Well, season 14 of The Bachelorette has wrapped, which means I have been enjoying the glorious trainwreck that is Bachelor in Paradise. However, the beautiful parade of Bachelor Nation riffraff that ABC is delivering this season has been tainted by one timeworn storyline: Tia and Colton.
I am so sick of these two and the fact that they stole practically ALL of Wills’ screentime during his shortlived stay in Paradise (#NeverForget #JusticeforWills #WillsforBachelor). Thus, you may be wondering why I am choosing to dedicate an entire article to a couple that is the very personification of a migraine when I have an organic, locally-sourced GOD like Grocery Store Joe to write about. Two things:
In case you’re unfamiliar, breadcrumbing is yet another horrible trend that has pervaded the landscape of modern dating. Woo.
Breadcrumbing occurs when someone you went out on a date with or dated briefly disappears or ghosts you, only to return occasionally to like one of your Facebook photos, shoot you a text, or offer you a few short-lived “crumbs” of romantic intent.
If we take things back to the last season of Bachelorette, you will see that Tia and Colton’s entire relationship (or pseudo-relationship) had a basis of breadcrumbing. Tia and Colton spent time together during ONE measly weekend when Colton was basically like, “So I’m going to be a contestant on Bachelorette now. See you again never??”
Because dinner with Colton must have been that good (or the producers at ABC got really lazy when coming up with storylines for the show), Tia never stopped thinking about Colton and basically decided to go on Bachelor in Paradise to pine away for him until he maybe decided to show up.
And from here, folks, we see just how detrimental breadcrumbing can be and why you should avoid being a crumb collector at all costs.
Before Colton shows up in Paradise ready to offer Tia lukewarm feelings at best, Tia basically skulks along the beach crying a river of margarita tears over the fact that the dude she maybe french kissed TWICE hasn’t shown up.
Meanwhile, an assembly line of attractive men march into Paradise before Colton arrives — including the ALWAYS INCREDIBLE Grocery Store Joe, who Tia barely batted an eye at.
Who even does that?
This goes to show you that, when you get caught up in breadcrumbing, you miss out on all the other amazing options that are staring you RIGHT IN THE FACE.
Tia gets a date card and decides to go out with Chris Why-TF-Are-You-Calling-Yourself-“Goose”-Now Randone and actually manages to have a great time.
At the end of the date, she’s like, “Colton who?” Cut to Colton showing up the next day and Tia turns into this.
When Colton arrives, my cats and I sat on my couch VERY UNAMUSED as Tia basically went into heat over the idea of Colton talking to her. Meanwhile, Colton decided to talk to literally anyone that WASN’T Tia before halfheartedly asking Tia if she wanted to go on a date.
Ladies and gentleman, I present to you: Breadcrumbing.
During the date, Colton basically tells Tia he is attracted to her and might like her, but he “doesn’t know what he wants” and decides it’s best to explore his options.
Tia’s reaction to this?
If you’re the crumb collector in a breadcrumbing relationship, consider Tia’s inevitable unraveling a cautionary tale. Once Colton continues to be wishy-washy with her on his feelings (or lack thereof), Tia basically ends up looking like she’s two croutons short of a crazy salad.
Here’s how it basically went down:
Tia: Colton, do you love me or not?
Colton: I don’t know what I want. I think I like you, but I also think I want to touch that other chick by the bar and this convo is really preventing me from doing that.
Tia: Are we getting married OR NOT??
Colton: Can you give me a rose so that I can hold out for a girl I like better than you?
Just save yourself the trouble and cut a breadcrumber loose the minute they pull their initial disappearing act.
If a relationship is truly meant to be, you’re not going to deal with these red flags and the relationship will progress smoothly. You shouldn’t have to constantly question the status of your relationship with someone because, after all, the best relationships are built on a foundation of trust and mutual respect.
Also, the Tia and Colton storyline is a great example of why you should always keep your options open when you’re single. When you use dating strategies like MegaDating, and explore different relationships, it’s a lot easier to avoid getting hung up on someone who is just plain wrong for you.
On Paradise, it looked like Tia had finally shaken her fixation with Colton and decided to move forward with someone else. Unfortunately, that person was Chris I-Am-a-Walking-Red-Flag Randone, but it’s progress nonetheless.
Or at least that’s what I thought until YouTube recommended I check out this preview.
Ughhh…someone please just kick all three of these off the island so I can focus wholly on Grocery Store Joe and the gloriously ridiculous things that come out of Jordan’s mouth.
Images: Giphy (3)