Often in the early dating stages, many of my clients will ask: “Is she right for me?” It’s not that they don’t know what types of women they like. Quite the opposite — since they’re usually MegaDating, they’ve met some amazing women who seem to match what they’re looking for, at least on paper.

The only challenge is, they have to compare and contrast a lot of women in a short window of time.

So how do you figure out if she’s right for you? How do you spot whether you have real chemistry and not just a desire to “make things work?”

I can’t answer this question for you, but if you approach things logically and create a complete dating process, you can easily determine whether a woman is right for you within the first few dates, if she’s worth giving more time, or if you should move on.

Tips to Naturally Answer the Question “Is She Right for Me?”

Does It Feel Like “Work” When You’re Around Her?

First, think about the general feeling you get when you’re around her. Assess your feelings: Which interactions are easy, and which are forced?

For instance, just sitting down and talking might be easy. There’s a natural give and take in your conversation. You guys tend to lose track of time, like talking about the same subjects, ask each other a lot of questions. You feel like you “get” each other and don’t have to scramble for things to say.

Or on the flip side, maybe your conversations feel stiff and have that sort of “interview” type of feeling. You don’t feel completely spontaneous when talking to her. Perhaps when she texts, you never feel like texting back right away. Or vice versa.

Do you feel like there things about your life, or your past, that you can’t really mention yet… or ever? Does it seem like she’s holding back in sharing with you?

This could mean that one or both of you isn’t really opening up. Choosing to wear a mask instead of showing your true self can be exhausting.

Or maybe you’re already defending your relationship to friends who say she’s not your type. That takes effort and can feel like “work,” too.

So, think about all your interactions and how they make you feel. Are you putting in a lot of extra work and feeling drained, or do you feel energized by it? These early impressions are usually pretty spot-on.

Do You Have Enough in Common?

Opposites do attract — but you also need to have some basic things in common if you’re going to work as a couple. Otherwise, how would you be able to talk and enjoy time together? What you have in common will be what makes it all worth it.

I recommend you look at a couple of different areas to find common ground. Keep your eyes open for any red flags when it comes to:

Likes and Dislikes

A person’s “favorite things” actually reveal a lot. Where they choose to get their information says a lot about their worldview. What they spend their hard-earned money on, and what they consume on a daily basis continues to shape who they are.

So if you have literally nothing in common when it comes to favorite books, TV shows, movies, media outlets, music, etc. — don’t dismiss that. You might be dealing with someone who’s not right for you.

Sociability

Are you both introverts? Both extroverts? Or one of each? There are no “right” answers with this one because your compatibility here really depends on how you view it.

If you’re both introverts, you may love spending time at home together… or, you might find it really hard to integrate your rich solitary lives.

If you’re both extroverts, you could enthusiastically feed off of each other’s energy… or, you might drive each other crazy as you both try to dominate conversations and control the social calendar.

Finally, if you’re on opposite ends, you might appreciate the balance between you… or you’ll just annoy each other.

Again, when it comes to your sociability, you don’t have to be exactly the same — but you should both feel good about your dynamic, not bad.

Do Her Goals Align with Yours?

The best way to think about compatibility in goals is to imagine where both of you might be in a couple of years.

Are you on paths that are pretty consistent with where you are now, or will one of you likely be off to grad school, want to get married, need to move to a different city for better career opportunities, etc.?

Even if you could make things work logistically, the next question is, would you want to?

For example, maybe you’re both far from marriage, but you have very different lifestyles. She might be pulling 16-hour days sometimes working on her startup business, while you have a stable corporate job that leaves all your evenings free.

Do you want to be with someone who’s not regularly available for dinner, much less spontaneous trips out of town? While your goal is to spend as much time together as possible to develop the relationship, it may come second to her goal of making her business profitable. So compatibility isn’t just about the future… it’s also about right now.

Is the Physical Attraction Enough?

