Divorced Dating with Kids: Can a Coach or Matchmaker Help You?
Divorced dating with kids isn’t easy. After all, you’ve been out of the game for a long time. You may not have ever used dating apps or online dating sites — even now that you’re single. Who has time for all that when you’re busy raising kids or doing a good job at work? It leaves very little extra time for yourself.
I get that. With limited time and no history of using dating apps or sites, it can seem daunting to jump back into today’s dating scene. The question is, do you need help with dating?
I say yes.
The most successful people in the world are the best at asking for help. And I love it when I meet someone in a new client session who knows they need help. Often, they ask me questions like, “So what do you think?”, “How long have you been doing this?”, and “Have you seen something like this before?” I always tell them: “Oh, only a million, bazillion times. Don’t worry, I got you. You’re normal.”
If we were face-to-face right now, I’d say the same thing to you. It’s totally normal to reach out for dating help.
Don’t believe me? In this article, I’ll explain the biggest signs that you DO need help making sense of this crazy dating world we’re now in (hello, divorced dating) and why coaching, matchmaking, or a combo of both can help you reach your long-term relationship goals.
Divorced Dating with Kids Got You Down? 5 Signs You Need Help
Take a look at these signs to see if you may need help with dating, especially if currently doing the divorced dating with kids thing. Do any of them sound familiar?
You Have “Empty Nest Stress”
Let me guess: You have full custody of your children and have never tried getting into a serious relationship since you just haven’t had the time. But now, you realize that your children are getting older. Maybe they’re even driving now. They’ve become totally independent, leaving you thinking, “Oh wow, now what?”
A lot of my clients just haven’t had any room for dating since their divorce. Their focus has been on their children, family, and work. Now, they’re in this transition period where there is suddenly a lot of room. Their kids are gone — or about to be gone. Their work has stabilized, and things have gotten quiet. It’s great, but it’s also daunting.
Now, it’s time to focus on you. So many of my clients tell me that they have a very hard time dealing with this. When I hear that, I remind them that dating after divorce is not something they teach you how to navigate in school.
Don’t worry, but do seek out expert help. Trying to do it alone is a recipe for disaster.
Online Dating Is a Struggle
Have you tried the online thing and it just isn’t working like you thought it should?
Maybe you dabbled in online dating but didn’t get quality matches or responses to your messages. You might have a hunch that your profile is horrible. And what sites should you even be using anyway? Is your profile the problem or is it really the site you’re on? It feels like you’re doing something wrong, but what?
Without someone to tell you what you’re doing wrong, you run the risk of wasting tons of time, money, and your emotional wellbeing on sites that don’t give you good results. That’s usually when my clients feel when they first realize they need professional help. Often, they’re successful professionals who have been in business all their lives but dating is something they’re just not efficient or well-versed in. Like most people, they just throw spaghetti at the wall and hope something sticks.
I totally understand. Using today’s dating sites and apps is probably brand new territory for you. What’s worse, the Millennials are crushing it, making the competition stiffer and stiffer.
That’s all the more reason to hire a matchmaker or an expert coach to teach you exactly what to do — like how to craft the perfect online dating profile, message effectively, and weed out the creeps and trolls. It all depends on if you have the time to do the work, or want to outsource your dating.
You Crave a Long-Term Relationship with Substance
It’s painful to date when there’s no substance. You might even have zero problem going to a bar and meeting someone, but are torn because you don’t want to be “that” kind of person. Perhaps you’ve met people online already but they always seem weird and random. You’re looking for a long-lasting relationship with substance.
But when that doesn’t happen, you start to feel like your expectations are just too high. “Maybe this is just how it is,” you think.
If I was your coach, I’d tell you to write that statement down: “That’s just how it is.” Then, I’d have you cross out “is” and replace it with “was.” That’s just how it WAS before you hired an expert to help.
In my business, I can help as long as my clients are not being totally unrealistic about their wants. If they’re reasonable, then it’s game-on.
That doesn’t mean you should settle. I just mean, if you’re a man who’s a 2 and you want a woman who is a 10, then you need to do some internal work first. Or if you’re a woman who sees everything through an angry divorce lens right now (the equivalent of a 2), I’d say the same thing. Either way, you can’t attract a 10 if you’re a 2. You have to improve your value first. That’s always possible though, and we here at emlovz can help you do it.
You’re a Man Who’s Not Attracted to Women Your Age
Let’s say you’re a guy between the age of 40 and 50. When you look at women in your age group, is it hard to find someone you’re attracted to?
So many of my male clients who are in their 40s tell me that women seem like they just stop taking care of themselves after 40. I know that’s a major struggle, especially if your ex-wife or women you’ve dated in the past have always been younger. You’ll need help to find a clear strategy for success.
You’re a Total Homebody
Lots of people tell me they’ve been total homebodies since their kids were born. If they’re not at the office, they’re always at home.
Is it that way for you? Maybe for years and years? Just your kids and your work and that’s it? Are your hobbies all solo endeavors, with no opportunity to meet someone? Does the idea of going the traditional divorced dating with kids route (meeting singles in person at your children’s social functions) seem very difficult?
I’ve heard plenty of stories of clients about being in this situation. They usually end up on a big dating site, like maybe Match.com. After they get super excited about all the great matches they get, they quickly feel let down when there’s no response. Or, it’s the opposite — the matches aren’t that great so they feel like they have to respond to people they’re not even that interested in. They know they must be doing something wrong but have no idea what it is or how to fix it.
