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Dating with Asperger’s: 11 Tips for Men

Dating with Asperger’s: 11 Tips for Men

Dating with Asperger’s? You’re not alone. We help men with Aspergers find love everyday in our coaching program, Dating Decoded.

That’s why, in this article, I’m going to give you 11 tips that will supercharge your dating experience.

And remember: just because you have Asperger’s doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a fun and fulfilling romantic life.



Have you been diagnosed with Asperger syndrome?

Due to certain difficulties with social cues and communication, dating with Asperger’s can be challenging. Asperger syndrome (or simply “Asperger’s” for short) is a condition on the autism spectrum that is generally considered to be a higher functioning form of autism. 

I’ve teamed up with Eva Mendes, an Asperger’s and Autism specialist, and the author of the bestselling book, Marriage and Lasting Relationships with Asperger’s Syndrome to get you the best information I could find on the topic. Eva Mendes, LMHC, NCC is a proficient and seasoned couples’ counselor, who works with couples where one or both partners have Asperger’s Syndrome. Her advice is practical, actionable, and well-informed and I know you’re going to feel better after reading her recommendations.

But before we dive into the specifics, let’s talk about what Asperger’s is.

What is Asperger’s?

As noted, Asperger’s is a form of autism that is associated with high-functioning individuals. Common symptoms include:

  • Social awkwardness, which can lead to limited social interactions and difficulty making friends
  • Repetitive and robotic speech
  • Precociousness, often appearing in the form of advanced speech and language skills, which — counterintuitively — leads to challenges with nonverbal communication
  • Difficulty with eye contact
  • Unusual mannerisms
  • Fixation over particular topics or interests
  • Trouble understanding social cues

If you have been diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome, behavioral treatment can be a huge benefit, whether you’ve received it previously or not.

And for dating with Asperger’s, coaching can really help. We see our students with Asperger’s flourish because we give them step-by-step guidance to attract exceptional women. We also teach our students how women think and the social cues they use to show interest or disinterest. 

Remember, above all else, your Asperger’s is not something to be ashamed of, even if it’s caused challenges in your dating life. Many people with Asperger’s have found success — including famous names like:

  • Dan Aykroyd
  • Anthony Hopkins
  • Susan Boyle
  • Dan Harmon
  • Daryl Hannah

There is a strong link between autism and creativity. As such, it’s important to remember that what is challenging for you is also what makes you unique.

Dating with Asperger’s Tips

Use This Dating Blueprint

People with Asperger’s tend to get fixated and extremely passionate about one thing. It’s great to be passionate, but you want to try and curb that enthusiasm a bit at the beginning stages of dating.

When dating with Asperger’s, you may be at risk of getting taken advantage of financially. If this is happening to you, you’re not alone. Lots of guys have similar concerns in the dating world or end up spending too much money during the first couple of dates. That’s why I recommend following this dating blueprint in order to impress women you go out with while also keeping your credit score intact:



  • First date: The first date should be less than an hour, take place during the day and cost no more than $10. The goal of this date is to build trust and rapport.
  • Second date: The second date should be something active and free. Some great examples would be going for a hike or visiting a really cool museum. The goal of this date is to escalate sexual tension.
  • Third date: The third date is where you can go all out with the nice intimate dinner. The goal of this date is to figure out if the two of you are a good fit as far as morals and values go. Physical intimacy often occurs on this date.

The best day of the week to schedule dates is Saturday, followed closely by Wednesdays and Thursdays. Sundays and Mondays are the worst days because people are in work mode and that mindset can kill the mood.

For first and second dates, try to schedule something between 11 am and 2 pm. I also recommend having something scheduled with friends after a daytime date so you can easily cut it off at that one-hour point without being awkward. And, hey, if things are going really well on the first date, invite her along with you and BOOM! Instant second date!

Craft Compelling Date Ideas Based on Shared Interests

Whether you’re asking a girl out using online dating apps, speed dating events, or through friends, it’s a good idea to find out what shared interests you have. This will help you craft compelling date ideas that you both will enjoy. And when you have Asperger’s, it helps the flow of conversation when you both share in common something that you’re passionate about.

Another way to make a date idea compelling is by using a TDL. A TDL is an acronym we here at emlovz use to refer to a date’s call-to-action. It stands for Time, Date, and Location.

Using a TDL makes it more likely for a woman to say “yes” to going out with you. Women consider it chivalrous when men make a solid plan. Demonstrating leadership in this way, makes you stand out from other men. If everyone else is simply asking women to “hang out” or “grab a drink sometime,” you’ll be more competitive because you have a compelling date plan.

Here’s an example of a great TDL:

“Melissa. I know that you and I both have an interest in marine biology and animals and there’s a rare leopard shark exhibit happening at Cal Academy of Sciences this weekend. Wanna check it out with me Saturday at 1?”

In this case, you’re offering her a brand-new experience based on shared interest, and she doesn’t have to wonder about where and when you guys should meet. This almost guarantees she’ll be interested and provides a compelling opportunity for both of you!

Maintain Eye Contact and Listen

When you’re dating with Asperger’s, eye contact may be difficult, but dates are a great way to practice good eye contact and listening skills.

Eye contact is important during a date because it lets women know that you are engaged with them. Listening can also be difficult for people with Asperger’s, as they sometimes end up wanting to talk a lot about their passions or get caught up in one-sided dialogue. Make sure that you’re taking time to listen to her. Be sure to ask about her interests and remember what she says. This will allow you to build rapport and can also take some of the pressure off of you during the date.

