One of the biggest complaints I get from my suburban clients is how to date a woman who lives in the city.

“It’s definitely draining,” said one client who works in a metro area but lives further away. “I’ve done it before and it’s tough, especially the going home part. You just have to decide if you want to limit your search to women in the suburbs.”

Another client told me: “I’m struggling with the idea of dating someone who lives in the city. It’s easier when I’m going into the office, but assuming we did something after work, my commute home is easily an hour or more if I miss the express.”

It can be pretty tiring to date a woman who lives in the city when you live 30 or even 60 minutes from her. I don’t blame you if you prioritize other dating options first. But, as I’m sure you know, things aren’t always that simple. If you’re an active dater, you’ll be tempted to pursue someone who lives outside your area at some point. Then what?

Today, I want to discuss some strategies around dating women in the city when you live in the suburbs.

How to Date a Woman Who Lives in the City: A 6-Step Plan

Just because she lives in the city doesn’t mean you should give up hope.

You also don’t have to resign yourself to a miserable dating experience. Put these six action steps into play, and a whole new world can open up for you.

1. Stack Your Dates

First things first: I’m assuming you’re MegaDating, right?

If not, get on it! In case you’re unfamiliar, MegaDating means you date more than one woman at once in order to build confidence and momentum in your dating life. Once you’ve dated enough women, you’ll be better able to choose the right one for you — without feeling like you have to settle.

Now, this means you may have several dates in a month, week… or even the same day. (And before you cringe, don’t worry, that doesn’t make you an ass. I recommend women MegaDate too!)

Why am I telling you this? Because it partly answers the question of how to date a woman who lives in the city. Instead of making a date with one woman in the city, it makes much more sense to make a date with two — or even three — that same night. You’ll get the most of your commute.

So, pick a Saturday and schedule a few dates back to back in the city. How is this possible? Well, assuming these are first dates, each one should be no longer than one hour. That’s plenty of time to get to know someone and hopefully establish trust and even a little sexual tension.

Here’s what one of my clients suggests: “What you could try is stacking dates in a way where you have one that’s on the way back from the city. That way you’re not just tired on a drive (or express ride) back from a hopefully great date. That was usually the hardest thing for me because you’re excited going to the date but don’t really have anything to do but overanalyze the date on the way back.”

I’d also add one thing. Top off your “city day” by treating yourself to dinner or a massage after the last date. No doubt, you just put in a good day’s work by listening to three women in a one-day period!

Lastly, if you find it daunting getting even just 1 or 2 dates a month, consider outsourcing your dating to a matchmaking service like us here at emlovz.

2. If You Work in the City, Get Creative

Perhaps you meet women in the city because you commute in for work each day. If so, why not mix in a coffee or lunch date here and there? Dates don’t always have to be after work. But if those times are difficult for you, then try an after-work date on a Wednesday or Thursday. You’ll be too tired on Friday, and too stuck in work mode on Monday or Tuesday.

Also, if you work in the city, consider your dating pool when it comes to women you interact with during the day. I don’t always recommend dating coworkers, but women who work for the same company, or maybe go to the same gym near your work, could be easier to get to know than someone you’d have to set up a date with. So keep your eyes open.

3. Test Her Willingness to Venture Out

Instead of figuring out how to date a woman who lives in the city, could you possibly convince her to come out to where you live? Here’s a good way to find out: On your first date, ask her if she’s ever checked out [fill in the blank with an epic date idea near your home]. Then, see how interested she is about meeting you for a date in your area.

If she’s sour on the idea, just don’t take it personally — there could be other variables at play. For example, many women living in a city don’t even own a car, so that could be the issue.

4. Manage Your Way-Home Mindset

As one of my clients mentioned earlier, it’s common to feel uneasy on the way home after a city date. A lot of guys tell me they over-analyze the dates during the ride home, thinking about what they did or didn’t do wrong. They may even want to text her before they get home because they’re unsure of themselves.

Instead, I recommend you spend your time journaling or making notes about the date in your phone on the way home (assuming you’re taking a train or not driving). This will help you calm your nerves. It will also give you things on paper that you can review later.

Write down how you felt during the date, what you talked about, what she said her favorites were, anything else that was interesting about her, how you liked the date location, etc.

5. Remember, You Have an Advantage

Here’s some good news. The dilemma of dating a woman in the city won’t last forever. Why? Because many women only migrate to the city as the next step after college to work on their career, link up with friends, or to have a 5-10 year experience.

As a woman who’s lived in San Francisco for almost 10 years, I can tell you — eventually, most of the non-native women living in cities move to the suburbs anyway to settle down and raise a family.

So if you’re willing to date women in the city, this is great! You’ll be able to compete for more women before they settle down. You’ll also have a leg up over the other guys she’s dating because you would give her an excuse to leave the city, assuming you enter into a solid relationship.

6. Don’t Make This a Big Deal

If the chemistry is right on the first or second date, it won’t matter to her if you live 15 or 30 miles from her city. To put this in perspective, it’s not like you live in LA and have to take a flight to Scottsdale to meet up with her every weekend. It’s likely a 30-60 minute drive; certainly not the end of the world.

In fact, many of emlovz’s matchmaking clients live in remote areas where it’s hard to meet large amounts of quality women. In our experience, women are open to meeting these clients who live outside the city on Zoom or FaceTime. Trust me: Many women will move anywhere in the world for love. Research even shows that 27% of people in relationships never lived near their partner to begin with!

How I Can Help You Further

Trying to solve the problem of how to date a woman who lives in the city can be a drag. As a dating coach and matchmaker, I hear how tough it is. Commuting into the city to meet a woman you barely know doesn’t always seem worth it!

But the one thing I DO know is that you get what you put out there. The energy you put into dating will always reward you eventually. I’m not a super woo-woo person, but I do believe the universe always works in our best interests.

That being said, you need to set your intention first. When it comes to dating, that requires doing everything you can to find the woman you want — which could include dating someone who lives far away. More often than not, taking a bold step like this will set an intention for your dating life that will yield exciting results.

And that’s exactly why dating strategy is so important. Beyond having a positive mindset, you really need to take smart, consistent action. If you’re ready to change your approach in this way, let’s set up an intro call together to discuss my 3 month coaching and matchmaking programs.

I help guys turn their dating lives around on a daily basis, and I’d love to do the same for you. You deserve to find “your person”… wherever she happens to live!