Body language is the quickest form of communication and largely influences how we are perceived by others. Nothing is more truthful than what our body language conveys. Hence the saying “the body never lies.”
This is why it is so useful to know how to read a woman’s nonverbal cues, and to understand the signals that your body is giving off in dating.
Reading Female Body Language
Learning to read a woman’s body language is almost more important that speaking her language. This is because only seven percent of her communication with you is verbal. Studies show that thirty-eight percent of women’s communication comes from their tone of voice and up to fifty percent is expressed through body language.
Body language allows us to communicate authentically, regardless of what we’re saying. This means that you have to be even more aware of how your body language is coming across to her, than you do about what you say.
Types of Body Language
Body language can be broken down into the following categories: eye contact, posture, tone of voice, movement, touch, and facial expression. For each category, there are positive and negative body language cues that signal interest or disinterest.
A positive body language cue related to eye contact includes making and maintaining eye contact, which signals trust, rapport, and attraction. On the other hand, a negative body language cue such as a lack of eye contact, signals insecurity and distrust. Eye contact is critical, both for your in-person dates, as well as for the photos you choose to represent yourself on dating apps and online dating sites. The popular maxim, ” the eyes are the doorway to the soul,” reveals important insights into just how important good eye contact is for dating.
The posture of the body is equally important when reading body language. Factors such as the direction your feet point in, how much space you take up while sitting, how you move, and how far apart your feet are when standing, all convey important nonverbal information to the women you are dating. That said, let’s discuss an open versus closed body language posture, which can signal either trust and dominance, or insecurity and deceit.
The Urgency of Being Able to Read Her Body Language
When first meeting someone new, time is of the essence. It takes a woman only four to eight short seconds to determine whether she’s interested or not. You need to program her perception of you as comfortable and trustworthy immediately. The quickest way to do this is to make eye contact, smile and keep your body open in her direction.
Read on to learn the top 11 female body language types and signs you need to be aware of, along with some must do body language tips for men.
The 11 Female Body Language Signs You Need to Read
#1: Her Eyes
Pay attention to what her body is telling you and you won’t have to try to read her mind. First of all, look into her eyes. A woman’s eyes dilate when she finds interest or excitement in something, be it sexual or not.
Her body is hardwired to desire the best view of the world when she is stimulated. This means that biologically, her brain communicates with her irises to allow for more light to enter into her visual field. Interestingly enough, men are also more attracted to women with bigger pupils making it a win-win for seduction.
#2: The Amount She Blinks (For Experts)
Another subtle cue you can pick up from her eyes is whether or not she’s on the birth control pill. Shifts in hormone levels cause women on the pill to blink more rapidly than those who aren’t.
If you’re counting, normal blinking rates are about 15 times per minute, women on birth control blink about 20 times. If you clock her in at 20 blinks per minute, make sure to man up and channel your inner bad boy. Women on the pill are drawn more to the tough and rugged look as well as strong, masculine features such as a square, wide jaw line. In this case, don’t be afraid to take a day off from shaving.
#3: Her Reactions to Alcohol Consumption
Pay attention to how fast she’s drinking. Men and women react to alcohol differently. A man’s energy generally ramps up and his nervous behavior often diffuses while a woman’s energy reduces as her body relaxes and releases her protective judgment system.
If you want to get her talking and socializing, slow down on buying drinks and put on an upbeat song or go somewhere with fast-paced live music.
#4: The Way She is Breathing
Notice the way she’s breathing. If she’s feeling uncomfortable in her environment or is stressed about work problems, her breath will be shallow and centralized more in her chest. If she’s relaxed and comfortable, you’ll notice that her breathing is deeper and both her stomach and chest will expand as she takes fuller, more evenly paced breaths.
#5: The Habits She’s Not Aware Of
Check her digits. A clear sign of chronic tension in a woman is when she picks or bites at her nails or skin. This can be useful in avoiding a super stressed out woman or can be a way of adding a little kinesthetic touch when you pull her hand away from her mouth, giving it a gentle squeeze.
Tell her that every time she does it she has to hold your hand. You can even make a game out of it. Joke around with her when she keeps going back to nail biting and tell her, “wow, you must really like me huh, tell you what, now every time you bite your nails you have to kiss me. My version of mistletoe.”
#6: Her Temperature
Another indicator that she’s got high stress in her life is her temperature. Her hands will naturally be about three degrees colder than yours but can be even colder if she’s worried about something. Her core is her thermostat and pumps warm blood out to her extremities.
Stimulate her interest by explaining how women hold more warmth in the core of their bodies than men do and in order to warm her up, massaging her hands really won’t do much.
Instead, put your arms around her midsection and her whole body will heat up and pump blood into her extremities. If you’re really sly you can check the temperature and take her somewhere you know it’s going to be a little chilly, then instigate a little kinesthetic touch.
#7: Her Lips
Keep your eyes on her lips. Many of our micro expressions escape from our lips. Small twitches can signal contempt. When she smiles, look to see if the corners of her eyes wrinkle and if her cheeks move upwards. A false smile is easy to tell as it occurs when only her lips move but nothing else. This serves as a subtle indicator whether she’s really interested in you or not.
