Sexual Tension Signs From a Woman During the Dating Process
Many of my new clients book a session with me and ask why a woman stopped seeing them after the first or second date. So, I’ll tell you what I always tell them: Most likely you didn’t build enough sexual tension (and another guy did). But in order to build sexual tension, you have to know how to read sexual tension signs.
Let me explain. The goal of the third date is intimacy — and you can’t get to intimacy without building sexual tension. Sexual tension occurs:
Right away on the dating app (assuming you meet her there)
Via text message after you get her number
In-person on the first and second dates
In this article, I’ll show you how to build sexual tension with women, along with sexual tension signs from women you need to be on the lookout for at each stage of the dating process.
First, What is Sexual Tension?
Before we dive in, let’s just be clear about what sexual tension really is. Biologically speaking, sexual tension is arousal in the body. Now, you would think that sexual attraction would normally come before physical arousal.
The funny thing is, researchers have found that it can also go the opposite way. When your body experiences arousal first — like from a physical activity that boosts your adrenaline — your mind may interpret that as sexual attraction.
So the big takeaway is, brain chemicals ignite your nervous system, which also helps ignite sexual tension on a date. When that happens, two people can wind up sexually attracted to each other.
But how do you notice those sexual tension signs in someone else? And how can you build sexual tension using this principle? Keep reading.
Signs of Sexual Tension
To give you an idea of how to spot sexual tension signs, I’ll first describe some broad themes to look for. Next, we’ll look at how to build sexual tension and what it looks like on first, second, and third dates.
Here are six general sexual tension signs:
1. She Talks to You Enthusiastically
If she’s interested in you, she’ll reply promptly and her tone will be positive and engaged. She may ask questions to keep the conversation going. You both get that giggly feeling of arousal as you talk back and forth. This can happen in person when you first meet her, or over a dating app via text message.
2. She Willingly Gets Closer to You
When you go on your first date, if she sits next to you in the booth or scoots her chair over to your side of the table, that’s sexual tension. She’s already feeling good and attributes that to you.
3. She Touches You Without Realizing It
Trust me, when a woman isn’t attracted to you, she’ll make sure to keep a comfortable distance from you physically. Not rudely — just in a neutral way. But if she’s feeling sexual tension, this barrier will subtly come down.
Next thing you know, she might accidentally brush against your arm reaching for the restaurant menu. Or she’ll inadvertently place her hand on your back as she gets up to walk past you.
It really could be anything, but the key is, she isn’t being so careful about not touching you. Why? Because it’s kind of nice.
4. She Totally Owns Her Feminine Energy
There’s nothing more powerful than the tension that occurs when masculine and feminine energy meet. It’s like a dance, and when it’s allowed to happen, it naturally turns into sexual tension.
The more she feels this tension, the more she will play her feminine “role.” She’ll act like a girl: play with her hair, giggle, try to hide a smile, look at you when she thinks you’re not looking, stare at your lips when you talk, play with her glass of wine… you get the point.
You’ll also know when she’s not feeling sexual tension because she won’t display her feminine side as much. Instead of playing her “role” in the masculine/feminine dance, she’ll give you masculine energy back — like by taking charge of decisions on the date and not giving you any stereotypical feminine cues.
Building Sexual Tension 101
The coolest thing about sexual tension is that you can learn to create it. It’s simply arousal in the body and brain. So, all you have to do is create that arousal some other way when you’re out with her and she’ll naturally label that feeling as being attracted to you — thus giving you sexual tension signs. Here’s what I mean.
Sexual Tension Tips BEFORE the First Date
Before the first date, most of your conversations will probably be over text. But you can start building sexual tension right from the beginning by following these steps.
If you’re messaging her on a dating app, keep the subjects light. Ask her questions and don’t be afraid to flirt a bit.
Get Her Number in Less Than 10 Messages
Remember, dating apps are only designed to introduce you to people. The goal is to get off the app and meet her in real life. If she’s interested, it shouldn’t take more than 10 messages to get your value across and get her real phone number.
Text Her and Setup a Date
Once you get her number, set up a date as soon as you can. Be sure to give her a TDL (time, date, and location) when you ask for the date. (You’d be surprised how many guys don’t do this! Saying “we should hang out sometime” is not asking for a date.)
By the same token, you don’t want to text back and forth with no intent. Stay focused on your goal.
Also, when you ask, make sure your date idea is compelling. Think of something cool to do that involves something she’s interested in (just keep it under $10). For example, coffee, happy hour, or even ice cream at a unique location can do the trick. You get her as excited about the place as she is about meeting you. This is the first step in creating that arousal.
