It’s an odd sensation, isn’t it?

Normally when we get what we want we feel better.

Yet even when you want a divorce and get it, you still feel sad.

I suppose this is because getting a divorce is the equivalent of learning that your cancer is in remission. Regardless of the good news you still feel like absolute garbage.

While you can flip a switch and bring a marriage to a close, you can’t do the same with your feelings.

It only makes sense that you’re saying to yourself, “I wanted the divorce, why am I so sad?”

When you divorce you don’t just drastically alter your relationship with one person but radically alter every relationship you have.

In one act you change your entire life.

Let’s dive into why you’re feeling sad and what you can do about it.

I Wanted the Divorce, Why Am I So Sad

The End of a Relationship is Always Sad

Your beliefs about what the relationship was, who you were in the relationship, and the future you had mapped out all have come to a close.

You probably had hopes and dreams of what the future would hold when you got married. All of that has come to a disappointing end when the marriage is over.

There were plans you made that need to be altered and a story you had written that may need to be revised.

More than anything you may be sad because the routine is over. You had a pattern that you were happily ensconced in. You had dinner with the family every day, took your kids to soccer games together, walked the dog every morning, etc.

Now the deep roots that you had planted have been swiftly ripped away from the earth.

This can give you a feeling of vertigo as now you have no idea what your next move is. Everything that was once routine is no more.

This is pretty terrifying.

That being said you wanted the divorce for a reason.

There was something about the relationship that wasn’t sustainable.

Now you have an opportunity to lead a new life without being held back by your partner.

It’s scary getting what you wanted, but embrace this new opportunity and go on to create a new life and new routine that is even better than the last one.

The old identify you once had is gone, now it’s time to build a new one.

Don’t Want To Hurt Her Or The Children

Those that have never gone through a divorce imagine that the person that initiates the divorce hates their current spouse.

That isn’t necessarily the case.

There are many marriages that end for much less dramatic reasons.

Chances are you still have strong feelings for your ex-wife. You want to move on with your life yet all the while understand that she’s going through her own struggle.

This empathy you feel extends to your children as well.

Even more than your ex you value your children’s wellbeing.

The best way to help your children through this transition is to be as loving, supportive, and open as possible.

Make them a priority as your entire family enters the unknown.

Fear of the Unknown

There is a favorite economic/psychological fallacy of mine that I’d like to share with you.

It’s called the sunk-cost fallacy. 

The sunk-cost fallacy is the tendency we have to continue to invest in something even when the continued investment may not be worth it.

An example was your past relationship.

Even though you were nearly certain it was better for you to leave your relationship than stay, you decided to stick around and give her just one more shot.

Then that one shot turned into another and another.

The reason you stayed around for so long is because you felt that to pull out of your investment would be equivalent to losing. For so long you weren’t able to see the pros of ending a relationship.

This is why even though you wanted the divorce, you’re still sad.

You’re not only sad that your investment didn’t work out and feel like a failure as a consequence, but you’re scared that you may have made the wrong decision.

Because even though you wanted more from the relationship you have no idea if you’re going to find a future relationship as good as the prior one.

Thing is, there’s only one way to find out.

When you’re ready to get back out there, do so in style.

By style, I mean MegaDate.

MegaDating is a dating practice that involves tapping your social networks in order to date various women simultaneously. The purpose of this is to find a compatible partner as quickly as possible. By dating around you’ll quickly see that there are other women out there for you. That your romantic life didn’t end with your last partner but is just getting started.

Not Knowing Your Market Value

If you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, chances are you don’t know how the singles market will treat you.

You’re worried that women won’t be interested in you now that you’re older and divorced.

These are reasonable worries but are largely unjustified.

Let me show you why.

You’re worried that the pool of options you have to choose from is rather small — it’s not.

In fact, you’re kinda a big fish in a big pond. 

That’s because there are 14 million divorced women and 10 million divorced men.

If you’re narrowing your dating pool so that it only includes other divorced people, you’re looking at a 3-2 ratio of women to men. Not too shabby.

However, that’s not the only good news.

You shouldn’t be reducing your pool of options to simple single divorced women of a certain age in your area.

Rather, all single women should be game.

Opinions about divorced men have changed. In fact, divorced men in their 40s have less stigma than men in their 40s who have never been married.

With that said, let’s take a look at just how many single women will be vying for your attention.

I’d like to direct your attention to middle-aged single women.

According to the data above 1 in 5 women between the ages of 30-49 are single. If you’re looking for someone slightly older, perfect because 29% of women ages 50-64 are single.

It’s true that you won’t be sure of your market value until you get out there and start dating.

However, there are two things that should buoy your confidence:

1) Being divorced isn’t a turn-off for a majority of women

2) There are millions of single women out there waiting for you to date them

Being Unfamiliar With the Modern Dating Scene

For the most part, you’ve been able to keep up with new trends and a changing world.

However, there are certain aspects of life you just haven’t had to adapt to.

Your relationship precluded you from meeting with women the way they’re used to being met in today’s dating landscape.

That’s right my friend, I’m referring to dating apps.

Before you freak out and assume that only losers or lonely old men use dating apps let me show you how wrong you are.

As you can see, Americans of all ages have used dating apps.

Not only this but in just a few years dating applications have become more than twice as popular among certain age groups.

Not only are dating apps without stigma, but they’re the most popular way to meet your new partner nowadays.

I totally understand how daunting it feels to hop back into the dating scene, but honestly, if you’re going to do so, there’s no easier way than to download an app and get your swipe on.

Here are the apps you’ll want to download for divorced men between the ages of 30-45.

• Hinge
• Match.com
• Bumble

Before downloading an app and creating a profile, do your research.

Each app targets a different audience.

Younger users will flock towards Tinder and Bumble whereas those in their late 20s to late 30s will be using Hinge.

Match.com is for anyone 40 and older. That being said, don’t just download one app.

Cast a wide net by using at least 3 dating apps (ideally, 5).

Once you’ve selected a dating app it’s time to create a profile.

While creating one takes just minutes, creating a good one may take slightly longer.

Here are some tips to keep in mind when you’re constructing your new profile:

• Photos are everything
• Only use HD photos
• Make sure every photo offers a different perspective
• Be sure to fill out your entire written bio

When chatting with women keep these tips in mind:

• NEVER message “hello”
• Use her profile to inform your first message
• When in doubt ask a question
• Get in and out. Dating apps are for introductions NOT dating
• Use a TDL to ask her out

Your Dating Skills Are Rusty

When is the last time you even went on a formal date?

What should you even be talking about anyway?

Dating after a long romantic hibernation can be difficult.

It can make you feel like Rip Van Winkle, trying to adapt to a world that’s passed him by.

Look the best way to adapt is simply by getting back out there.

The best way to do this is by MegaDating. Dating women simultaneously will give you the practice you so desperately need.

Before your first date here are a few tips you should keep in mind:

• The first date should last no longer than an hour
• No more than $10 should be spent
• Date should take place close to her home or place of work
• Daytime midweek dates are strongly encouraged
• Make physical contact a couple of times (hugs, gentle taps, upper back)

I Wanted The Divorce Why Am I So Sad: Next Steps

Only you can understand how you feel and what you need to do to overcome such sadness.

Dating again can be one of the most effective ways of moving forward. The best way to do so is by MegaDating.

That being said, going it alone can be daunting and lonely.

To learn how to find a highly compatible woman in a short period of time book a 1-on-1 call with one of our coaches.

During your new client introduction session, we’ll discuss your dating history, talk through your current goals, and see how we can help you achieve your romantic goals.