#8: Her Feet Position
Make sure to angle both of your feet towards her and look for whether she follows suit. The feet uncover the truth about how comfortable people feel around us. If you’re making an approach at a bar or social environment, look to see whether she adjusts her feet to point toward or away from you.
If she angles away from you, move on, she’s not interested and you don’t need to waste your time. Similarly, if she turns her torso away from you, she doesn’t agree with something you’ve said.
#9: The Amount of Eye Contact She’s Making with You
Her eyes will also give you insight into her attraction level by communicating interest through focus. This should be the easiest indicator for you because a woman who is not “feeling” you will scan the room while you talk.
A woman that wants to know more will look you square in the eye without wavering much. You can also use this knowledge in work environments and social group settings. In conversation if a person has a hard time maintaining eye contact with you or seems restless, it’s either because you are talking too much or because you aren’t asking stimulating questions.
#10: Look for the Inside of Her Hands or Arms
To figure out exactly when she has lowered her emotional barriers towards you, notice when she displays vulnerability. This will become obvious the more frequently you notice the inside of her hands, wrists or forearms.
Sales people use this tactic to build trust with their clients. While gesturing they always make sure to keep their hands facing up, a sign of trust and sincerity.
#11: She Laughs or Positively Fidgets at Anything You Say
If you notice that she’s fidgeting or acting nervous, it’s usually because she’s interested. When she smiles or laughs, especially when you’re not even saying anything, that’s another clear indicator. Frequent touching or body contact is also a good sign she’s feeling you so make sure she knows its ok by touching her appropriately first.
In Person Body Language Musts for Men
The following tips have been studied by professional researchers and should always be applied while talking to women on a date or when you are engaging in social environments.
#1: Stay Open and Spread Your Legs Apart
First off, never cross your arms or legs while seated. This triggers her to feel defensive and close herself off to you by mirroring your body language. Instead, spread your legs to signal that you’re controlling the environment. Open your arms and shoulders by resting your elbows on the backs of chairs around you and don’t be afraid to take up a lot of space.
Having your legs spread apart means that you are displaying dominance in your environment. Being “closed” signals less dominance, a trait that high value women are not interested in.
Women are more attracted to dominant men because of their ability to provide safety and security. Their dominance also translates into the workplace in the form of power, making them more likely to be more well rounded and financially successful.
A woman’s number one priority, being safety and security, will cause her to naturally gravitate towards a man who is dominant. If you’re open, she’ll feel better about getting to know you and subconsciously notice even the smallest details. For instance if your toes point towards her, if your shoulders are back, whether or not your legs are apart while seated, whether you have a relaxed but upright posture, or if you display confident movements that are calm, direct and strong.
#2: Hand Gestures and Group Settings
Use big hand gestures while speaking. Channel your inner Italian. Research shows that frequent gesturing with your hands conveys confidence, enthusiasm, power and social eminence.
If you’re in a group setting and another man begins to speak, stop your hand gestures and listen to him. Do you agree with what he’s saying? Do you disagree? Make it difficult to tell whether you agree with him by adopting a pseudo poker face. This will subconsciously raise your social status by demonstrating that you’re not submissive.
This doesn’t mean, “show no emotion” or “always disagree” but be careful not to smile excessively and nod in agreement with everything another guy is saying.
#3: Rules of Touch
Get physical. Woman love the winning touch down slap on the ass by teammates, and not just because of the spandex. Research shows that confident men display dominance through frequent physical touch. This means that you need to get comfortable with high-fives, handshakes, pats on the back and hugging.
Your ability to get up close and personal with anyone and everyone demonstrates your confidence and command of the room. This doesn’t mean you should be the creeper that slaps everyone’s back side but work on adding a little more contact to your social skills and you’ll be much more likely to engage her interest. According to recent studies, physical touch has even been proven to increase body temperature, giving you the power to literally make her hot.
#4: Your Posture
If you stand straight with your shoulders back, she will feel that you are more confident but if you’re hunched or stooped even slightly, she will read that as an insecurity, thinking that you lack zest for life and that you are probably rather depressing to be around.
Remember that your posture is something that you need to be consciously aware of at all times, even when she’s not around. Your muscle memory will get used to whatever you do most frequently, which means if you hunch over at your desk all day, you’ll end up hunching over on your date and she’ll just think you suck, not that you work a lot.
#5: Always Be Aware of Your Fitness Level
If you’re looking to wife up a hot blonde with a rockin’ body, you’ll need to match her fitness dynamic by also being healthy and in shape and by being stronger than her. You always want to be aware of the physical dynamic between yourself and the woman you choose.
When she is smaller than you, with a similar health and fitness profile, the natural masculine/feminine dynamic can more easily be obtained. This means, she’ll be able to go to a place of vulnerability because she feels safe with you.
I hope this guide on female body language helps you understand my species a bit better. Need to learn more? Looking to reach other dating goals like finding a relationship this year? If so, I can help. Feel free to book a New Client Skype session with me today.
During our session, we’ll diagnose your dating history, discuss your future goals, create an action plan, and see if my 3 month coaching program is right for you!