Men are from Jupiter and women are from Venus. 

This refrain has been passed down from generation to generation like an heirloom you really don’t want to keep but feel compelled to stick on your mantel.

While it’s mostly untrue, now more than ever it feels like women have no idea what men want.

Blame it on the video games, social media, or the paradox of choice we’re all faced with every time we open an app – whatever the case may be, men feel more alien than ever before.

This has women wondering why they can’t seem to attract and hold down a good man. 

The reality is that men want to settle down and marry. The median age of a man when he first marries is 30. Clearly, men want to settle down, so now the question is, how to get a man emotionally attached enough to want to settle down with you? 

There is no one-size-fits-all answer.

That’s why we’ll detail a number of ways that you can use to get a man attached to you.

How To Get A Man Emotionally Attached

No need to resort to voodoo or hiring a shady witch to get what you’re seeking.

Just use one of (or better yet a few) of the following techniques.

Read the Book Attached

It’s important to understand your attachment style and how it may potentially push partners away. If you know you have a tendency to get clingy or needy, or if you notice that you avoid and bow out of relationships early, learning about your attachment style may be a critical component to your future romantic success.

Learn more by reading the book, Attached.

Attachment style breakdown:

• Codependent people need to be in a relationship and crave the validation of others.
• Avoidant people shy away from intimacy, struggle to build relationships, and often flee before things get serious.
• Anxious attachment style can be summed up by clingy, needy, and desperate behavior.
• A secure attachment style is what most people have. It’s a healthy attachment style.

Get Flirty

If a guy doesn’t think you like him, he won’t like you (well, the good ones at least). If you never laugh at his jokes, never touch him, flinch when your legs touch, and don’t let him touch you goodbye, he won’t be forming an emotional attachment anytime soon.

Showing (rather than telling even though this is okay depending on the dynamic and timing) your interest is not only hot but it will allow him to open up. You can’t get deep with someone if they think you’re not interested. Flirting, making your interest known, and building that attraction is one of the first steps to emotional attachment.

MegaDate

MegaDating is the act of prolifically dating with the goal of quickly finding your ideal partner.

When you go on 20 dates in 90 days, it naturally diffuses your energy and makes the men you date more competitive for your attention. When I did my 100-date experiment, I told the men I dated I was conducting a social experiment and was going on 100 dates in a year. Surprisingly this made them compete harder to win me over (men love to win). You might consider doing something similar. And if you want guidance on how to MegaDate, that’s what our women’s coaching program Dating Decoded for Women is all about.

Via our extensive curriculum, weekly coaching sessions, mock dates, and community we teach women how to quickly find a highly compatible partner.

Make Him Laugh

Get him out of his head by creating funny answers to commonly asked questions that occur while dating.

Question: What do you do for work?

Answer: Retired stripper or Retired drug dealer

 Respond in a way that catches him off guard and throws him out of the mindless dating interview questions.

Keep dates light and fun. Avoid the super serious checklist questions and try and just enjoy the present moment. If you’re having fun, he’s probably having fun too. Dating shouldn’t feel like work; it should feel like play.

How can you make your dates more playful?

HINT: Try playing games, the literal ones, of course, not mind games. 

How to Get Men Attached to You: Be Grateful

Not expressing gratitude is a major turn-off and makes men feel used.

Express genuine gratitude when he buys you coffee, opens your door, or pays for a meal, even when he plans a date. When women are grateful, it encourages men to put in even more effort to please them, and it makes them feel appreciated. 

Women and men aren’t so different. We both want to feel appreciated and cared for, albeit in perhaps slightly different ways. Express kindness and appreciation and he’ll reciprocate by falling more and more in love with you.

And hey, if you really appreciate spending time with him, even offer to buy the next meal, round of beers, or come up with an inventive date of your own and ask him out. Sure, men love being hunters, but seeing you put in the effort to come up with a cool date idea and invite him out will clearly indicate that you’re into him.

One reason he may not feel super emotionally attached is that he doesn’t know how you feel about him. A kind gesture like this will put any doubts to bed.

Make Your Dating Intentions Clear

Guys won’t invest emotionally in a woman if they think the romance is fleeting.

