So you’ve both swiped right maybe on Tinder or Bumble, and it’s a perfect match. Surely, it’s a cake walk from here on out, right? Well, not so fast. The truth of the matter is that you’re probably not the only one she’s matched with this week, today, or even in the last few hours. This means that the competition is high, and the ball is in your court to make the next move. If you’re wondering how to write a compelling first message on a dating site or app that places you above and beyond your competition, your mind is in the right place–and I’m excited to help you find out how to proceed.

I’m Emyli, co-founder of Emlovz.com and America’s Dating Coach for Men. Today, we’re talking about crafting the perfect first messages on your favorite dating site or app. It’s one of the most important moments there are to find a great date, and eventually an amazing relationship.

If you’re serious about using dating apps and sites to find love, you’re going to have to step up your online dating game. But first, read on for my list of do’s and don’ts on how to write a compelling first message on a dating site or app.

Never Start Your Sentence with an “H”

Our dating app test results are back from the lab at Emlovz, and they’re pretty shocking. Of all the guys that matched with our fake profile, almost all of them started the message with an “H”–whether it was “hi”, how’s it going?”, “hey”, or my personal favorite–”heyyyy”.

Messages like these are a cop-out. You’re not putting effort into creating conversation with her, you’re throwing the ball back in her court in the least thoughtful way possible. Additionally, imagine she’s getting twenty or more of these exact same first messages a day. Chances are, she’s going to ignore you if you send one too.

Instead, send something original and thoughtful as your first message. You want to stand out from the crowd, not get lost in it. 

Send Something Short, Simple and Sweet

Your first message should never be an essay. While something too short will seem really impersonal, a message that’s too long might come across as too intense and scare her off.  I recommend 2 or 3 sentences, at the most.

Think about it, women get dozens of first messages every day. Do you think she has time to sift through your life story? Women like short, confident messages that make an impression while leaving a bit of a mystery as well. For more tips on how to increase your response rate, take a look at my article on how to get women to message you back on dating sites.

Try to Bring Up Something You Have in Common

Look through her dating profile. Scan her interests section for commonalities you share, including books, food, movies, or art. If you do have something in common, use it to your advantage. She’ll love to know you took the time to read her profile, and that you’re interested in more than just her picture.

Some examples if she likes pizza could be: “I noticed you love pizza. I do, too. Are you a deep dish or thin crust person?” Or if she says she loves a sport, but doesn’t mention which team she follows, spark conversation by asking her which one is her favorite.

If you can’t find anything in common with each other, don’t worry. But do keep an eye out for possible commonalities that might surface, and jump on them as soon as they come up.

Don’t Talk About Her Appearance

Let’s be certain–she already knows you think she’s hot. Telling her first thing is not only stating the obvious, it also adversely affects the way she thinks about you. When dating, online or offline–women need to protect themselves from the many men who are after one thing, and if you comment on her looks, you’re placing yourself in the same category as the guys she’s not looking for.

Instead of commenting on her appearance, find something that interests you about her profile. If she mentions she’s a fitness addict, ask her if she prefers outdoor running or a treadmill, or if she’d like to work out together sometime.

Watch that Timestamp!

Women on dating sites and apps are interested in finding men worth their time. It’s not going to look good if your very first message is sent too late at night. Quite obviously, she’s likely to ignore your message and write you off as “not serious”.

You should always send her a first message sometime during the day or early evening. Try not to reach out after midnight–and definitely not after 2:00am. 2am, after all, is when the bars close–which will give her the impression that you’re drunk, lonely and desperate.

Use my Mega Message Template

If you know anything about me and my coaching services, you know I’m a huge supporter of Megadating. Megadating is, hands down, the best way to meet people and find the love of your life. It worked for me, just as it’s worked for so many of my clients.

Megadating and apps or sites like Tinder, Bumble, eHarmony, and Hinge go hand in hand. With Megadating, you set a clear goal to go on as many dates as possible within a certain timeframe. Say, 100 dates in a year, or 50 dates in six months. This way, you open the doors to finding love at a much faster rate than when dating traditionally. You also develop better social skills, lose the fear of rejection, and learn exactly what you’re looking for in a partner. 

Online dating apps and sites can be an incredible source to rely on to reach your Megadating goals. But first, you have to know how to write a compelling first message on a dating site or app, and how to send them out at a higher rate than ever before.

Luckily, I have a great solution for that. Click here to sign up for my official Mega Message Template–an amazing tool that helps speed up the rate at which men can message women on dating sites. It also increases the response rate by 35%, without resorting to copying and pasting the women you’re trying to contact.

Get Professional Advice on You How to Write a Compelling First Message on a Dating Site or App Today

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, or want personal advice on getting the most out of your dating app experience, feel free to contact me now. I offer highly personalized coaching sessions and programs over Skype, as well as many useful dating tools, workshops, and my popular Emlovz Academy online course for those that are serious about finding someone special. You deserve to enjoy a great relationship with your soulmate, and I would love to help you find one. Contact me to book your first intro session, and we’ll come up with a personalized strategy for dating that’s just for you.