If you’re reading this, I assume you’re single.
But maybe sometime in the recent past, you were in a relationship you thought would last forever.
You were head over heels for this woman… until you found out she was unfaithful.
She’s gone, but before she left, she gave you a parting gift of feelings of self-doubt and an ever-growing mistrust in women.
I help guys deal with this all the time in my coaching, and I totally get how awful this feels.
Even after they start dating someone new, some guys never fully get over a cheating girlfriend to the point where they can relax in their new relationship. If the new girlfriend doesn’t text back quickly enough, seems a little closed off one day, or even gets a new haircut, their mind goes straight to the idea that she’s with another dude.
That’s tough to deal with. The problem is, you won’t move forward in your current relationship (or find a new one at all) if you’re still haunted by the past.
I’m not saying it’s your fault if you were cheated on. But you do have a choice in how you respond. Will you let go enough to be present with your next partner? Or will you always have this in the back of your mind? If it’s the second one, be careful — because your paranoia might create the situation you fear.
In this article, I want to help you get back on track. Your cheating ex is out of the picture, and you deserve happiness.
7 Tips on How to Get Over a Cheating Girlfriend
Take these steps to help ease your mind and either focus on your new relationship or attract someone new.
Do the “7 Levels Deep” Exercise
If you read my blog, you probably know the “7 levels deep” exercise is one of my favorite techniques for changing your mindset. It always reveals the truth. I recommend this for anything you’re unclear about as you go through your dating journey.
The “7 levels deep” exercise was inspired by a concept in the book Millionaire Success Habits by Dean Graziosi. The founder of Toyota also created a similar exercise called the “5 Whys.”
If you want to get over a cheating girlfriend, use this exercise to find out exactly why you’re so afraid you’ll be cheated on again.
To do this exercise, start by asking yourself what you’re curious about. In this case, it would be “Why am I afraid she will cheat on me?”
Then, keep asking questions. You can often base them on the previous answer. Each new question should be more probing than the last until you reach the core reason behind the first “why.”
Here’s an example from one of my clients:
1. Why am I afraid she will cheat on me?
Because she’s beautiful. Also, she works in real estate.
2. Why do I think a beautiful woman who works in real estate will cheat on me?
Because she’ll have opportunities to take up other offers and she’ll need to be strong enough to turn away from that.
3. Why do I assume she would not be like me (i.e., not a cheater)?
Because in the past, women have said they weren’t cheaters but then cheated anyway. I’ve been lied to.
4. Do I believe every woman would lie to me?
No.
5. If an honest woman exists, do I believe I can have her?
Yes.
6. How can I find an honest woman?
By getting clear on what a liar looks like from the very beginning.
7. How can I spot a liar? What’s the first indication?
Talking negatively about others. Talking nice to their face, then talking behind their back. Or, if I feel like I want to make it work too much.
Now we’re at the heart of the issue. There are certain things you know from experience that indicate a woman might cheat. But the good news is, you can steer away from those women and find one who is honest.
So with that in mind, let’s move on to the next step in getting over a cheating girlfriend.
Write Down the Warning Signs
So now you know the truth: You can get over a cheating girlfriend by knowing the signs. Take some time and think back on your exes who cheated. If you were watching those relationships again like it was a movie, what signs did you miss? What details did you think had nothing to do with cheating, but really did?
Get really clear on these signs and make a list. You might come up with things like: talking behind people’s backs, lying to others, inconsistencies in stories, talking poorly about others, love bombing, being emotionally unavailable, being weird about her phone, treating you more like a friend, not sharing with you, taking care of herself better all of a sudden, always seeming distracted, not saying where she’s going, getting defensive when she’s questioned, being obsessed with her appearance, needing attention, talking only about “her” future (not with you), etc.
Put the biggest ones on an index card in your wallet. This will be your reference guide when you feel too deeply invested or caught up and can’t see the warning signs. Also, make it a ritual to look at this card before every date if you finding yourself worrying about someone cheating.
One of the biggest ways to get over a cheating girlfriend is to simply see the signs the next time.
Ask Qualifying Questions
How she answers a “qualifying question” can also show you whether or not she could be a cheater. I’d save these until the third date if possible. These topics are tough to talk about early on, so you don’t want to dive into this until you know you’re really interested in her.
So, what questions could you ask to reveal your dealbreakers (i.e., those signs you came up with that she may be a cheater)?
If you’re having trouble coming up with qualifying questions, look for them in relevant online quizzes. For example, perhaps you want to know if she’s emotionally unavailable because that’s one of your signs. You can use a quiz like this to find useful questions that might reveal whether she’s in the same place as you emotionally. This method is helpful, especially for those subtle indicators you may not think of. You can do this with attachment style quizzes, narcissist quizzes, really anything you want to qualify her for.
And don’t forget, you can ask her questions that are more direct, like: Have you ever been unfaithful? How did your last relationship end? Why did you get divorced? Are you still friends with any of your exes?
Especially in the very beginning of dating, people will be more upfront about these answers. Wait until they become more interested in you, and you may get the “softened” version of the story.
Check Out Her Social Media
First, look at what she writes about her ex on social media (if anything). If you do find stuff, notice how she brings up her ex or talks to them — is it positive or negative? Are they still friends with their ex? Does the ex still comment on her photos? Does she engage that ex in conversation often? Hopefully, you’ll find nothing about her ex. Or, worst-case scenario, it will sound completely platonic.
