If you’ve read our previous articles there’s no doubt you’ve seen this chart before.

I usually use it to illustrate just how common it is that relationships start online.

But today we’re not talking about meeting your new lady online.

Instead, we’re taking this to the streets, or to the bar, or to your friend’s party.

Because today we’re talking about the third most common way couples meet; through friends.

We’re going to focus on how to ask your friends to set you up on a date.

And why not?

Since time immemorial we’ve been meeting romantic partners through friends. It kinda just makes sense doesn’t it?

So much sense that Hinge was founded on this idea. During its genesis, Hinge could only be used to get in touch with friends of your Facebook friends. The idea was since you have an affinity for your friends you’d probably be interested in their acquaintances as well. Chances after all is that you have more in common with a friend of a friend than a random woman that swiped right on your Tinder profile. 

How to Ask Your Friends to Set You Up On a Date

It makes so much sense to ask out a friend of a friend that we’re going to dive into how to ask your friends to set you up. We’ll also touch on how you can take charge yourself without disrupting any sacred social circle to ask out the woman you fancy.

Giving To Get

First off be mindful of the environment.

Are you really close enough with your friend to ask them for such a favor? Or are they really more of an acquaintance that may feel burdened by such a request?

Only you can read the room.

Take these things into consideration before asking:

• How close are you to the person helping you out?
• What is their relationship to the woman?
• Do they have chemistry?
• Do you already have chemistry with the friend?
• If the roles were reversed, would you him out in this way?

If you have a close reciprocal relationship with this person it’ll be easy to ask for the favor. Perhaps you’ve done him a solid in the past and he owes you. But if this ‘friend’ is only a friend in name they don’t owe you anything. More so they can’t be trusted to even ask or put you in a positive light.

Will This Make Things Weird

How does your friend feel about this woman?

Perhaps he’s into her himself. Find that out before you ask him to set you up.

Simply say, “hey are you not into Jess? She’s gorgeous”

Talking about her will also uncover crucial tidbits of info you may want to know before asking her out yourself.

Also, be mindful of how you asking his friend out could change the relationship you have with him or the group dynamic. You’d hate to jeopardize the social equilibrium of the group.

That’s why it’s so convenient to have your friend as the go-between. He can do some recon and let you know how she feels before pulling the trigger and possibly putting other relationships and dynamics in jeopardy.

Be Direct With Your Friends

How to ask your friends to set you up on a date is easier when you have a close friend and can be direct with him.

Tell him…

“Hey man, is Samantha single? I’d really like to take her out sometime. Should I ask her out directly or do you

think it’ll be better if you see if she’s dating anyone else right now?”

This is a solid approach because your buddy might not want to see you get rejected and he’ll do some recon for you. Hell, he may even prefer to be the go-between rather than having your ask her out.

He wants the best possible outcome for both his friends. That means he’ll put in a good word and tell you the truth about how she’s feeling. If she’s not feeling it, he’ll prefer to know first before having you ask her out and make things awkward.

If he doesn’t know how to play it cool and find out without giving away your feelings (even though it’s cool if he does, this isn’t 4th grade) just ask him to text her asking permission to give you her phone number.

This is a simple request even the most socially awkward and lazy of friends can do.

If You Don’t Have A Solid Relationship With Your Friend

Do not be pushy. 

You don’t want to come off as a leach and ruin your fragile friendship. The worst you can do is annoy your friend or acquaintance and appear to be using him for his connections to beautiful women. This is a quick way to burn a bridge to paradise.

You could slow-roll it.

Do a couple nice things for your buddy over the next couple of weeks and then ask him his thoughts on the situation.

If your relationship with your buddy is new or not fully blossomed yet — I wouldn’t ask him to directly talk to her for you. Just ask him what he thinks the best approach would be – “should i ask her out directly? Or do you think I should just try and hit the same in-person events that we know she’ll be attending?”

In fact, this may be the best way to ask her out. She may think it’s odd that your buddy is asking her out for you or is doing recon.

Just Man Up And Ask Her Out

I would recommend you have at least 2 or 3 reference experiences with this girl before you drop a TDL on her.

Asking a woman out from nowhere is confusing and is a guaranteed way to get rejected. You want to build a bit of rapport with her before dropping the bomb.

But not just any interaction will do.

Rather you want to find signs that she’s into you.

Some of those signs might be:

• She’s always close to you
• Initiatives physical contact (bonus for playful touches)
• Laughs just a bit more than everyone else at your jokes
• Makes and keeps solid eye contact
• She asks for you information (number, IG, LinkedIn, Tik Tok, etc.)
• Lingering hug

Identifying one of these signs isn’t enough. 

To know for sure that she’s at least a little into you, she has to display a few of these. On the flip side, maybe she’s super into you but just shy, doesn’t know how to flirt, or is afraid to do so because you’re a friend of a good friend.

That being said the more information and interactions you have the better.

Once you know it’s time to ask her out be straight up with her and say something like…

“I know we all belong to the same friend group, but I was wondering if you’re single?”

That’s a great line to use to show your interest in being more than friends before going in for the TDL.

It’s a two prong approach.

Gauge her interest in person first before dropping a TDL. 

TDL Time Baby

After gauging her interest and ascertaining her relationship status it’s time to officially ask her out.

Do so by using a TDL.

TDL stands for time, date, and location.

It’s these three pieces of information you need to include when asking her out.

An example of a TDL would…

“Hey Jen! I know you and I are both dog lovers so are you up for going

for a hike this Saturday at 1 p.m. at Ruff Mt. with the dogs?

A TDL shows you’ve put some thought into the date. A man that just says, “hey want to go out sometime” is a man that isn’t trying.

Choose a date idea that you know she’ll be into and that she can easily say yes to. For example, you wouldn’t want to ask her to bowl on a Friday at 5 when you don’t know if she likes bowling and is probably at work.

Make the date so fun and easy to do that she has no choice but to accept your invitation.

Ask Her Out In Person If Possible

If you don’t know when you’ll see her again and don’t want to wait, ask your friend for her number. Naturally, he’ll first ask her. If she agrees, chances are she’s up for a date.

However, ideally you want to ask her out in person. Doing so shows you’re not only super into her but that you have confidence.

Women are tired of men putting in the bare minimum to get by. They’re tired of being asked out via Tinder, tired of lame pickup lines, and tired of men that are flaky and fickle.

Showing your intentions from the jump with a TDL in person is sexy. And clarify that it’s a date you want. If you don’t know how to make that clear, just tell her, “and to be clear I’m asking you out on a date.”

Don’t mince your words.

Next Steps

Learning how to ask your friends to set you up on a date is a great strategy to have in your toolkit.

But if you really want to find a partner fast you have to use various strategies.

You have to meet women on your own IRL at the gym, at work, and through social groups, you must tap social circle and friends, and yes you must date online.

At emlovz we teach men how to MegaDate.

MegaDating involves dating various women at the same time in order to quickly find a compatible partner.

To do so we show men how to mine various social channels to meet women.

To learn how to find all these compatible women book an intro call with us today. During our call, we’ll diagnose your goals, discuss your challenges, and see if our coaching program, Dating Decoded is right for you.

Learn more about our program, who we are, and what our students think about us.