at their most vulnerable.

Which is why we’ll zoom into this crucial period of the relationship and give you a blueprint to ensure that you aren’t seeing ghosts instead of hot Tinder dates.

In this article, we’ll teach you how to ask a woman out and how to confirm a date so as to avoid being ghosted.

Pre-Date Prep

Your odds of actually going out on a date will drastically improve by following these steps:

Call Her To Ask Her Out

For the most part there are good reasons why people don’t do certain things.

No one brings their mom on a first date, there’s a good reason for that.

People also don’t talk about how many people they’ve slept with on a first date — there’s also a good reason for that.

However, there are some things people do not do that they should.

One of those things includes calling to ask a woman out on a date.

Nobody calls anymore. We’re all far too accustomed to sending a quick text or voice message. This is exactly why you should be calling. You can easily stand out by giving her a quick call to ask her out using a TDL.

Calling is sexy.

It shows that you’re confident and most importantly, that you’re real.

It’s easy to reject a guy when everything you know about him comes from his Bumble profile.

It’s much more difficult to ghost a guy after hearing his voice, listening to his laugh, and after accepting his TDL over the phone.

Using a TDL

I’ve mentioned this acronym a few times already.

It stands for time, date, location.

It seems obvious but this is how you should ask a woman out.

But instead of using a TDL most guys say this instead:

Asking a woman, “Hey, wanna go out sometime” is tantamount to calling up your dentist and saying, “hey should clean my teeth sometime.”

Without an exact date, there is no teeth cleaning.

Without a time, date, and location the date offer doesn’t really exist.

Here’s an example of a TDL in action:

3 Days – Your Magic Number

3.

That’s the number of days that should elapse between the TDL and the date.

This means if you ask her out on a Sunday you shouldn’t see her until Wednesday.

There are a couple of reasons why three is so magical of a number.

Most importantly, three days gives you two enough time for tension to build. When relationships are young they need a bit of mystery and tension. There needs to be anticipation and a bit of nerve that begin to boil before you two see each other. If you don’t wait long enough there’s little anticipation, wait too long, and that nascent flame you’ve been fueling gets stamped out.

Secondly, she won’t forget about you in three days.

For each additional day you add she becomes more and more likely to forget about your date. If you ask her out on Monday for a date that takes place on Sunday chances are she’ll either forget about you or make other, even better plans.

Ask Her Out For A Midweek Date

Let’s be honest.

The coolest thing most people do mid-week is hit up happy hour with a few co-workers. If they have kids, well I can only hope they can make it out to happy hour.

The point is that most people don’t do anything midweek because there’s typically just not much worth doing, or they’re too busy.

The age-old American adage that we work for the weekends isn’t inaccurate.

We may live pretty inert lives midweek, but we let loose on the weekends by getting together for brunch, hiking, or of course by watching the big game.

The point I’m building towards is that she has nothing going on midweek, and as such is free.

It’s likely that if you ask her out on Wednesday the only reason she’d reject you or not show is if she’s already three episodes into binging Sons Of Sam.

In the states, weekends are sacred.

For you to carve out some time to hang with her on the weekend you’ll either have to be pretty freakin’ awesome or will need to have tickets to the Chargers game.

Considering you’re probably a nobody to her, she isn’t going to sacrifice time with friends and family to spend with some guy she met on Hinge. Wait to ask her out on a weekend date until your third date.

Even if she agrees to a Saturday hike, chances are if a friend invites her to hang, she’ll choose her friend over you.

Yours odds of not being ghosted are much better if you ask her out midweek.

Loose Lips Sink, Set Fire To, and Drown Tinder Dates

Social apps that we use to find compatible singles to date are called “Dating Apps.”

This is a gross misnomer.

Dating apps are introductory apps in that they help introduce one party to another.

Ever try to date on a dating app?

It can’t be done.

Dating is an IRL (or on Zoom) event — there is no substitute.

If you’re the type of guy that tries to get to know all about his match before meeting in person you’re doing it wrong. Stop asking her what her favorite movies, superheroes, and artists are.

Save these questions for the date.

From the match to the date the communication breakdown should look something like this:

— 10 message exchange on dating app

— TDL via text or call

— Date confirmation day prior or day of the date

As you’ll notice I wrote nothing about chatting away mindlessly between the TDL and date.

You don’t want her telling you her life story before the date. You don’t want to be asking her questions that you should be asking in person. Not only is tension dying when you do this but you’re leaving yourselves nothing to talk about once you two finally meet in person.

Learning about and vibing with someone in person is an infinitely richer and more socially nuanced interaction than by doing it online or via text.

Save the kibbitzing for the date.

How To Confirm A Date …So You Don’t Get Ghosted

Finally, we’ve come to the point most of you have been waiting for.

The thing is, if you follow each of the steps we’ve outlined thus far this step won’t even be that crucial.

Laying the roadwork makes it a hell of a lot easier to get where you’re going.

However, this is the last intersection before you get to your destination.

Confirm The Day Of Or Day Before

You always want to confirm the date.

Confirming is standard practice, err from the standard and you’ll get the standard result — ghosted.

The day of or the day prior shoot her a text to confirm — there’s no need to call her to confirm.

When ascertaining that she’s still up for the date you want to do more than just remind her.

You want to add value to the confirmation.

This can be done in two ways.

1) Logistics

If the coffee shop, bowling alley, or bar are new to her, tell her the best way to get there. Tell her something like, “Hey Sam, parking can be difficult to find at Patty’s but there’s always a few spots available in back. See ya tomorrow!”

If you’re getting coffee maybe you write her, “Hey I’m gonna get there early how do you take your coffee?”

2) Tease And Play

Get her excited about the date by testing or playing with her. Tell her you’re “stoked for bowling tomorrow, I apologize in advance for kicking your butt.”

If you’re hiking write her saying, “Weather looks amazing tomorrow, see you at 2!”

Whatever you do, never write her something like, “Hey just checking we’re still good for tomorrow.”

It makes you come off as needy.

Everyone wants to be wanted, not needed, especially so early on in the relationship.

Always be positive and commanding in your language. Don’t ask her if she’s still up for a date, she said yes days ago.

Asking her again only gives her an opening to reject you. Don’t give her a chance.

What’s The Last Step?

The last step is to take the first step.

Now that you know what to do, it’s time to do it.

If you’re having trouble getting started — because of confidence issues or you’re unaware of how to start — we should talk.

Let’s talk via a 1-on-1 Zoom call.

On our all we’ll talk about how best to confirm a date and address any other worries you might have. You never know, you might also be a candidate for my coaching or matchmaking program.