Skip to content

‘The Bachelorette’ Season 14 Finale was Filled with Wine and Tears

‘The Bachelorette’ Season 14 Finale was Filled with Wine and Tears

Welcome to cry-a-thon 2018, otherwise known as The Bachelorette season 14 finale. Boy, did these dudes cry. No hate, I’m just saying that they could have turned the Sahara into a swimming pool with their tears.

Welcome, everyone, to my official Bachelorette season 14 finale. This one was sure a doozy, and by that, I mean that I spent 90% of the episode worried that a torrent of Garrett Yrigoyen and Blake Hortsmann’s wine tears were going to break through my monitor Jaws 3-D-style and flood my basement apartment.



Let’s get into it, shall we?

The Bachelorette Season 14 Live Intro

We open with Chris Harrison greeting a live studio audience in Los Angelos. He makes sure to note that ABC is, in fact, shooting this finale live from Los Angeles, just so people like me on the east coast can feel even worse about our current humid state of being.

Chris Harrison: What you are about to see is possibly the most emotional finale you’ve ever seen.

DOESN’T HE ALWAYS SAY THIS?! If by emotional, you mean Blake shouldering the emotional weight of all 25,000 seasons (I’m estimating) of this show, then OK.

Chris Harrison: One man will walk away so broken-hearted, so devastated, we really haven’t witnessed anything like this before.

OK, so Blake is gonna get the boot. Roger that.

Garrett Meets Becca’s Family

Is it just me or is Garrett a golden retriever personified? That’s not a bad thing, but I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a person hold a smile that long and consecutively in my entire life.

Garrett:

Golden retriever:



Garrett comes in hot, hugging Becca’s family smiling WIDER than he ever has. I am officially concerned over how much Garrett’s cheek must hurt right now.

Becca’s uncle takes Garrett aside to grill him in the kindest way possible because Becca’s uncle is basically a man who has been created from the sweetness of Quaker® instant oatmeal (the maple brown sugar kind, of course), sunflower seeds and panko breadcrumbs.

Becca’s uncle to Garrett: What would you have done differently in your marriage that ended after two months?

IT’S ABOUT TIME SOMEONE ASKED THIS! I feel like Garrett is one of those contestants who spills a mad amount of tea when it comes to his personal life while also being super vague about it. It’s reality television, bro, I need more deets.

Garrett: I would have leaned on my family more.

Ok, I guess I’m just never going to get specific answers about Garrett’s divorce unless his ex goes to Access to spill all of her tea.

In conclusion, Garrett nails it with Becca’s family, cries an F ton (wine?) and Becca seems pretty set on getting engaged to him ASAP. Oomph. Blake has a lot to measure up to.

Blake Meets Becca’s Family

Seeing Blake always gives me anxiety because he is SOOOOO in love with Becca. I worry about his mental health if he loses this competition and it’s not looking good for him so far.

Blake gives Becca’s family all the right answers — he thinks he and Becca “work well as a team” and he gravitates toward “strong, independent women.”

Becca’s sister feels that Garrett would be a good father and Blake would challenge Becca.

Becca’s mom to Blake: You are incredibly special. But you will be fine either way. Like, even if Becca doesn’t pick you, you’ll be FIIIINNNNEEEEE sweetie.

Ugh, poor Blake is basically having an internal meltdown throughout this entire debacle.



 

Becca’s One-on-One Date with Garrett

Becca and Garrett celebrate the fact that Becca is not-subtly-at-all 99% sure she’s gonna pick him by taking a boat ride where dolphins are all about making public appearances.

Garrett: Going back to what your sister said, too — OH DOLPHINS!

Lolololol! This is verbatim what Garrett said right when he and Becca were getting into a deep conversation. TBH, I would have done the same.

Cut to the evening portion of the date and is Garrett slurring his words before Becca has even arrived? I mean, far be it for me to judge someone pre-gaming before a date. I’m just saying that boyfriend is awfully flushed right now, and I know a tannin-induced flush when I see one.

Garrett talks about their gorgeously romantic future where he envisions them changing diapers before Becca has to leave for work and then going to the grocery store to buy food.

Riveting stuff.

Honestly, Garrett talked about going to the grocery store with the same enthusiasm as someone would have when being told they won a free trip to the Bahamas.

There are two things Garrett loves more than anything: Grocery stores and the way that Becca pronounces certain words.



Garrett when waxing poetic about Becca: I love the way she says “bag.”

Blake’s One-on-One

Becca and Blake start off their date with a bike ride and the camera pans to a bat that is clearly not amused.

Anyway, Blake seems significantly less likely to suffer an emotional meltdown today. Thank God, because I need at least 15 more minutes until I can shoulder that type of secondhand anxiety again.

Unfortunately, Becca doesn’t seem nearly as into him during this date as she did Garrett.

Blake: No one can make her smile and laugh like I can.

Meanwhile, I don’t think I have seen Becca laugh once during this date. Oomph.

Blake gives Becca a time capsule of their time together and Becca’s face says that she’s about 99% checked out of the relationship at this point. Ahhhh, poor Blake!

Final Goodbye

Cut back to the live show and Chris Harrison is like “I’ve never seen anything like this,” to prepare the audience the devastation that is Blake getting dumped mid-proposal.

First of all, Becca allowed Blake’s proposal speech go on waaayyy too long until she was finally like, “Thanks but no thanks.” In all honesty, I felt almost as dirty watching Blake sob into a towel as I did when Arie took 45 minutes to break up with Becca on national television.

 



At this point, I feel like Chris Harrison should just offer him the spot as next season’s Bachelor right there and then. I’ve been hardcore #JasonforBachelor all along but I just feel like giving this poor kid some sort of consolation prize is necessary.

*Remembers there are now throngs of women diving headfirst into Blake’s DMs, ready to bang him*

You know what? I think he’ll be fine. #JasonforBachelor all the way!!

Back at the live show, Blake puts everyone’s mind at ease by showing up, proving that he is not currently locked in a room somewhere curled in the fetal position. He also isn’t angry at Becca and the two find closure. YAWN. Remember when exes were super salty to each other on these finales?

 

The Proposal

With the big emotional breakdown out of the way, it’s time for Garrett to propose! I blacked out a little during his proposal because I was kind of done with this finale after nearly three hours. However, I recall Garrett talking about minivans, orange slices, and other things that he envisioned being part of his future with Becca.

Luckily, Becca is all about minivans and orange slices, so she accepts. Hooray!

 

After the proposal, Garrett and Becca proceed to start getting wine drunk and I am here for it.

Becca: I want a Costco membership with you!

Clearly, someone’s been day drinking for a while now and, once again, I am here for it. 

During the live show, Becca and Garrett sit down and talk about how in love they are and how sorry Garrett is for that whole offensive social media controversy.



There’s really not much else to say other than ABC gave the happy couple a minivan and that I am SO RELIEVED we have come to the end of the Bachelorette season 14 finale so that I can finally get started on the glorious trainwreck that is Bachelor in Paradise. 

 

Comments are closed for this article!

Featured Articles