Don’t Get Clingy

When you’re dating with Asperger’s and you meet a girl you really like, it’s understandable that you’ll want to talk to her a lot and see her again as soon as possible. But sending a girl a bunch of texts or chasing after her can be overwhelming and turn her off. To make sure you don’t come off like a stage 5 clinger:

  • Spend time with friends during days you don’t see her.
  • Give her 24 hours to respond to a text from you before following up.
  • Be creative during your alone time.

One of the best ways to avoid clinginess is by MegaDating, which brings me to my fourth tip.



MegaDate

MegaDating is a dating process that involves going out on dates with more than one person at a time in order to diffuse energy and keep your social calendar full. During my 100-date experiment, I used MegaDating to find a fulfilling, long-term relationship. It worked for me and it can work for you too!

MegaDating lessens the pain of rejection — which is an important part of dating — because you’ll be hanging out with more than one person at once, as opposed to getting infatuated with one girl you don’t know that well yet.

This dating strategy also increases confidence and makes you better at dating in general. Practice makes perfect, after all.

Disclose Your Asperger’s Early On

When dating with Asperger’s, it’s best to disclose your Asperger’s early on. Remember, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Vulnerability is power. Let her know about the challenges you’ve faced.

Dating with Asperger’s is difficult and sharing your story will help her relate to you. Sharing emotional challenges helps to build a deeper connection. Allowing yourself to open up will make it easier over time. If she has an issue with dating you because of your Asperger’s, then she’s not “the one”. Bye Felicia!

Don’t Sell Yourself Short

“Don’t sell yourself short just because you have a diagnosis, suspect or self-identify that you might be on the autism spectrum. Know that you have a lot to offer as someone who is honest, kind and intelligent. Most women love a man with a soft heart, so don’t be afraid to show your sweet side.”

-Recommendation by Eva Mendes, an Asperger’s and Autism specialist, and the author of the bestselling book, Marriage and Lasting Relationships with Asperger’s Syndrome.

If You Have Anger Issues or Are Prone to Meltdowns

“Please start therapy for these issues and also seek the counsel of a good psychiatrist. Psychiatrists can help with medications for irritability and frequent explosions. I often see couples when they’re already a few years into the relationship. Often, the damage that has been done due to the aspie’s meltdowns is considerable.” Eva Mendes

Know What You Want in Your Life Partner

“Make a shortlist of 5 to 10 non-negotiable traits in your partner. But, know to also let go of unrealistic expectations. Many folks with Aspergers can have unrealistic expectations due to their high standards for a mate.” – Eva Mendes

Cultivate The Qualities You Seek

“Cultivate the same qualities that you’re looking for in a partner/spouse, as like attracts like. Oftentimes folks with Aspergers can be unknowingly rude and can ruminate over the past and especially over negative things.

If you’re unintentionally rude and always dwell on the negative, chances are you’ll attract a partner similar to you. On the other hand, the kind-positive partner will have to do a lot of work to maintain a positive-upbeat relationship. This type of situation can be very exhausting and unsustainable.” – Eva Mendes



Relationships Help Us Grow and Live Happy Lives

“Our relationships are meant to help us grow and become even happier and more fulfilled as human beings than before! Dating is like signing up for a growth and self-transformation mission, which is basically what all relationships are!

Even if a date doesn’t work out, rather than get too disappointed, focus on what you learned from your experience. Those who are happy in relationships are flexible, open to change, and feedback. They continually challenge themselves to grow along with their partners.” – Eva Mendes

Dating Decoded: Get Expert Help When Dating with Asperger’s

Interested in learning how we here at emlovz can help you find love while dating with Asperger’s?

We teach our students the shortcut to finding their ideal match by MegaDating. MegaDating is our dating philosophy and it shapes everything we teach here at emlovz. Simply put MegaDating is dating prolifically with the specific goal of going on 20 dates in 90 days. This will give you ample women to compare and contrast so you can refine not only your dating skills but who your ideal partner is.

To teach you how to quickly find highly compatible women in just weeks and become the most eligible bachelor in town you’ll have a team of romantic experts, each skilled in their own unique area to support you.

Our Team

  • Emyli (me), co-founder, curriculum developer, head coach, and I host two coaching sessions every week
  • Thomas, co-founder, and coach. He’ll lead the biweekly Man Cave event where men come together to talk dating, bond with one another, and support other single men
  • Cat, Brooke, and Audrey are mock date specialists. Go on a practice date with them (and receive feedback) before your next date
  • Hailey is your new stylist. She’s worked with celebs from every industry and is now about to raid your closet
  • Tilly is our holistic sex & intimacy coach. She’ll help you get the most out of your sex life so you and your partner are happier between the sheets
  • Aundrea is an award-winning fitness coach. Are you ready to eat right and build muscle?
  • Mia is our social media expert. Revamp your Facebook and Instagram profiles with her help and start meeting women online

Our Community

And look, we realize that the single life can be difficult. If accepted into our coaching program, Dating Decoded, you’d be joining a community of supportive men and coaches who are there to listen, support, and encourage you as you navigate the single life.

Our program offers every student a lifetime membership (as if you’ll need it) so the support won’t stop until you’ve found your ideal partner.

Ready to Find Love While Dating with Asperger’s?

If you’re ready to find your forever partner, book a Zoom session with our team today. Together we’ll talk about your dating history, your goals and show you how our program, Dating Decoded, can help you find your ideal partner.

Learn how our students have already improved their dating lives and check out some of our most recent #wins below.

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