Asking out a woman at the gym can feel more difficult than two-a-days of CrossFit.

But like that marathon you are still dreaming about running, just because it’s difficult doesn’t mean it’s impossible.

And no, despite what your gym friends have told you, asking out a woman at the gym is not out of the question.

Just like exercise, it all comes down to your form.

In fact, it kinda makes all the sense in the world to ask out someone from your gym or exercise class. You two obviously care a lot about fitness, eating healthy, etc. It makes sense that you’d pursue a woman that shares these values.

So instead of swiping through countless women online (although that does work when setup properly) in the attempt to find someone with shared interests, boom, there she is, doing squats ten feet away from you.

But how do you approach her?

Kick back, drink that protein shake, and let’s find out.

Asking Out A Woman At The Gym

Make Sure She’s At Least Seen You Before

Have you ever heard of the mere-exposure effect?

Of course not, you’re too busy getting ripped for obscure psychological phenomena.

This phenomenon posits that we’re attracted to things we’re familiar with or exposed to often.

Ever hear that advice that distance breeds attraction, yeah forget that for a second. That may work after an initial attraction is built, but until then, frequency is your friend.

That means showing up to the gym multiple times a week, making your presence known, and getting your face out there.

Become a fixture in her routine. The more she sees you the more of a bond she’ll have with you. The best part, you don’t even have to open your mouth for her to feel this way. You should of course, but it’s not 100% required.

Seeing you struggling and getting your flex on is endearing because she’s going through the same exact thing.

The more you see her at the gym the less weird it’ll be when you two finally chat. That’s because you’re both part of the same tribe. 

She’ll soon see that, and even want you to approach her.

CRUCIAL:

Make sure you two have seen each other at least 10 times and have made eye contact or have greeted each other in passing a few times before asking her out.

Put In The Reps

Asking her out without having a previous chat is suspicious.

First of all, she’ll think who is this rando interrupting my session to chit chat?

Secondly, again, familiarity breeds attraction. She most likely won’t agree to date a stranger. She will however agree to date an acquaintance.

So get acquainted.

There are a billion ways to open the door and make yourself known to her, here are just a few:

Literally open the door for her at she enters the gym, help her with her heavy lifting, spot her, ask if she’s done using a machine, tell her you’ve never seen that exercise she’s doing and want to know which muscle group it works, ask her if she’s worked with a trainer at the gym, or ask her how the class you two attended went or if a certain class the gym offers is worth taking. 

Chatting away will also give you hints as to whether she’s interested in you or just being nice.

If she deflects your questions and is brief with you she isn’t interested, on to the next one.

But if she wants to chat, initiates conversation, and greets you every time you’re at the gym, this is the perfect sign she’s into you.

After a chat or two make it a point to greet her and seek her out every time you’re at the gym to say hi at the very least.

Join Group Classes

Group classes are the absolute best way to chat women up at the gym.

Again, before you ask a woman out at the gym you should get to know her a little bit. To do so, put yourself in situations where you two almost can’t help but interact with each other. 

Group classes not only give you exposure but quickly form a bond. Yoga, ab workout, salsa, Zumba, or whatever other class you enroll in is something you both are going through. It means you both not only share a common interest but are living the same experience. Going through something together will help you quickly form a bond.

Think of classes you’d like to join that have a high volume of women.

I recommend dance, SPIN, or anti-gravity yoga classes.

Use the spin prior to a class and after to chat her up.

Use openers such as:

• This is my first class, how are you liking it?
• Have you taken a class like this before?
• Do you know the instructor?
• I’m a little nervous actually, how are you feeling about the class?
• Crazy workout today eh?
• I’ll definitely be enrolling in this class again next week, how about you?

Having a pre-approved topic such as the class makes it super easy to start an organic conversation. Make her your class buddy and at the end of class consider asking her out.

Look Fresh To Death

Nowadays leisurewear is its own style of fashion.

Gone are the days of wearing that free t-shirt they gave you for running a fundraising 5k three summers ago.

Either you dress to impress or dress to fail.

Throw out those clothes stained with armpit tears and hit up your nearest Lululemon or at the very least Nike store.

You want her to notice you because you look good, not because you’re wearing a beat-up band shirt to the gym.

As crazy as trying to look good to then work your ass off and sweat profusely sounds, it’s the way it is nowadays. More importantly, it’s the way women want it to be.

Stand out with the help of your clothing.

