Have you ever gotten these kinds of responses when asking a girl out on a date?
- She doesn’t like the activity you picked
- She’s iffy on the idea because she thinks it might be boring
- She says she’d rather get dinner (but it’s only date #1 or #2, and you know better than that!)
If so, you might think it means she’s not that interested in you — but it could just mean your date idea isn’t compelling enough.
What if I were to tell you that there are tried-and-true ways to make sure a girl actually says yes? Would you believe it was possible? Well, I’m about to show you. Here’s how to ask a girl on a date so that you get a HELL YES almost every time.
1. The Very First Thing You Need To Know About How To Ask a Girl on a Date: Take the Lead
Guys, hear me on this one: You don’t want to let her lead you, at least when it comes to planning the date. Why? Because the whole success of the date (i.e., whether or not she ends up liking you) depends on your being able to maintain a confident vibe and be the alpha male she can’t help but love.
And the truth is, she actually wants you to take charge of planning the date. Still, a lot of guys don’t. They make the mistake of not being clear enough, leaving too many decisions completely up to the girl. Then, once she senses that things won’t move forward without her input, she feels like she has to take over.
At that point, you lose your advantage. Instead, you want to choose a date that shows you in your best light. This is even more crucial if she’s not 100% sold on you. For example, if you’re not careful, you could end up spending your first date at a loud concert where you barely get a chance to talk, or your second date awkwardly staring across the dinner table when an outdoor activity would have been much better. So if you plan the date yourself, you can be more strategic about where you go. To ensure it’s not awkward and that you feel comfortable, take the lead and follow my blueprint for first, second, and third dates.
What’s even worse than letting her take over the planning is to start to lead it yourself, and then hand the reins over to her later. If she doesn’t like your initial idea and then you let her choose, you just gave her the message that you don’t really care that much, and that you’re not the type to take charge. So if you’re leading, then commit to that and keep leading, even if there are bumps in the road.
2. Consider Her Interests
She will definitely appreciate a date idea that’s tailored to her interests, compared to one that isn’t. Make her feel special by considering what she likes, and let that inspire your date planning. If you do this well, she also won’t feel compelled to take the lead, because her desires are already taken care of.
So then the question becomes, what are her interests? After all, she could be someone who you just met on a dating app or only interacted with a couple of times.
Besides the obvious first step of looking at her dating profile (if she has one), the best way to find out what she likes is to simply ask her. One good way to do this is by giving her a “2-option close.” This is where you casually give her a choice between two things to see which she prefers. For example, if you’re choosing a restaurant (and this better not be your first or second date), you could ask:
- Dressy or casual?
- Lively or intimate?
- Vegetarian or meat?
Questions like these are easy for her to answer and will help you narrow down your ideas. Finally, don’t forget to think about anything she’s mentioned in the past, and pay attention to any nonverbal cues (like does she light up at the mention of ice cream?).
3. Make It a New Experience For Her
If you really want to know the secret to how to ask a girl on a date, it’s coming up with a truly compelling idea. Use Yelp or other “things to do” lists in your city to help you find highly rated hot spots and events in your area. Pick something that’s related to her interests, that she hasn’t done before, and that is a unique experience.
Unique experiences have high social value. They’re the things we want to put on our Instagram and tell our friends about. For example, maybe you guys live in San Francisco and she’s been bragging about her miniature golf skills. You might decide to take her to Urban Putt – not just because it’s miniature golf, but because it’s the mack daddy of miniature golf. So you give her the scoop … it’s this crazy amazing place that actually used to be a mortuary, and then this guy who was obsessed with miniature golf bought it and turned it into this fantasy land designed by these super creative engineers who designed a hole with the Transamerica building on top and you have to try and get your golf ball through this tiny hole that shoots out onto a cable car … you get my drift. You’ve just up-leveled the whole thing, making her feel cooler just for having gone there — not to mention exhilarated from the experience. And she won’t be able to help but associate those feelings with you.
4. If It’s a First Date, Don’t Add Too Much Pressure
Make it super easy for her to say yes, especially if she’s never gone out with you before. You can take the pressure off in two ways.
First, don’t spend too much money. People are so attached to the idea that you need to spend a ton of money for a date to go well, but I learned in my 100-date experiment that this is a total myth. In fact, I think the more money you spend on a date, the more likely it is to fail. Yet, we still shell out the cash! According to a study by 24/7 Wall Street (reported by USA Today), the cost of an average date for Californians (dinner and a movie for two) is … wait for it … $226. And I bet these people aren’t having any more luck than those spending less.