Sometimes, when you want a relationship to work, you might downplay a lack of physical attraction at first. This actually isn’t bad, since chemistry isn’t always instant, and it gives you a little time to evaluate things. On the other hand, don’t fool yourself. Research shows that physical attraction is one of the top three qualities of an ideal partner.

Physical attraction is an important part of the dating equation (I’m sure I don’t have to tell you this) so you need to make sure there’s enough to sustain a romantic relationship. Otherwise, you may as well be friends.

It shouldn’t take more than a few dates to figure this part out. The second date is the best time to try to establish sexual tension. You can easily do this by setting up a fun physical activity for you to do together (let’s say hiking), and then find little ways to get closer and even touch her in respectful (but slightly flirtatious) ways. If you guys have already established rapport, these efforts should make you both feel more attracted. If it’s still not there by the third date, there could be an incompatibility.

Do You Respect Each Other?

You need to have mutual respect, which really comes down to your values. Does it seem like she supports your goals and interests?

Or does it feel like she subtly looks down on your musical aspirations or your Zen practice? Likewise, do any of her dreams honestly seem lame to you, even if you’d never say it outwardly?

The negative feeling you might be having could be due to a lack of respect, which is a recipe for disaster. Here are some more signs that you may not respect each other:

• She’s hot, you have money, or both — and that’s the main reason you’re dating

• Neither of you really listens to the other

• You secretly think you can mold or influence her to be a certain way (or vice versa)

• She doesn’t make time for you, or you don’t prioritize her

• One or both of you has already lied about something… even if it’s small

Have You Compared Her to Enough Other Women?

You won’t know if she’s right for you if you don’t have enough people to compare her to. That’s why I recommend MegaDating, which is the practice of setting up a lot of dates in a short period in order to increase your confidence and dating momentum.

During the process, you could even create an ideal girlfriend spreadsheet, taking notes to assess your feelings after each date, and how you feel around them in general, to help you narrow down which one is your best match.

I personally MegaDated for a full year, and went on 100 dates during that time. It challenged me to stop settling too soon and to really explore what I wanted.

If I had stopped dating too soon, I would have ended up in another toxic relationship with a guy who treated me poorly, since that was my pattern. I remember thinking to myself, “I can’t let that happen again.” I knew I needed to change, but I also knew I was a serial monogamist and a relationship hopper who hated being alone. What I learned while MegaDating changed everything for me.

You don’t have to do 100 dates like I did, but 20 is a good starting point. Commit to yourself that you’re going to complete 20 dates before you agree to an exclusive, monogamous relationship with anyone.

That number can include first, second, and third dates with the same woman if you like. This will give you a broader perspective on what’s out there, making the question “Is she right for me?” much easier to answer.

Have You Asked for an Outside Opinion?

Sometimes, when you’re wondering “Is she right for me?” you can get blinded by your own desires. You may want it to work out so badly that you fail to see obvious problems. If you think that’s the case, get an outside opinion.

For example, a friend who knows you well can assess whether you seem like yourself with this woman or if she’s affecting you negatively.

An expert dating coach such as myself, who analyzes dating and relationships daily, can also help you identify potential red flags (including online dating red flags) that typically turn into problems.

If you’d like a professional opinion, click to book a 1-on-1 New Client Skype Session with me for quick feedback, or join my 3-month Signature Program for more in-depth help.

“Is She Right for Me?” Ultimately, It’s Up to You

As I said in the beginning, the question “Is she right for me?” is one that only you can answer. That said, there are major tip-offs, which I’ve outlined above.

But you have to be honest with yourself. Just the fact that you’re asking “Is she right for me?” tells me that you may be looking for someone to convince you either way because you don’t trust your own instincts.

Ultimately, you do know if she’s right for you (especially if you’re MegaDating, since that brings a lot of clarity).

The question is, do you have the courage to admit it? Do you have the courage to face that fact that she isn’t right for you and move on?

Or, do you have the guts to admit that she IS right for you, and move things forward before you lose her? These are the real questions you need to ask. As always, I wish you the best of luck.