Once the date is set up, don’t over-text! Part of building sexual tension is letting her imagination run wild. Instead of revealing too much of your personality, give her just enough to be interested and then hold off on chatting until you’re actually in person.
If she finds you intriguing, her mind will fill in the blanks about what you might be like — which sparks sexual tension like you wouldn’t believe.
Sexual Tension Signs in a Woman Before the First Date
If you do all this right, you’ll notice some sexual tension signs that are specific to this stage. For example, be on the lookout when:
She Sends Photos of Herself
If she texts you a photo of herself (without you asking!) you’re golden. She’s excited to go out with you (i.e., experiencing sexual tension) and wants you to think about her. A lot of times, she’ll use the “what should I wear?” excuse to send you a photo.
She Uses Emoljis in Her Messages
A lot of us hate emojis but it’s the easiest way to get your tone across when texting. Take notice when she uses them. She deliberately wants you to know that she’s smiling, laughing at your jokes, or otherwise enjoying the conversation.
Sexual Tension Tips for the First Date
The goal of the first date is to build trust and rapport. This will ultimately move the sexual tension needle forward for your next date. Here are some ways you can do this.
Limit Your First Date to an Hour
It will keep the mystery going for the next date. The trick is to leave her wanting more.
Get Close to Her Physically
Find a date location where you can sit next to her, not across from her (like a wall booth at a coffee shop). Try showing her a video clip on your phone to get close to her.
When you lean in so she can see it on your phone screen, touch arm-to-arm. That physical connection will jolt her out of her head and into her body, which primes her mind for sexy thoughts and sends all kinds of nonverbal information her way.
Sexual Tension Signs in a Woman on a First Date
Body language is key on a first date. You may notice subtle giveaways such as:
She Turns Her Feet and Body Towards You
When she turns toward you, that means she is engaging with you. If she’s not into it, her feet might be pointed away from you… in an unconscious desire to bolt.
She Exposes the Inside of Her Arms in Front of You
Salespeople often do this intentionally in order to build trust with their clients: They’ll turn their hands and the inside of their arms up, to show openness. It’s also a sign of vulnerability, which people will often do unintentionally when they feel comfortable with someone.
Signs like this indicate that she is beginning to trust you, which is a crucial step on the way to building rapport and ultimately, sexual tension.
Sexual Tension Tips for the Second Date
Once you get to the second date, it’s time to up-level things a little bit. You can pump up her arousal when you:
Plan an Active Date
Set up a date where you’re physically active, like a hike. It will naturally generate endorphins to create sexual tension between you two.
Ask More In-Depth Questions
Don’t overdo the questions, of course, but a few, good thoughtful ones will let her know you’re interested in getting to know her.
Stay in the Moment
Really enjoy the hike, bike ride, or whatever physical activity you planned. Don’t get too heady about it.
Sexual Tension Signs in a Woman on the Second Date
Since this should be a physical date, ideally you’ll notice sexual tension when:
She Asks for Your Help
Maybe you’re hiking up a hill and she needs a hand to get over a big boulder. Or she needs to know how to change gears on her bike or how to swing a golf club.
She Nudges, Touches, or even Pushes You a Bit
When she jokes around, he might give you a playful tap or shove.
She Comments on How Large Your Hands or Shoes Are
She might compare her hands or feet to yours, or otherwise play up the difference in your masculinity versus her feminine.
Sexual Tension Tips for the Third Date
By now, sexual tension should have been built by now. But here’s what you can do to really seal the deal:
Setup a Dinner Near Your Home, or Hers
Considering that the goal of a third date is often intimacy, you want to make this as easy as possible by limiting the distance between the date and one of your homes. An even better option is to make her dinner at your home.
Come Prepared with Some Deep Questions
Choose a few sexual/personal questions for the date. For some help, check out my article on third date questions.
Sexual Tension Signs in a Woman on the Third Date
If things go well, you’ll notice certain sexual tensions signs on a third date that also point toward the possibility of intimacy. Pay attention if:
She Tells You Her Roommate is Gone for the Evening
If she deliberately tells you this (and it’s not a random detail as part of a larger conversation about something else) take it as a sign that she’s feeling it as much as you are.
She Suggests That the Two of You “Seize the Moment”
This one’s practically an open door if she showed other sexual tension signs before. Carpe diem!
Sexual Tension Signs From a Woman: Conclusion
Hopefully, by now you can see that sexual tension isn’t some elusive thing. It’s a physical state of arousal, and if you can create it in someone else, they will eventually be sexually attracted to you.
If you need more help with this, don’t hesitate to book a call with me. We can walk through this together while I give you more individual tips on how to turn a so-so interaction into one she can’t resist. We’ll also determine if ongoing coaching could help you reach your overall dating goals like finding a girlfriend, wife, or long term relationship.