Men have plenty of reasons to be negative when dating nowadays.

The romantic rules of engagement aren’t what they used to be, dating apps are packed with women by are outnumbered by men, and after the pandemic, it feels like we’ve all lost our ability to form inteligible sentences.

Men are lonelier than ever, have less sex than ever, and have fewer romantic connections than our parents had.

So yeah, your negativity is justified; but that doesn’t mean you should let it consume you.

How to Stay Positive When Dating as a Man

The men that are able to stay positive when dating are going to have more success. The guys that can get rejected and bounce back are the ones that will be in relationships soon enough.

But when men have been negative for so long they can’t just snap their fingers and magically turn into Mr. Rogers.

To do so you’ll have to put in the work. You’ll have to swim against the current until it finally flows with you down a lazy river of positivity.

So what does that work look like?

The Steps Towards Positivity

Turn positivity into a habit.

To do so you’ll have to work at it.

One way to do so is by continuously undertaking the following activity that is clinically proven to foster positivity. 

The following steps take just 10 minutes to complete.

1) Write Down A Negative Thought That Haunts You

It doesn’t have to be related to your romantic life, but as that’s what’s generating this negativity, it makes the most sense.

Maybe the thought is: I’m not good enough for the woman I think I deserve. 

Read this thought out loud. Read it out and let the emotions flow. Be aware of how your body feels. Then sit with these emotions for a moment.

The aim here is to be comfortable staring that negativity in the face. If you run from it, it will always stalk you. Instead, face what’s putting you down.

2) Be Aware Of What You Feel

Sit with that negativity.

Write down a list of everything you’re feeling. Then say those feelings out loud.

Now write down a list of needs. These needs are cravings that brought on the negativity.

Maybe you’re feeling:

• Low self-esteem
• Sad
• Rejected
• Alone

Your cravings might be:

• A desire to find love
• Respect from women
• Not wanting to feel so alone
• Romantic connection

3) List Cognitive Distortions

Make a list of cognitive distortions that inspired this thought.

To be clear, a cognitive distortion (also known as a distorted thought) is an exaggerated pattern or thought that isn’t based in reality. 

These are irrational ways of thinking that lead you to perceive yourself as a more negative light. Humans love exaggerating situations. Each one of us is living our very own soap opera.

But the reality is far from the alternative reality we’ve constructed.

Here are a few popular distortions we tend to use when we’re feeling negative:

• Filtering – Filtering out the positives from a situation and only looking at the negatives.
• Polarization – It’s all black or white with you. Either the world is perfect or horrible.
• Overgeneralization – Even though something might be an isolated incident, it’s now become your entire reality.
• Jumping to Conclusions – Despite being no evidence to support your stance, you stick with the worst possible outlook.
• Catastrophizing – Making the situation worse than it actually is by focusing only on the worst possible scenario.

4) Get Deep

Really unpack why it is you feel the way you feel.

Dig deeper by asking these 12 thought and emotion-provoking questions.

When thinking about each question, it’s best to answer by writing your thoughts down. It’s easy to gloss over a question. Give each one the attention they deserve by taking a beat, thinking about your answer, and writing down a cogent and succinct response.

1. What facts support this thought? What existing evidence contradicts it?

Really think about concrete evidence you have to support this negative feeling.

2. What would the worst possible outcome be, if this thought were true?

Consider the worst outcome. Sit with it. Things become much less scary when you look them in face.

3. Am I using a past experience to overgeneralize?

Did one traumatic event color your present relationship with women? Is it fair to yourself and her to bring this emotional baggage into your new relationships?
4. Is there any way I might view this in a positive way?

Don’t immediately write this off. There are few objective negatives in life. Even the seemingly horrible might yield a positive or two.
5. Will this matter one day from now? What about in one week, or month? How?

How big of a deal is this really?

6. What are some ways I’ve dealt with this scenario before?

Look to your past for ways to deal with the present and future.
7. What advice would my counselor or therapist give about this situation?

It’s easier to deal with the issue sometimes if you imagine it’s someone else’s problem. Dissociate yourself a little by taking a step back.
8. What am I ready to accept about this event or person?

Is there anything you can accept here and now?
9. Are my thoughts helping me deal with this scenario? Or are they aggravating the situation?

Don’t get in the way of yourself.
10. Can I genuinely control this?

If you can’t you just have to roll with the waves. If you can’t change the situation change who you are.

That being said, many situations can be changed.
11. Besides myself, what else might be affecting this situation?

It’s not always about you. Sometimes it’s easier to overcome obstacles if you realize you’re not the only one being impacted. Helping others we care about is a strong catalyst for change.
12. Am I using “I must,” “I have to,” or “I should” thinking here? Is it truly necessary?

Only you can know this for sure, but few things are musts in life. They feel important because we build them up. Our lives are more pliant than we usually think.

How to Stay Positive When Dating as a Man

There is no straight line to positivity.

However, the exercise we went walked through has worked for our students and can help you cultivate your own dating positivity.

Dating can be rough.

It’s not easy to get rejected and get back up again.

But at emlovz we specialize in helping men quickly build dating confidence.

Dating Decoded

One of the quickest ways to build positivity and confidence is by MegaDating.

We teach our students the shortcut to finding their ideal match by MegaDating. MegaDating is our dating philosophy and it shapes everything we teach here at emlovz. Simply put MegaDating is dating prolifically with the specific goal of going on 20 dates in 90 days. This will give you ample women to compare and contrast so you can refine your not only your dating skills but who your ideal partner is.

To teach you how to quickly find highly compatible women in just weeks and become the most eligible bachelor in town you’ll have a team of romantic experts, each skilled in their own unique area to support you.

Our Team

• Emyli (me), co-founder, curriculum developer, head coach, and I host two coaching sessions every week
• Thomas, co-founder, and coach. He’ll lead the biweekly Man Cave event where men come together to talk dating, bond with one another, and support other single men
• Cat, Brooke, and Audrey are mock date specialists. Go on a practice date with them (and receive feedback) before your next date
• Hailey is your new stylist. She’s worked with celebs from every industry and is now about to raid your closet
• Tilly is our holistic sex & intimacy coach. She’ll help you get the most out of your sex life so you and your partner are happier between the sheets
• Aundrea is an award-winning fitness coach. Are you ready to eat right and build muscle?
• Mia is our social media expert. Revamp your Facebook and Instagram profiles with her help and start meeting women online

Our Community

And look, we realize that the single life can be difficult. If accepted into our coaching program, Dating Decoded, you’d be joining a community of supportive men and coaches who are there to listen, support, and encourage you as you navigate the single life.

Our program offers every student a lifetime membership (as if you’ll need it) so the support won’t stop until you’ve found your ideal partner.

If you’re ready to find your forever partner, book a Zoom session with our team today. Together we’ll talk about your dating history, your goals and show you how our program, Dating Decoded, can help you find your ideal partner.

Learn how our students have already improved their dating lives.