Also, pay attention to how she talks about her friends and family. The way a person views the world comes across in the language they choose to use. Look for words that indicate she is emotionally close to other people because you want someone who can invest in a relationship with you too.
If you see something you don’t like, don’t immediately jump to conclusions unless it’s totally scathing. You are trying to get over a cheating girlfriend, so you are sensitive to these things… maybe too sensitive. Just think of what you find here as part of a larger picture. Compared to everything else you know about her that’s positive, does this one thing you saw on her Facebook mean she’s definitely a lying cheat?
Maybe not.
Block/Delete Her From Social Media
Once you’ve ascertained she’s a cheater, it’s time to get over her.
The best way to do this is to process what happened and then delete her from all your socials.
Out of sight, out of mind.
What’s going to hurt you the most is if you’re steadily recovering until you’re hit with a push notification that your cheating ex just uploaded a bikini pic with the man she cheated on you with.
Get as far away from this woman as possible. That means not seeing her in person or online. You don’t need her chasing your around the Internet like a ghost.
Try Not to Live in the Past
This one is hard, but it’s important. To get over a cheating girlfriend, you need to keep reminding yourself that this is a different person. She’s not your ex. What happened in the past isn’t happening now.
I see guys get bogged down in their own fears all the time, so I’ll warn you now: Don’t let your baggage ruin a budding relationship. It takes a long time to build something new but a very short time to ruin it.
Instead, be vulnerable with her. It’s okay to talk about past hurts. So, let the girl you’re currently dating know how cheating has affected you. This helps her know where you’re coming from and helps her relate to you better. She’ll also be more understanding if you get triggered into feeling anxious.
Stay Busy
I’m not suggesting avoiding the trauma.
But it’s not like once you’ve processed the trauma that you’ll magically stop thinking about her.
Process the trauma and begin to move forward. Part of this process means keeping busy with positive things.
That could look like a lot of things.
It could look like:
- Spending more time with family and friends
- Automating your social life to keep yourself socially engaged
- Finding a new hobby
- Working out more
- Joining a sports league
- Dating around
Find healthy and positive ways to keep yourself busy. The best way to get over someone is to lead a life even better than the one you had before.
Talk to an Expert
If you want to know how to get over a cheating girlfriend and find the relationship you deserve, make sure you’ve properly healed. Talking with a therapist is a healthy way to move past infidelity so the fear of it happening again doesn’t keep popping up for you in current relationships or with people you’re dating.
Realize This It Isn’t Your, It’s Her
Getting over a girlfriend who cheated also means getting over your damaged ego.
It’ll be easy to think it’s your fault, and in some cases it might be. You need to reflect on what happened, why, and accept the reality that your ex cheated.
Understanding why might help you move on. But at the end of the day accept that she made the decision to step outside of the relationship, not you. She put the nail in the coffin and not you.
MegaDate
As they say, there’s plenty of fish in the sea — and plenty of super beautiful fish at that. And when it comes to dating, nothing gets you out there faster than MegaDating.
MegaDating is the practice of dating multiple people at once. When you MegaDate, you might go on as many as 10-20 dates in a month. (Don’t worry, we can coach you up to this level!) It’s not as hard as you think, and it does wonders. You will build confidence, eventually be more relaxed, and end up appealing to more women.
So how does that happen?
MegaDating can help you move out of a scarcity mindset and into an abundance mindset. When you’re in a scarcity mindset, you focus on what you don’t have, as in, “I need a girlfriend.” In an abundance mindset, you focus on what you do have, as in “I enjoy meeting women and getting to know them.”
You will get more of whichever you concentrate on. So if you concentrate on scarcity, you will always “need” a girlfriend and therefore not have one. But if you concentrate on the abundance of women you “get to meet,” you’ll eventually have more and more to choose from.
Once you have lots of dates in your funnel, you can focus on attracting quality. The high number of women you meet will also expose you to more beautiful women.
Dating multiple beautiful women will help you realize that you don’t have to hang on to an ex who cheated, even if she was super gorgeous. MegaDating allows you to see that the perfect partner for you is out there and you have a lot more control over who it is that you decide to spend forever with. And that’s how you get over a cheating girlfriend.
How to Get Over a Cheating Girlfriend: Wrap-Up
Dating Decoded
We teach our students how to go on 20 dates in 90 days with MegaDating. You’ll learn how to do this via our online curriculum, community, live coaching sessions, and with the help of our romantic specialists.
Our Team
- Emyli, co-founder, curriculum developer, head coach, and hosts coaching sessions every week
- Thomas, (me), co-founder, and coach. If you ever wanted to know what the man you’re seeing is thinking, just ask me
- Darshil is our mock date coach for women. Go on a practice date with them (and receive feedback) before your next date
- Hailey is your new stylist. She’s worked with celebs from every industry and is now about to raid your closet
- Tilly is our holistic sex & intimacy coach. She’ll help you get the most out of your sex life so you and your partner are happier between the sheets
- Renee is our anxiety dating coach. As a licensed therapist she knows the steps needed to turn you into a cool, calm, and collected dater
- Mia is our social media expert. Revamp your Facebook and Instagram profiles with her help and start meeting singles online
If you’re ready to find your forever partner, book a Zoom session with our team today. Together we’ll talk about your dating history, your goals and show you how our program, Dating Decoded, can help you find your ideal partner.
Here’s how our students’ dating lives have changed since enrolling.