If he thinks it’s a one-night stand, if you’re not looking for anything serious, or if he’s just unsure of whether you like him or not, he may not be willing to invest in you.

That translates to a man who will only have surface-level affection for you.

You really want to know how to get a man attached to you? Then you need to make your intentions AND feelings clear. 

If you’re into him, tell him as much. Tell him what you like about him and that you could see a future with him. Even before that tell him you’re dating to find a lifelong partner and that if you’re accepting a date with him it means you see him as a candidate for long-term love.

You can set the tone of the relationship on the first date by being honest about what you’re looking for. 

Build Trust

Easier said than done right?

If you’re wondering how do men get attached, they do so by feeling at home and trusting of someone.

Building trust means having good conversations, treating one another with respect, and bonding over similarities.

It also means having experiences together. This means doing more than just going to a dinner and a movie on every date.

It means going for a walk together or a bike ride, completing a mystery room together, or even grocery shopping or running errands together. There are a million ways to build trust. One way to do so is by having varied experiences together. Seeing how the other behave in a different light has a way of humanizing them and seeing them as a more complex and multi-faceted human. Seeing one another in this light will only serve to build a stronger relationship.

Ask Questions

Asking him questions shows that you care about what he has to say. This is extremely endearing.

But asking questions works in two ways. It indicates interest AND it will unlock his more vulnerable side.

Asking probing questions (once he’s ready to open up) is the best way you two can bond. Learning about his childhood, family, and ambitions, but also insecurities will lead to feelings of openness, comfort, and emotional attachment.

Penetrate the superficial by asking piercing, probing questions – but only when you think he’s ready to open up. Trying to peel back the layers too early could backfire. Take your time but when the time is right, move past superficial questions and really learn who he is.

If you’re wondering how to do this or what questions you should ask, just check out the NYT’s 36 Questions That Lead To Love. 

Give It Time

Sometimes the most difficult of questions have the simplest of answers.

Men aren’t Rubik cubes to be completed in record time. Sometimes, even if you have the answers to unlocking them, it just takes time.

The more time you spend together, the more attached he will become. The more intertwined your lives will be, the more inside jokes you two will share and the closer you two will be.

Proximity breeds familiarity. 

Be Vulnerable

How can you expect him to be vulnerable and emotionally attached if you haven’t opened up yet?

It’s unfair to ask him to do things that you haven’t done yet yourself. Someone has to take the leap first. When the time is right, open up. Talk about your insecurities, dark moments, happy moments, ambitious, life goals, and the rest. Of course, no need to inundate him, but little by little, peel back the layers and ask him to reciprocate by asking probing questions.

Create Some Space

Men don’t want things that are easy.

Most of the time they won’t be into the woman who is constantly texting him about his day, wanting to make plans, and sending his sweet nothings all day.

A guy will almost always be more attracted to the woman who is a little more distant. Perhaps she doesn’t do this on purpose, but she has a life to live. She doesn’t have time to be messaging some guy she just met all day long.

Be the woman who is down to date, but not down to spend all day messaging.

Not to mention that texting is cheap. It’s a cheap, superficial form of communication that should never take the place of a more meaningful face-to-face interaction. If you really want to build attachments, never have long-winded conversations via text or open up to him via messages.

Break The Touch Barrier

A man’s most popular love language is touch.

That’s how they build attraction, stay attracted, and allow themselves to emotionally attach to women.

Of course, this is the case with most humans, but even more so with men.

If you’re struggling to have him really open up to you and invest emotionally, ask if you two have been physical, and no I’m not even referring to sex. I’m referring to less intimate acts of touching. Have you two hugged, kissed, held hands, played Patty Cake?

If not, you may need to start being more physical. Doing so will signal that you’re into him and will make him more inclined to open up.

Dating Decoded

Interested in learning how we here at emlovz can help you quickly build attraction and peel back superficial layers?

We dive deep into how to get a man emotionally attached in our program, Dating Decoded.

You’ll learn the ins and outs of online dating via coaching sessions, our online curriculum, mock dates, 1 on 1s with coaches, and through our online community.

If you’re ready to find your forever partner, book a Zoom session with our team today. Together we’ll talk about your dating history, and your goals and show you how our program, Dating Decoded, can help you find your ideal partner.