Honestly, if you’re spending more than $10-$15 on a first date, then you’re sabotaging yourself. For one thing, it makes you look less confident, because you’re giving her a gift she hasn’t proven herself worthy of yet. And, if you spend a huge amount of money, it can actually come across as high pressure or even make her feel indebted to you.
Don’t get me wrong. You can be just as creative with a $15 date as you can with one that costs more. For instance, find a local mom-and-pop creamery and go split a sundae, or grab a drink during happy hour at an interesting dive bar with unique history. Remember, it’s not so much about the actual things you do, but where you choose to do them … and the story you can tell!
Second, make sure there’s a clear exit plan. In other words, don’t plan things that don’t have a clear time limit, like a hike or walk on the beach. While those are beautiful ideas for a second date, they might make her feel locked into spending half a day with you, which she may not want to commit to. To make it even easier, you could also offer to meet at the location instead of picking her up, so she knows she has her own ride home at any time.
5. Do Some Recon
If you haven’t been to the place you’re thinking of taking her, go there beforehand. Maybe even take someone else, like a friend or your kids. Get a feel for it and ask questions. That way you can talk about it with confidence, since you’ve already been there. The extra personal details you can add will also get her more excited about it, compared to just telling her about the Yelp reviews.
6. Lock It Down
Once you have a compelling idea for your date and she’s interested, make sure to lock it down by giving her a TDL. This stands for Time, Date, and Location (of the date), and it’s a must-do if you want to make your date a reality.
Giving her a TDL shows her that you respect her time and are not afraid to take initiative — both of which are very attractive qualities. You’d be surprised at how many guys don’t do this, which means you’ll definitely stand out if you do.
So what’s the best way to give a TDL? First of all, let’s look at how most guys will ask her out:
Him: It’s been great talking to you … maybe we should hang out sometime.
Her: Yeah, that sounds great!
Him: Cool. Want to grab dinner some night?
Him: What kind of food do you like? I eat pretty much anything…
Her: Me too, I’m open. Mexican? Sushi?
Him: Awesome. I’m usually free Thursdays or Fridays. I’ll give you a call and let you know.
[a few days pass]
Him: Hey what’s up! We still have to grab dinner sometime. 🙂
Him: Any type of food you like in particular? What’s your favorite?
Her: Umm… anything really …
Him: Ok cool, yeah let me find something.
[a week passes]
Him: Hey! Still want to get dinner? A few of us might get Korean BBQ if you want to come with. I think they might be doing karaoke too but maybe we can hang out after?
Telling a girl you want to go out with her without giving a specific time, date, and location will only frustrate her. Eventually, she may stop responding. So if you really want to take her out, be specific. Consider something like this:
YOU: It’s been great talking to you … would love to take you out if you’re interested.
Her: Yeah, that sounds great!
YOU: Cool. How about dinner on Saturday?
YOU: What kind of food do you like? Meat, vegetarian, vegan? Spicy or no?
Her: I eat meat, and spicy food is great …
YOU: Awesome. There’s a great Korean BBQ restaurant near me that seriously has THE best kimchi. It’s been in the neighborhood forever, and the servers are really entertaining. I think you’ll like it. Pick you up Saturday, say 7 pm?
Her: Sounds perfect!
YOU: Great. Looking forward to seeing you Saturday.
Being specific shows her that you respect her time and are actually interested. Compared to how she’s usually approached by other guys, this will definitely put you a notch above the rest.
7. Don’t Put All Your Eggs In One Basket
With all that said, if you’re hoping to score a date with just one girl, you may give off a desperate vibe. And you definitely don’t want that.
Instead of putting all your eggs in one basket, I strongly encourage MegaDating. MegaDating is the process of dating several people at once, to reduce the anxiety that comes with focusing on one person at a time. Once you get to the point of having lots of dates in a shorter period of time, you’ll naturally exude more confidence around women. Not only that, but you’ll also become more adventurous with your date ideas, since you won’t worry so much about one particular date not going well.
If you want even more help figuring out how to ask a girl on a date, remember you can always book a 1-on-1 New Client Skype session with me. We’ll take a look at your current dating life, see what’s working and what’s not, and come up with a clear plan and strategy. You’ll come away with practical tips, tailored specifically to you, on how to change your approach so you’re able to get high quality women to say HELL YES when you ask them out. We’ll also determine if my 3-month Signature coaching program could work for you!