It’s easy and bound to win you points.

Dressing well gives you a halo effect of sorts.

If you remember back to your Psych 101 class in college, the halo effect is when people assign you positive characteristics without even knowing you. They do so because of your appearance. If you’re wearing a beat-up hoodie she may think you have less money, aren’t super smart, and don’t know how to make her laugh.

But if you’re wearing flashy new gear from Charly she’ll think you’ve got your life together, have a solid job, and are worth chatting up.

That’s just the way the world is my friends — even if Zuckerberg dresses like a college kid.

Don’t Try and Teach Her Anything

Did she ask for your help?

Nope.

You don’t want to come off as the know-it-all bro that gives unsolicited advice.

She’s doing her thing, which probably involves a routine she’s more than comfortable with. Don’t mess with her groove.

Don’t Bother Her When She’s In The Groove

Do you really want someone to interrupt you while you’re on the treadmill, lifting heavy weights, or trying your best to complete that last rep?

Hell no.

She doesn’t either.

It doesn’t matter how charming or buff you are.

If she’s doing her thing, let her do it.

It’s best to catch her while she’s taking a break, before, or after the fact. If you make a quick comment that’s fine, but don’t expect to turn segue into a full-on convo before she’s finished her workout.

A key sign here is if she has her headphones on. If she’s got those things plugged in, just let her do her.

Remember that she’ll be most receptive to a conversation AFTER her workout.

This means catching her as she goes for water, is in line to buy a snack or smoothie, or while sitting down and checking her phone after a workout.

That’s your moment, seize it.

Commonalities Matter

It doesn’t matter that she prefers Adidas or is more of a cardio person than you are.

What matter is that you both hit the gym multiple times a week.

You care about what you eat, surround yourselves with healthy people, live close to each other, have a similar socioeconomic background, etc.

You may realize it but you have more in common than you’d think.

This is why it’s likely she might say YES when you ask her out. She’s most likely looking for someone who takes care of themselves by exercising daily.

You two have more values in common than you’d think.

Ask Her To Do Something Exercise Oriented

When asking her out, chances are you don’t know a whole lot about her.

To create an awesome first date you can do one of two things.

The obvious would be to ask her what she likes to do for fun, then do that thing.

If she’s super into golfing, hit up a driving range then get drinks. If she’s into biking, accompany her on one of her rides.

If however you want to pitch her a date there and then why not make it a physical one.

Ask her to a yoga class then get smoothies afterward, or ask her to run a 5k with you, or just go for a hike or leisurely stroll.

Asking her on a date she’s into will only serve to increase the odds of her saying yes.

Use A TDL

TDL stands for, time, date, and location.

When asking any woman out, this is what you should use to pitch your date.

Asking her out without specifying this info isn’t really a request to date.

What does a TDL look like in action?

Sam! You’re killing it today. I was hoping you’d want to kill it on Sunday as well and go on a hike at Hike’s Pt at 10am? You in?

The time, date, and location are all spelled out. The date activity is physical (so she’s probably down) and it’s a creative idea.

You don’t have to use a TDL while at the gym. You could ask for her number and text her the TDL when you get home. But asking a woman out in person is always something she’ll remember.

One And Done

Let’s say you asked her out.

For whatever reason, she said no.

Maybe because she said she was busy, has a boyfriend, or just isn’t feeling you.

That’s fine.

You’re a man and you know how to take an L with class. 

If she rejected you, but left the door open — take another shot and ask her out again in a couple weeks (after she sees you a couple more times).

If she turned you down cold-blooded style, pump your brakes and move on to the next one.

I’m all about objection handling and trying again, but if you felt like it was a firm no, it probably was.

If this was the case, don’t scheme how you’re going to ask her out again in a week.

Asking her out again will only result in yet another rejection. Not only this but she’ll feel super weird. The last thing you want is to make her feel weird in her second home.

If she says no, say no worries, if you change your mind I’m always on a hike, let me know. 

Then let her be.

As you well know there are plenty of other insanely beautiful and fit women at your gym.

Make eyes at another one and boom soon enough you’ll have another gym flame that’ll give you just another reason to not skip leg days.

Next Steps

Learning how to approach a woman at the gym is a skill you won’t learn all at once.

It’ll take reps and reps, something you know well about. You’re approach game, like your muscles, won’t change much in just one day.

So take your time and work on getting better at asking women out at the gym.

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