This is how being a homebody who’s “out of the game” can work against you in the dating world. A coach or matchmaker can guide you in a better direction.
Divorced Dating with Kids: Finding the RIGHT Dating Service
Ready to find a matchmaker or coach to supercharge your dating life? Here are some tips to help you.
First, Decide If You Want to Pick Your Own Dates
Even though you may want someone to show you how to attract better prospects and connect with your dates, you might want to personally choose who you go out with. In that case, you’ll want a dating coach.
And it makes sense. You could give an expert your preferences in a partner and have them pick matches for you (this is what a matchmaker does). But that doesn’t take into account the deep complexity of who you are, who you’re most attracted to, or how the chemistry will actually feel when you meet. No one knows this better than you, which is why choosing your own dates will always be more fulfilling than having someone else do it.
Also, a matchmaker probably won’t provide much coaching on how to get the most out of your dates, either. If the matchmaker puts you in front of the right person and you don’t have a strategy for how to structure the date, communicate effectively, or assess if they’re good for you, the date still might not go the way you want it. Why? Because you don’t have good enough dating skills.
Some matchmakers, like all of us here at emlovz, do pre and post date coaching.
Do Your Research
I’ll be blunt: The dating industry isn’t regulated and can be very scammy. How can you be certain the matchmaker or coach you’re going to hire knows what they’re doing? It’s hard to know who to trust.
Personally, I would look at the strength of their website. You can go to alexa.com/siteinfo to get an idea if the expert you’re thinking of hiring just slapped together a website or actually posts regular content to help their clients and readers. A good worldwide Alexa ranking for a matchmaker/coach would be 400,000 or less — that means the site is at least the 400,000th most popular site in the world (of about 50 million sites).
Fingers crossed, you’re also hoping they have a good database in order to find the person who is perfect for you. At the very least, make sure that they have an amazing recruiting team. At emlovz, we have both a database and a recruiting team who actively hunt down dates for our clients.
Divorced Dating with Kids: How We Can Help
Both coaches and matchmakers can help with divorced dating. I recommend you use both.
I believe the old adage: “Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.” But I also know that some men just really don’t have the time to fish — especially if they have three kids in different sports and a full-time job!
That’s what makes emlovz different. We coach people who want to learn, and provide matchmaking for those who want to save time (and learn a bit too). We offer pre- and post-date coaching as well as extended coaching programs (12 sessions over 3 months) that you can add to your matchmaking program. Keep reading to find out more.
A Little About Me
To give you a little background about myself, I started working as a dating coach/matchmaker after I completed a 100-date experiment in college. The goal of the experiment was to go on a total of 100 dates to learn more about dating and love. It helped me to identify very specific patterns that lead to success and failure in dating.
After that, I created a whole system around how to succeed in dating. My system will help you keep your dating funnel full of prospects that you’re really excited about. It helps you transform your dates so they’re not boring or feel like an interview. My clients also report having more second and third dates with people they really like. All of this is part of my coaching program.
Bottom line, I’m an expert at online dating and I’ve taught people how to crush their goals for over eight years now. If you’re having problems, especially in the area of divorced dating with kids, I can show you what’s happening. Whether you have a lack of quality matches, a problem with messaging, or anything else, I can help.
What to Expect
In our coaching programs, I train with clients over the course of 3 months, meeting with them once a week for 50 minutes at a time. During sessions, I (sometimes one of my coaches) take them through training on everything they need to know to crush dating.
For example, I teach clients how to send messages that get replies (more often, it’s the guys who want to know this!). In fact, we message date prospects together. We also look at profiles together. I teach them how to approach someone based on what’s in their profile. It’s so important to write messages that capture attention, especially if you’re a guy writing to a beautiful woman who gets hundreds of messages a day. You have to find a way to stand out.
I also show women how to tell which men are worth giving a shot vs. those they should weed out. Both men and women learn the signs of chemistry vs. compatibility. And then, they discover exactly how to convert their messaging into a date and have that date go really well.
Usually by the end of the program, if my clients aren’t in a relationship with the man or woman of their dreams, they’re much more than confident about their dating skills. But most people actually do get into a relationship by the end of the program. I’m not going to say that’s true for everyone because each person has their own timeline, but I’ve been really pleased to see how many of my clients have found “their person” in less than three months.
Does Three Months Sound Like a Long Time?
Based on my experience, three months is actually the perfect amount of time to experience radical change. That said, for people who are super go-getters and want to find their dream woman faster, the program can absolutely be sped up. Some of my clients prefer to meet with me twice a week. Other clients add matchmaking to their coaching program so assure their going on multiple dates a week.
The faster you go through training, the faster you’ll have success. It really just comes down to how quickly you can implement everything. But really, we could cover all of the material in one day if we wanted to. We can go as fast as you’d like. We can also do 100-minute sessions rather than 50 minutes to cover more material faster.
Get Started by Booking a New Client Session
There’s no reason to struggle with dating when you really don’t have to. As you can see, there’s plenty of help out there. You only need to reach out and ask for it. Sure, that’s easier said than done — but this is the rest of your life we’re talking about. You deserve to be happy and settle down with someone you adore and who truly gets you.
And lucky for you, your happiness is my business! If you’re ready to move forward and quickly put “divorced dating with kids” in your past, the first step is to book a new client session with me or one of my coaches. That way, we can spend 30 minutes getting to know one another, determine if it’s a fit to work together, and diagnose exactly what’s holding you back from attracting your dream relationship. We’ll also discuss if coaching or matchmaking (or a combination of the two) is right for you!